I want you to make me feel better, was the true answer, but it was buried in mess and complications and layers and layers of - yeah, alright, maybe - messed up sexual behaviour that a therapist would probably have a field day with. But Luna didnβt need any damn therapist, she needed to be fucked until she could find that pure moment of release. Not orgasm, nothing so ordinary and simple as an orgasm. She could get that on her own without anyoneβs help.
Honestly, what Luna wanted right now was that moment that would come like a flash out of nowhere, that moment where everything clicked and she felt the weight come lifting off her. A complete release of everything holding her too tense and internal. Sheβd screamed in the middle of a crowded McDonalds but the moment it was done she had closed back up. It wasnβt enough. She needed to find something that would strip her down and leave her raw, in a place where it was okay to be so raw.
Tell me what you want from me, Merlin said, and it was both a command and a question, she knew that. She could trust him enough (she was sure) to know that he wouldnβt try and break her down any more than she desperately desired to be broken down. He liked her, she knew that too. He enjoyed her company.
And maybe this would change something or fuck it up, but Luna just needed someone she trusted to guide her to something she couldnβt find on her own.
βI want you to push me,β she told him, finding it hard to articulate the words. With Hermes and Peitho these things had happened slowly, they had built out of already existing structures. She hadnβt really needed any explanations. βItβs only a little about pain, the pain is incidental. Itβs about being pushed against my limits, physically, mentally.β