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dr_s_reid (dr_s_reid) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2011-08-10 19:12:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2011 08, character: derek morgan, dead: spencer reid

Who: Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan.
Where: Morgan's room.
When: August 9th, late night.
Summary: Talk about sex, drugs and a real lack of rock and roll.

Today was only really his second day, but it felt like so much longer than that. So much had happened he really hadn't had a chance to debrief in his own head, finally he'd had a little time to just sit and read, consider his options. It was the only time he'd been by himself since he'd got here and it felt good not to have to talk or listen, even just for twenty minutes. When he worked he wore shirts and suites, when he was home alone or in bed he usually wore t-shirts and pajama bottoms, but both of those didn't really seem like an option anymore. Sure he had the pajama bottoms but he'd had to choose a jumper that covered his arms. Now that he was alone though he had the sleeves pushed up as he stared absently into space, just letting his mind tick over.

Glancing at the collection of papers he had on the bed beside him he pulled out the file he'd buried under everything else and opened it, laying it across his lap. It was almost unbelievable to read about a person, a person who was in all respects him, but whose life was just so different. He read over it again, even though he knew it backwards and forwards by now, like suddenly he'd see it in a different light. Spencer Reid wasn't him, this Spencer Reid didn't even have the same name as him, he was Spencer Reid-Cole and he was married. But not to a girl that he would have assumed might resemble JJ if he was lucky, but to someone named Tim. A lawyer. A man. Timothy Reid-Cole.

Closing his eyes he leaned back against the pillows on his designated 'side' of the bed, placing his hand over his face. In this world his mother had been dead a long time, his father had raised him and for some reason he'd chosen a different path. A path that had made him into the sort of person who could fall in love, who could be loved. Who, presumably, had sex and that made him ask himself a great many questions about himself. He wished he could meet him, this Tim person, talk to him and try to understand. But that wasn't going to happen and he understood the reasons why, but that didn't stop him wondering.

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derek__morgan
2011-08-11 03:01 am UTC (link)

"That's actually an amazing skill to have, which unfortunately will bring you into contact with Savannah, who's a lovely woman, except very... enthusiastic about everything. She put herself in charge of celebrations. "Clearly I have, and I need to stop it." He was not a father. He liked sex more than kids, not that it was happening right now.

Derek hadn't considered it, but Reid was right. "We do, don't we? Hotch tried so hard, but in the end, there was no way to reconcile the BAU and his marriage, and he tried." He never heard sex described quite that way. "It's not that, not always, although in some cases it is. You get an release that is much stronger than when you masturbate, but there is also the foreplay, the teasing, the conquest, getting that right woman to want you."

He could see the wheels turning again inside Reid's head and then something must have occurred to him, because the reaction was too strong. "Whatever it is, Reid, there's nothing to be ashamed of or be embarrassed about," he said kindly. "You're starting to figure things out, aren't you? That's okay, you don't have to tell me until you're comfortable with it and when you are, we can talk."

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dr_s_reid
2011-08-11 03:36 am UTC (link)

"I don't mind enthusiastic, I'm almost jealous of it, that must positivity must lead to a wonderful life," Reid said. "Like I said, you'll never be fatherly to me."

It was a very close group, too close, everyone's attitude towards them had proved that. But he didn't think anyone here had to put themselves through what they did, getting inside the head of someone so sick and so twisted was enough to send most people running. They stood strong for each other and made sure to be what the other person needed, because that's what they were, a team. "We do. Maybe without the BAU I'd be married, with a husband and two dogs," Reid said with a little smile. "It sounds complicated," Spencer admitted, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't think I could ever be intimate with someone I wasn't close to."

Breathing slowly through his nose he nodded, glancing back at Morgan, brow creasing again. He supposed that he was attractive, Spencer liked his eyes and his shoulders and that spot between his collar bones where there was a dip. Then he realized he was staring and looked away again. "I'm not embarrassed, I feel comfortable with you," he shrugged, forcing himself to look back. "So possible attraction, albeit one sided, is not going to come as a huge surprise to you."

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derek__morgan
2011-08-11 03:57 am UTC (link)

"Positive outcome only," he said, shaking his head. "It's Savannah's motto, which might seem strange considering how depressed she was at the start, but it's what allowed her to bounce back so well."

Derek laughed. "I guess you might have been, but instead you're stuck with me and Garcia at the moment." He still wanted to go home, but it was easier thinking that he wasn't alone. "Some people are like that, some people can do both, and some people aren't interested in the intimacy. You know it takes all kinds."

He should be used to Reid's honesty, not that they weren't honest with each other, but they had some barrier - very few, but they were there, and Reid had just bulldozed the last one, or at least he felt like that. "You feel comfortable and you think that you might be attracted to me," he recapped as if this was a case, and he really wanted to continue the discussion and to be analytically impartial, but it wasn't that easy when it followed that admission. "Do you feel a possible attraction to other members of the BAU?"

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dr_s_reid
2011-08-11 04:26 am UTC (link)

“She seems like such a sweet girl, its shame any of us are here, but her especially.”

