» Okay one of you update me on what the hell is going on over there
» Because I'm getting info on a lot of crazy shit second and third hand

» And when you're done go watch last night's late night interview
» More specifically watch mom's face
» She got asked how it felt to be a grandma

» Pause for effect

» Does your bologna have a first name?

I'm 29 today! Which, of course, means I need a bunch of people to get drunk in my honor. I rented out a club, hired a band, bought a cake bigger than I am, and you're all invited. It's tonight at [address]. There'll be armbands at the coat check for people who don't want to be served alcohol so the bartenders won't help any of you relapse if you show up.

Be there. It'll be fun.


BILLY:

I just got a call from Tony and I need your advice.

Not quite announcement, just a heads up: Spring is here and the next month or so is going to be rather busy/chaotic for me for reasons of recent marketing announcements.

I'd do a plug here (blah blah blah Marvel-themed kids hoodies proceeds to charity, la di da da) but a) I'm going to be doing that for most of the month anyway so let's not and b) I'm going to start sounding like a desperate vendor shouting at uninterested passerbys, no thank you.


Mom is involved in this too (twice the captains, twice the fun), and at various points this month we'll be out traveling for some press so I'm not going to be around in person regularly. BUT! Don't think this means that all you people I annoyingly text (...which is way too many of you now that I think about it) are off the hook! I have an excellent phone plan with stellar coverage and you can bet that you'll get a ton of stupid texts while I'm bored and waiting for press things.

So if you need me: text before calling (yes Owen, even if it's important because I'll call you back as soon as I can). Email if it's too long for that. And I'll be on social media of all kinds but that's mostly official stuff as you know, though my instagram will be full of selfies with Mom for a while.



THAT SAID: I've got a few days before it all really kicks off (it's called building suspense), so I'm going to cram time in with whoever is free. Anyone interested?