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Lachlan Callum Blackwood ([info]writeonmyheart) wrote in [info]nevermore_logs,
@ 2017-08-17 17:52:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood: sick
Entry tags:iain blackwood, lachlan blackwood, stephen blackwood

Who: Lachlan Blackwood, Iain Blackwood, Stephen Blackwood [NPC]
What: TROUBLE
When: Wednesday evening
Where: Stephen's house
Warnings/Notes: Drugs



Lachlan had never been away from Codeine for so long, but his partner had business he really needed to attend to and Lachlan hadn't even had a chance to speak to him for two days, let alone see him in a week and a half. Things were getting bad and by now Lachlan couldn't even kid himself any more. It was pretty clear that he was suffering physical withdrawal from his boyfriend.

Brutal.

To top it all off, Lachlan was lonely which didn't help the sick, panicky feeling in his gut. He made his way to his Uncle's house (not realising Iain was already there), just needing someone who loved him to be around him. Iain wasn't an option because his brother was already suspicious and Lachlan figured Norah had enough to deal with. Stephen had seen him at his worst and still loved him, so Stephen was really his only choice.

When his uncle pulled the door open to a pale and shaking Lachlan, he just firmed his lips and pulled his nephew inside without saying anything to him. He wrapped Lachlan up in a strong hug and called back over his shoulder, "Iain, we have company. Lachie's here."


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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 06:37 am UTC (link)
Iain had gone round to their uncle's house, because he was a grounded, consistent presence in his life. He was the only real parent the three of them had ever had, and Iain needed him right now. He hadn't known what to make of his visit with Lachlan, and though he'd promised he wouldn't tell Stephen, he needed to think.

So he was as surprised as Stephen was when Lachlan arrived at his door while he was already there. "Hey you," he greeted his brother, going in for his own hug. "Feeling any better?"

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 06:45 am UTC (link)
Lachlan wasn't thrilled that Iain was there at all, not because he didn't want to see his brother, but because Iain already knew there was something wrong. Lachlan gave him a vague half-smile and hugged him, sure Iain could feel his body trembling harshly. "Sure," he said anyway.

Stephen watched Lachlan carefully, a look of clear appraisal on his face. "When was the last time you ate anything, Lachie? You look starved." And he was right too, Lachlan had clearly lost weight, as well as being pale and drawn.

Lachlan made a face and shrugged.

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 09:13 am UTC (link)
"Aye, and I'm the Queen of Sheba," Iain muttered, but he stepped back and let the matter drop. For now, anyway. He made no promises about bringing it back up later.

"Let's order in," he suggested, because he could do with a bite to eat himself. "I'm thinking Thai. Or something. I just want to eat noodles that are terrible for me."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 09:51 am UTC (link)
"Thai sounds nice," Lachlan muttered, trying to ignore than his uncle wa still scrutinising his every move.

"I'll get it," Stephen said softly, moving to grab a menu to order from. As he did so, he watched Lachlan move to the sofa and sit, his fingers constantly picking at one of the cuffs of his sleeve.

Once he hung up, Stephen stepped back over to the seating area, and he glanced at Iain before steeling Lachlan with a stern look. "Lachie, son, I want you to do something for me, alright? I want you to empty your pockets, please?"

Lachlan's head snapped up, and he stared at both his brother and his uncle, a look of wild fear on his face. "W-what? No."

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 09:57 am UTC (link)
Iain felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. This scenario was sickeningly familiar, and it always ended badly. "Come on, Lachlan," he said softly. "If you have nothing to hide, there shouldn't be an issue. If we're wrong, we'll apologize and never bring it up again." He desperately wanted to believe that Lachlan really was just ill and lonely. It was the better alternative to him being back on drugs, at least.

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 10:05 am UTC (link)
Lachlan's hands raised in a show of surrender and he slowly rose from the chair he had sunk into. "Look, I- I'll just go. I interrupted you, you guys were having some time alone and I-" Lachlan fell silent when he felt his Uncle's hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, son," Stephen urged, his voice still gentle and calm. Goddammit he was always so calm. "It's going to be alright," he soothed, and Lachlan barely even noticed Stephen's other hand slipping into his coat pockets one after the other. He pulled out the contents of the left one and opened his hand to reveal the small bag of what was very obviously heroin.

