I usually do perimeter stuff around 2am most nights. Natasha told him that, but Stephen already knew. He often made his own rounds in the evenings, though she would never have seen him. With his material body taking rest in bed, his astral form did the rounds, checking whether or not something sinister was coming through the Void on the subtle plane. Natasha changed her route every so often (Stephen assumed it was a spy thing) but he essentially knew where to expect her, and at approximately what time.
Which was how Stephen met up with her, where the campus met the Void. Not in his astral form, because he didn’t want to startle her. He made himself noticeable, back leaning against a tree, arms folded across his chest, waiting. When she spotted him and they made eye contact, Stephen raised his eyebrows and shrugged.
“I needed some fresh air.”
There were all types who hung out after dark. The never-ending black sky was unnerving to some, so they stayed inside, but it seemed a perfect time for something to sneak around. Most nights it was just her, but every once in a while, something showed up. She'd noticed the void monster once, but thought it had been a trick of the eyes. That was, until Sylvie started mentioning it.
Her perimeter routine changed often. She didn't want anyone to get used to a routine so they could sneak around and harm someone. Natasha didn't really think the people of Derleth would do that — well, most of them — but sometimes you never knew when a week was going to suddenly switch gears.
"I don't know how fresh void air is, but I'm guessing it's better than a stuffy old room?"
Stale, smelling of booze… yeah. Before he cleaned up, his room was pretty raunchy. “Nothing a little magical airing out couldn’t fix,” Stephen casually said, stepping forward holding his arms behind his back. “I know Loki spoke to Mobius, but did he talk to you?” He tilted his head in a vague way to denote his embarrassment. “I should’ve taken you up on your offer earlier.”
"If you mean your attempt at bridging the universes to contact another Loki, yes, they both have spoken with me." Her tone was dry, as usual, but wasn't unfriendly. Did she wish she'd been brought in sooner on the plan? Of course. Was there anything she could do about it now? Not really. Complaining about it now wasn't going to change anything, especially since Loki seemed extremely set on doing this.
The truth was: they didn't have any answers, and if Michael was to be believed, they were going to keep bouncing around universes for all eternity. She didn't think he was lying about that. Not for the first time, she wished Tony was here again.
She jerked her head toward the path she was taking, inviting him to walk with her. "You confident this can be done without anyone — " Ending up braindead. " — hurt?"
Stephen smirked, then chuckled. “I was thinking of a different harebrained idea involving Loki, but since you brought this one up…” He nodded, indicating that he was cool with taking a stroll, leisurely walking beside her..
“If it means anything to you, I only found out about the plan this morning.” He sighed, looking at their surroundings. “Loki knows the risks he’s taking. Wanda and I will both be present to ensure his consciousness returns. It’s as simple as safeguarding the connection Loki had with his material body and pulling him back if there’s any sign of trouble. I’m confident in Loki’s abilities, but... he is stepping into uncharted territory. And we know Derleth tends to react when it’s poked.”
Natasha didn't know if she was hoping it just didn't work, if it meant that none of them got hurt in the process. Strange and Wanda were powerful allies (and friends), and she hoped that Derleth didn't do anything too cruel in return. She could handle being nearly ten foot tall again, or a Valkyrie, for a week. She couldn't handle anything permanent happening to Strange, Maximoff, or Loki.
"We should probably try to be prepared for … something. I don't know how. This place makes it impossible." Her frustrations grew each week. Each reset. Only the people could change here, and the surroundings didn't mold and fit around them the way they would in a real world setting. "Let me know before it happens, so I can keep my eye on the campus. Maybe get a few others around to make sure nothing starts sprouting up from the ground and attacking people."
“That’s the problem with being trapped here,” Stephen said. “Apart from being trapped that is. It’s unpredictable. Even last week, when the worst we got was a goofy song and dance, I was on edge the whole time, expecting the townsfolk to turn their hive minds against us like a musical version of the Twilight Zone. But Mobius is confident, and … I trust him. All he wants is to make things a bit easier, and I can’t argue with that.”
He glanced over at Natasha, knowing the close friendship she developed with Loki… the way they interacted over the network with one another made that evident. Stephen didn’t expect Natasha to show it, but he understood she would be worried not only for the safety of the campus, but also for her friend. “I’ll make sure Loki’s consciousness returns, even if I have to jump in and rescue him, myself. You have my word. Just as I also promise to message just before, and immediately after.”
