professor eliot waugh (professorwaugh) wrote in noexits, @ 2021-07-07 22:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread/narrative, the magicians: eliot waugh, ₴ inactive: timothy stoker, → week 016 (disney world) |
disney | day 3 (backdated)
Eliot can tell Tim isn't pleased about the pool party the night before. They actually talk about their feelings? And it doesn't blow up in their face? Whaaaaaat?WARNINGS Discussion of drug use, mental health.
He might have also been a little hungover from the night before at Julia’s pool party. The sunglasses helped, and being Florida in July, no one thought twice about them.
Last night had gone well, to start. They’d manned the grill together, flirted, drank. The disapproving looks from Tim hadn’t really started until after Rick showed up and Eliot thought, it’s not magic cocaine, so does it really count? Apparently it did.
And being a little high last night, Eliot somehow found the restraint not to bring it up then. Instead, he tried his hardest to make up for it. A song and dance number straight from Dirty Dancing? Who wouldn’t love that?
Somehow Eliot got the impression that didn’t quite work.
“So do we want to do the IKEA Sweedish Meatballs thing for our lunch date or go back to Disney World and hit Epcot?” Eliot was trying to feel out the situation while they walked the impossibly large store and make note of the things they wanted to liberate from it at the end of the week.
Of course, he didn’t feel like he had a leg to stand on and though he’d wanted to ask him not to, was it really his place to say anything? They weren’t even boyfriends, right?
So his mood had soured and though he tried to keep his feelings to himself on the matter, he suspected that Eliot had noticed, especially after he’d excused himself to go find somewhere to sleep. He could’ve gone back to Derleth, but the house seemed huge and he was sure there was a spare room he could crash in for the night.
Despite this, he still managed to put himself together enough to go on this IKEA date with Eliot that they’d been planning. Well, date, pre-heist stake out… same difference, he supposed.
He was taking a photo of a sofa that could convert into a bed that he wanted for his own room when Eliot inquired about what to do for lunch. “I’m honestly fine with whatever you want to do,” he said, shrugging a little. “Today could be a lay low stick-to-IKEA sort of afternoon, but at least Epcot has booze.”
But Eliot now wanted to think he’d grown a little as a person. He genuinely liked Tim. At least, what he had gotten to know about him. Maybe Eliot had revealed a little too much about himself the night before.
“Epcot does have booze,” Eliot agreed. He was quiet for a beat, and then decided to bring up the topic himself, “So about last night…”
Okay, this was terrible date conversation, but they were also on a stakeout. And being that Eliot had no idea where this was going, or what they were to one another, it seemed best to just lay his cards out on the table…
“Am I right to assume you’re more of a hugs not drugs sort of person?”
“I’m not really a fan, no,” he replied. “I mean, I smoke pot, but that’s it. Not really my place to judge what you decide to do though, is it?” His attention was still elsewhere and he put a small amount of distance between them in order to go look at an accent chair that had caught his eye. Might be a good option for his bedroom, though was it comfortable? Tim decided to test it and frowned a bit when he realized it was just too firm.
“Bollocks,” he muttered under his breath, pushing himself back up to his feet.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Eliot said. Perhaps Eliot wanted it to be Tim’s place, as a caring person in his life, to tell him no. But then, that also meant there was a greater opportunity for the addict to let him down. With the hands off approach, could Eliot really be in that much danger of letting him down?
Except it seemed he already had.
“I think I saw a few more options over here,” Eliot said, trying to be helpful, remembering the layout from the days before. Or maybe he was changing the subject. Maybe it would have been better to drop the subject, but Eliot was also uncertain how to proceed. Normally he didn’t try nearly so hard.
“...I should have asked you how you felt about it first,” Eliot said. Which wasn’t even the whole truth, but Eliot wasn’t sure admitting he was an addict-- the way The Beast had laughed off Eliot’s attempts to stop him before every finger in both hands were broken still stuck in his mind-- would really help this conversation. Admitting he died in an overdose in another timeline certainly would not. It would make his decision to use even worse.
“I would prefer not to make you uncomfortable again,” Eliot said. Even if part of him wanted to use again. Eliot had so many more rational, good reasons not to.
“I don’t think uncomfortable is the word I’d use, personally.”
Disappointed was more appropriate. Surprised was another, because even though he knew Eliot had been through some real shit, somehow coping like that hadn’t ever crossed his mind.
Granted, even if Eliot hadn’t been involved, there was an edge to knowing a group of people were somewhere in the house doing lines of coke. It was maybe a little too extreme for him, but what should he care? People can do what they want, just don’t get him involved.
Still. He wished he’d known before the party that using had been a thing for Eliot, so that he could’ve said something, maybe if he’d felt more comfortable in asking that sort of thing of someone he wasn’t even sure he was more to than just sex. Tim bit back a sigh and gave Eliot a little bit of a sad look before he turned to go look at the other options. “I just wish I’d known, is all.” Because now he found himself emotionally invested in someone who he didn’t want to watch hurt himself, especially not like that. Which was ironic, when he thought about it. All Tim had done for the last year was hurt himself in one way or another and no one else had seemed to give a shit.
