Sarah Miller // Stephanie Brown (![]() ![]() @ 2010-04-03 17:37:00 |
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Entry tags: | sarah miller |
James,
As I write this we're in Tuscany and the sun is about to come up, you're sleeping and I'm trying to write this instead of curling up beside you and going to sleep. It's one of my favourite places to be, lying beside you where I can feel you breathing, hear your heartbeat and just lying with you, knowing you're there. I could lie with you forever if you gave me a chance.
I'm not going to though, am I? Because if you've been given this then I'm dead.
I want you to know that the year I've known you has been amazing, and the months we've been married are the happiest of my life. I just wish there had been more of them. I wanted to grow old and grey with you, have babies with you, watch them grow up and just be with you forever. I guess forever just wasn't as long as we thought it would be.
I love you with everything that I have, and I've loved you for a long time. I was scared in the beginning because I'd never felt like this before, but you made me brave. I fell in love with you and that made me braver than anything else in the world ever could do. I don't know how to describe it, but I need you to know that you were the only man in the world for me. I love you.
I love you so much that if time moves on and you move on then that's okay. I'm not around and I know that has to hurt, because if it was me... I just want you to be happy. Don't hold onto me, onto the idea of what we could have had. Some things just don't work out the way you plan them to, and if you meet somebody else and decide to marry them and have children with them then as much as it breaks my heart, please do it. Don't hold onto me because I can't hold back any longer.
I love you, babe. I always will, with all my heart. I know you're going to do amazing things and I wish I could see them. I guess that I'm going to have to settle for the time I had with you. Nobody can love somebody more than I love you.
The sun's coming up now and the temptation of lying with you is something I won't ignore. I'm going to enjoy every second I have left with you and hope you never have to read this.
Love you always,
Sarah