Sam Wilson (dothework) wrote in noexits, @ 2022-05-25 14:36:00 |
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Entry tags: | !network post, marvel (tv/movies): sam wilson, marvel (tv/movies): steve rogers, → week 037 (little cakes) |
little cakes | day 4 evening
[Steve Rogers]
I've missed you so much. It's just this constant thing that I try to ignore because everything's already so fucked up and any time I think about it I either get pissed off or get stuck in this low key resentment at pretty much everyone for all these expectations they keep putting on me. I hadn't seen my family since 2016, I wanted to get to know my nephews again and get the business more stable and spend time with people. I didn't want to be Captain America. And I don't mean that in the sense that I wasn't actively seeking it out, I mean I did not want it, especially when no one was putting any thought into what it would mean for me, a Black guy, to try to declare myself to represent a country that didn't stop explicitly legislating my inferiority until the 60s and never stopped believing it. I don't know how to miss you and respect your choices and not be upset about the fact that your choice was to go back to a time when social and legal restrictions would have made it almost impossible for us to be friends, without even saying goodbye. I just don't get it. And I have to somehow accept that I probably never will, because any time a version of you shows up, no matter when from, you say you have no idea that you're going to do it so I can't even really be mad at you because it's something you haven't done. But you did. Even if I never find a version of you that take responsibility for it, I just have to live with that.