rey (firststeps) wrote in noexits, @ 2021-10-02 10:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | ₴ inactive: margo hanson, ₴ inactive: rey dameron, → week 021 (rest) |
rest week | day 4
This could be a mistake. As much as Rey had said she didn't want to be avoided or ignored, she didn't know what to expect from here or what this would look like. She was trying to operate on a level that didn't expect reciprocation of friendship from Margo but the offer was held out to her. Perhaps it would work. Perhaps they could be friends. But doubt and negative thoughts had bled into Rey's mind ever since she'd woken in the Void after Dunwich.
It felt possible that Margo might find Rey not to be someone even putting in an effort of being friends with. This was dark and negative and something she was desperately trying not too think too long on. The possibility that Margo wouldn't find her noteworthy without the help of films for knowledge? That terrified Rey in more ways than she could truly explain. It propelled her back to vile words from Ben's lips in an attempt to have her join his side and even further back to nights alone in the desert with scratch marks being applied religiously to the side of her dwelling.
Still, who was she to truly reject an offer when given to her? Margo was trying and Rey recognized this. She'd try too and she'd push away her own trauma as best she could.
Stepping into the lunch hall, she ran her hands over the tee shirt she'd washed in the bathroom sink the night before. The gasoline smudges were still evident but at least the smell of days old sweat from the Texas sun was no longer present. She truly needed time to gather more clothing. Maybe she'd take Eleanor with her to visit the theater closet soon. Messy buns were pulled up on her head, in three identical shapes, and she lifted a gloved hand as she approached Margo. "Hey."
Margo honestly had no idea what she was doing here. It was weird knowing that Rey had an intimate relationship with her that she didn’t remember. This must have been how Julia felt when Penny 23 showed up in their universe. What if she was deemed not as good as her counterpart? It was a ridiculous thought and yet she couldn’t quite shake it.
And it wasn’t like she was looking for a relationship. That wasn’t her style. Or at least she thought it wasn’t. Since arriving here, she’d been informed otherwise though and she still had no idea what to make of that. At least the idea that she’d formed a relationship with Rey when they were stuck in a place like this made more sense than learning that she and Josh were apparently a thing back home. Nothing about that made sense to her. Sure, she liked the guy well enough, he was a good cook and a decent lay, but a relationship?
Letting out a huff of breath, she forced herself to refocus. There was no harm in getting to know Rey better, right? She didn’t think the other woman was looking to turn her into ‘her’ Margo or anything creepy like that. When she spotted Rey, she smiled. “There was a guy here when I got here,” she said. “I convinced him to make us a couple of burgers.” She nodded at the plate in front of her that had two perfectly cooked burgers, buns, and a variety of other toppings including cheese.
It was easy to return the smile. Despite not being 'her' Margo, she was still Margo and seeing her smile? Well, it summoned one of her own without any thought. As she pulled the chair out from underneath the table, her gaze dropped down to the burgers and she gave a slight smirk. "That was generous of him. And you."
She swung around to sit down after that but didn't quite reach for the burger yet. "I've not been brave enough to tackle the kitchen back there. It's been a lot of sandwiches." There was a shrug of her shoulders before she folded her arms over the table and got comfortable. "And over cooked rice. Can't discredit that."
She didn't quite know what they were going to talk about but for now she was just rolling with it. "It just restocks, doesn't it? The kitchen?"
It had been nice of the guy, especially since Margo hadn’t bothered to get his name. He clearly knew his way around a kitchen though and seemed happy to help. She’d have to figure out who he was at some point and actually thank him.
“Yeah, with basics,” she said. “No convenience foods.” Which were about as much as she could handle. “At least there are fresh fruits and vegetables now and not just the canned stuff. I guess one of the people here asked for that when we were in Fillory and got wishes from the White Lady.” Margo hadn’t been nearly so altruistic.
She put some toppings on her burger as she talked. “Unfortunately, the booze does not restock. We picked up a bunch when we were at Disney, but apparently we’ve drank the bar dry.”
"I noticed the lack of Little Debbies day one." Alright, that was a slight exaggeration given she'd spent her first day in a very negative mental space, but the point was made. She'd be observant of her general stables being missing. What she'd do for something overly processed right about?
She glanced to her for a moment, wondering if something was worth saying, before deciding it was. "The canned stuff is comforting," she offered up as she moved to start dressing her burger. "I like the fresh food but the canned reminds me more of home." It wasn't as though fresh food was easily available on Jakku and even once she'd left the planet, the Resistance was living on donations or whatever they could get their hands on. Fruit was a commodity.