Spencer grinned, nodding his head slowly, “there are worse places I could be stuck.” The idea of going home was forward in his mind, he missed the ease of it. But he knew that without Morgan and Garcia this would be much harder for him than it currently was. “I assumed everyone was different. I’m just,” he paused, looking for the right word. “Sensitive.” He finished, because it seemed the most fitting word.

He wasn’t good at keeping things from his team, he really wasn’t good at keeping things from Morgan. Even things he felt like he’d rather take to his grave than share he always ended up telling the other man. “Of course I feel comfortable with you,” he said, gesturing between them. “Do you think I would be capable of this with anyone else? The attraction thing is still new to me though, but possibly, yes.” Something in him was telling him to shut up, shut up and walk out, because that’s what was probably normal. But they needed to talk about this. He thought about Morgan’s question for a moment before he shook his head. “No, but I’m also not as close to them as I am to you.”

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derek__morgan
2011-08-11 04:39 am UTC (link)

"She is. I don't think anyone dislikes her. I don't think anyone could," he said.

Spencer reached out and ruffled Reid's hair for the briefest moment. "I think I liked it better when it was long," he said, grinning. "I don't know about worse places, but the company is pretty good." He raised an eyebrow. "Sensitive? How so? Are we talking in terms of physical senses now?" He knew that Reid hated to be touched, couldn't have a watch in contact with his skin, but Derek wondered if there was a psychological component to which he was referring.

"And I feel comfortable with you, but there is a vast difference between comfortable and a sexual attraction," he pointed out. "Just because you are close to us, it also doesn't mean that you are attracted. It might be just that you feel those feelings of safety that you were discussing before. I'm not saying that you're wrong, just that maybe you need some time to figure things out. We went from nothing to a possible attraction in very little time."

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dr_s_reid
2011-08-11 04:55 am UTC (link)

Reid smiled when Morgan touched his hair; it was little moments like that which were confusing, but nice. He wished they happened more frequently, but he never knew how to initiate. “Really? JJ said that it makes me look older, more professional and that it would help people take me more seriously,” he said, running his hand through his hair again. “I love the company.” Running his hands up and down his thighs, because his palms were a little sweaty he tried to think of the best way to explain it. “Okay, you know when there is a tiny prickle or something in your clothes? That you can’t find? Just feeling that for a few minutes makes me want to cry, because it’s not just a little annoyance, it’s like I can feel it right down to my bones. It’s the same when someone touches me and when it’s someone I don’t know or someone who makes me uncomfortable it’s just, distressing.”

He nodded, he understood what Morgan was saying and he didn’t want to be wrong. “I need to really think, try to be more aware of myself. I think,” he paused, looking down again. This was hard to talk about, harder than anything else. “I think that’s why I liked being high, why it got such a hold over me, it helped me understand myself better, I felt more connected to what I was thinking and feeling,” he admitted, rubbing almost unconsciously at his inner arm.

Clearing his throat he glanced back up at Morgan, considering him for a moment. “It’s not just safety though. It has a lot to do with the fact that you’re the only person that I’ve met that doesn’t make me feel broken and for someone who’s always felt like an outsider, that just… Wasn’t built right, it’s nice to connect with someone who understands you.”

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derek__morgan
2011-08-11 05:15 am UTC (link)

"I didn't say she's wrong, but I'm not most people and your hair doesn't affect how seriously I take you," he noted. "I still liked it longer," he said, with a shrug.

They kept changing subjects, and Derek wasn't as quick as Reid, but he tried to follow. "Okay. It's- confusing. We're all over the place with this discussion and I'm trying to follow. This feeling, it's physical with things, like with the watch, right? But when people touch you, you get the same reaction, is that it? What about when someone you know touches you? Like right now, with me touching your hair? Does that bother you? And if it does, why haven't you said anything before."

Derek nodded and smiled. "Yes, you do, but you don't need the drugs for that. They make you stop thinking rationally but the knowledge you gain is temporary. This way introspection might be harder, but the results are long lasting."

He smiled. "You're not broken, Reid. You're a genius. You're so far above everyone else. You aren't the one who needs fixing. It's the rest of us who aren't as bright as you are."

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dr_s_reid
2011-08-11 08:25 am UTC (link)

“Hair grows, you know,” he teased, looking over at Morgan with a grin.

It was really hard to explain and that’s why he’d never tried to before. “Sorry,” Reid said, knowing he should probably slow down a little, stick to one subject. “Like with the watch,” he agreed, looking over at where he’d abandoned it on the nightstand. “When you wear a watch, it’s just there, right? Well for me it’s almost painful in its intensity and I can’t think straight, I can’t think about anything but the watch. It’s the same with touch, it’s not so bad with hands, I’m used to shaking hands with people I don’t know. But it's just, so intimate, being touched, more so than I think it should be.” He paused to consider Morgan’s question but just shrugged. “Because it’s different with you, it’s still intense, but, it's you and I like it," he said simply.

Reid nodded again, picking at his sleeve. "I know I don't, it's just an escape, it's weak and I don't want to be that person but not going back to it is the hardest thing I've ever done."

Smiling back he let the words be a compliment, the way that he knew they were intended. "There is nothing about you that needs to be fixed and you know it," he said softly, affectionately.

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