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michael corner is reluctantly growing up ([info]mlcorner) wrote in [info]pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-08 18:02:00

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Entry tags:!status: complete, ^date: november 06 2003, character: lavender brown, character: michael corner

Characters: Lavender Brown and Michael Corner
Setting: Lavender's flat, 6 November 2003, 7:42pm
Rating: PG
Summary: Michael is going to get Lavender to let someone in if he has to force himself in—which he just might.

Michael was really worried about Lavender after writing back and forth with her in the journals. She didn't sound anything like herself and he really didn't know exactly what was wrong with her but with the nightmares he just wasn't sure how stable she was and if she should be on her own. She'd never admit to anything otherwise but that didn't really matter to him just then; he wanted to know that she was safe and the only way to do that was to go to her flat and see for himself and stay with her if need be.

His original plan was to try and con her into going to the meeting but he wasn't really thinking about that anymore after seeing how she reacted to him in the margins. She seemed so unwound and the way she was talking about dying, he was just so worried for her. He didn't live that far from her now and the walking did him some good to clear his head. He knew she wouldn't react well to his storming her place like this, but he would deal with the consequences as they came. Michael stopped at the cafe to grab some food for them both before continuing toward her flat. He had to hope that she would at least open the door for him so that he could push his way in before she slammed it in his face or he may not even get in—but he had to get in. He had to be there for her. He didn't care how angry she was, it was better than her being alone.

He raised a hand and knocked quietly, hoping that it would make her think it was someone else. Michael was generally a loud and boisterous knocker. If she didn't open the door, he'd have to try and break in. What if she was hurt or in some sort of trouble? He'd have to do it, for her sake.


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[info]lavishly
2011-12-09 01:00 am UTC (link)
The lights were on, but Lavender wasn't at home, not exactly. After rather dramatically throwing her journal across the room, she had tugged on an old jumper and headed up to her roof. She wasn't wearing at shoes and the wood was cold on her feet, but didn't care exactly. For a little while, she was somewhat content just ripping at her garden boxes, pulling the things she should and some she shouldn't. She just wanted to get her hands dirty in way that she could control.

She almost didn't hear the knock at her door, because it had been so quiet. Except that she was jumpy and she heard everything. Lavender glanced at her wand sitting on the table, but didn't reach for it as she scooted over so she could look over the edge and down at the landing to see who was knocking at her door.

"Seriously, Michael? Seriously?" Lavender shook her head, looking down at him outside her door, takeaway in hand torn between finding a way to make him go and begging him to stay. Settling between the two resulted in her throwing two carrots down at him. "What are you doing here?"

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-09 01:20 am UTC (link)
Michael had not been expecting to get assaulted by vegetables today, but life had always taken him by surprise in this way. One hit him on the shoulder before he looked up and was able to barely duck out of the way of the next falling orange vegetable, which hit the pavement near his trainers. He saw Lavender leaning over the side of the roof and shrugged slightly, raising his voice a bit so she could hear him. "I told you I wasn't giving up. I brought food," he said, holding up the bag in his hand, "though it seems you've already got some judging by what you've thrown at me."

He leaned down and picked up the remnants of the carrots she'd thrown at him and then disappeared from where he stood, appearing seconds later on the roof next to her. "A bit wasteful, really. These were surely good carrots. Should've just thrown dirt at me instead. You could have cut up these and put them in your soup," he offered her the carrot bits, not sure if she wanted to salvage them or not.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-09 02:06 am UTC (link)
He always complicated things, always kept pushing and right now she wasn't sure she wanted to pushed. She didn't think she could handle it. It was already bad enough she potentially let a murderer in her home, even if that murderer was unaware what she was doing. It was just a jumble in her head right now and the waxing moon wasn't helping anything.

"Thanks for the suggestion," she said before reaching over to pick up a big clump of dirt. At least she hadn't gone for the compost, get some worms in there too, but that would have been a waste of perfectly good worms. Lavender threw it directly at him. "But I'll do whatever I want with the vegetables from my garden."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-09 02:33 am UTC (link)
Michael sighed when she picked up the dirt and held the food out away from his body so that it didn't get dirt in the bag, waiting for the next assault to be over. He waited until she was done before he opened his mouth so that he didn't get dirt in that as well. He sat the bag of food down and crossed his arms, staring her down.

"Sorry, love, didn't mean to tell you what to do with them. And you can throw them at me if you like, I'm not leaving until I know that you are alright. If that means I have to stay all night, I bloody well will. I mean it, Lavender."

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-09 03:07 am UTC (link)
Lavender glared at him, as he stood there just taking it. Not that carrots and dirt were particularly bad, but she didn't think that she deserved it, having someone who cared. So, she crossed her arms over her chest mirroring his posture. "So you're going to stay here then? All night?" Her words while careful were still in that harsh tone.

