InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Nevermore."

Briseis (spoil_of_war) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2017-09-23 11:19:00

Entry tags:

briseis, helen of troy

WHO: Briseis & Helen
WHEN: Friday night
WHERE: Briseis' apartment
WHAT: Just two gals being pals...

Briseis never put a lot of stock in physical beauty. She knew that she was beautiful, and that it came with both its advantages and disadvantages, but it felt hardly noteworthy to her. She was a woman spoken of in legends - it was hard to find a mythical woman who wasn't described as breathtaking. It was the one attribute they could reliably be given across every culture, and Briseis had seen so many of them now with her own eyes. Beauty was cheap, and in the modern era it was even easier to be beautiful. Almost magical makeup, photoshop, basic modern health - these things could make the plainest of human women beautiful.

And yet Briseis watched Helen some mornings as she got ready and thought, by the gods, you are beautiful.

She wasn't sure when enjoying Helen's company had turned to something more, but... it most certainly had. More than once Briseis had imagined what it would be like to walk hand in hand with Helen through the streets, to kiss her in some cute cafe, to laugh in bed with her on Sunday mornings, to-

Briseis knew how important it was not to make women feel like a piece of meat though. She had had only a few relationships with women in her long immortal life, but each of them had been so warily begun. Briseis had been a slave to the desires of rough men, and the idea of being anything like them... No, she couldn't handle that thought.

So the months rolled by and Briseis said nothing. She made sure that her friendship never drifted astray. She made sure that she examined her emotions as logically as was possible for one having those emotions. More than anything, she didn't want to lose Helen's friendship. A silly little crush was nothing compared to that friendship.

But, Briseis thought as she brought the glasses of wine back over to the couch where they were both sitting, by all the gods, she is so beautiful.

"Turns out I lied," Briseis told her with a smile as she passed one of the glasses over. "There's no Riesling left, so I opened a Chardonnay."

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spoil_of_war
2017-09-23 01:00 am UTC (link)

"I'm glad," Briseis said, those words meaning more than almost anything else Helen could have said. To be a safe place for Helen was all that Briseis wanted to be. She squeezed Helen's hand softly and then released it, relaxing into the couch. "This apartment gets so lonely with just me. When I first moved her, it was with a man I was going to marry." She smiled a little sadly, remembering David. "It's not as good on my own."

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thefacethat
2017-09-23 01:05 am UTC (link)

Helen nodded, "I mean it. It's the only place I've really felt safe since I came back." Since Achilles helped her break away from Paris. She had wanted to run as far as she could then, just to get as much distance between herself and him. She felt like she had found her safe haven, and she had others to back her up. Those weren't things she had had in a long time. She listened to Briseis speak, frowning at the mentions of a lost love. "I'm sorry." Helen didn't know what had happened, but she truly was sorry for whatever had occurred. "I know that feeling. It's especially nice being around others you want to be around."

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spoil_of_war
2017-09-23 01:15 am UTC (link)

"I like that I can be a safe place for you," Briseis told her honestly, quietly. "And this is your home, for as long as you want it to be."

Briseis sighed into her glass before taking a sip. "I still feel guilty about the way I judged you when you were with Patroclus. I was so sure that you were just going to try and hurt him." She made a face. "Turns out despite all my fine words about women looking out for each other, I'm still as judgmental of other women as they made us."

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thefacethat
2017-09-23 01:22 am UTC (link)

Helen offered a little smile, "Thank you. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know."

At the mention of Patroclus and Briseis' past feelings about Helen's relationship with him, Helen grew quiet. That was still a sore topic, but it had become much easier for her to discuss. "I loved Patroclus." She paused before saying, "I still do, even if it's not the way I used to. I was selfish then. I wanted him to myself and even if my intentions weren't to hurt him, I still did." She shook her head at herself and looked away, "Because I'm Helen of fucking Troy. It's not a fate I would wish on anyone. You had every right not to trust me."