"I reckon ya'll ventured out into Orlando for it? I don't remember seeing Mickey themed whiskey at the karaoke night," this was said with a bit of cheeky and clearly sarcasm.
“We did,” Margo said. “We stole an entire fucking Ikea. I have no idea why we didn’t think to snag a liquor store or six.” And considering the after effects of that whole mess, she doubted they’d be trying Rick’s shrink ray again. Hopefully wherever they ended up next week would at least have booze available.
She took a bite of her burger, chewing it slowly as she tried to think about what else they should talk about. Knowing that Rey knew a lot about her already meant Margo didn’t know what she should be sharing.
After swallowing, she finally asked, “Where are you from? Originally, I mean?”
"Right. The IKEA." Rey pressed her bun down on the hamburger to squish it down. She still needed to see if she could have a 'go' at looking through the store. She doubted a hammock would be available there but she still wanted to see. She missed the lull of rocking back and forth to sleep. "I'm impressed the IKEA was prioritized given everyone and everything."
She took a bite of her cheeseburger and momentarily savored the experience. It was a good one and she hoped Margo had caught the name of the person. Rey would want to compliment them later. But she set it down and moved to wipe her glove on a napkin before she answered.
"I don't know." She cleared her throat before pulling her knee up to wrap her an arm around, pressing it to her chest. "I don't remember much from before a certain point. But I grew up on a planet called Jakku. It's a desert wasteland."’
In hindsight, Margo wasn’t entirely sure how they ended up with an Ikea of all things. She was happy to have a more comfortable bed though, so she wouldn’t complain too much, even though she really wished there was more booze.
As Rey talked about her past, she took another bite of her burger. It really was a stroke of luck that guy was here. Otherwise, they’d be eating sandwiches. Or salads. Something that didn’t require much effort.
“Well, that sounds like it sucks,” she said. “I was in the desert right before I got here. It was pretty terrible.” It ended up okay, with her helping to liberate the women and getting what she needed, but she much preferred a beach.
Rey gave a small nod of her head. Jakku was a pain point in general but also had been what she'd known nearly her entire life. It was impossible to escape in conversation about herself. "I found ways to make it better," she chose to say instead of dwelling on the solitude, the uncertainty and everything else that had been encapsulated by that era of her life.
"You were?" There was a raise of her eyebrow. She didn't recall any stories from Margo about a desert. Of course, the Margo she'd known had ensured she'd never get memories again. It was possible it came after. It wasn't lost on Rey that the eye patch wasn't present any longer. Part of her wanted to come out and ask but she withheld leading questions. She didn't want to frighten her away with just how much she knew of her life or her friends lives.
“Yeah, some quest bullshit,” Margo said, rolling her eyes. “Eliot got himself possessed by some creepy fucker and we needed these special blades to sever the link. I’ve got the axes with me here.” It was too bad her lizard wasn’t here too. She could do with tripping her balls off right about now.
She looked at the other woman thoughtfully. “So another planet. I bet Earth was a hell of culture shock.”
"The Monster," Rey said this so automatically, as she followed along, before she frowned. "Sorry," she then added before cleared her throat. She'd heard about the axes but she'd not known how Margo had obtained them. She shifted, moving to take another bite quicky.
Holding it up in her human hand, she looked at Margo from across the top. "It's technologically primitive." She didn't mean this in an elitist sort of way. "At least in some ways. That was difficult to adjust to." She took another bite before she set the burger down again. "Chicago was harder than Texas. But it was also because it was the first time and a lot of the people I knew were younger than they ought to have been so even though I had people from home, they didn't exactly know me then."
Margo nodded. “Yeah. He and Fen told me that we fix it at least. I was on my way back to Fillory so I could go to Earth when I ended up here.” She was relieved to know that her efforts were successful though and she was able to save her best friend. “They’ve told me a few other things that happened after that.” Like Josh. And losing Q. And remaking Fillory. Shit that was hard to wrap her head around.
Maybe lunch hadn’t been the best plan for them to talk since it was difficult to eat and have a conversation at the same time. Oh well. “So there was timeline fuckery there too?” She took another bite after asking the question.
There was a nod of understanding. "We always used to get updates on what was happening in Fillory every few months. Someone would wake up and suddenly remember things they hadn't before. The Monster? That was anxious for everyone. I wasn't as close to everyone back then but I remember Alice telling me how she thought the other Eliot was him when he first showed." She gave a shake of her head before setting the burger down. She watched Margo carefully as she did the mental timeline of it all and though Rey didn't say do, there was sadness displayed over her features as her mind went to Quentin.