"That's great." With that she turned around and headed down the stairs to head back inside leaving everything behind her. Michael could stay outside on her roof for all she cared with her stupid plants for company. "Enjoy your carrots!" She said with a wave of her hand before she pulled open her door and slipped back in her flat.

It wasn't better in there. Just like it hadn't been better on the roof, but at least on the roof she had something to do.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-09 03:34 am UTC (link)
Michael opened his mouth to respond that, yes, he would stay there all night until he realised what she was saying and by then she was stalking away from him so he grabbed his bag of soup which would be cold by the time they got through with all this and followed through the door she had closed behind her.

He had been to her flat before, but not that many times so he had to follow the noise to find where she was. He wondered offhandedly if she had baked anything recently because she always made the best sort of food, but he wasn't going to ask, of course. When he reached her he leaned against the nearest wall and said, "They weren't my carrots to enjoy. They're yours."

He set the food down on the most convenient space near him and instead of talking, because he didn't have much else to say at that point, he walked up to her slowly—knowing that she was possibly going to hit him for doing so, but risked it anyhow—and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist. Michael rested his cheek on the top of her head and held her tightly, determined not to let her go until she stopped being so stubborn.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-09 04:04 am UTC (link)
She should have locked the door, normally did lock the door, but she had wards in place to keep people out. And while he might say that she kept people at a safe distance, she never fully locked them out, not the ones that mattered.

"Goodness, do you ever take a hint?" Even as she was trying to get away, a part of her knew the answer was yes. Only Michael wasn't seeing the show, the loud, stubborn and maybe a little bit mean, but rather the one who was flailing and needed something to hold onto right now. Not that it stopped her from hitting him with her tiny ineffectual fists.

"No, of course not, you're like some squid and just why can't you just let it go? I mean after everything, why? Not that it matters anymore, or it won't matter for long and you're just..." She paused stopping herself before it spiraled into a never ending stream of word sickness. "You're just still here."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-09 04:22 am UTC (link)
Michael shook his head against hers but didn't back away to look at her because he knew it would be disastrous if he did. "You're not going to die, Lavender. We're not going to let you so just get it out of your head and stop trying to live your life like you're already dead, because you're not."

Michael turned his mouth toward her head and spoke into her hair. "And maybe you should take a hint for once and realise that I am still here and I'm not going anywhere. After everything, I've still no reason to go anywhere. I'm going to stay here and I'm going to bloody support you and you're going to accept it whether you want to or not and you can hit me all you damn well want to, Lav, I'll still be standing here." He squeezed her waist tighter for emphasis, as though that would prove his point in some way.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-09 04:57 am UTC (link)
Lavender didn't believe him. No one really knew what was happening right now, not even her, although she had idea enough that it made her sick just thinking about it. So, maybe she hit him a little bit harder for what she was feeling along with his little comment, but it didn't really carry much of a punch. She didn't want to hurt him, she didn't even really know how to properly punch a person.

"I hate you sometimes because you're stupid and there's no reason why you should be standing here." Especially not when nothing about trying to be her friend and whatever else they had been before was easy. She had made such a fool of herself and then made it worse. Even if he said otherwise, it wasn't going to change her mind.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-09 05:21 am UTC (link)
"I have plenty of reason to be standing here, love," he replied and this time he kissed her hair and rubbed her back a bit. "If I didn't, why else would I be?" He chuckled a little before continuing, "And no, it's not because I'm stupid. It's because I care about you, because you're a beautiful, wonderful person that I can't stand not to be around. It's because when you left my flat and didn't talk to me for weeks I felt terrible and I missed you and I wondered if you hated me and if you were ever going to forgive me for whatever it was that I had mucked up for you when all that time you were thinking there was something wrong with you."

Michael finally leaned back and looked into her face. "And whenever I look at you, Lavender, I cannot, for the life of me, understand how you do not see how amazingly stunning you are still, regardless of what has happened. You think that you have changed so much since 7th year but you are just as beautiful now are you were then."

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-10 03:32 am UTC (link)
She might not be different, but she wasn't the same. Only she didn't feel any older or wiser for it. Lavender Brown still placed so much of her self-worth into being pretty or seen as attractive. It wasn't something she knew how to redefine. She wanted to people to like her and honestly couldn't fathom how that could be possible now that she was like this. So, no, she didn't believe him, couldn't believe him.

Lavender wasn't stunning, wonderful of beautiful. She was just worn out and tired. She hit him on last time and that was it. There was nothing left. She barely had reason to fight him at the start. And it had just been so long since she'd been held.

