InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You can shine my shoes anyday~"

Joseph Van der Berg (cup_of_joey) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2020-08-18 19:55:00

Entry tags:

aderyn ceredig, iestyn ceredig, joseph van der berg, saint david, saint patrick

Who: Joey Van der Berg, Saint David, Aderyn and Iestyn Ceredig (very momentary St Patrick)
What: Joey visits
When: Tuesday, late afternoon
Where: Hospital
Warnings/Notes: TBA - aftermath and talk of torture

Joey was shaking as he walked up the hospital hallway towards the twin's room. It wasn't all that long ago he had been the one recovering in a hospital bed, wasted away to nearly nothing and broken in so very many ways. He had hoped the twins would be spared this, but fate had had other plans.

He was carrying a large bag of treats, because he remembered the things he had wanted after Lucifer had chucked him out. He looked up when he heard footsteps heading towards him, and when he spotted Saint Patrick, he smiled. In return, Patrick was looking at him, guilty.

"Pat," Joey went to wrap his arms around his best friend. "I know what you're thinking. Stop thinking it."

"I'm catholic," Patrick joked, pulling back. "Thank you so much. For being here. I know it's hard."

"They need me," Joey said simply. Then he leaned in to kiss Patrick's cheek. "But later you and I are drinking."

"Yes," Patrick acknowledged, "yes we are."

Joey continued on, stepping into the hospital room and nodding to David. "Hi, David. Hey, Addy and Iestyn. I thought I'd stop by."

Addy lifted her hand instead of smiling because her lips still hurt. "Hi, Joey," she said quietly. She was still so weak it was hard to say anything other than quietly.

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piu_fermata
2020-08-18 09:48 am UTC (link)

David rose to greet Joey, clasping his hand warmly. "Are you well?" he asked.

Iestyn lifted his head a little from where he had been thinking about dozing off. "Hello," he said, his own voice just as weak and damaged. He was a little relieved to see Joey, in a way. Joey knew what it was like to go through all that stuff. He didn't have to pretend or withhold anything with him.

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cup_of_joey
2020-08-18 09:56 am UTC (link)

Joey took David's hand, but then pulled the saint in for a hug. None of this fancy schmancy business. "Oh fff, literally do not worry about me," he waved it off. "I know you've probably been here just freaking out so I bought you a vegetarian sub," he said, pulling the subway sandwich out of the bag and handing it to David. "At least eat some of it?"

Then he went to pull up a chair beside the twins' bed, closer to Iestyn's side. They looked in an awful state, faces hollowed out, arms and hands so thin. Joey didn't even flinch. He remembered how sick it made him feel every time someone new saw the state of him and lost it. He smiled kindly at them, and he pulled some subway cookies out of his bag. They were soft and chewy. "Got you something nice," he said, handing the bag of four of them over. "How is today? Better than yesterday? Worse than yesterday?"

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piu_fermata
2020-08-18 10:49 am UTC (link)

"Oh- thank you. That's very thoughtful." David took the sub, and glanced out the window, then at the three of them. "You know what, I am going to go and eat this outside. It's such a nice day today and I could use some air. And give you a little time alone. I won't be far." He smiled at them, made sure his phone was in his pocket, and then headed out for a bit of well-needed alone time in the sun.

Iestyn went to pick up the bag of cookies, and looked at Addy, concerned. "They let us keep our beds together," he said, indicating that was a positive. "I feel... I don't know. The same?" He really wasn't sure how to approach that question, completely. "You're the first outside visitor we've had."

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cup_of_joey
2020-08-18 10:54 am UTC (link)

Joey watched David go, and then he inched his chair closer, glad he could have some time to talk to them without their father listening in. They might have things they wanted to say, that they hesitated to talk about in front of their father, let alone a saint.

"I felt like that too," he said, letting Iestyn know he wasn't strange for not being elated. "Too tired to really be anything."

Addy tried to sit up a little and failed, so she just used the button to incline her bed a bit. "I can't eat yet," she explained glumly. "My mouth is too fucked up." She pointed to the feeding tube in her nose, "I have this, but I miss tasting things. It's okay though, Iestyn. You eat the cookies."

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	piu_fermata 2020-08-18 11:02 am UTC (link)
	He wanted to. He looked down at the bag, fidgeting with the corner of it, but he still felt so much guilt that he had been allowed to eat and drink and she hadn't, and she'd almost died. "I don't want to eat without you," he muttered unhappily. They seemed to have this argument at every meal the last couple of days, but he couldn't let go of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

feuillemort
2020-08-18 11:06 am UTC (link)

"Annwyl," Addy reached out her good hand and rested it on Iestyn's cheek. "I am eating. Good old bogey food. You don't have bogey food, so you better have cookies." She didn't mention that they were still being incredibly careful which how much they were feeding her so as not to stress her system too much. She was still hungry all the time, but she wasn't starving anymore, and the difference was vast.

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piu_fermata
2020-08-18 11:22 am UTC (link)

Iestyn shot a look at Joey, not wanting to appear ungrateful for the gift, and shifted in the bed to adjust his position and take the pressure off the healing scars on his back. He winced as he did so.