Lachlan froze then, his heart in his chest as Stephen watched him, silently waiting for an explanation. But what possible explanation could he give?! "It's- It wasn't- I didn't use it!"

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 10:23 am UTC (link)
Iain felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Lachlan had promised he was clean, and now Stephen found heroin on him? Even though he swore he hadn't used it, the nasty little voice in Iain's head was starting to come in loud and clear. The one that had said he was right not to totally believe Lachlan the last time they met up, because now look.

"Lachlan, come on," he said softly. "People don't just carry around bags of heroin with them for no reason."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 10:30 am UTC (link)
"Let's sit down," Stephen interjected, letting Lachlan shakily take his seat again. He didn't even realised his eyes were locked on the baggie in his Uncle's hands. "I'm glad you came here," Stephen said, always starting off with something Lachlan had done right before he got to the bad stuff. Lachlan felt something tug at his heart.

He didn't deserve his Uncle Stephen. He never had.

"It wasn't for no reason," Lachlan acknowledged, because Iain had a bulletproof point there. "But I hadn't used it."

"Yet," Stephen suggested.

"Er...yes. Yet."

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 11:10 am UTC (link)
Iain moved to sit next to his uncle, figuring that towering behind him like the bad cop in this scenario might not go over so well.

"I'm glad you hadn't used it yet," he added. "I just wish you'd told us you'd gotten to this point."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 11:19 am UTC (link)
"You knew!" Lachlan hissed at his brother, and immediately Stephen put a hand on Lachlan's knee.

"Lachlan, it's okay. You've come here now, and that's the important thing. When were you planning on using it?"

"Sorry," Lachlan mumbled to his brother. "I- I didn't want to! Okay!? It was just for- Just in case."

"In case of what?" Stephen asked, gently.

"In case...it hurt too much."

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 11:24 am UTC (link)
"You didn't tell me anything, and I didn't think you'd take kindly to being called a liar," Iain retorted. He cut himself off and sat back, rubbing at the spot between his eyes. This wasn't going to do anything besides rile both of them up. So he let Stephen steer the conversation instead, their uncle was infinitely more patient than Iain could ever hope to be.

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 11:30 am UTC (link)
Though Stephen hadn't even known his nephews and niece had existed for the early part of their lives, he now loved them unconditionally and fiercely. Seeing Lachlan struggling and Iain so clearly upset and hurt by it made his chest seize up.

"He's being honest with us now, and before he used. That's very good, Lachlan. You're doing very well. Before what hurt? Is someone harming you?" If Ciaran was somehow hurting Lachlan, they were all going to see a very different side of gentle, loving Uncle Stephen.

"No," Lachlan admitted quietly. "No, I- Being apart from him. It...hurts. I can't really explain it. But it feels like- It feels like dying. So I bought the heroin but I didn't use it. It was for just in case!"

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 11:53 am UTC (link)
It was on the tip of Iain's tongue to say 'there are better contingency plans than heroin', but being a former alcoholic himself, he figured that'd come off as rather hypocritical. And overly harsh, given the circumstances.

"It comes back to what you were telling me last time," is what he said instead. "Ever since he left, you've been depressed and in pain. Is there...I don't know, something about him? Something he does? I don't even know how to ask the question."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 11:58 am UTC (link)
Was there something they didn't know about him? Fuck yes. Were they going to believe him? Fuck no.

"He doesn't shoot me up, if that's what you're asking," Lachlan muttered. "He doesn't do anything to me. Nothing bad. He loves me."

"We're not suggesting he does anything to harm you," Stephen interjected. "And it has always seemed very obvious to me that he loves you." But love didn't always mean safety.

Lachlan gave up then. He was literally too exhausted and sick to keep arguing this way. "He's Codeine," Lachlan said simply.

"He's- He's what?" Stephen asked, blinking.

