InsaneJournal

"Welcome to the hotel. We are a five-star resort offering three restaurants, luxurious spa, and all the amenities a guest could want including temporary immortality. You have been assigned room 314. Please enjoy these complimentary earplugs, as your next-door neighbors are a sex addict with an Oedipus complex and a hedonist drug dealer with insomnia and ADD. I'm sorry, Sir, but rooms are designated by Headquarters and you are here for a reason anyway. Don't bother with that wake-up call, you're not going anywhere. If for any reason you are not completely satisfied, you've only got yourself to blame. Enjoy your stay!"