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Thomas Julian Kemp ([info]asterismos) wrote in [info]nevermore_past,
@ 2014-08-21 21:03:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood: hungry
Entry tags:jameson kemp, thomas kemp

WHO: Thomas and Jamie
WHAT: I'm a terrible person. There's no food in the house and it's cold. MUAHAHHAA
WHEN: Late December, whatever year means Jamie is five and a half
WHERE: Their tiny apartment
WARNINGS: Poverty, hunger, swearing



The sound of his sister's phone ringing and ringing and ringing was mocking him. She wouldn't pick up (he would find out later she and her boyfriend had skipped town for a spur of the moment Christmas together) and his parents were out of town.

Everyone was out of town or busy.

"Dammit!" Thomas yelled, throwing the phone onto his bed with force because it was an outlet for his aggression that wouldn't actually harm the phone. He needed that, dammit. He needed his sister to pick up.

He needed someone to help.

There in the middle of his room, Thomas bent his face down into his hands and he rubbed at his forehead. There was no money and hardly any food and he had no idea what to do. Jamie would eventually realise it was several hours past lunch time and Thomas was going to have to figure out something to tell his son.

Oh god, what was he going to tell his son?


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[info]asterismos
2014-08-24 05:47 am UTC (link)
Thomas felt his stomach freeze and he went to go hug Jamie tightly. "Oh, honey. Okay, come here-" He rose and took Jamie's hand, leading his son into the kitchen. Once there, he simply lifted Jamie onto the counter and fetched him a cracker. "Eat that, okay? I- We don't have anything else."

He chewed his lip and glanced around the apartment. Why the fuck was it so cold?

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-24 06:29 am UTC (link)
Jamie sat on the counter, swinging his feet and nibbling on his cracker. It wasn't great, but it was better than nothing, he thought.

A shiver passed over him suddenly, making his whole body twitch. "It's cold, Daddy," he said, wrapping his arms around himself.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-24 06:34 am UTC (link)
"Yeah it is," Thomas muttered. "Just a second, okay?" He left the package of crackers, mostly empty now, on the counter beside Jamie and headed across the room to the heater. He rested his hands against it and found it bone cold.

"Oh don't you do this to me," Thomas groaned, kneeling in front of it so he could check the dial. It was on full-blast and nothing obvious seemed to be out of place. He twisted the knob a few times to see if it would give the familiar answering 'woosh' sound it usually did while turning on, but it was silent.

"Darnit," Thomas said out loud. Fuck, piss, ass, hell, shit, damn, he said inside. "I think the heater's broken." So now they were out of food and freezing. Great.

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-24 06:45 am UTC (link)
Jamie took another cracker, he couldn't help it. He figured his dad wouldn't mind too much.

He could feel his eyes widen slightly. "That's bad, right?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-24 06:49 am UTC (link)
"It's okay, it's going to be okay," Thomas said, turning to find Jamie eating another one of the crackers. He couldn't even blame Jamie at all. He was frantically trying to think of a way to make this better. How could he think he was worthy of raising Jamie if he couldn't even keep him warm and fed. The fact that Jamie had been both up until now was completely forgotten, lost to guilt. His son was cold and he was hungry and Thomas was a terrible human being.

"Okay, honey, we're going to make a fort," he said, trying desperately to make it sound fun. Or at the very least, not absolutely terrible. "We'll use some blankets and then sleep inside the fort and it'll keep us warm, okay? Go put a coat on?"

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-24 06:59 am UTC (link)
Jamie perked up at the idea of making a blanket fort. "Cool!" he said, hopping down from the counter and running to find his coat. He tugged it down from the coat tree, took the hat out of the pocket, and pulled it on over his hair.

His coat was big and puffy enough that he could bounce off walls with a bit of impunity, which he did, mostly to amuse himself, as he headed back to the living room.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-24 07:04 am UTC (link)
The enthusiasm of a five-year-old for a fort was somewhat contagious, especially when Jamie was being so adorable. Thomas grabbed himself a coat as well, and then he had Jamie help him push the sofa closer to the bed. Then he pulled his mattress down and piled it with blankets, using yet more to create walls and a ceiling.

Once it was all set up, it looked incredibly cosy. It had also taken a lot of energy and Thomas' stomach felt like it was thrumming with pain, but he was just going to have to ignore it. He crawled inside and pulled the covers back, reaching out for Jamie so the little boy would join him. "How's your stomach?" he asked, worriedly. He knew crackers weren't really enough.

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-24 07:12 am UTC (link)
Jamie, for his part, took to the construction of the fort with gusto. He grabbed pillows, helped push (sort of) when he was told to, and draped blankets anywhere he could reach. His arms might've been short, but he made up for it with enthusiasm.

Once they were done, he tucked himself in next to his father, tucking a blanket around himself. "It's OK," he said, shrugging.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-24 07:19 am UTC (link)
Thomas couldn't actually tell if Jamie was downplaying it or not, but he hardly wanted to grill poor Jamie. Instead he settled down and then wrapped his arms around the boy. "I'll keep you warm, alright?" he said gently. "You just sleep and I'll keep you safe."

