Actually no, screw that, this fic deserves comment love RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

ALTHOUGH THERE WON'T BE MUCH COHERENCY, OKAY.

God. This is incredible. I LOVE THE BRACKETS. I feel like I need to say this first, maybe because the poor brackets got a warning (lol!) like they're something to be leery of or whatever, when they are made of pure unadulterated awesome.

This is so.... nghjasgkajkalsaslkalsjaljl so completely heart-rending and lyrical and devastating and funny (I love Nina throwing up all over Vanessa. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY, LOL) and beautiful. And I thought I was doing okay and that maybe I wouldn't cry, maybe I would just sniffle and sadface and say "oh" in a breathless little stupid voice a lot, until I got to this paragraph and totally lost it (and yes, I AM going to quote the entire damn thing, deal, lol):

Vanessa wishes she had said, I love you. Vanessa wishes she had said, can you come stay with me and (finally) try to be happy. Because I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and it just fucking hurts all the time and I can't even breathe without feeling like I'm drowning. Drowning with what? I don't know myself, she wishes she had said. Maybe with all the love I have for you. Maybe. She wishes she had said, it's difficult sometimes. The fact that you don't feel the same way, it's difficult. Sometimes, sometimes I sleep at night and I look for stars to wish on. I wish for you, on those stars. She wishes she had said, does that make sense? Probably not, I know, but. But. She wishes she had said, I love you. Remember that, will you? That I love you so much I'll let you go.

Yes. Completely broken.

And and and the structure, god I adore it. The chronology of it all, the beats of all the moments with all their missed timings, or Nina seeming indifferent when she's not, or each of them being so wrapped up in their own feelings and how hard it is that they keep missing the cues in the other, the sheer fucking length of time it takes them to... not tell each other, in the end. The no-nonsense juxtaposition of "this is how it is supposed to go" and "This is how it goes". And I love that ending, btw. I love it so much. It's so painful and yet, IDK, QUIET and undramatic, in that way that real heartbreak often has because there just AREN'T any big dramatics and it seems like way too little of a big deal when things don't work out and your heart stays broken. I don't even know if that makes sense and I'm just rambling now but I love this quiet, undramatic, heart-wrenching ending intensely. I love that it's not some big overblown THERE IS THIS ONE CHANCE WHERE THEY COULD SAY SOMETHING BUT THEY DON'T AND IT'S TRAAAAAGIC thing - instead, there are so many chances, and they all trickle away, unnoticed or un-picked-up-on, and yeah, possibly eventually there won't be any more. It's this pacing of heartbreak that kills me here, and you've done that so very, very well.

Mystery Author, you are masterful and fan-fucking-tastic and if I had you here right now I would first hug you fiercely and then blow my nose on your shirt and blubber into your bosoms (provided you have bosoms - IDK, do we have male participants? I think the odds are in favour of you having bosoms. I ramble. because your fucking fic broke my fucking heart and I love it).

The best stories about love are deeply unsentimental, I think, and this story definitely falls into that category for me - more a series of small, not-so-dramatic pinpricks to your heart than a big gaudy jewel-crusted dagger plunged in all at once, and oh so very much more effective for that. MA, you utterly rock.

(for my own sanity, I am not going to count how many times I said "heartbreak" in this comment).