So, she fell into him, finally wrapping her arms around him, pressing her face into the crook of his neck because she couldn't look at him. "But it's easier if I'm already dead," she said not letting herself cry. Not yet at least, no matter how scared she was or how certain she was that her future was a big fat three of swords.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-10 06:21 am UTC (link)
Michael hugged her closer to himself, cradling the back of her head with his hand. It's not as if she needed it there, but he wanted to hold it there, wanted to support it as though it helped her in some way even though he wasn't sure that he could help her at all. It didn't seem to matter what he said or did anymore, she didn't ever listen to him or believe him.

He couldn't stand listening to her say that, though. "How, Lavender? How can it be easier? How can it be better? For you, for your family, for your friends? I just don't understand you sometimes." He squeezed her then because she wasn't looking at him then, but it didn't matter. He tangled his hand in her hair some, like he was looking for a place to hide it for a little while. "Do you want to die, Lavender?" he asked finally, though he didn't really want to because he didn't think it should matter. She shouldn't want any such thing, yet she couldn't stop mentioning it, which worried him. He wanted to steer her away from that place, but he wasn't sure he would have the strength or the ability to do so.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-10 07:22 am UTC (link)
She pressed closer to him for a moment, wanting to pretend that question didn't linger between them. Lavender didn't want to die that was the thing. After feeling conflicting about surviving the battle and sometimes wishing she didn't, now that death was looming she didn't want it. Because if this were the last chapters of her life, it was rather pathetic.

"It doesn't matter what I want. It's already in motion." She had seen it twice. More importantly she felt it, so much more since Bianca was here yesterday. "I'm already marked and I just have this feeling, this very bad feeling that's different than any other feeling I've had before."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-10 08:03 am UTC (link)
"No," Michael replied. He shook his head fervently, then pulled back from her so that he could look her in the face with a fiery intensity in his eyes. He held both sides of her face so that she would look at him, so that she couldn't escape his gaze. "No!" he said again, more loudly this time, his face beginning to turn red with frustration. He'd never felt this worried and unhinged before at the same time but that didn't matter at the moment.

"Lavender, I don't give a bloody shite about your sodding feeling! I don't care if you are marked, I don't care if you are having nightmares! I am not going to let you die. How dare you give up like this! I thought you were a Gryffindor, I thought you faced this shite head on!"

Michael leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers, staring her down closely, still holding her face in his hands. "Listen to me. I am not going to leave you alone, you understand? I am here for you whether you want it or not. We're going to figure this thing out and we're going to stop it before something happens to you, love, and you're going to stop living your life like you're already dead, you hear me?"

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-10 03:41 pm UTC (link)
He was too close now. Too close and she needed space. She could feel the lump in her throat filled with the uncertainty of what came next. All she knew was that it was a little bit safer if she didn't look at him in the eyes. Except that at this distance it was unavoidable, she couldn't not look as those words weighed heavily.

After a moment she pulled away from him, a swirl of anger and tears picking up in her stomach. "Don't you get it?" It was desperate now as she went over to the side table to pick up her deck of cards. "I'm not giving up, Michael, it's just..." As she spoke, she shuffled the cards before laying them out in a five card spread. Lavender might have preferred the Celtic Cross, but it didn't matter. It was more or less the same cards every time.

"It's going to happen and nothing has changed, all afternoon no matter was spread I use it's the same thing with the same stupid cards." This spread was the nine of wands, the moon, the emperor reversed, the wheel of fortune reversed and of course her favorite card of all the three of swords. She looked over at the spread and then up at him, even if he had failed Divination her face told a lot.

"And I'm pretty sure that Bianca Dunstan is going to snap and kill someone else, because she's having visions. And she was here yesterday. She's seen where I live." That was just asking for trouble, inviting it in her home. In a way what that facing it head on? She wasn't running from this - not that she could even if she wanted to. "And it's all just the stupid three of swords."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-10 07:27 pm UTC (link)
Michael really wanted to tell her that it all meant absolutely nothing, that they were just cards and that lying them out was just a coincidence: a mathematical-statistical chance and no fate or future was even involved—but he could see in her face that saying that wouldn't help her. She had always believed in Divination and he never had and they would never agree on the subject, but he wasn't going to break her heart anymore than it already was.

He hadn't done well in that subject in school so he really had no idea what she was trying to tell him. The best thing he could do now was to ask her and get some perspective on the situation so that maybe he could change her mind. Divination was completely subjective and she was most likely twisting it to fit her own disastrous needs. "Okay, Lavender. What does it mean, then? What do these cards tell you exactly?" He pointed at random to the moon and the three of swords, remembering them vaguely from lessons but not what they meant.

