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Tweak says, "Can you find the pineapple?"

Jayne Dough (jayne_dough) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-05 20:42:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 06 2003, character: bianca dunstan, character: jayne dough

Who: Jayne Dough & Bianca Dunstan
What: A chance meeting - due to a craving for pastry
Where: The Sweet Shoppe
When: November 6, Morning

Was it right to become accustomed to things so terrible that her mind should be revolting at her - albeit reluctant - participation?

Perhaps accustomed wasn't quite the right word, but the voice that was her conscience grew more and more quiet with every passing day. Her heart still ached for Rosalind, but it did so with the knowledge that there might have been worse things than death in store for her. Was death not a sort of peace? A release from pain, sadness, fear?

Something she knew for certain was that the sight of blood no longer caused her nausea. The idea of violence was no longer abhorrent. Thoughts of Pandora, however, remained seductive in so many different ways. In fact, very little outside of this new... life, for lack of a better word, seemed to matter much anymore. Work, for example, was no longer much of a priority, and she took no issue in coming in late this day as it suited her to do so. In fact, she would go someplace for a sweet treat, and then leave for work when she wanted to.

It was freeing...

She entered The Sweet Shoppe, one of her favourite haunts, and stepped to the counter to order a mocha latte and a double-chocolate croissant.

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allseeingeye
2011-12-06 10:19 pm UTC (link)

Two days ago, Bianca had gone to Lavender's and done a tarot reading with her that left her, at the very least, unsettled. She had dozens of questions still, and with every one she came up with some sort of answer for, she had only more questions. She hemmed and hawed over telling someone else about her visions, and further debated telling Jasper what she'd seen with Lavender. So far she hadn't done either.

Today she was at work as usual, dressed as blue as her mood. She did her best to stay out of the line of fire today, immersing herself in baking behind the scenes, until she had to relieve someone at the front for their break. Taking off her apron, Bianca shyly came forward. "May I help you?" She asked the question quietly, looking up at the woman who'd approached.

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jayne_dough
2011-12-07 12:25 am UTC (link)

The young woman on the other side of the counter touched something in Jayne's memory. Her manner, the softness of her speech...

"It's almost like looking in a mirror, isn't it?"

Though Jayne had come some way since she was the girl's age, she hadn't completely broken habits born of a lifetime. A nudge at her mind, however, reminded her that she was there for a reason - albeit a pleasant one.

"I'll have one of those," she said, pointing to one of the croissants in the display case, "and a medium mocha latte, please."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-07 03:54 pm UTC (link)

Bianca reached for the croissant in question and in her same soft-spoken manner, called the drink order back to the person making them. She didn't quite meet the woman's eyes as she spoke, and for all the world looked like she'd rather be far back in the kitchens than up front and taking orders.

As if forcing herself to say it, Bianca tacked on, "The croissants were just fresh-baked and coated in chocolate not an hour past, so they're quite fresh. Please enjoy. Would you like anything else, or will that be all?" There was no one else on line behind the woman, so at least there wasn't a line of people waiting for Bianca's reluctant attention.

She'd seen her before though. This woman came in here with relative frequency, but Bianca was so rarely in the front of the store, she doubted she'd be as familiar to her.

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jayne_dough
2011-12-08 12:11 am UTC (link)

"That's all for now, yes." Jayne's heart tugged again. The familiarity was now overwhelming, and she couldn't explain it, but she wanted this young girl to meet her eyes.

"You know, when I was your age, I was just another secretary in the Ministry, more often asked to get my boss coffee than to do anything 'important'," she offered. "The few times I had to answer floo calls, I'd stutter nervously, and when I'd have to take minutes at meetings, I'd keep my head down and just pretend I wasn't there."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-08 01:20 am UTC (link)

The customer got her wish. Bianca looked up, startled as she kept talking, pinning her with deadly accuracy. Her cheeks flushed pink, then red, and she blinked repeatedly, finally meeting Jayne's gaze.

After a long moment Bianca found her voice to reply, "And what about now?" The question was still soft, not from reticence, but almost from fear of what the answer might be. This woman certainly seemed surer of herself than Bianca was, but was that the case? Was that what had made her address Bianca to begin with? It was a strange feeling. With only a few sentences, this woman had Bianca feeling almost stripped bare.

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jayne_dough
2011-12-08 01:54 am UTC (link)

What about now? Was she really that much different than she had been back then?

"Well, I don't stutter anymore - in fact, I can be pretty commanding when I have to be. I don't get anyone coffee unless I offer to first - when they ask, I tell them it's not in my job description. And at meetings, I still take minutes, but I speak up when I have something to add."

Even if nobody listens to me. Speaking up doesn't necessarily mean you have a voice.

"It's all right, Jayne," Pandora's voice smoothed over her like a hand over her hair. "I will be your voice when you need it most."