Mark that down for proof that maybe Tim’s just the sort to care too damn much sometimes.
“I don’t know, Eliot,” he replied softly, the slight weight of the conversation settling on him. He sank down to sit on the arm of the chair and clasped his hands between his legs. “Then maybe I could’ve kept you away from it somehow. Distracted you so you wouldn’t risk hurting yourself.” Because that’s what it was to Tim. Self-harm. He scrunched up his face for a moment as he thought about that fact.
“But, you know, you’re an adult. You can do what you want. I don’t--” He sighed. He was struggling to find the words he wanted to say, so he went quiet, holding his tongue.
“I can, and yet…”
Eliot reached for Tim’s hand.
“I actually care what you think. Quite a bit. I think I’d even like to impress you on occasion.” Eliot wasn’t talking about the sex. He was talking about everything else. Last night, it had been so easy, and Julia partaking was also not something he expected but then she didn’t have a conscience so really what was his excuse?
If he had hurt himself, there was a chance he might not even reset correctly the next week. That he was going to feel the effects of his backslide for longer than just the rest of the week.
Fuck. He really did care too much.
He looked at him and frowned, eyebrows furrowed slightly. What was he supposed to say? Even if the words weren’t coming to him, he tightened his grip to squeeze Eliot’s hand. “I don’t want to shit on your fun, but I also want to keep you safe, you know? And maybe that’s just… maybe that’s left over from when I was a ghost, I don’t know, or maybe it’s more than that. But we’ve both been through some real dark shit and I just want you to be okay.”
Well, there were some words, at least. He let out a slow, nervous sigh.
And Eliot? For the reasons above and others, would not classify himself as okay, either. He was used to being the joke of some asshole god, and why should the situation at Derleth be any different?
But to admit that much?
Eliot would never.
“I wasn’t my best,” he admitted. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to try.”
And that was something that meant a lot to him.
He just didn’t want to see it wasted. Or taken away from him.
Hearing that Eliot at least wanted to try helped him to feel better. Maybe his walls had been up more prior to that moment, but he could feel them coming down, especially once he leaned forward to kiss him. Of course, that made someone nearby completely misinterpret what was happening and he broke the kiss when he heard sudden applause.
“Uh.” Tim’s cheeks flushed a little and he glanced over briefly before looking back to Eliot. “I think that’s for us.”
Eliot stood up slowly and offered his hand to his now Not Fiance, at least for this date. When Eliot turned he saw that they had an audience of about half a dozen. Who wouldn’t cheer for them? Tim and Eliot made a very handsome couple, just so long as Eliot didn’t do something stupid to fuck it up.
Ever comfortable being the center of attention, Eliot flashed the onlookers a very large smile, which only seemed to encourage them. Maybe it was a lie, but Eliot was going to soak up the moment and take it all in.
Taking Tim’s hand if Tim would let him, Eliot led him away from their small audience.
He gave the onlookers a sheepish smile before letting Eliot pull him away, unable to resist the smile that tugged at his lips now.
That felt like exactly the sort of thing they needed to break the tension that had built from their conversation. When they were off somewhere a little less public, Tim ducked them behind a display that blocked them from view of anyone taking the route laid out by the natural flow of the store and leaned in to kiss Eliot again.
Obviously because the last one he’d tried to give him had been interrupted.
He pulled away slowly and combed his fingers through Tim’s hair. Opening his eyes, even with the sunglasses he was wearing, made him feel slightly nauseous. He made a second noise, which sounded very similar to the first but was more a product of his aching head.
“Finish making the rounds here and then greasy amusement park food?” Eliot asked.
He let his eyes remain shut when he felt Eliot’s fingers comb back through his hair, that smile still on his lips. It was such a small touch of affection, yet one he’d always loved and quietly craved. Then he stole one more quick kiss (he couldn’t help himself), threading his fingers with Eliot’s and giving his hand a squeeze.
“What’re you thinking? Disney Springs?” he asked with a flash of a grin. “I feel like you look too damn good for IKEA meatballs. Maybe we’ll end up in Sweden eventually and can have actual swedish meatballs, hm?”
The sunglasses hid quite a bit, at least.
He smiled, however, when he felt Tim’s hand in his. He couldn’t see how his face lit up, as if the night before had never happened.
The two continued to stroll around IKEA, taking pictures of the things they wanted and making mental notes of where to go. Eliot didn’t let go of Tim’s hand, their arms swinging lightly between them with each step.
Though maybe their afternoon date hadn’t gone quite as originally planned, Tim was thankful that they’d pushed past that bump. It had been an unexpected one, but the anxieties he’d been feeling regarding it were easing, at least. Maybe a more indepth talk would be necessary later when they weren’t in such a public space; after all, there was a story there that he didn’t know and perhaps he needed to.
Or maybe it was just a part of Eliot he’d either need to accept or not. Still, he’d literally gotten down on his knees (or a knee) to tell him he’d try to do better and not make him uncomfortable again.
That was good enough for Tim.