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spoil_of_war
2017-09-23 01:33 am UTC (link)

"No," Briseis said, shaking her head, putting down her wine glass and moving closer to her on the couch. She voice was gentle and earnest. "I know you loved him, and I know he wasn't a game."

Briseis took Helen's hand again, watching that beautiful profile as the brunette looked away. "I trust you completely, Helen. I understand your curse, and I understand what the gods have done to you. If I could kill every god for you, I would." She said it like a pledge, like an oath. She wanted to tear down all that was left of Olympus to make this demi-god queen happy.

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thefacethat
2017-09-23 02:01 am UTC (link)

There were two men in Helen's life whom she wanted to protect above all others. Patroclus and Menelaus had been the loves of her life, even if they were now just friends. She feared spending too much time with Patroclus out of fear that that fire might decide to rekindle itself. She knew he was happily in a relationship and she had ever intention of making sure she didn't mess that up.

Helen looked at Briseis, feeling like this was some sort of vow on Helen's honor. She smiled, "That's such a wonderful thing to say. As much as I hate them, and as much as I'd like to do that myself, it's not necessary to wish that." She squeezed Briseis' hand before kissing it. "This is why I love you so much."

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	spoil_of_war 2017-09-23 02:14 am UTC (link)
	"And I love you too," Briseis promised her with a little smile. Helen was so very dear to her, so suddenly and so wonderfully. To think how many years had gone by when they could have been friends, instead of cursing Helen for the war that killed Briseis. "You're my best friend," she said, reaching out to stroke a strand of hair back behind Helen's ear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thefacethat
2017-09-23 02:18 am UTC (link)

Helen smiled more fully now. For the first time in so many years she had someone she could actually call her best friend. She had been hated by so many. Loathed because of something completely and utterly out of her control. The Trojans had once loved her, but they all ended up hating her in the end. And it wasn't even her fault. "You have no idea how good it feels to hear that." Helen had just needed someone she could call 'friend'. She hadn't needed to be with anyone romantically. She just needed someone she could rely on and that's exactly what Briseis had become.

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spoil_of_war
2017-09-23 02:48 am UTC (link)

So that was when Briseis decided to ruin everything.

It was Helen's smile that did her in. No one had ever looked so radiant when they smiled, no one had made Briseis' stomach flip the way it did right then. And so she found herself leaning in, closing the distance without thinking of it, wanting to kiss Helen's soft lips.

And she almost did... until she suddenly realised exactly what she was doing and what she was about to ruin. She pulled back, violent and sharp, knowing with embarrassment that there was no way she could play that off.

She stood quickly, face reddening, hand to her cheek and not looking at Helen. "oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

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thefacethat
2017-09-23 02:59 am UTC (link)

Helen sat frozen to her seat. For a moment she had found herself leaning in to meet Briseis half way. For a split second she wanted to kiss Briseis because it felt so right. Why the hell not?

Because she's your best friend and you haven't had that in too damn long! Damn you, logic and your rationality.

Helen sat there feeling her face burning, mouth half open as she tried to wrap her head around this without making too much of a scene. She set her glass down and reached up to Briseis, "Okay, I think maybe we have something else to talk about now and we should before things get weird." She kept her cool pretty well under pressure even if inside there was a little voice screaming at her.

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	spoil_of_war 2017-09-23 03:04 am UTC (link)
	"I am so sorry," Briseis said, shaking her head and turning to look back at Helen seriously. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm just- I'm so sorry, Helen." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thefacethat
2017-09-23 03:18 am UTC (link)

Helen didn't know what Briseis was going through. She didn't know how much time her friend had spent thinking of her as more than just a friend. Helen had had friends like that before, the ones she wanted more from but never making a move because she didn't want to ruin what they had. She now felt that familiar lump in her stomach because Helen couldn't say she hadn't thought about this. It was just a fleeting idea that passed as quickly as it had come, but it was still something she couldn't just ignore. Not now. She stood up to look Briseis in the eye. "It's okay," she said reassuringly. "But.... I mean... you wouldn't have done that if you didn't want to, right?" She felt she had come to know Briseis enough to know when she wanted something she would do something about it.