Michael felt himself go rigid and he grabbed Lavender by her upper arms, making her face him. "What do you mean, kill someone else? Why do you think that Bianca has killed people, Lav? Did she threaten you? Are you alright?" He started looking her over for obvious signs of abuse but he hadn't seen any before. He felt his blood rising at the very thought of it and hearing her name someone as the aggressor in these attacks made him quite angrier than he'd expected he'd be.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-10 07:58 pm UTC (link)
She believed in divination because it hadn't proved her wrong yet. Lavender shot him a look as he tried to point out a few of the cards, wondering if he pointed to The Moon on purpose or because of it's location or because of the wolf and dog on it. And it drew him the same way she always seemed to pull it this time of the month.

The spread said essentially what all of them had said before. They were unprepared for the darkness that was coming, that was ripe with bad luck, failure and the unexpected. Nothing about the spread was good. Certainly not the three of swords outcome that meant all they had to look forward to was sorrow, loss and betrayal.

However, she didn't have a chance to explain any of that before he grabbed her. She winced at the contact because it hurt as much as it shocked her. "She's having visions," said Lavender as though that explained everything. "About a red haired woman doing terrible thing, the same one that's showing up in the not nightmares and she seemed pretty shaken up about it."

It was possible, there were certainly lots of different ways a person could be controlled - possession, imperius, and even a few muggle ways with conditioning and triggers. "I don't think she aware of it though."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-10 08:22 pm UTC (link)
Michael released her shoulders, shaking his head a bit. "Sorry, Lav," he said, and ran his hands down her arms a bit as though he could smooth away any sort of initial pain he might have caused by grabbing her so suddenly. "So she's not having the nightmares, she's having visions instead?" Michael asked, though it wasn't actually a question. Did that really make a difference? Maybe she was just reacting differently than the others.

"Lavender, did she give you any sort of indication that she might be behind it, even unaware? Do you really think it could be her?" He understood gut feelings, certainly, but Lavender was a bit unhinged at the moment, believing whatever she did about these cards which he'd forgotten about with the mention of Bianca, and he wasn't sure if she was truly thinking straight about this. Bianca didn't really seem the type and while that didn't matter necessarily, they had to have a bit more to go on than Lavender being overly stressed to where she was tossing blame every which way. Michael still had hold of her upper arms without having realised he hadn't let go and was trying to soothe her as best he could by rubbing them lightly with his thumbs as he spoke.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-10 08:53 pm UTC (link)
Lavender was a bit unhinged at the moment, but for good reason. She would like to see anyone in her position be calm about any of this. "She's just having visions, no nightmares, and it really seemed to bother her, not to mention people don't just have visions for no reason. And now she knows that I'm looking into, that I might even be on to her." And that made her a target, just like Theodore Nott seemed to be telling her. While she had considered using herself as bait to lure out the person behind all of this, at least that would be on her own terms.

"And there are the cards, they all point to some sort of deception, a duality, the unknown and I mean it's not like no one has ever done anything they didn't want to or know about." So yes, all of that was to say that Lavender really did think it could be Bianca. Certainly enough to have worked herself further into frenzy over it. "But please, Michael, enlighten me about how it couldn't be Bianca?"

She was snapping at him, but she wasn't mad at him, not really, just annoyed that he wouldn't simply trust or believe her. Like she was the one under scrutiny when really she was just trying to find answers and conventional thinking didn't seem to be helping any.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-10 09:18 pm UTC (link)
Michael groaned and leaned against the table then, rubbing his face with a hand. This was not good news anyway he heard it. She had some valid points, but that did not mean that they could just go after this woman without any sort of evidence, but he was going to alert the DA and Ernie to keep an eye on Bianca after this because he did not want Lavender in danger, no matter what. She had enough going on as it was.

"Alright so this is a possibility then. We will take it to the DA meeting and let them know what you've found out. It might give us some place to start." Michael sighed when she snapped at him. "Look, Lav, I'm here, aren't I? I don't know if it is Bianca or not and you don't know that for certain yet either. We can't just accuse her on that alone. We need more information than this. Stop assuming everyone is against you, will you? We're in the DA together, we're here to solve this together."

He pushed away from the table and turned around to face it. "Anyway, tell me about these cards now. What does the three of swords mean?" He looked at the card, the swords piercing through a heart and figured the general idea was rather clear, but it didn't seem to mean death, did it? And his eyes kept wandering back to the moon card, where the wolf and dog looked up at the moon and he wondered if she disliked the card, regardless of its meaning.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-10 09:44 pm UTC (link)
Lavender fell back onto her sofa. She didn't want to be standing anymore. She didn't even really want to be talking about this anymore, but here they where and once she started, she just couldn't stop. It would all just keep coming until it was all out or she completely lost it.

"The three of swords, the lord of sorrows, it's not a card you want and it's certainly not a card you want in any sort of future position and it keeps showing up there." She wrapped her arms over her chest, trying to ground herself. But her voice showed her hurt, lacking it's usual tenor. "It means we're going to suffer, that something is going to be lost, shattered, broken - physically and emotionally."

