"Yes, no, in part. Told you I'm not making any sense." It was very clear in her head, but she was having a problem putting things into words. She stopped and took a deep breath, trying to get her brain to slow down long enough that she could put it in a more coherent way.
"It's not that I expected you to be G or wanted you to be G. It's that I started to expect you to use some of his ... less than noble traits ... on me, and that's why I'm apologizing." She sighed. "It just dawned on me, but it took a while. First there was that talk with Tamira, about Sean and Troy, about Jenna, about being happy, and I realized that I've only been truly happy when we have been able to communicate honestly with each other. G has taught me this job and he's given me a safe haven on occasion, but you're the one who makes me feel in tune with myself and the world. If he keeps something from me, it's expected. If you keep something from me, it hurts. Then the pick up today. I know how you feel, I know what G would do, and as much as I think that his way is more productive, it's not you, and I guess that's when it finally clicked. You will never be them or Vance. Your moral compass is a lot different, but it's not even about what an awesome person you are, but how much in the defensive the secrets made me, at least until-" She tapped to her head.
"I can apologize for that, but I'm not apologizing for wanting you to give up this job. I really don't like secrets between us," she said with a pout. "Do you think they keep secrets? And if they do, how do they manage? It feels so wrong."