It took a while, what with his aching belly and his worry for his little boy, but eventually Thomas fell asleep. He rose several hours later, the apartment still frigid but at least it was slightly warming in their little fort.

Thomas ducked out, freshening up and then heading into the kitchen. He had nothing to give Jamie for breakfast other than a single cracker, which he was struggling mightily not to eat himself. Instead he stirred more of the evaporated milk into some water, poured chocolate into it, shoved it into the microwave and nuked it. Fake hot chocolate was going to have to do.

"Jamie? You awake in there?"

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-24 07:37 am UTC (link)
Jamie's stomach was hurting by now as well, but at least he was warm and his dad was there. He managed to fall back asleep, tired out from their middle of the night building project.

He only woke up again when he heard his dad's voice calling for him. He yawned and poked his head out. "'M awake," he mumbled. "Kind of."

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-24 07:42 am UTC (link)
"No need to get up," he said, fine with Jamie staying in the fort because it was more warm. He grabbed the fake hot chocolate from the microwave and carried it over to his son.

"Here you go, sweetheart," he said, handing the mug over. "It's uhm...it's what we have for breakfast." If he couldn't reach Anna today, he didn't know what he was going to do.

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-25 07:10 am UTC (link)
Jamie looked from the mug, then back to his father, his face crumpling. But he took a sip anyway, because if that's all there was...then that's all there was.

He lifted the mug, intended to take a sip, but his stomach chose that moment to give a sharp twinge, and he couldn't help the little pained sound that escaped.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-25 07:17 am UTC (link)
That sound was like a knife right through Thomas' heart. He knelt down at the door of the fort, near Jamie, trying frantically to think of something else he could do.

Thomas went to bed hungry pretty often, but he did so in order to save Jamie from having to do the same. Sometimes there wasn't enough for Jamie to have seconds during dinner, and often it wasn't amazing food, but there had pretty much always been something. Now he had gone a day on some crackers and toast, and he was looking at another day of nothing and Thomas was at a loss as to how to fix it.

"Sweetheart?" he asked cautiously, "you okay?"

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-25 08:20 am UTC (link)
"My stomach still hurts," Jamie mumbled, sniffling as he drank his fake hot chocolate. He wasn't used to going to bed hungry; even if dinner had been boring the night before, at least he'd gone to sleep feeling OK.

Now, though, his stomach felt like it was trying to turn itself inside out, and it was all so new and a little bit scary, and he had no idea how to fix it, other than eating something. Which he knew wasn't really an option.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-25 08:25 am UTC (link)
"I know, Kiddo," Thomas said sadly. "So does mine. But I think we should save the last cracker for your lunch." And fuck knows what they would do beyond that.

He waited for Jamie to finish the hot chocolate and then pulled the little boy into his lap so he could rub Jamie's poor tummy. He was inches away from just finding a bodega and stealing something. He used to do it all the time as a kid just to be a jerk. Surely he could do it now to feed his child, right?

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-25 09:00 am UTC (link)
Jamie just looked at him, and even though he didn't say anything, he was pretty sure his face said something like, 'That's not lunch, Dad, and you and I both know that'.

But he curled into his father's chest anyway, because having his tummy rubbed did help to make him feel a bit better.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-25 09:08 am UTC (link)
Thomas continued to rub Jamie's stomach, and he planted gentle kisses on the boy's head. He looked so small and sad and Thomas couldn't take it. He absolutely could not take it any more. "Jamie," he said softly, running his fingers through his son's hair, "Jamie, everything is going to be okay, alright?"

Thoughts of stealing had reminded him of something else he'd done once, a few years ago now. One other time he had had to choose between making money somehow or losing their apartment and he had chosen-

"I just thought of something, okay? But it means I have to leave you here for a little while." Thomas never left Jamie in the apartment alone for longer than a few minutes. They lived in a dangerous part of town and Jamie was only five. "You can't come with me, but I will come back, okay? After I leave you have to chain the door and only open it for me or for family, okay?" Thomas had moved the door chain down to Jamie's level last year. The idea that the apartment might be on fire and Jamie couldn't get out because the chain was done up was terrifying.

"Don't let anyone else in. Do you know the number to call in an emergency?"

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-25 09:24 am UTC (link)
Jamie looked up at him curiously, but his dad looked tired and sad, and, in that way that children have, he knew not to ask questions. Instead, he just nodded and said, "I promise. And if anything happens, I call 911."

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-25 09:43 am UTC (link)
"That's my good, brave boy," Thomas said with a wide smile. He kissed Jamie again and then stood to retrieve the last cracker from the kitchen so he could give that to Jamie too. "Here, eat this in the meantime and I'll bring back something, okay?" If his plan didn't pan out he was going to steal something and fuck the consequences. Jamie needed to eat. "Draw me a picture while I'm gone and stay cuddled in the fort. I'll try to hurry."

Thomas bundled up and headed out into the hallway, waiting until he heard Jamie chain the door before he left the building. He hadn't worked at the bar in months now, since he was attending night school so he could eventually go to teacher's college. He still knew most of the clientele though, and there was someone in particular he was looking for. Someone who would, in fact, be in a gay bar at 11 in the morning.