Slowly, he opened the corner of the bag and broke off a tiny piece of the cookie, and slipped it into his mouth like someone was going to catch him doing it and stop him. God, it tasted good.

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cup_of_joey
2020-08-18 11:48 am UTC (link)

Joey watched Iestyn carefully, his brow creasing. "Hey," he said gently, "I'm sorry. I didn't know- I just remember after I got out, all I wanted was all the foods I'd been dreaming about for weeks. Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"They sewed my mouth shut," Addy whispered. "At the end. I yelled and Iestyn didn't. They sewed my mouth shut and fed him."

"Oh, Iestyn. That's not your fault," Joey soothed.

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	piu_fermata 2020-08-18 11:56 am UTC (link)
	"There's a lotta things not my fault," Iestyn muttered. "Doesn't make me feel any better. She died and I didn't." As far as he was concerned, he'd seen her die in front of him that day in the basement. Her heart might not have stopped beating completely, but she'd died. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	feuillemort 2020-08-18 12:04 pm UTC (link)
	"I didn't die," Addy said, confused. "I'm here. You have to eat, baby. You have to get better. We'll both get better together." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-08-18 12:20 pm UTC (link)
	Survivor's guilt was a bitch. Iestyn frowned. "I eat the stuff they give me here. I'm not starving." Still, he did break off another small piece of cookie and eat it slowly. He had to cough to clear his throat after, and he winced as the heavy, hoarse coughs made his chest and back hurt. He cringed and reached for his cup of water to settle it down. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-08-18 12:23 pm UTC (link)
	"I was so sick when I got back," Joey said, moving to help Iestyn with his cup. "Here." He reached out, his hand hovering over Iestyn's arm. "Can I touch you? It's alright if you say no." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

piu_fermata
2020-08-18 12:50 pm UTC (link)

"Um. Yes. Just not- not there." Iestyn nodded to the dressing on his wrists, covering the raw, blistered, weeping area where the manacles had rubbed the skin off over nearly three weeks. He hesitated then, but if anyone was going to understand, it would be Joey, although he didn't know if he would understand the significance. Slowly he turned his hand over and showed him the burn scars around his fingers where the electrodes had been placed, sending the brutal shocks up his arms into his chest. He muscles still twitched weirdly sometimes because of it.

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	cup_of_joey 2020-08-18 12:53 pm UTC (link)
	Joey nodded, and he gently rubbed Iestyn's upper arm. "Those look brutal," Joey said sadly. "Do you want to talk about them. You listened to me, I'll listen to you. Both of you." "They hurt my brother," Addy frowned. "So much." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

piu_fermata
2020-08-18 01:04 pm UTC (link)

"Nobody touched us- they wouldn't let us touch each other after the first week," Iestyn said. "They stopped our water, and made me so sick..." The story wasn't coming out in chronological order, only in stream of consciousness. The memory of vomiting so hard those first few days loomed large. "They had a demon that could look like anyone. It looked like our aunt Rhiannon, and- and Alan." He glanced at Addy, sort of aware he wasn't making sense because he was skirting around the outside of what actually happened.

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cup_of_joey
2020-08-18 01:09 pm UTC (link)

"That must have been so hard," Joey breathed. "Not being able to touch each other."

"We were in the same room, but we couldn't reach each other. And we had to watch while they hurt- It was awful."

"It sounds it," Joey said gently. "The demon who can look like anyone? That happened to me, only it was Satan. Satan can mimic faces and he looked like Patrick. Pretended to rescue me, only it wasn't him in the end. It was awful," he explained. He reached out to brush some of Iestyn's hair off his face, though he moved slowly in case Iestyn didn't want him to. "I remember the first time someone touched me in kindness after all of that. It was Lena and I just...wept."

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piu_fermata
2020-08-18 01:17 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't believe it was real, until I saw Mary," Iestyn sighed. "Patrick had to help me up the stairs because I couldn't walk up, but Da carried Addy and-" He'd told Addy what had happened before, but he still reached out to clasp her hand. "I thought what if they were taking her body away to- to desecrate it or something. We didn't know how many demons could copy. And they did try to trick us, and we fell for it even though you said what happened to you. A copy of Da let us out, and we were almost free and then-" He cringed. They hadn't told their father every part of the story yet, and he was glad David wasn't in the room to hear it.

"Lucifer ripped his throat out, right in front of us." The last words were a pained whisper, and Iestyn could see it all over again. Closing his eyes against it did nothing.

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cup_of_joey
2020-08-18 01:21 pm UTC (link)

"Of course you didn't know. Of course you were terrified," Joey reassured him. He found himself gently petting Iestyn's hair as the boy talked. He just felt so goddamn protective of them, and he wanted to offer any comfort he could.

"Oh, Iestyn, Addy, that's awful. I can't imagine."

"It was," Addy breathed. "And then we saw him the next day. Da, I mean. Outside. Through a window. And we were so confused until we figured it out. He threw us food in. Lucifer had taken away our meals because we swore at him."