"Yeah. Constantly." There was a sense of bitterness to Rey's tone when she said that. "Some people generally were on the same points of reference but Leia and Han? They came and went so regularly and each time it was anyone's guess as to when they'd be from."
Of course, Margo didn't know who Leia or Han were. That was still weird. "Han, uhm, he was the first person to ever offer me a job. A proper one, I mean." She hesitated for a moment before, "And he was a good friend." She took in a breath. "And Leia became my Master. She taught me virtually everything." Another beat. "They were my family."
Even though the names meant nothing to Margo, it was clear that the two were important to Rey and Margo’s feelings of guilt intensified slightly when she realized that Rey had lost a lot of people. “I imagine it would have been difficult when they arrived and didn’t know you.” Like me, she didn’t add out loud. Despite Fen’s reminders that none of this was her fault, she did feel bad.
“I can’t even imagine having two Eliots around,” she said. “Did they have bitchfights over clothes and hot guys?”
"More when it kept happening," she said with a slight shrug. It was not dismissive of her experiences but what could she do about it? It had been crippling at one point. She tried not to let it be now. "They were going to stay in Texas so if we ever go home...they should be there." It was something, at least.
But then she laughed. "They got along like brothers, actually. And I mean, well, they were from different points and experiences. So they viewed things differently sometimes. I talked to the one who came after more but my…" Kriff, what did she even call Ben? She backtracked. "...someone from home was with the other Eliot so I was around him enough."
‘My someone from home’ was a curious phrase and Margo wanted to jump on it and ask for more details. She was trying her best not to say or do anything that would cause Rey more pain though, so she bit back the questions and instead focused on the Eliots.
“Actually, I’m kind of surprised they didn’t hook up with each other,” she mused. “That would be a total Eliot move.” Not like she hadn’t considered it when gollum!Margo was around. There was a reason the two of them were besties, after all.
"Maybe if he'd not been with Ben. Seems like something Eliot would be into." Of course that was the most casual of observations on her part. She remembered hearing about points of contention with Eliot and Margo either from Margo herself or occasionally Ben. But they'd been largely smoothed over by this point.
“It’s good that you had someone from home,” Margo said. She knew that having Eliot and Fen here made things much easier for her. The others were fine too, but those were the two people she was closest to. “Maybe one of them will come here.”
Of course, if they didn’t know her, that might make things worse. It was such a difficult position she was in and Margo felt for her.
Rey couldn't help but burst into a laugh at that statement. She couldn't fault Margo for not knowing why that was funny but it made Rey reach down to open her satchel bag and pull out her water bottle. She took a quick swig from it before setting it on the table to slide over to Margo in offering. "Yeah, you didn't feel that way about him back home." She brought in a breath before she folded her arms over the table. "At best you two reached a 'neutral' feeling towards one another."
She tilted her head. "One of the Eliot's?"
Margo definitely didn’t understand the reaction and assumed there was a story there. Especially when Rey clarified that she didn’t feel that way about him. Again, she managed to quash her desire to ask questions, knowing that this was difficult enough for Rey.
“Oh god no,” she said. “One Eliot is more than enough. I meant one of the people you knew from home.” Or someone in general who knew her.
She glanced at the water bottle and hesitated for a moment before taking a drink. “Thanks.”
"Ah." She reached back and rubbed the back of her neck, watching as Margo hesitated with the bottle. She didn't comment on it. Instead, she let her mind focus on the notion of people from home.
"Han and Leia deserve to be somewhere together. They deserve time. I wouldn't want them here. And they deserve to get to be with Ben and his family." She sighed before shrugging her shoulders. "I have BB-8. He is enough."
“That’s the little robot dude I”ve seen around, right?” Margo asked. She had no idea if robot was accurate or not, but that’s what she thought he was. Not that she’d exactly interacted with him since he was usually with Rey and she’d been kind of avoiding the other woman for obvious reasons.
She tried to decide if she wanted another bite of her burger. “Does he do cool robot things? We don’t have to worry about him taking over like Skynet, right?”
"Yes. He's an astromech droid of the BB series." Not that this truly was going to mean much to Margo. It still sent Rey through a loop when she considered that no one knew Star Wars anymore, after it'd been such a traumatic source of pain for years for her. "Astromechs are created to assist with spaceflight and make repairs if necessary."
Her head tilted. "That's a movie reference." She couldn't recall which movie. "What is Skynet?"