She swallowed, pressing her eyes closed as she continued. Lavender didn't need to look at the cards to know the story they told. "And the cards placed along side it are always bad. The nine of wands reversed as the root of the problem - unpreparedness, the faltering of the will. It means we're not strong enough to face this and it doesn't matter what we do because it's right there with the good old reversed wheel of fortune, so it's written, and it's bad luck, failure."

So, yes, Michael this was why Lavender Brown thought she was actually going to die this time.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-10 10:13 pm UTC (link)
Michael remembered now why he didn't like Divination. People saw these things and decided that if it was completely pointless to even try to fight. Michael had tried to ignore the war once and he'd seen where that had got him. Death. Destruction. He'd never make the mistake of inaction again because if there was one certainty, it was that doing nothing would definitely insure that you would let someone die and he wasn't going to let that happen again. If he had to keep Lavender alive himself because she was too bloody stubborn to take care of her own future, he'd damned well do it and willingly too. Michael did not know what his usefulness was in this world at the moment, but he did know that he was at least good enough to help others who might be more important to this world than himself, so he'd gladly risk his life for them and not think twice about it.

Michael sat down next to her, quiet for a long time. Finally he spoke quietly, saying, "So that's it? That's all Divination does for you? You find out something bad is going to happen and you give up? It's inevitable so you don't do a bloody thing about it?" He shook his head, looking forward instead of at her. "I don't know about you, but I make my own sodding future; I don't let some cards tell me how my fate is going to pan out. I've got a brain, I've got two hands, I've got a brilliant group of friends who want to figure this shite out and change it and that's what I plan to do.

"You say it doesn't matter what we do, but it does. It will always matter, Lavender. Because doing something will always give us a chance of changing the outcome, whereas doing nothing will surely make your cards right. If that is what you're trying to do then fine, give up, but that isn't the Lavender that I knew. That isn't the Lavender who was making the database and trying to find the connections between the nightmares and the spots. It's been life or death for us before, Lavender, but you didn't quit then; I just can't believe that you would do that now."

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-11 06:11 pm UTC (link)
She scrunched her face up letting out a sound of disgust. On most day she could take a bit of teasing about the fact that she practiced and believed in divination. But that didn't feel like this and today was not most days, far from it.

"So, I don't have a brain or two hands? That I'm just some foolish girl who doesn't know anything?" Lavender stood up from the couch, wanting to put space between them now before she started hitting him again. "That I can't be both - interesting in figuring something out but also practice a legitimate branch of magic?"

She was an ocean of emotions tonight, the waves surging on the shore. And she felt absolutely no reason to apologize for it, not tonight at least. Not when this started with her throwing carrots at him and he followed her into her home. But maybe they had come to a parting of ways. "You know, I sort of expected better of you, silly me, but as that's clearly not the case and if you're going to be this way, maybe you should just go."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-11 07:53 pm UTC (link)
Michael groaned loudly. This was not at all the message he was trying to get across but of course this was how she was going to take it. He never had any luck with this sort of shite and when it came to Lavender, it seemed like everything he said got worse and worse by the second. "No, shite, Lav, that is not what I meant! I was just telling you that I—bloody hell!" Michael leaned forward on the sofa and grabbed two fist fulls of his hair, pulling at it in frustration. He stayed this way for a moment, until finally he ran his hands over his face, rubbing vigorously, trying to figure out how the hell he was supposed to amend what he said in the way he had meant it for her to take it.

"I wasn't saying that you don't have any of those things, alright? All I was saying is that we have these tools and we can use them to change whatever future your Divination might say we've got ahead of us. I wasn't even talking about you then!" Michael sighed and stood up as well. "For Merlin's sake, Lavender, you honestly think I would say something like that to you? I don't agree with you about Divination, but I respect you and I respect your opinions. You are far beyond foolish and like I told you, we need your help if we are going to beat this thing because we are only as far as we are thanks to you." He was walking toward her as he spoke, reaching out to her in his explanation to pull her into another hug.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-11 09:19 pm UTC (link)
"Well, you just did, so yeah, I do think that you could say those sort of things about me even if you like didn't mean it exactly, it was still there."

Lavender stepped away from him avoiding a second attempt at a hug. He had snuck up on her last time, but this time she was watching him. "And you say it respect me and my opinions, but why not when I say that it's inevitable? Yes, the three of swords in a future spot can be a warning sign, but when paired with the wheel of fortune. It means what is going to happen, is going to happen."

The things were already in motion and nothing was happening that it could change it. And maybe she was caught up in the worst possible situation, but she wasn't known to be the most logical or rational person. With a sigh she walked around the sofa, putting that large piece of furniture between them. "And God, Michael, do ever stop to think that if you accept fate you might actually be able to do something?"