"I think the worst was when several of our people very nearly got kidnapped by marriage-minded jerks, but they very clearly picked the wrong women. And that a bunch of women in town tried to steal Pikachu." She got the sentiment though. For the most part, it had been a harmless week, besides the annoyance of the situation they'd found themselves in, and Natasha was more than grateful to never see, smell, or hear another thing about corn pudding.
She still hated the idea of anyone trying to traverse the dimensions here, but she'd had no choice in the matter. They'd made up their minds, and if they wanted to take the stupid chance, that was up to them. If it had consequences for the rest of them, she'd put a stopper on it immediately. Natasha knew that at some point, they were going to have to crack some eggs to find a way to stabilize this place, but she had no idea what this plan was even meant to come up with.
"I need your word that if it looks like things are going sideways for Derleth, then you'll step in to rescue the campus. They're putting themselves out there, and while I want Loki to come back… I won't put the rest of the people here in mortal danger for it."
“Well, I didn’t bring up the kidnappers because the moment I realized who they were messing with I knew it was over for them. Like I said, my concern was that the townsfolk would gather with pitchforks and torches and who knows what else for revenge. I didn’t know about Pikachu, though.” Stephen thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. “All in all, we got off easy.”
Stephen met Natasha’s gaze with the same intensity, recognizing her determination and resolve not just to protect her friend, but everybody in Derleth. He had no problem with this sort of thing… the endgame with Thanos bore witness to that. He knew from the beginning that the only way they would win was for Tony to die, but he told nobody until the last moment with a single hand gesture.
“I will,” he told her, then to change the subject, asked, “If you can spare a few minutes more, I’d like to talk to you about Loki.”
"Patrol with me, and you can have all the time I've got," Natasha answered and continued on the patrols, slowing enough for him to catch up without really breaking any sort of sweat. There was no horizon to look for, and it always struck her as strange each and every time until her eyes adjusted. Everything just stopped after a certain point, and it was no easier after all these weeks.
But she knew what he'd want to talk about. Loki's strange memory problem, the one he threw onto everyone else as something that never happened. "I'm assuming you mean the situation with Fandral and his memories?"
Stephen was also paying attention to what was around them, but in a different way. From an ordinary person’s viewpoint, he was taking a stroll, but with spells he was monitoring the subtle changes around them in the ether, detecting any sort of mystical activity, specifically focusing on the Void and the monolith. There was always something happening on the ethereal plane, but there was a difference between the usual everyday somethings that Stephen recognized as non-threatening, and disturbances that were more concerning. Tonight, the campus felt calm.
“How’d you guess?” he joked, but became serious again. “I think I may have found out what happened to him, but you ‘ve got to promise, what I’m about to tell you… you’re not allowed to hit me.”
"He did it to himself?"
She could distinctly remember a conversation immediately after Fandral's disappearance in which Loki was insistent that he wanted the memories removed. She'd first thought Derleth may have caused it because others had gotten memory updates, and others had gotten entirely new lives in their heads, something Derleth had not done before.
But the more she thought about it, it didn't fit the pattern. Her memories weren't centered around one person and they were not from Derleth at all. Stephen's either. Yelena's update was from home as well. She went through conversations because she was sure she had a few with him about memories and sure enough.
"We had a few conversations about how much he wanted to be rid of those memories. The guilt he had over the way he treated Fandral was eating him alive, and Loki can sometimes be desperate to get rid of pain."
“Pieces of the puzzle are coming into place,” Stephen muttered thoughtfully. He knew Natasha would have more information, conversations that he wasn’t privy to over the network. “I thought he was lying, or worst case scenario, had finally gone mad, but Loki’s insistence, and the way Fandral felt he was being truthful had me second guessing. Then something happened…”
He paused, glancing momentarily over at Natasha before continuing. “After I got those alternative memories, I sank pretty low. Both you and Mobius offered to help me through it, but stubborn as I was, I thought I could handle it on my own. I’d spiraled into a pit of pain and guilt. But Loki just happened to come along, and he offered to give me some relief with a spell that would go into my mind and untangle and remove very specific emotions related to very specific memories. These memories materialized and were placed inside a bottle, which is currently sitting on the nightstand beside my bed. He used Asgardian magic that I wasn’t familiar with, and it got me thinking… if he could do that to me…”
"That he could do it to himself."
Natasha exhaled. She thought she'd talked him out of that, or at least enough that he would think about it again. They'd had months — especially when they included that dystopian world — and time would heal those kinds of wounds. Or at least enough that they didn't sting quite as much unless you poked at it. That apparently hadn't happened. When had it changed? There hadn't been much talk of Fandral in several weeks.