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spoil_of_war
2017-09-23 04:02 am UTC (link)

"I shouldn't have though," Briseis told her, guilty, eyes down, still blushing red. "Especially when you were just saying what a safe place I had made for you."

Briseis looked at Helen finally. "I-" she licked her lips. "I do have feelings for you, and maybe I shouldn't have kept that from you but... I don't want to lose you," she whispered, trying not to tear up. "I really did mean it when I said you're my best friend, and I don't have any ulterior motives about that. This was just... I just forgot myself for a moment. Please, I don't want you to think I'm only spending time with you because I'm interested in you romantically. That isn't the case, I swear." She took both of Helen's hands in her softly. "I want to be that safe place for you. I want to be someone who you can always be comfortable with."

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thefacethat
2017-09-23 04:16 am UTC (link)

Helen simply listened as Briseis spilled her secret. She felt her cheeks burning even hotter as Briseis spoke. If she didn't reciprocate those feelings at all she wouldn't have turned red the way she did. She was silent, letting the words sink in. She held onto Briseis' hands, considering what she had just said. "Briseis, I would be lying if I said I've never had those feelings," she began. She sighed and shook her head, "I've thought about it, too. But I don't know what I want. It's been so long since I've been able to choose for myself that having the freedom to do what I want is kind of terrifying. Those feelings you have are okay. You're only human."

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spoil_of_war
2017-09-23 04:23 am UTC (link)

What Briseis heard, surprisingly enough, was not Helen of Troy saying that she had no interest in Briseis of Lyrnessus.

I would be lying if I said I've never had those feelings. I've thought about it, too.

Briseis tried so hard not to just focus on those words, but it took a lot of of her willpower than she would have liked.

Briseis lifted Helen's hands together and kissed them once. Then she met Helen's eyes seriously and said, again, "you are my dearest friend. Whatever happens, whatever I feel, that won't change. I'm always going to be here to listen to you, to help you and to support you. I have no wish to make you feel like you have no freedom. I of all people understand the freedom to choose who or what you want."

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thefacethat
2017-09-23 12:14 pm UTC (link)

Helen nodded slowly as Briseis spoke. She offered a little smile when she was finished speaking. Not many people had ever given her the freedom to choose for herself. Not many people asked her what she wanted. Sure, it was different now but there were still people out there who thought they could control her. Briseis was not one of them. "Thank you," she said quietly, feeling torn now. She could do whatever she pleased, but she was so torn. Whatever there was between herself and Briseis, Helen was not willing to give it up. Maybe it was selfish because she refused to let anyone take away her best friend, but Helen deserved to have someone she could rely on, and so did Briseis.

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	spoil_of_war 2017-09-23 11:33 pm UTC (link)
	"I love you," Briseis said with a little smile. "And I mean that as a friend. I love that you're a part of my life, and I hope this isn't going to make things too awkward." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thefacethat 2017-09-23 11:39 pm UTC (link)
	Helen smiled broadly at her friend. "I love you, too." Maybe she felt that strange torn sensation, but Helen was determined not to let anything tear their friendship apart. She hugged Briseis then. "You'd have to do a lot worse than try and kiss me to get rid of me," she laughed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	spoil_of_war 2017-09-23 11:46 pm UTC (link)
	"That's what all the girls say," Briseis joked, happy that the tension seemed to be now broken. This would be okay. Helen would stay and their friendship wouldn't be ruined. Briseis could nurse her crush without a word and one day, she hoped, it would eventually failed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thefacethat
2017-09-23 11:58 pm UTC (link)

Helen chuckled, "Well, it's true." Helen had had a lot worse done to her before, and by people who were pretty damn rough. Her best friend nearly kissing her in the heat of the moment was absolutely forgivable. She let go and sat back down before picking up her glass. She took a sip and patted the couch, "Come on. We can watch chick flicks and point out all the reasons it would have never worked in our day."

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