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-11 09:58 pm UTC (link)
"No, Lavender, I said something that you took the wrong way. That's not even what I meant, you're just pulling whatever meaning you want to hear out of my words. If I thought you were being foolish then I would just bloody say so; I don't like playing games." He felt his shoulders slump because he was beginning to lose his fight with her. He was going to just let her have her way if she was going to start saying what he did and didn't mean by things.

Michael threw his hands in the air at her words. He was frustrated now. He was trying to understand her logic but he wasn't getting it and the last bit she spoke pushed him over the edge, hit him in a tender spot he wasn't willing to ever go to. Michael didn't get angry often, but he was angry now and he wheeled to face her, standing behind the sofa. "Accept it? You want me to accept fate? You want me to just be okay with the inevitability of people around me dying for no fucking reason? People I care about, people I love? You think that I should have just accepted that my sister was going to die 13 years ago and then maybe I would have been more useful in saving her? Is that the answer, Lavender?"

He turned toward the table with the cards still laid out over it and swiped them off of it in one angry sweep, not even watching as they scattered randomly to the floor around the room. Michael was looking at her again and now he had tears pricking his eyes as he spoke. "You think this shite would have made me a better brother? Would have helped me save her? Because I don't think so, Lav! If it's going to happen, then so be it. All I know is I'm going to fight it until my dying breath because I will not lose anymore people that I love to something so senseless again! Just like I refuse to lose you even if you've already given up on yourself!"

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-11 10:28 pm UTC (link)
"Sometimes people do die for no good reason!" She was yelling now, although she wasn't sure when it had escalated this far, maybe they had always been here, but just covered in calmer tones. Except the moment her cards went flying she just decided to let it all go. "And sometimes monsters attack and life is never the same again, ripping the bottom right out from under you."

She was shaking now. Lavender could feel her hands tremor, but she stood strong, trying to ignore the tears she could see in his eyes. "The big moments are always going to come because somethings are written and you can't change those, but that doesn't mean you can't be prepared. Because how we act after them and hell even how we face them, that determines what sort of person you are."

Lavender looked away from him, walking over to her side table to pull out the journal. That little book held all of the original copies of the database and all her notes so far around what was happening, including her readings. "And I would give my life a dozen times over if it meant that even one of them got to live." And because she hadn't throw enough things at him tonight, she chucked her journal at him. "Because I'm not living, I'm barely worth fighting for. I had my big moment, nearly died in the process. But I survived, big bloody deal, because we all know that I'm a complete mess and it's pretty clear exactly what sort of person I am now."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-11 11:06 pm UTC (link)
"Well I won't accept that! Not now, not ever!" No one should die for any reason except for having grown old and lived a full life and Michael didn't want to see it any other way.

He didn't know why she was telling him that because he already knew that. That's what he had been saying all along. That's what he had been saying to her, had been thinking that she was not doing, but now he was beginning to see he might have been getting it wrong. Maybe she wasn't just giving up because of the prediction, maybe she was attempting to do something similar to what Michael was: give up her life for others' lives that she thought were worth more than hers. But that didn't make sense to him because Lavender had more potential than he did, so how could she be thinking like that?

Michael didn't even bother to try and catch the journal, he was too busy trying to listen to what she was saying. He side-stepped it and it hit the ground next to his feet and scattered pages on the floor. He shook his head more and more as she went on, not believing the words she spoke. It was ridiculous, every word of it, yet he knew that she believed it all. "Alright, I said I'd tell you when you were being foolish. Well you are. So you're a mess, who gives a bloody shite? That doesn't mean that your life isn't worth anything. That doesn't make you any less worthy of living than the rest of, Lavender. And what the fuck do you mean, 'what sort of person you are now?' Just what the hell do you think you've become, exactly?"

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-11 11:26 pm UTC (link)
There were times, and tonight was definitely one of them, when Lavender didn't really know what she was saying or what she was saying those things. Words just came spewing out of her mouth in things that somewhat resembled sentences. It wasn't that any of them were untrue, just that it was a lot of different things at once and not always making the most sense.

"Except for the part where it totally does." And this was far too honest and a conversation that was a few years delayed. "I'm not right and no one really knows what I am right now." Sure there was Bill Weasley who she knew had also been attacked by Greyback and lived to tell the tale, but she didn't think it was the same. He had people, a wife who wasn't exactly human herself and the biggest bit for her was that he was a male. He didn't already have monthly cycles and hormones to deal with on top of other monthly cycles.

"Everyone says that this should be the time of your life, where you get to make mistakes and try new things. I hide in the back of a bakery most of my life and you..." Lavender shook her head not sure if she wanted to admit that out loud. He could probably assume it given how she reacted to him some five years ago.

