InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It must be bunnies!"

Joseph Van der Berg (cup_of_joey) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2020-06-22 16:51:00

Entry tags:

iestyn ceredig, joseph van der berg, mairead o'sullivan, saint patrick

Who: Joey van der Berg, Saint Patrick, Mairead, Iestyn Ceredig, maybe others
What: Just saw the ex
When: Monday, later afternoon
Where: Patricks
Warnings/Notes: Discussion of abuse

Just get to Patrick. Keep calm and get to Patrick.

On the outside, Joey was being as calm as possible because his 2-year-old daughter Olivia was with him. They had been at a playground, Joey watching Olivia tumble around, when he had caught sight of his ex-boyfriend. Everything that followed made Joey throw up in his mouth, but he had to act like everything was fine. He couldn't scare his daughter.

"Just going to see Uncle Patrick," he said, shaking Olivia's toy around while they rode in the back of an Uber. "You want Mr dragon? Rawr!" He was distracted at best, but he could still play with his little girl.

When they arrived, Joey bundled out of the car. He abandoned Olivia's stroller in the yard, carrying her bodily to the door so he could knock hard and he was so relieved when Patrick answered.

"Patrick," Joey breathed, catching sight of Iestyn behind his best friend. "Brett." He knew Patrick would understand without Joey acting terrified, that he in fact was. Invoking the name of his ex-boyfriend was powerful.

"Ah." Patrick glanced behind him, noting Iestyn. He knew he had to get Olivia out of the way so Joey could explain what was going on, but he didn't know how comfortable his nephew was around babies. And Mairead was Olivia's babysitter anyway. "Mairead! Can you come down here a moment!"

Joey offered Iestyn a tight smile and he bounced his daughter on his hip. "How exciting, Olivia! You get to see Mai!"

"MAI!" Olivia screeched, just as Mairead appeared at the bottom of the stairs, her expression questioning.

"Baby!" Mairead went to hug Joey and take Olivia into her arms, kissing her hair. "How's my sweetheart?" Mairead asked, grinning as Olivia grabbed her lips. "Grabby!" she mumbled, amused.

"Mairead, could you maybe take Olivia into the kitchen and get her a snack?" Patrick asked, trying to sound as calm as Joey was pretending to be.

"Righto. Come on, Livy. I have applesauce! And crackers! You want a cracker!?" Mairead carried Olivia off to the kitchen and the mask Joey had been maintaining since the playground dropped. He stumbled to a sofa and collapsed onto it, his face buried in his hands.

Patrick moved immediately, sitting beside Joey and pulling the other man into a hug. "His ex," he explained to Iestyn. "Brett is his awful ex-boyfriend."

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cup_of_joey
2020-06-22 10:38 am UTC (link)

"I suppose so," Joey said quietly. "And he wasn't abusive at first. It was really nice. I just- I'd never known love except from JJ. I didn't know how a loving relationship was supposed to work. My parents were disinterested in all of us at best, and actively awful at worst. All I wanted was someone to care about me and when it seemed like he did I just fell head over heels."

Patrick rubbed Joey's arm and he leaned in to plant a kiss on Joey's hair. "I'm so sorry, Joseph."

"Me too. He helped me get a job, which was great at first because it was the first time I had ever worked in my life and I loved it. I loved making my own money. It was at this cute bookshop. Only problem was Brett started to get jealous. And I'm pan so he wasn't just jealous about me hanging out with men, it was everyone. He started telling me if I could go out or not. Telling me how to dress. We started fighting all the time, but I didn't think anything of it because my parents fought all the time. That was normal. Then, when he was angry, he would lock me outside without a jacket or shoes... It was fall so it was freezing-"

"Joey," Patrick whispered. "You never told me any of this."

"Because I honestly thought I might never see him again," Joey explained. "But I did and he- I have to tell you this so you'll understand why I'm- It gets worse. It gets worse and worse."

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	piu_fermata 2020-06-22 10:47 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn covered his mouth with his hand, distressed at the pain his new friend had gone through. Being bullied himself hadn't been a walk in the park, but at least he wasn't under any illusions that his bully had ever even liked him, let alone was supposed to love him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2020-06-22 11:01 am UTC (link)

Joey reached out and he took Iestyn's hand gently, but he needed to get this out so they understood. "I believed that it was my fault. That I shouldn't have upset him. He was letting me live in his place, so obviously he should be able to make demands of me... He started to say really cruel things. When we went out together, and I mean even to the grocery store, he would watch every interaction I had with anyone and if he decided anything was even a little flirtatious he would hit me. And I thought I deserved that too."

