InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I respect the crap out of you."

April Kepner (april_kepner) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2011-01-07 20:20:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2011 01, character: april kepner, character: savannah monroe

RP: April and Savannah
Who: April and Savannah
Where: Savannah's room
When: January 7
Summary: April goes to talk to Savannah

She was getting a hosue! That was the one thought that had been present in her mind all day. Oh she knew it was not a done deal until she had the keys in her hand, and that she needed a second room mate, but she was on the road to getting a house. It was something worth being excited about, and there were so few things here that were.

After finishing off in the lab with Abby, April walked briskly to Savannah's room, wanting to tell her the news. She was surprised when from inside she heard barking, and even more surprised when Savannah opened the door and a big German Shepherd was standing a bit back behind Savannah.

"You've got a dog!" she exclaimed, a huge smile on her face as she watched the dog. It seemed a bit shy, but April was very used to animals, and loved the to boot. It was impossible not to having been raised on a farm. Stepping inside, she looked at Savannah for a moment. "When did you get it? Is it a she or a he? What do you call... her, I'm guessing?" It was an impossible angle to see for sure, but there were always signs if you knew how to look. Once inside, she squatted down and waited to see if the dog wanted to come and great her.

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savannah_monroe
2011-01-07 10:06 pm UTC (link)

"Because she needs room and company, and they have a house and a dog. That and they have guns," she pointed out again. "Besides, it'll be easier to train with them right there."

Savannah nodded. "Thank you, but it's really all right. I was just stupid to think that we could do what we did at home." Except even in her naive state, she had never considered that they'd let April be a doctor and nothing else. "I told you, you'll get in an OR when someone here gets shot. You can stay a surgeon, but only on top of being an agent. That email from the Director was pretty clear. Why do you think we need aliases otherwise or why we're getting a salary? And G has made it clear from the start that any classes I might take are in addition to training. I doubt he'd make different arrangements for you."

She smiled. "He lives in the hotel and the army is so nice with their lists. You won't have a problem finding him, and I think he'd prefer living with non federal agents."

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april_kepner
2011-01-07 10:37 pm UTC (link)

She nodded, looking at Nova again. "That'll be nice for her."

She hated that she was forced into something she didn't want. All she had ever wanted to be was a doctor. She'd always known, always. It was what she burnt for, what she wanted, and to think this was temporary had been so much easier. She'd kept on hoping that she'd get enough training to make it back home when they got there. With every day that passed she got less and less hopeful about returning. She tried to keep her hope, writing in her diary that she would be able to go home, that she would be the future of medicine still. It was harder to believe, and Savannah did not make it easier. "That's the problem isn't it? I can't be an agent who jumps into the OR every few months, it doesn't work like that. It's like your training. If you stop training for months on end, you can't suddenly just go back and be at the top of your game. I'll lose it." She'd lose herself if that happened and no reading up on medical advances in this dimension as she has done and Mr Vance had suggested wouldn't help at all. Not to mention that she'd be a horrible agent. Who ever heard of an agent who was afraid of guns and followed advice from Oprah?

Talking about the house was nicer, and she nodded, pushing the feeling of desperation aside. She was used to doing that. She'd push it away and write about it in her diary. She did need to talk to G though, as soon as he had time for her. "I'll find him," she assured Savannah. She'd focus on the house, and not jump to conclusions about her training until she'd spoken to G about it.

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savannah_monroe
2011-01-07 10:49 pm UTC (link)

Savannah didn't answer the comment about Nova, because there wasn't much to say. However her attention was on April. Did she really think that she'd be a doctor? Even Savannah hadn't been so deluded. She knew what they expected of her; it's why she tried to kill herself. She knew what they wanted, but she just refused to agree with them, or had refused. Now, she'd go along with whatever G wanted.

"April, that works if you want to becomes the best doctor around. That's not what they want from you," she said, because she didn't need to be a genius to know what G wanted. "You're like... our own personal battle field doctor. As long as you can pull bullets out and keep people alive, then you're a good doctor. G will find a way for you to do that." She trusted him to keep his word, although she didn't think that what G meant was what April thought he meant.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that the house that Deeks asked for had three bedrooms. It's all ready and we never moved in. You can talk to Hetty and get the keys after speaking to Mikey." It made sense to use that house, and it wasn't as if she and Marty would move in together now.

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april_kepner
2011-01-07 11:06 pm UTC (link)

"I always thought of this as temporary," she admitted. "It's the one way I can keep my sanity here. That I can believe that it's just a matter of getting enough training to pass once I return. I can't be an agent for the rest of my life."

The thought of never being allowed to leave this base, to go through life doing nothing more than pulling bullets out of people on the field was almost enough to make her hyperventilate, but she pushed back that panic for now. There would be a way. There would be a way. There had to be, she was meant to be a surgeon. Something would make it so. She just had to wait long enough. They'd find a way home.

"We'll see what happens. I'll need to talk to him either way, find out what can and can't be done."

She felt odd taking the house that had been meant for Savannah and Deeks, but she supposed there was no reason to be sentimental about it. "We'll see what Hetty says," she said. "First I have to see if this Mikey is interested in living with two women he doesn't know, one of which sleeps in a coffin. That wouldn't be me, by the way," she added.

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savannah_monroe
2011-01-07 11:18 pm UTC (link)

That was not an illusion she ever had. She never really thought that they would let them go. Maybe it had been Hetty's reaction, but she just knew that they wouldn't leave. "Maybe we will," she said, not trying to crush all of April's hope, "but as long as we're here, we need to do what we can. The more you learn, the more freedom you get. I'm going to go shopping. By myself. That's... it sounds stupid, but it's great, and I'm going to learn how to shoot if that's the only way to be able to move freely here." Or as freely as possible.

