Chelsea Clarke (anotherleftturn) wrote in oblivionrp, @ 2009-03-03 06:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | chelsea, chelsea and ella, ella |
All good things...
Who: Chelsea and Ella
When: After the concert, near midnight
Where: Helios Deck, open area
Chelsea felt wonderful. The concert had been great, and she and Ella had danced in the limited room that was available. But now that the concert was over, she needed a little air. They had headed up to the Helios Deck, and Chelsea was a little disappointed to see that the sky had clouded over somewhat, obscuring the usual beautiful view of the stars.
She was very proud of herself- she had gone all out for tonight. A nice dress, hose, a pair of heels, had her hair done, her nails done... she barely looked like her usual tomboy self. She actually looked like a girl for once. "That was a helluva concert, wasn't it?!" Chelsea said to Ella as they looked out over the ocean, practically bouncing in her chair. "A little warm in there, though. Glad we got out!"
She looked up at Ella and smiled. She was happier than she had ever been at this moment.
Ella grinned at Chelsea. She looked so happy at the moment. It was going to be really bad when Ella broke the news to her. "You look beautiful tonight. I like you all dressed up."
"Thanks! My mom said that I should pack at least one nice dress and pair of shoes, just in case. She said 'You never know who you might meet.'" Chelsea spoke very nasally for the last part and laughed after imitating her mother.
"But I guess it was worth the hassle." She looked out over the ocean, the darkness of the sea and the horizon making it seem as if their boat was the only thing in existence right now, as if the rest of the world had melted away. Chelsea's hand found Ella's and gave it a slight squeeze.
Ella squeezed Chelsea's hand. She swallowed hard, not wanting to have to break Chelsea's heart, but knowing she was going to have to. She recognized the look on Chelsea's face - it was the look of someone falling in love. Ella just wasn't to that level and she felt that Chelsea needed to know before she fell harder.
Ella squatted down in front of Chelsea's chair, quite the feat giving her short dress. Her face was serious as she said, "Chelsea? We need to talk."
Chelsea looked her in the eyes, a bit concerned at the look in Ella's eyes. "Sure hon." She looked around. "Oh, there's a bench over there, so you don't have to squat down." Chelsea turned her chair and led her to a bench overlooking the ocean. "What's up?" she asked, parking next to the bench.
Ella sat on the bench and sighed, looking out over the ocean. Normally the ocean was peaceful, bu tonight, it just made her melancholy. "I really just don't even know how to start - where to begin - what to say."
She took a deep breath for courage. "I really like you, Chelsea. But I think I like you more as a friend. The past couple of days have been great - I've really missed having a female friend. I just don't think I feel the same way about you that you feel about me." Ella avoided looking at Chelsea's face, instead focusing on twisting her ring around on her finger. "I have seen the way you look at me and I see you now - I don't want to hurt you by leading you on."
Chelsea felt her stomach drop. She'd heard this speech before. Many times before. She kept telling herself she wouldn't cry, but she could already feel the urge starting up. Hold it in, honey. Be strong. There was so much she wanted to say, but all she could manage was, "Oh."
Ella's heart broke looking at Chelsea fighting her tears. "I'm so sorry honey. I really am. I just. Believe me, I never wanted to hurt you. But when it's not there, it's not there. And it's just not there for me. I tried. I like you and I wanted to like you in that way, but I just don't feel it." She stopped herself from babbling. "I'm sorry."
Chelsea nodded. "It-it's okay. I understand." She looked down at her lap. Deep down, she'd known this would happen. Just like it had with everyone else. She'd thought she had it with Gary, but even that ended up going south. She looked up, and this time the tears were almost gone. "Fine, no problem," she said shortly, her body language saying otherwise.
"It's not fine!" Ella insisted. "I know it's not. And I'm sorry." She reached out and grabbed Chelsea's chin, forcing her to look at her. "I want you to know - from the deepest part of my heart - that this has absolutely nothing to do with this," she grabbed Chelsea's chair. "That is really just not even a factor for me - hell, I forget you're in it most of the time. So please, don't think it's something wrong with you. The problem is me. The way I feel. It has nothing to do with you."
Ella released Chelsea's chin and looked down at her lap. She took a deep shuddering breath. When she looked at Chelsea, she had tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I know I keep saying that, but I am. I know we both came off of recent breakups and this hurts. I'm sorry."
Chelsea steeled herself. She'd heard this speech before, 'it's not you, it's me.' It never got any better, mainly because she knew deep down that it was, in fact, her. Before the accident, she was 'too much like one of the guys' or 'a great chick to hang out with'. Afterwards it was the chair. No matter what people said, she knew that the chair was always a problem. Or her ugly legs, or her back, or the fact that she couldn't feel anything down there. Of course, they never said that. That'd be cruel. But she knew what they meant.
"Oh, I know," she said, pulling back slightly. "It's fine, really. I'm fine." Her voice quivered a little as the tears started to fight their way through again. "No problem. You're right, of course. I mean, we're both still on the rebound and this happens. It's fine. Yeah." She rubbed her eyes a little, hoping to hold back the waterworks till she could exit gracefully. How could she have been so stupid?
Ella knew this was anything but fine. It killed her to hurt Chelsea this way. "I realize I have no right to ask this, but do you think we could still be friends?"
"Huh?" Chelsea said, barely listening. Right now the voice in the back of her head was berating her for even thinking something like this could work out. "Yeah, yeah, of course." She forced a smile. "Of course! I mean, come on, it was a shipboard fling anyways, right, it wouldn't have gone anywhere anyways." She unlocked her brakes. "Right now, though I think I'll just wheel my crippled little ass back to my room." She started to turn away, hoping the tears didn't start until she was alone.
That comment stabbed Ella in the heart. She got up and ran until she was in front of Chelsea, blocking her path. "Don't you ever say anything like that again! You are an amazing woman. One of these days you're going to find that person who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. Don't ever put yourself down like that again."
The fire burned right out of Ella and she suddenly felt cold. "I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly. She walked away before Chelsea could see the tears leaking from her eyes.
Chelsea just sat there on the deck as Ella walked away. She couldn't think of anything to say, so she just sat there for a while, letting the tears come.