"He does that," Joey grimaced.

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	piu_fermata 2020-08-18 01:50 pm UTC (link)
	Iestyn shivered, even in the carefully climate-controlled hospital. "They let Da see in to punish us, and him. They whipped us in front of him. He wouldn't look away." He felt a little angry. Why couldn't they be left to face their torment in peace? Why did their loved ones have to see it too? He couldn't protect them from the extent of it of they saw it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-08-18 01:53 pm UTC (link)
	"Here, Iestyn-" Joey pulled the boy's blankets up around him, then returned to rubbing his arm. "Do you wish he had looked away? He probably felt it was his responsibility to see." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-08-18 02:06 pm UTC (link)
	"Well it's his fault, isn't it?" It was out before Iestyn could stop it, and he looked slightly surprised at himself. He remembered Addy expressing similar sentiments Before, but he'd tried not to think like that himself. And yet. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-08-18 02:16 pm UTC (link)
	"In a way," Joey acknowledged. "It's alright, Iestyn. I blamed Patrick for...months. You're right, this is David's responsibility. Of course he loves you and hates that you were hurt. Doesn't make the other part any less true." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-08-18 08:52 pm UTC (link)
	Iestyn looked at Addy, waiting for her opinion. "No, I didn't want him to see us suffering," he said, and he covered his mouth as another coughing fit wracked his body. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-08-19 06:00 am UTC (link)
	Addy agreed that it was David's responsibility, even if she didn't feel angry with him any more. "He was very upset." "Of course he was," Joey said, as he held out the water for Iestyn again. "Everyone was and is. If there are things you two want to talk about with him not here, I'll listen to absolutely anything. I'm here for you. For whatever." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-08-19 06:43 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn sipped his water, feeling tired. "I don't know what I want," he muttered. Well he did, he wanted to not feel so weak all the time, and for Addy to not have a tube giving her food, and to not have to be carried to the toilet. He had a physio coming to assess him tomorrow, and the thought of having to fight to get his body back was draining. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

feuillemort
2020-08-19 02:02 pm UTC (link)

"We thought we were prepared," Addy whispered. "We thought we knew what we were getting into but- God, we didn't. We had no idea. I got waterboarded? Who can say that?"

"Lena can say that," Joey said quietly. "You're not alone."

"He was just so awful," Addy breathed. "We started off in this nice room and he just...slowly took things away."

"What a shit," Joey hissed.

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	piu_fermata 2020-08-19 10:24 pm UTC (link)
	Iestyn snorted. "What a shit" felt like a massive understatement. "He took everything away," he said, down to and including his sister. "When he was done, we were nothing. He wanted us to be nothing." And he hadn't even been done. How long had Lucifer been intending to leave him there to go crazy with his sister's corpse? He'd never know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-08-20 01:28 am UTC (link)
	"You're not nothing," Joey said firmly. "I know it feels like that, but you're not. He doesn't get what he wanted. He lost." Addy hadn't actually thought about that. They had made it through without giving in. Lucifer had lost. "He started by taking away food. God I didn't know how it felt. I didn't know." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-08-20 04:09 am UTC (link)
	"We spent two weeks naked but for thin, scratchy blankets," Iestyn said, scratching his arm at the memory. "You stop being able to smell yourself after a while. Headaches, all the time... And the- and the therapy-" He shuddered, turning his hands over again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2020-08-20 05:32 am UTC (link)

Joey remembered, at least, losing either the ability to smell himself, or the ability to care how he smelled. He remembered the headaches too. "I know," he said sadly. "I remember the headaches." He didn't have the heart to tell Iestyn they didn't go away in a hurry. That his body was going to be in starvation mode for months. That recovery was going to be long and awful. He had said it before, no reason to rub salt in the wound now.

"Therapy?" he asked gently. "What kind?"

"He only did that to Iestyn," Addy hissed. "Attacking him for being wonderful."

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	piu_fermata 2020-08-20 08:34 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn shot Addy a grateful look. "I think they call it conversion therapy. Or corrective. Or something. He shocked me and made me vomit looking at gay porn." It was hard to speak the more personal attacks. The violation of Alan's privacy too made it hard to voice because it felt all the more poisonous. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-08-20 09:11 am UTC (link)
	"Oh fucking hell," Joey hissed. "Iestyn, I- I'm so sorry." His parents had threatened to send him to conversion therapy and he had run away from home because if it. "There's nothing wrong with you," he said firmly. "There's everything wrong with him." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-08-20 10:21 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah," Iestyn agreed blandly. He still felt quite numb to it, in a way. It was too near. And while he didn't feel like he was totally wrong, he didn't feel like he was right either. Those things he couldn't talk about because they made him feel sick. "I just want to stop feeling hollow," he said, closing his eyes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-08-20 12:08 pm UTC (link)
	"It takes time," Joey said, even though he wished he didn't have to. "Time and a lot of support. You will though. I promise you will." (Reply to this) (Parent)