Shuri (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} techsavvyshuri) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} noexits,@ 2021-08-27 11:09:00 |
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Who: Bucky and Shuri
What: talking right after the reset
Where: Bucky’s room
When:a few hours after the reset
Warnings: mentions of violence, being sick, and death, plus possible mentions of nightmares
When this reset happened, Shuri gasped for breath. Her heart raced. When she died the last time, death happened so quickly her memories could be pushed aside. She hated it, of course, and didn’t sleep well some nights. But mostly she rolled her eyes at her stupidity.
This time, though? The memories hit her like a tsunami. She didn’t care if she woke up anyone, and managed to grab mouthwash from beside her bed, because she had to rush out of the room to the dorm bathrooms. God, she hoped making noise could happen now, because she barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up.
After that she didn’t even pay attention to her clothes. She turned on the shower as hot as possible and curled up on the floor. The shower’s noise mostly drowned out her sobs. The monster and the mouth and, Oh God she needed to puke again. This time she didn’t possess enough strength to crawl back to the stalls. Her brain couldn’t turn off the last few images before the monster killed her.
Eventually she noticed the water turned cold; probably the hot water ran out quite some time ago. She couldn’t cry anymore and became aware how cold she now felt, assuming throwing up didn’t help. At least she could wash her sickness down the drain. She rinsed her mouth a couple times, and then turned off the shower. God, she felt so cold and found she couldn’t stop her shivering.
She thought about texting, but realized she didn’t have her phone. Later if asked, Shuri really didn’t recall most of her action between turning off the shower and knocking on Bucky’s door. Finally she realized everyone probably slept, and she turned to go back to her room and attempt to get warm again.
---
Before she could make it two steps, the door burst open and Bucky threw his arms around her, breathing hard and panicked breaths. She was wet and cold, but that didn't stop him from pressing against her in embrace, trembling with relief.
"Thank Bast," he said roughly. "Bast and God and whoever else is listening."
***
Shuri felt the rush of tears again and felt shocked about the additional tears running down her face. She still shivered, but the body warmth from Bucky helped as she hugged her brother tightly. When she finally found her voice, she replied, “I’m sorry.” Who could say if her apology was more meant for leaving Bucky or for the images which wouldn’t leave her head, or both?
She hugged him as tightly as possible, because somehow she knew he needed the contact as much as her.
***
Bucky shook his head against her. "No. I'm sorry. I should have been more careful. Faster." His jaw tightened, but he broke contact for a moment to pull off his jacket and wrap it over her shoulders. Her skin was still cool, and he wrapped his arms around her again, cheek pressed against her hair.
He let out a breath, slowly, "I lost Steve the day after you... Shuri, why did you do that? I told you to run."
***
Shuri closed her eyes and could feel her shallow breaths become deeper as the tears stopped. She knew how much guilt Bucky carried. And she didn’t want to add to the list if possible. “You didn’t do anything. You know that right? I made the decision. Absolute silence for anyone? Hell, my ankle could have cracked and we’d be in the same situation.” She burrowed into the jacket as much as she could. God she felt so cold.
“I’m sorry about Steve. So very sorry Bucky.” Her heart broke over Bucky losing both her and Steve. She couldn’t imagine many other worse losses for him, except probably Sam. Maybe Nat.
At the question, Shuri didn’t have the energy to stiffen. “Do you know what the worst moment in my life has been? When I thought Killmonger killed T’Challa. Losing my brother briefly almost broke me, especially after the loss of our father.. I love you, you idiot. You’re as much my brother as T’Challa. And in that moment all I could think was how I didn’t save T’Challa that time...or my father” She breathed through the tears which threatened again. “I couldn’t live through the same thing again, White Wolf.”
***
Bucky stilled during her explanation, then let out a breath and kissed the top of her head. "I get it, Sestrika. But losing you hurt, too. So, can we make a plan not to die again?" He hugged her tighter. "It broke me. If it wasn't for Sam and Wanda, I might have done something... stupid."
***
Shuri knew if she died, her people would grieve; her mother and brother would feel incredible sadness especially after her baba’s death. But, she didn’t consider how her death might affect Bucky. She realized, of course, it coupled with Steve’s which didn’t help.
“Alright, ubhuti omkhulu. I agree to your plan. Neither of us dies.” She returned the hug, the shivering stilling ever so slightly. She whispered softly, “I never want you to feel that way again. Or me.”
***
Bucky kissed her head again, arms tightening around her for a moment, before releasing the hug. He didn’t quite move back, in case she still needed the reassurance. “I’ve got half a mind to yell at Steve, but I think Sam called dibs. Which is fine. I don’t think it’ll have much impact coming from me while I’m hugging him.”
He had a feeling Sam would do an excellent job.
***
Shuri couldn’t help but laugh. “No, the yelling probably won’t have as big an impact if you’re also hugging him.” The thought of Sam’s yelling at Steve made her wish she could see it. “What exactly did Steve do?”
She breathed out softly and forced herself to whisper, “I keep seeing them.” Because she didn’t have a lot of other people whom she allowed to see her vulnerability. “I must admit I wish I was instead seeing something cute, like a puppy on a skateboard.”
{{wrap!}}