Savannah snorted. "A coffin is...unique." She knew that Abby was weird, but she didn't think that weird. "I'm sure he will, don't worry."

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april_kepner
2011-01-07 11:36 pm UTC (link)

"This is insane," she said, closing her eyes for a moment and feeling like she needed to get seriously drunk. She had never longed to be back among her friends as much as she had at this moment. "You don't believe that," she said. "You wouldn't have tried to kill yourself if you believed that."

For the first time, April could understand the feeling. If there was no hope of going home, if she truly could never see her family and her friends again, if she was denied the right to do what she was meant to do, to follow her passion, then what point was there? The affirmations she used so often to inspire herself, the ways she employed to keep her spirits up when everything felt horrible seemed useless. She'd lived on the hope because there was nothing else to live on here. Working with Abby in the lab was fun enough, but it was not her passion. It was not who she was.

She shivered a bit at the mention of a gun. "I've come to terms with the fact that I wont have a choice," she said. "I'll never like guns though. Not as long as any maniac can use it."

She tried to smile a bit. "I'm happy that you get to move freely." Another thing she missed. She was tired of this base.

"Unique is one word for it. She has them made, apparently. So that there is room for two people in them." She liked Abby, but yes that freaked her out more than a bit.

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savannah_monroe
2011-01-08 12:00 am UTC (link)

"No, you're right, I don't believe that it will happen, and if it does, it might take years," she said, smiling, "but that doesn't mean we stop hoping." She couldn't believe she was saying this after her discussion with G, but he was right and most people couldn't live without hope, and Savannah might not believe, but she could give April some. "I do believe that G will do everything he can to get us back and we can help him. When I tried to kill myself, I didn't know anyone and I didn't know him, but now, I trust him, April."

She sighed. "I know it's hard, but you need to do it, because the only way to defend yourself from those maniacs is a gun." Had she really changed so much in a few weeks? She knew that killing was wrong, but now, she'd do anything to get her freedom, even learn how to shoot.

"Freely is a bit too much. GPS, cell, knowing where I am at all times, but I can go out, and I will learn to defend myself so one day I will be allowed- no, I will be able to go out without limitations." She didn't think it would happen quickly, but she'd do what G wanted, and get her freedom in return. "You can do this, April. I know it's hard, but you're moving into a house, and slowly we'll go back to normal. We'll have those parties we talked about and we'll help each other. Even if some of us are a bit unique. After all, I turn into fire; I'm a bit unique myself," she said with a smile.

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april_kepner
2011-01-08 08:37 pm UTC (link)

"How can you if you think he lied to my face about training. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to specialise in paediatric surgery or trauma, and he told me that whatever I chose they'd find a way to make it work. You say you think he never meant for , then he was lying to my face. If he was lying, how can he be trusted?"

She looked at him. "Until they wring it from my hand and use it against me," April replied. "I'll learn because I have no choice, I don't have to like it."

She sighed. "You know, I would be fine with all of this. well not fine, that's the wrong word, but I could live with all of this. I can do this, but if I'm not a surgeon then I'm not me. I know you think I put too much importance in work, and that I don't think of family enough, but to me my work is my passion. It's what I love, it's what I always dreamed of." She shook her head. "I need to speak to G about this," she said. "In the end all of this speculation is useless until I've spoken with him. I need facts, and getting myself worked up before I have them isn't doing me any good." She'd find a way, she had to.

"The house is a good start," she said with a nod. "It seems I have an agenda, doesn't it? Talk to this Mikey and get him to agree to move in with me and Abby, then speak to G and find out what he has in mind. With that I can make a decision." That didn't mean she didn't feel as if all hope had been sucked out of her.

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savannah_monroe
2011-01-08 09:22 pm UTC (link)

"I don't think he lied, April," she said kindly. "I think that you're saying the same thing and meaning two different things. I'm sure that he will make it happen somehow, but it will be a secondary goal. Our first goal is to survive here, and G can only help so much. I don't think for a moment, he'd lie to you, though."

She frowned. "I think you aren't looking at the bigger picture. They aren't going to teach us how to shoot, but how to defend ourselves. I've been doing boxing and martial arts with Sam. I couldn't take him one on one, but he's teaching me how to use my size and speed to protect myself. A gun is going to be just one element."

Savannah chuckled. "Trust me, I understand completely, but there's no way we can do what we love and survive. I'll give up the family, you'll give up your work, and G will give up the possibility of disappearing and being truly free to protect us. Each and everyone of us will give something up, but you're right. You really should talk to him."

She nodded. "Good luck with everything."

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april_kepner
2011-01-08 09:48 pm UTC (link)

April smiled a bit but it wasn't her usual cheery smile. She was sure that if she closed her eyes she would be able to visualise it all. The scents, the sounds, the rush when there was a major trauma coming in. She couldn't focus on that now though, she needed to focus on her future, and she'd fight to get back what she was born to do. No matter what, she would at least try. She owed it to herself.

Listening to Savannah she didn't sound like herself, she didn't sound like the girl who'd told her not to tell G about the massacre because then they'd all have to learn how to shoot. "I told you I'll do my best, and I'll do the training, but I'll never be able to think using a gun is a good thing." She smiled a bit. "I'll do my best," she repeated.

"You'll give up the family?" April asked, truly worried now, because that was a major change in just a few days. "A week ago you told me nothing else mattered, that your worse fear was turning into them, and now you're ready to give it up?" That wasn't just a small change, that was a life altering change, and those didn't just happen in a week for no reason. It was as big a change as Christina quitting the hospital.

"Thanks," she said anyway, because that was the polite thing to do.

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