"So I'm scared about what's happening, about not having Harry to save us again, but at the same time, I don't know." She paused swallowing as tears started to well up in eyes. "There's sort of a calmness because what if this is what I'm supposed to do. Like I survived Greyback so I could be here now and fix this, stop it from getting worse because at least that would be something."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-11 11:53 pm UTC (link)
"You're Lavender Brown! You were attacked by a werewolf and now you think that you're going to become one even though you haven't yet! You aren't going to! Yes, you may have some differences from the rest of us because of it but you're not a sodding werewolf!"

Michael raised an eyebrow as she mentioned him, waiting for her to say something but she didn't. "No one told you to hide away, Lavender. That was your own decision. No one is afraid of you but you. No one thinks you're dangerous but you. No one thinks you're any less beautiful than you were before but you. I've told you that a million times before but you never listen to me. And then you try to make up some huge story about my animagus form being a wolf having something to do with you when I'm sorry, love, my form only has to do with me and my inner self. It would have been a wolf no matter had I been with you or not. And still, the only one of us that regrets that is you."

Michael looked down at the journal when she mentioned doing something and then back at her. "We're all scared, Lav. And maybe we're all here to do something about it, but you certainly didn't just survive so that you could die this time. How is that going to help us now?"

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-12 12:25 am UTC (link)
She was scared of herself, of what she could become even five years later and it really was like she said - she was a mess. Lavender knew it, but that didn't do a thing to change any of it. "You're all just too nice," she said because that was the only explanation she could accept. "And I'm not the same. It's not just the things people see." It was her nightmares, the horrible urges to act on them and even the fact that she was no longer a vegetarian.

Lavender knew that she was healthy now, and as her healer reminded her every month she needed to make sure she stayed healthy. Because she was an unknown, and it was best not to take unnecessary risks.

She looked over at him at his last question about surviving only to die now and really there was only one answer to that. "Harry did." Her voice sounded small now, smaller than it had in a long time. It felt like they were back in school, only it was worse now because of that simple fact. Harry Potter had been killed. What made them think that any of them had a chance now? "And maybe it's just...exhausting." Her body shook, those tears coming a bit faster now, but maybe she needed to cry. Not that she knew what she needed. Lavender was all over the place right now. "Every single day is just exhausting and knowing that it could actually mean something even if that means death, well maybe that makes it a little better."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-12 12:55 am UTC (link)
Michael shook his head. "So we are all liars then? For Merlin's sake, Lavender, why can't you just accept what people tell you? And there's something more to it, then say so instead of being cryptic about it? No one can know anything about you if you aren't going to let anyone in. That's the whole problem you've had for the last five years. Maybe that's why you're such a mess; you could probably use your bloody friends who miss you."

Michael threw his hands in the air. "Harry isn't the only sodding one capable of doing anything around here. Voldemort and Harry were wrapped around one another and yeah, we needed Harry for that, but this hasn't got anything to do with Harry. This Pandora Zurlo woman, if that's who it is, isn't doing this because of Harry, alright? We need more than just him and we've still got Hermione and Ron besides." Well he knew that Weasley was a bit of a train wreck right now so he might not be of much use but hopefully Hermione would still be.

When Lavender started to cry he approached her again to try and hug her once more, because it was the only thing he could think to do for her. When he spoke again it was much quieter and soothing. "I know that it is soon for all this to be happening, but I know that there is much more that you can accomplish for us besides dying for someone else. Besides, your death isn't going to prevent someone else dying so far as we can tell. We have to figure this shite out—that's what's going to keep people from dying from this. If I could take this on for you, Lavender, I would. I swear that I would." He sighed, because he really hated that she had to deal with these memories on top of the moon and whatever else she might be feeling.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-12 02:30 am UTC (link)
Despite wanting to, she didn't move away from him this time. Her guards were down as the tears she refused to let fall earlier came. So, she let herself fall into him again, conflicted as she was having him here helped.

What she felt above all else was alone and lost in the darkness. Even Harry was gone now and he had always been more of a symbol of hope and safety for her than a person. And then so much of her life felt wrapped in those readings. In many ways she was already the moon and the three of swords. Lavender wasn't even sure how it could be worse than what it was. So she was looking for something positive to take away from it.

It was a minute or two before she was calm enough to speak and offer him some sort of explanation. Swallowing, she leaned back to look him in the eyes this time. "I just feel like I'm Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde." It was close as she could get to describing what she was going through without actually describing it and it felt far too appropriate. Even how it all ended for him.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-12 03:04 am UTC (link)
Michael held her and rubbed her back while she cried, not wanting to say anything because he was beginning to run out of words that would even mean anything of consequence. When she looked at him and spoke, he wasn't really sure what to say. He could kind of understand what she meant, in a way, but she would not ever be capable of evil. He lifted his hand and cupped her cheek. "Lav, even if you were a werewolf, that doesn't make you part evil. Professor Lupin was one and he was nothing like Greyback. You have a choice in the matter, to still be a good person, even if some things are a bit different for you."