The bar was nearly empty, but on a stool near the far end was the man Thomas was looking for. Hope rose in his chest as he neared the man, a small smile on his face. "Hey, Brent. How's things?"

"Thomas? Haven't seen you in a while," Brent said, smirking a little, as if no one had taught him how to smile. "You quit?"

"Yeah. Going to night school, so working at night- Well you can put two and two together. Uhm...you can tell me to fuck off, but-" Thomas licked his lips and tried to ignore the fact that he felt dizzy and queasy and disgusting, "I was wondering if I could do anything for you? For uhm...for money?"

There was that smirk again. "How much?"

"Forty?" Thomas asked, trying not to wince.

"Could get a pro for that," Brent said with a scoff. "Twenty."

"Thirty."

"Twenty-five, kid, and you're lucky to be getting that." Then Brent slipped off his stool and headed towards the bathrooms without another word and Thomas followed him, willing his ears to stop burning bright red.

When it was all said and done, Brent zipped up his jeans and handed Thomas the money. Thomas stumbled out through the back door of the bar and he leaned there against the wall for a moment, shaky and horrified. Without warning he felt his empty stomach twist and he went to his knees again, this time vomiting bile and semen onto the pavement of the alleyway.

"Jesus," Thomas whispered, wiping his mouth with a gloved hand. "Oh, Jesus-" And there, in the alley behind his former work place, he let himself cry. He was starving and traumatised over watching his son go hungry, and now he'd sacrificed his dignity again. His hand balled into a fist over his chest and he sobbed until his head hurt.

God, nothing was fair about this. Nothing.

Finally he rose, wiping at his eyes furiously. He was an adult and a father and he should be home with his kid, not weeping in the middle of the city over things he couldn't control. On his way home he purchased a bunch of mac and cheese and ramen noodles to last them until he got paid. Then, because he didn't want Jamie to have ti wait for him to cook something, he got a cooked chicken and some mashed potatoes from a deli. It would be a nice treat, which was something they both deserved.

Once he reached the apartment again, Thomas knocked on the door. "Jamie, it's Daddy. I'm back, sweetheart. Let me in?"

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OUCH, MAN. OUCH. D: D: D:
[info]flare_star
2014-08-25 09:57 am UTC (link)
While his father was gone, Jamie had dragged his paper and crayons into the fort, drawing different, random things to keep himself occupied. He tried to draw the Oogie Boogie Man, but it sort of ended up looking like a green, vaguely humanoid-looking, huge Hershey's Kiss with a face. But he kept it anyway.

When he heard the knock, he got up, pulled his coat tighter around him, and trotted over to the door. He opened the door a crack without taking off the chain, and upon seeing it really was his father, he closed it again, removed the chain, and let him inside.

He grabbed his father around the knees in a hug, which put him right about the level of the deli bag. "I smell chicken," he said, looking hopeful. "Did you get lunch?"

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WON'T THAT BE FUN FOR JAMIE TO LEARN ABOUT NOW!
[info]asterismos
2014-08-25 10:03 am UTC (link)
The moment Jamie grabbed his legs and looked up at him all hopeful, Thomas knew what he had done was worth it. "Ooof, hi there, Munchkin! I did get chicken, and mashed potatoes and gravy from the place you like. Get some bowls, okay, we'll eat in the fort because it's warmer. I'm going to wheel the TV over too so we can watch something. Are you okay, did anything happen while I was out?"

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JAMIE MIGHT CRY A LITTLE
[info]flare_star
2014-08-28 02:56 am UTC (link)
Jamie bounced happily in place a couple of times. "Yay!" he said, clapping his hands and running off to get bowls and forks.

He trotted back to the fort and curled himself inside. "Nu-uh, nothing happened," he answered. "I just stayed in the fort and read my books."

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I CERTAINLY WOULD
[info]asterismos
2014-08-28 03:32 am UTC (link)
Jamie was grinning and clapping and Thomas could feel his heart lighten. It was going to be okay. He had done what he had to for his son and it was going to be okay.

"You're such a good boy," Thomas said to Jamie, and he went to the kitchen to cut the chicken off the bone. Once it was done, he carried the plate to the fort, along with the potatoes. "Eat as much as you want, kiddo, but eat it slowly, okay? Otherwise you might get sick. I'm going to go take a shower." And brush his teeth. Probably several times. God, he was going to have to get tested in a few weeks down at the free clinic and just hope he hadn't sacrificed his health for twenty five dollars.

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[info]flare_star
2014-08-28 04:57 am UTC (link)
Jamie beamed at his father. "Thank you, Dad," he said, taking his plate of chicken. It smelled really good, especially after a day of next to nothing. He ate a few bites pretty quickly, but then he made himself slow down like his father had said. He scooped some potatoes out of the container and into his bowl, relishing in the feeling of hot food warming him from the inside out.

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[info]asterismos
2014-08-28 05:00 am UTC (link)
"You're very welcome, Jamie," Thomas said warmly before heading off to shower. He would eat when he was finished, but this would give Jamie enough time to eat his own fill. And, Thomas hoped, he might feel clean afterwards.

Somehow, though, he doubted it.

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