Schmigadoon?
She didn't think that Loki would lie to her about it, but it just seemed strange that he didn't remember performing the spell.
"I'm wondering if he did something wrong when he was doing it on himself and wiped everything, including that it even happened."
“Either he made a mistake trying to untangle his emotions to his memories, or he used a different spell to remove them on purpose. I was able to observe what he was doing to my mind while it was happening and it’s pretty delicate work… easy to fuck up. I somehow doubt that somebody even as talented as Loki would be able to do the spell of that nature on himself, and he values his mind enough not to take that risk. I wonder if Loki might’ve had an accomplice.”
Natasha frowned. She knew that Wanda had the ability to manipulate memories. There was Sylvie who spoke about enchanting people and getting to their memories. There were mages and magicians who could sway people. And there was Strange, who she was sure could do something similar. Natasha didn't fully understand what magic could or couldn't do and with so many variations of magic around… well, she never would.
"You think he would trust anyone enough to go into his memories?"
“I was hoping you’d be able to tell me. You two seem to have a special rapport, at least that’s what I’ve gathered over the network. All I know is that he doesn’t trust me.” Stephen shrugged. “Which is fair, because I don’t always trust him. I do know he’s going through a lot of mental turmoil, so if he’s desperate enough, I imagine he’d try anything.”
The consequences of an unbalanced Loki had serious consequences, not only for his personal well being, but for Derleth as a whole. Loki was a wild card to begin with. “What other magical friends does he have?”
"I like to think that I'm one of his closest friends, but that doesn't mean he shares everything with me. He keeps a lot close to his chest." Natasha was better than most at deciphering things about people, but Loki had spent a thousand years at this game. She thought for a moment, drawing in a breath, and said, "Well, there's the two mages that Michael announced he'd slept with. Julia and Yennefer. I don't know if I would say they're close, but close enough."
There had been a point where he'd been publicly befriending Wanda. That might be something, especially considering she was involved in this upcoming event. "Wanda. Elsa, but her powers seem to be exclusively ice and snow."
“Definitely not Elsa. Wanda would certainly have the capability, but she’s just as private as Loki, I really don’t see him asking for her help.” Stephen kicked a rock in his way down the path they were taking. “So. Julia and Yennefer, huh? Your guess is as good as mine. The first few times I tried communicating with Yennefer, she was kind of… prickly. Much less so, recently. And Julia? I’ve done a horrible job finding out more from her and her group of magic-users. That’s my fault, I should be more on top of that.”
Natasha watched people, that meant on and off the network. Though she knew more about Julia, simply because she and Julia spoke more than her and Yennefer had, Natasha knew that Yennefer had a traumatic past. The scars on her wrists were proof of that, and she'd be willing to bet that someone — mostly someones — had tried to control her her entire life, thus the attitude whenever someone asked her for something. She'd been used.
But which one would Loki go to? Sleeping with someone didn't mean you trusted them to go through your memories.
That was truly hard to say given what Julia had done to Loki. He said they were squared, but what did that mean? She hadn't heard much about Loki and Yennefer; maybe they were banging on the downlow? If so, they were discreet enough that Natasha could really only remember one mention of it on the network.
Eventually, Natasha shrugged. "I don't know. There's pros and cons to both of them. There's history with Julia that gives me a pause on him going to her for it, but I can't discount their friendship. But I gotta be honest: I can't imagine Loki allowing anyone else into his head."
“I can’t imagine it either, but then again Loki’s been getting progressively more desperate, his experiences have worn him down. There were a couple of times I worried he might break, and with his sanity goes the safety of Derleth. However, it seems that he’s not as manic anymore. Maybe having those memories removed was what was needed to help, and I can’t really blame him.”
It would be hypocritical to blame Loki for what he’d done, after having his own emotions tampered with. “Maybe Loki’s memories were being stored away somewhere and could be returned after he’s healed? Which means somebody must be holding on to them and isn’t saying anything.” He glanced over at Natasha. “I just hope he hasn’t caused any permanent damage.”
"I hope he hasn't either. I don't know how we would find that out though. He's under the impression that the rest of us have false memories." Or that was his way of trying not to make himself seem as upset about the loss of those memories.
Natasha sighed. This was far more complicated than she anticipated. On the one hand, Loki clearly wanted those memories gone. He had told her as much, more than once. But would he do it? There were far worse memories in Loki's head, she was sure. It also seemed to happen at very nearly the same time that Fandral arrived again. "We'll keep an eye out for him, and if there's any long-term damage, then we can figure out a way to help."