Michael bit his lip for a moment, wondering if he should say the next bit or not. He knew it might make her angry, but he was only trying to help. He pulled his hand away from her face and looked down at his feet, rubbing the back of his neck and said, "Look. If you've ever any questions about...well anything about wolves in general, you can ask me if you want. I dunno if it would help you at all, but if you wanted to know, you can ask, okay? It's not the same thing, but... I don't know. I thought I'd say—sorry..."

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-12 03:23 am UTC (link)
For a moment, standing that close together, all she could think about was kissing him. It would have been simple to close the physical distance and take it. Even a little rusty, it would have been familiar, maybe even easy and possibly for all the wrong reasons the last time happened. But she wanted it then and she wanted it now.

Except he went and stole the moment before it was full formulated, pulling away and babbling about wolves. She couldn't help but feel a bit rejected by that. It was stupid, but she never claimed to be smart. She let out a long sigh, wiping her tears away while he looked away.

"Hey," she said wanting to catch his attention while she still had some grip on her courage. "You have no reason to say yes or anything, but would you- do you think you could stay?" If he wanted to help, that was what she needed. Lavender might have faced her nightmares alone for the past couple of nights, but it was only getting worse as they got closer to the full moon. And she really was exhausted from not sleeping. She didn't know if it would fix anything, but it might feel better if she didn't have to go through it alone.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-12 03:33 am UTC (link)
Michael's head shot up then and he looked at her, a bit surprised because he never really expected her to ask him that, though he had planned on offering. Not for any physical contact, really, just so that he could be there, in case she might need him for anything, because he honestly hadn't been able to really do anything for anyone since all this had started and if there was something he could do, he'd certainly try.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course I will. Do you want me to stay on the couch or—" He wasn't going to overstep his welcome in anyway or make her uncomfortable. He just wanted to help her in whatever way she felt she needed the help. It's not like he minded sleeping on the sofa anyway.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-12 04:11 am UTC (link)
Sometimes for Lavender, the biggest thing she needed was physical contact. She didn't let people close to her because she didn't know how to deal with that, especially when she was attracted to them. So, tonight would be a bit of a leap, but one she couldn't imagine not taking. Just because she had yelled and cried didn't make anything better, it was all still there floating around.

Another version of her might have rolled her eyes and made a comment about him being ridiculous. Except that girl didn't exist. The one that was standing in her living room, instead took a moment to answer, afraid to ask even if he'd already offered. "The sofa really isn't as comfortable as it looks." And it sort of defeated the purpose of him staying if it was in the other room. "And it wouldn't fit two people."

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-12 04:37 am UTC (link)
Michael smiled a little at that because it sounded a little ridiculous to him, like she was telling him it was obvious but he wasn't quite getting it because he didn't want to push her. Not to mention he still wasn't sure exactly what she was asking for yet. He moved forward, toward her, and pushed some of her hair back from her face. It had been a long night for the both of them, he felt fairly exhausted from talking and yelling and thinking and he should probably pick up the things he'd knocked on the floor but he was wondering now if he should do this—if it's what she wanted. His hand was still on her cheek and he used it to lift her chin and lean down toward her lips and kiss her questioningly.

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[info]lavishly
2011-12-12 05:57 am UTC (link)
It took her a moment to realize what was happening. Lavender was used to getting what she wanted anymore - not when what she wanted involved kissing or something more. Eventually she gave herself permission to kiss him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck, reviling in this moment. It was just like what she had thought. Only it gentler, hesitant even, and over far too soon. But maybe that was a good thing, maybe she was learning too.

Or maybe she was just bone tired. Lavender closed her eyes, burying her face in the side of his neck. She stayed like that for a minute more, just breathing in and out.

"Can we just go to bed, now? To sleep, or at least try to sleep because it probably won't be all that peaceful." She clarified just so they were both on the same page. Lavender had no clue what sort of night they were in, not having been in this situation before.

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[info]mlcorner
2011-12-13 04:59 am UTC (link)
Michael held her for a while, not really that interested in trying to snog her after she put her face into his neck. Not that he would mind that, but he wasn't so fixated on that happening really, so when she spoke he was not disappointed with her conclusion.

"Yeah, love, let's go. I'll be here. Even if I'm no help at all, I'll be here anyway." He didn't know if she would have the nightmares or not or if the moon was going to give her trouble sleeping too, but he could only hope that his being there might be some sort of comfort for her, though it might not be any at all. Well, he would still be there regardless.

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