"Oh you don't speak English? Oh okay yeah you weren't speaking English all those times I saw you flirting with the girls in this hallway? Okay fine, the future is now friend."
She pulled out her phone and brought up a handy translator.
"Newspaper? Asshole?" The phone dinged and spoke back in Russian Gazeta?Mudak? "I mean we can keep going. Is it Ukranian? Hungarian? Y'know what? You can speak into it, so we can detect it. I mean, I don't care what you and your girlfriend do with the papers but I pay for them those aren't free and the crosswords keep me sane. If you had asked I would have given them to you but you stole them like a fucking weirdo and now I'm mad. So go ahead let's talk!"