<"Because discouragement would have gotten me killed and you know it,"> if you found pleasure in the kill it meant you wanted to kill more and thusly you had to survive to kill another day. It was like some kind of twisted circle.
Mae rubbed her face with her hands, getting a little gun grease on one cheek but she didn't care. <"Alright. Fine. But I'm going fully armed and I don't give a damn what they or you think."> Probably not the smartest idea ever.