Nick only rolled his eye and continued to smirk at their apparent indignation at his refusal to properly answer. Billy's admission elicited a confused sort of chuckle. He turned his attention to Tony and when he finished his stories Nick was practically in stitches- which was not a good way to be when you were healing from a knife wound in the chest. He gave a last shuddering chuckle that made him wince as he picked up the story where Tony had left off.
"Okay so yeah, Stark calls me and I'm at this ceremony at Fort Drum, the fucking president is there. But I head out and find Stark sitting wrapped up in the sheet in the bar doing shots and he tells me he's got a girl strung up naked somewhere. I just about fucking left right there," Nick reached out and gave Tony an affectionate slap on the shoulder, "I'd cleaned up a lot of this motherfucker's messes but this was beyond ridiculous. It got worse when we got there 'cause there were cops. A neighbor called them, I mean of all things, in that neighborhood they call someone out because of a dude climbing out of a fire escape in a sheet. Of course they'd managed to bust in and find this poor bitch hung up- unconscious by the way, I don't even know what the fuck happened there- I was espionage in S.H.I.E.L.D. back then so I got the info from their reports pretty quick. Anyway, Tony's ID is in his wallet in his pants where the cops might find it any second. Well I don't know if they've already found it or what but I'm going to take a chance. I decide I'm gonna go in there and get it, because yeah we probably could've handled all this but any way you spin it, an unconscious naked gal is bad PR and since this idiot dragged me in it, I'd have a share in the shame if the media got wind of it. So, being that I'm a super bad ass spy and all that shit, I formulate a plan. First, I need a good distraction and let me tell you- life lesson- nothing clears a room like a hand grenade. I just happened to have a couple in my car and I secure one to make sure there's absolutely no way it's gonna go off- sure, it would solve our problems but I'm more responsible than this motherfucker over here- and then I chuck it through one of the living room windows. Well, they scattered real fucking quick and I go in as quick as I can up the fire escape- Tony's down in an alley, by the way, still wrapped up in that sheet- so here I am ducking through the place and I get to the couch and praise Jesus his pants are underneath it. They didn't find them, and the wallet's in them, so I grab them and I'm about to go when I hear the weirdest fucking noise- like a bleating- I look up and there's the owner of the apartment, that fucking artsy guy, wearing like a Darth Vader helmet and with him he's got this big ol' transvestite in this silver suit and- I shit you not- a goat."