"Though I'm 37 now - it's taken me a few years. And sometimes... it helps to have a friend to help you find your voice, or be it for you. Sometimes you have to wait years to find someone like that."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-08 02:32 am UTC (link)

Bianca stared at her for a long moment not even sure what to say next. Fortunately, Miranda came back from her break, meaning Bianca was able to go on hers. "I'm..would you...would you want to sit down for a moment? With me? I have a break now and I think I should talk with you a bit longer." Once Bianca got over her initial hesitation, everything came out in a rush, as though she were afraid that if she paused again, she wouldn't ask.

She took off her apron and stepped away from counter so Miranda could take up her spot. Along the way she took a cinnamon streusel bar with her and a napkin. There was an open table near by, if the woman would take her up on her offer.

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jayne_dough
2011-12-08 03:27 am UTC (link)

Jayne was surprised at first when the girl asked to sit with her, but she smiled and picked up her latte and croissant, motioning for her to lead the way.

"Actually, I'd enjoy the company."

She allowed the girl to lead her to an open table, and sat down eagerly. She took a sip of her latte to see if it had cooled down enough to drink properly, and she judged it to need an extra minute or so.

"My name's Jayne, by the way. Jayne Dough."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-08 03:37 am UTC (link)

Bianca exhaled, surprised to realise she'd been holding her breath. She'd put a lot out on the line there. The last time she went out of her way to speak to someone outside of her comfort zone, it had ended disastrously. Memories of her reading with Lavender came back full force and Bianca sat down quickly, looking down at her streusel bar.

"Dough?" Bianca looked up at her. "Like flour dough? Perhaps you should be the one working here," she said with an attempt at humor. "Oh, I'm Bianca Dunstan. Pleased to meet you."

She broke off a bit of cinnamon topping and ate it. "So...you...I was surprised when you said all that. I wasn't expecting anyone to, well, see me like that. Especially not someone who didn't know me."

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jayne_dough
2011-12-08 05:00 am UTC (link)

Jayne smiled genuinely, impressed. "Yes, like flour dough. Most people thinks it's like doe, a deer, and so on." She picked off a flake of chocolate and popped it into her mouth, momentarily closing her eyes at the heavenly taste of it.

"Well, I guess in a way it was a little self-serving - I saw you, and you reminded me so much of myself, and I just thought... I wish someone had seen me back then, had said something to let me know I wasn't invisible."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-08 05:19 pm UTC (link)

Bianca gave a sheepish smile. "It's where my mind goes right away. most people might think a deer, but when you're a baker..." She shrugged and bit into her bar proper as Jane spoke. It was eerie how spot on she was.

"It's strange. Sometimes I really want people to see me, and sometimes I'd rather just stay hidden because then I'm not...out there for everyone to be looking at. I don't know how to manage the extremes." She glanced up at Jayne. "How did you manage? I mean, how did you change? It wasn't just time, was it?"

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jayne_dough
2011-12-09 01:21 am UTC (link)

"It's not easy," she replied with a shake of her head. "So many people think it is, but those are the ones who have no problem chatting up total strangers on the street. They don't realize that half the battle is finding a voice to speak with." She sighed. "And the other half is getting yourself heard. The Ministry's awful for that, actually. Most of those in the upper ranks don't care for any opinions but their own."

She tore off a piece of pastry and nibbled on it as she sought for something encouraging to say.

"No, not easy. But worth it, even for a little improvement. It sounds funny, but I actually spent a lot of time talking to the mirror. Imagining someone was there and telling them exactly what was on my mind. Strangely, it helped."

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allseeingeye
2011-12-09 04:07 pm UTC (link)

"They think it's easy because it is, to them," Bianca added. "They don't have that...feeling of having to fight yourself just to say the same things as everyone around. They can't understand why it's hard for me just as I can't understand why it's easy for them." She listened as Jayne spoke about the Ministry. "I wouldn't suppose it's very easy to be heard there at all," she agreed.

Then Jayne offered a piece of advice and Bianca was surprised at it. "The mirror? I wouldn't even have thought of that." but it was something she could do. Give herself a pep talk in the mirror, practice conversations, just to try to get comfortable with speaking. That sounded like an easy place to begin. So long as no one ever caught her doing it. Then of course, she's be mortified. She nodded, a small smile starting to play about her lips. "I can definitely try that."

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	jayne_dough 2011-12-10 02:02 am UTC (link)
	"I'm sure there are other ways, but that's what helped me. Oh, and another thing..." She opened her purse and pulled out a small card and a pen, and wrote upon it before handing it to Bianca. "I did mention having a friend to talk to. Here's my information, both wizard and Muggle, should you ever need someone to talk to." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

allseeingeye
2011-12-13 02:57 am UTC (link)

Bianca blinked down at the card, her cheeks suddenly flushed. "Th-thank you Jayne. Here, let me write mine for you." Ducking her hair, she wrote her own contact information on it. "I mean you can find me here, obviously, but not always."

She looked back up at Jayne. If you should ever need someone to talk to... A friend who understood her. What more could Bianca really ask for? "Really, thank you."

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