InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Party like a rock star!"

Jayne Dough (jayne_dough) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-05 20:42:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 06 2003, character: bianca dunstan, character: jayne dough

Who: Jayne Dough & Bianca Dunstan
What: A chance meeting - due to a craving for pastry
Where: The Sweet Shoppe
When: November 6, Morning

Was it right to become accustomed to things so terrible that her mind should be revolting at her - albeit reluctant - participation?

Perhaps accustomed wasn't quite the right word, but the voice that was her conscience grew more and more quiet with every passing day. Her heart still ached for Rosalind, but it did so with the knowledge that there might have been worse things than death in store for her. Was death not a sort of peace? A release from pain, sadness, fear?

Something she knew for certain was that the sight of blood no longer caused her nausea. The idea of violence was no longer abhorrent. Thoughts of Pandora, however, remained seductive in so many different ways. In fact, very little outside of this new... life, for lack of a better word, seemed to matter much anymore. Work, for example, was no longer much of a priority, and she took no issue in coming in late this day as it suited her to do so. In fact, she would go someplace for a sweet treat, and then leave for work when she wanted to.

It was freeing...

She entered The Sweet Shoppe, one of her favourite haunts, and stepped to the counter to order a mocha latte and a double-chocolate croissant.

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allseeingeye
2011-12-08 03:37 am UTC (link)

Bianca exhaled, surprised to realise she'd been holding her breath. She'd put a lot out on the line there. The last time she went out of her way to speak to someone outside of her comfort zone, it had ended disastrously. Memories of her reading with Lavender came back full force and Bianca sat down quickly, looking down at her streusel bar.

"Dough?" Bianca looked up at her. "Like flour dough? Perhaps you should be the one working here," she said with an attempt at humor. "Oh, I'm Bianca Dunstan. Pleased to meet you."

She broke off a bit of cinnamon topping and ate it. "So...you...I was surprised when you said all that. I wasn't expecting anyone to, well, see me like that. Especially not someone who didn't know me."

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jayne_dough
2011-12-08 05:00 am UTC (link)

Jayne smiled genuinely, impressed. "Yes, like flour dough. Most people thinks it's like doe, a deer, and so on." She picked off a flake of chocolate and popped it into her mouth, momentarily closing her eyes at the heavenly taste of it.

"Well, I guess in a way it was a little self-serving - I saw you, and you reminded me so much of myself, and I just thought... I wish someone had seen me back then, had said something to let me know I wasn't invisible."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-08 05:19 pm UTC (link)

Bianca gave a sheepish smile. "It's where my mind goes right away. most people might think a deer, but when you're a baker..." She shrugged and bit into her bar proper as Jane spoke. It was eerie how spot on she was.

"It's strange. Sometimes I really want people to see me, and sometimes I'd rather just stay hidden because then I'm not...out there for everyone to be looking at. I don't know how to manage the extremes." She glanced up at Jayne. "How did you manage? I mean, how did you change? It wasn't just time, was it?"

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jayne_dough
2011-12-09 01:21 am UTC (link)

"It's not easy," she replied with a shake of her head. "So many people think it is, but those are the ones who have no problem chatting up total strangers on the street. They don't realize that half the battle is finding a voice to speak with." She sighed. "And the other half is getting yourself heard. The Ministry's awful for that, actually. Most of those in the upper ranks don't care for any opinions but their own."

She tore off a piece of pastry and nibbled on it as she sought for something encouraging to say.

"No, not easy. But worth it, even for a little improvement. It sounds funny, but I actually spent a lot of time talking to the mirror. Imagining someone was there and telling them exactly what was on my mind. Strangely, it helped."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-09 04:07 pm UTC (link)

"They think it's easy because it is, to them," Bianca added. "They don't have that...feeling of having to fight yourself just to say the same things as everyone around. They can't understand why it's hard for me just as I can't understand why it's easy for them." She listened as Jayne spoke about the Ministry. "I wouldn't suppose it's very easy to be heard there at all," she agreed.

Then Jayne offered a piece of advice and Bianca was surprised at it. "The mirror? I wouldn't even have thought of that." but it was something she could do. Give herself a pep talk in the mirror, practice conversations, just to try to get comfortable with speaking. That sounded like an easy place to begin. So long as no one ever caught her doing it. Then of course, she's be mortified. She nodded, a small smile starting to play about her lips. "I can definitely try that."

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	jayne_dough 2011-12-10 02:02 am UTC (link)
	"I'm sure there are other ways, but that's what helped me. Oh, and another thing..." She opened her purse and pulled out a small card and a pen, and wrote upon it before handing it to Bianca. "I did mention having a friend to talk to. Here's my information, both wizard and Muggle, should you ever need someone to talk to." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

allseeingeye
2011-12-13 02:57 am UTC (link)

Bianca blinked down at the card, her cheeks suddenly flushed. "Th-thank you Jayne. Here, let me write mine for you." Ducking her hair, she wrote her own contact information on it. "I mean you can find me here, obviously, but not always."

She looked back up at Jayne. If you should ever need someone to talk to... A friend who understood her. What more could Bianca really ask for? "Really, thank you."

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