Robots that assisted with spaceflight sounded pretty damn sci fi. Then again, this whole place was like that.
“It’s from the Terminator movies,” Margo said. “An artificial intelligence that takes over the world. Whole apocalyptic vibe with a super hot chick who takes them on.” Sarah Connor was one of the things that helped Margo realize she was bisexual all those years ago.
"Oh. We'd not got to that one yet." Saying it made Rey frown just slightly. She reached out to take her bottle and take another swig from it. It was something to focus on as she pushed certain thoughts away from her mind.
"BB-8 would never. He's the sweetest friend you could ever have," she reassured after a moment. "He's my oldest friend," she added after.
“I wonder if we have it floating around here,” Margo said. “It’s pretty good. I’ll have to see if I can find it.” And if she did, maybe they could watch it together, if that wouldn’t be too weird for Rey. She could see why the other version of her was interested, though the whole relationship thing was still a surprise.
If this week remained quiet, maybe they could do something normal like a movie night. Wouldn’t that be nice.
"Maybe. I've heard of Terminator so it seems popular enough that it could be." When it came to movies, she had always leaned into the notion of trusting others. They has precedent and knowledge she lacked.
She pulled the bottle back to out on the cap. "Was there...other things you were curious about? About Texas? Or me?"
Or us? went unspoken.
Right. This was the whole point of this awkward lunch. Margo had a thousand questions she wanted to ask, it was a matter of deciding which ones were safe to ask without potentially causing Rey more heartache.
“I guess… just… how long were you there before… you know?” Before getting together with the other version of her.
She took a deep breath. "I'd been there maybe half a year before you noticed me." She looked down at her burger. "I mean, maybe you did before that, but we started talking after I'd been there awhile. You invited me to be part of a celebration for New Years away from Tumbleweed and it was really the beginning of our friendship. That was at the end of 2017."
It seemed so long ago now but not at the same time. "It was later in 2018 when I finally responded to…" How did she even describe it? Flirtations? "...the possibility of something more. And we just kept at it but never defined it from there. But…"
There really hadn't been anyone else for Rey. The one time she'd ever been with anyone else had only made Rey feel bad in the aftermath and she hadn't sought sex out with anyone else after that. "We, uhm, made it official in 2019. Maybe a year after it had started. And that was, Kriff, almost a year ago."
She carefully lifted her gaze back to look across the table.
“Wow, so in less than two years, we met and I committed to you? That’s... “ It seemed fast to Margo, but she supposed that if Tumbleweed was anything like Derleth, maybe she could see wanting some kind of consistency. She leaned back in her chair, studying Rey again as if she were some kind of puzzle that could be solved.
Maybe the only thing preventing Margo from having a successful relationship was not having found the right person. It was honestly something she hadn’t considered. “I’m sorry,” she said. “That you’re separated from her. And I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. I would like to hang out again, if you’re up for it.”
Rey's eyes flashed up and she couldn't stop the way her face seemed to drop from Margo's response. Her emotions were always so easily readable on her face. While she recognized the surprise Margo was working through, it made Rey's stomach turn. As though the time was being trivialized. What was she even supposed to say to that? "Yes," was what she managed, punched out from her chest before she let her knee drop so both feet were on the floor.
Everything else felt like a hurry to separate. Maybe she needed to process it. Maybe it was just too unbelievable to her. Rey didn't know. "I'll be fine," she said firmly.
She had been alone almost her whole life. And she was used to people leaving. She had told Leia and Ben that it wasn't a matter of if it would happen again, even if by no choice of her loved ones, but when.
But was she okay with the idea of hanging out? The question lingered over her and she knew she needed to reply. She took in a breath, "Yes. Of course. We can hand out." She offered up the smallest smile.
Another beat before, "Thank you. For the lunch."
Margo certainly didn’t intend to trivialize anything. She was trying to figure out what, if anything, any of this meant for her. “I’ll take a look and see what movies are around,” she said. “See if we can put together a movie night before the end of the week.” It might be something that everyone would enjoy.
“You’re welcome,” she said, returning Rey’s smile. “I’m sure we’ll run into each other. Campus isn’t that big.” And she didn’t want things to be any more awkward than they already were.
"Okay," she said, almost on rote, as she nodded her head. She had seen more movies in the past five years than she had ever seen holos. "The library probably has some," she added after a moment. But she couldn't swear to it. She just knew it made sense to her.
"One big circle," she said with the smile still. And then she looked to the remainder of her plate. She picked it up to take a final bite before she moved to stand. It was her gloved hand she lifted in adieu. "See you around. "