"Joe-"

"No, just- Let me get it out," Joey said, and Patrick nodded. "I had this great co-worker, her name was Beth. And Brett was the most jealous of her than anyone. Which was ridiculous because she was a lesbian in a committed relationship. But Brett has this idea she was trying to steal me away. And yeah, maybe she was trying to get me away from him but not to fuck me. Anyway- One night he showed up at my work 'to surprise me' though I'm sure it was more to spy. And he caught us shelving things and laughing. We were talking about her girlfriend and somehow he decided I was sleeping with her. He left and waited until I got home."

Joey trailed off for a second, chewing on his lip before he continued. "He beat the shit out of me," Joey breathed. "Just- I couldn't fight back even if I wanted to, because I'm not a fighter and he was twice my size. Then he shoved me into the bedroom and told me he was- Shit shit. Told me he was going to fuck me to remind me what I had. Told me I owed him for fucking around on him. I could hardly see straight."

"I don't know that Iestyn-"

"He didn't-" Joey shook his head, "He didn't get to. He pushed me down on the bed but then told me to wait there and he thought I would! The second he left the room I ran. I ran out of the house without my shoes and I slept in a park. In November. I thought he was going fuck me and then kill me. I thought he was going to kill me. Patrick. Patrick. I think he's going to kill me."

"Shhhh, Joey," Patrick leaned his forehead against Joey's. Joey's hand clenched Iestyn's. "Joey, no one is going to kill you. He doesn't know where you live. You're safe." It wasn't like Lucifer who could sense him where ever he ran.

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	piu_fermata 2020-06-22 11:27 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn nodded to back up Patrick's words, holding tightly to Joey's hand. "He's an evil man, but that's all. And you have so many people who love you and will look after you." If only there was an angelic assassin or something that would be able to cut this Brett down and end his torment. At least if Brett was dead, that was the end of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2020-06-22 11:34 am UTC (link)

"He is," Joey breathed, letting Iestyn and Patrick calm him. "When I ran I didn't have anything. I couldn't go back to my job because I was too afraid he would hunt me down there. I couldn't go back to couch surfing because he was friends with them all. He would have killed me. I know he would have. I tried a shelter for bit, and I alternated between that and sleeping rough. I don't recommend homelessness ever, but least of all, in the middle of winter," Joey whispered.

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	piu_fermata 2020-06-22 11:46 am UTC (link)
	"How did you get out of that situation?" Iestyn asked, realising he didn't know a whole lot about Joey really. Clearly he was in a much better place now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2020-06-22 11:53 am UTC (link)

"Xavier," Joey said, smiling now. Patrick, who knew Xavier well, smiled too. "Xavier the saviour. I was small changing people to try to get a room for the night or even just something to eat and I asked him for money. Instead of giving me anything he asked me when the last time I'd eaten was and I was so shocked by not being ignored for once, I told him it'd been a few days.

"He took me to this diner and bought me anything I asked for, and then he said I could stay with him. And I was sure he was going to ask for some kind of sexual favour for it, but I was so desperate I went with him. And I guess I'm just lucky Xavier is one of the best people in the world."

"He is," Patrick said, with feeling. "Joey was still living with him when we met."

"Xavier's family is rich, but they don't really get him. Kind of like mine, except they're not complete assholes, just kind of aloof. So they set him up with a trust fund. He has bipolar and it makes it difficult for him to work, so he writes at home when he's up to it. And I guess he saw himself in me because he took me in and he never asked for anything in return. Let me live there for two months rent free just so I could recover. Then he helped me find a job at a cafe. I'd probably still be homeless without Xavier. Or I would have gotten so desperate I would have crawled back to my homophobic parents."

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	piu_fermata 2020-06-22 12:08 pm UTC (link)
	"I'm glad you found an escape." Iestyn smiled, glad to see Joey cheer up even a little. He really had been so sheltered growing up in a small town. He was sure this stuff happened, but it was all behind closed doors and they never found out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2020-06-22 02:14 pm UTC (link)

"I was lucky. Xavier could have taken advantage of me so easily. I was desperate. It's why I do the work I do at the youth shelter where I met Patrick. I don't want any other kid to end up putting themselves in a dangerous position because they're hungry or cold. Not everyone is nice like Xavier. See Brett. He came to talk to me. Like we were friends," he said, immediately switching back to what had happened just an hour or so ago. "Saw Olivia call me dad and said he was glad I settled down. Asked me if I'd managed to 'change my ways'."

