"Okay." John appreciated the direct approach. He was hyper aware of everything with Brian, trying to be there for him without suffocating him, watching everyone for signs they were going to use their best intentions to push Brian too much because they never had fully understood him or how he reacted. At the same time, he, too, had been without Brian for two weeks. It wasn't anywhere near as traumatic as Brian believing him dead. But, he needed to be around Brian when he could...without hovering or suffocating. The ability to speak freely, or as freely as he ever did with anyone not named Brian Kinney, was a relief.
"Here's the thing. I get it. I get why you did it. If we're dead, no one's looking for us or trying to figure out what you're up to. It's actually not even the first time my supposed death has been used to cover up our movements, even though it wasn't really planned and we just took advantage of it. So, I get it. I even get why you didn't say anything to us about it because you had to know there was no way in hell I'd voluntarily do that to Brian.
"But, that's where everything falls apart for me. When I step back and stop being the kid with the future, all I am is angry and if I had Callen's power that would let me get the drop on you, I'd probably try to hit you myself for what you put Brian through, for what your gamble is costing us. You warned me once that Brian would break my heart. In all this time, it's never happened. Until now. Because watching him hurt like this is breaking my heart. I wasn't there when he needed me the most and neither was anyone else. You used me to hurt him to convince the government of the lie to protect the mission, which protected me and I'm trying to believe it was all worth it for the good of the group. But, I'm have a really fucking hard time forgiving it."
He stopped for a moment to try to calm down because swearing at Vance wasn't going to do any good and he needed to stop being angry if he was going to be any good for Brian. "Why us? There are others with our skill sets, others with fewer connections to people. I mean, Savannah? There isn't anyone here whose life she doesn't touch in some way except maybe the newest of us. Most people get it and they're fine. But, what if they hadn't? What if Callen wasn't who he is and as willing to do for the team over himself? Did you understand how they would react? How Brian would react? Do you understand how close you probably came to getting him killed for this?"
And that was where John's calm broke down. Not that he yelled because he didn't want this conversation to be public, even using the wind as a buffer. But, it terrified him to think how close he could have been to losing Brian. All Brian had to do was turn into a bug and wait for someone to step on him and it would be over. "You were the man who knew what was going on and I really need to know that you're not as oblivious to what you caused as it seems everyone was who just let him fall like that. I need to know that despite all the 'John can take care of Brian' sentiments of the last year and a half, I can trust you not to needlessly turn him into collateral damage."