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piu_fermata
2020-06-22 09:35 pm UTC (link)

Iestyn felt his heart fill with sympathy and wished he could do something to help. What would his father do in this situation? Offer food and tea and hugs and blessings, of course. Well Iestyn couldn't do blessings but he could do the rest.

"That is horrible," he said emphatically. "He's the one who should change. You are strong and good just the way you are." He patted Joey's hand, shifting closer to lean against him for support.

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cup_of_joey
2020-06-23 03:41 am UTC (link)

Joey wrapped an arm around Iestyn, so pleased for the comfort. "He- He fuck. Olivia was there and Brett reached out and I backed up and he said I didn't want to cause a scene in front of my daughter, did I. So I stood there while he hugged me and planted a kiss on my lips. And then he-" Joey sighed, "he grabbed my ass. And I stood there and let him." He held out his hand, showing little half-moon cuts in the palm, "I clenched my fist and let him do whatever he wanted so he wouldn't scare my daughter."

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	piu_fermata 2020-06-23 09:38 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn frowned. "What an arsehole," he said vehemently. He wished he could have been there to do something for his friend in the moment, to protect him. "To use your child against you like that. It's not right." And he felt rather a personal empathy over that subject. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2020-06-23 09:48 am UTC (link)

"I just- I didn't want her to be scared." Joey glanced down at his hands. "He groped my-"

"Stop!" Patrick stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth. "I mean...you don't have to stop, but, Joey- You should tell the police. You were sexually assaulted."

"I know," Joey breathed, leaning against Iestyn since Patrick was stomping around. "Fuck, I know. And I was too scared to do anything about it. Because if I thought he would kill me and he loved me, what would he be capable of doing to Olivia."

Patrick, for his part, looked murderous.

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	piu_fermata 2020-06-23 10:14 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn found himself nodded in agreement with Patrick. "But if he's in jail..." he began, not really knowing how jail worked that much. The thought occurred to him that he should take Mary up on her gun-toting lessons, in a passing way. It didn't hurt to know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2020-06-23 10:19 am UTC (link)

"If he's in jail, he can't hurt people like he did Joey," Patrick explained. "Joey, do you want us to go with you? I am sure Mai could say with Olivia, though I'll check."

"Yeah, Joey whispered quietly. "I don't want to do it alone. I've never done this before. Last time I just ran. I let him get away with it."

"We're here with you now," Patrick soothed, finally stopping his pacing. "I'll go check with Mai, give me a second."

As soon as Patrick left the room, Joey turned to Iestyn. "Sorry you had to hear all that. But thank you. For staying with me."

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	piu_fermata 2020-06-23 10:25 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn shook his head quickly. "I'm not sorry. I want to be here for you. Of course I will stay, I wouldn't do anything but." He pulled Joey in for a tighter hug, but not too tight, he didn't want to overdo it. "I'll come with you too, if you want." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-06-23 10:35 am UTC (link)
	"I would like that," Joey admitted. Cops scared him. "I feel ridiculous. I've been through so much worse since, but he can still terrify me." Joey offered Iestyn a tiny smile. "I'll be alright. Just shaken up." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-06-23 10:57 am UTC (link)
	"I get it. I told you I had a school bully, right? If I saw him outside of school, even if there were family and stuff around, it absolutely froze me up, so I totally understand. I mean obviously there are differences, but... Anyway." Iestyn really just wanted to say that he cared, not meaning to start rambling. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-06-23 11:12 am UTC (link)
	Joey turned on the sofa so he could face his friend and he smiled again, that time the expression coming more true. "Thank you," he said with feeling. "That's exactly it. It froze me up. I wish we didn't have that in common. But we do. You're a good friend, Iestyn." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	piu_fermata 2020-06-23 11:23 am UTC (link)
	Iestyn loved that his network of friends and acquaintances was slowly growing. He wanted to tell Joey about Alan, and everything that had happened since the drag show, but now didn't feel like the right moment. Instead he smiled back and patted Joey's hand. "It's alright. I'll be mama for you for a little bit." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2020-06-23 11:41 am UTC (link)
	"You are wonderful," Joey said, laughing. It was such a relief to do so. "I'm going to have to find a new playground," Joey muttered. But at least he wasn't facing this alone. He would have Patrick and Iestyn with him while he made his statement, and that was really precious. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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