"He's Codeine. He is Codeine. You gonna lock me up now?"

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 12:10 pm UTC (link)
"He's what?" Iain asked, because that sentence didn't make any sense to him. People weren't things, it honestly just sounded like nonsense. "Lachlan, that...that doesn't make sense. What does that mean, how is he Codeine?"

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 12:20 pm UTC (link)
"He's-" Lachlan sighed and then groaned. "I mean he literally is Codeine. He's the human embodiment of Codeine."

"Uhm...figuratively?" Stephen asked, giving nothing away.

"Nope. He's Codeine. His sister is Heroin, though she goes by fucking Diana, and if she ever found out he helped me kick the habit...I mean, so to speak, she'd hurt him and me."

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-17 12:39 pm UTC (link)
Privately, Iain thought that sounded like a whole load of crazy. Something out of a fantasy novel by Gaiman or Pratchett, maybe. But not anything that existed in real life.

"So you're telling us that...Ciaran is...what, Codeine made flesh?" he asked, struggling to wrap his head around that thought. "I mean, I hate to repeat myself, but that doesn't make sense. How would something like that even work?"

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-17 12:47 pm UTC (link)
"I don't know," Lachlan shrugged, looking away and shrugging. "I don't know how it works, but it does."

Stephen was now staring down at his hands, clearly thinking deeply about something. "I remember- Back in University... I met someone who told me they were the embodiment of Nerd. And I thought they were being metaphorical, but he assured me he wasn't."

Stephen licked his lips and then said, "if this is- You can't stay there, Lachie. You can't stay with him."

At that, Lachlan stood up again, his eyes wide. "What?! That's my home!"

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 06:03 am UTC (link)
"What, wait, so you're telling me this is all true?" Iain asked. Stephen had always been his last bastion of sanity, even when nothing else made sense. "I don't mean to sound insensitive, but all of this just sounds crazy."

He rallied quickly though, when Stephen told Lachlan he couldn't stay there. "If you think about it, I mean...if what you're saying is true, you've basically been taking drugs without realizing it," he said slowly. "If he's the embodiment of Codeine, like you said, he's probably been making you feel great. And now that he's gone, you actually are in withdrawal."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 06:09 am UTC (link)
"No, no! No no no, he got me off heroin! He's the only reason- Without him I'd still be sucking my dealer off for a hit!" Stephen tried and failed not to make a face at that. Lachlan had spoken about the things he had experienced while living on the streets before, but that didn't ever make it pleasant to hear.

"Lachlan-"

"No! He's my boyfriend and I love him, you can't do this to me!"

Stephen chewed on his lip for a moment, and he rose carefully, though he didn't advance on Lachlan in the fear Lachlan would run out of the apartment. "You can't tell me you don't realise you sound like you're talking about drugs right now," he pointed out, and Lachlan's just stared at him.

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 06:31 am UTC (link)
"That's great, Lachlan, but he got you off heroin and hooked on...well, himself," Iain replied. "It basically sounds like you've traded one addiction for another. I mean, obviously we can't force you to do anything, but look at yourself. He's been gone for a week, and you look like how I remember you did when I visited you in rehab. This isn't normal, you know? You shouldn't have to go through this."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 06:37 am UTC (link)
Lachlan firmed his jaw and said slowly, "I am not leaving Ciaran. He's- I love him so much and he takes care of me. He might not even know! He wouldn't hurt me on purpose."

"No one said he did," Stephen was quick to point out.

"I want to be with him for the rest of my life," Lachlan admitted. "I guess I just have to make sure we don't spend too much time apart and it'll all be fine."

Stephen just looked to Iain, feeling helpless.

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 07:10 am UTC (link)
"That's not-Lachlan, I think you're missing the point," Iain said gently. "Yes, once he comes back, the symptoms will go away, but that's because you'll be getting your fix again. And that can't-it can't be good for you to continue like that over the long haul."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 07:19 am UTC (link)
"I am not breaking up with Ciaran," Lachlan said, with force now. "He makes me feel good about myself. Do you know how- No one has ever made me feel good about myself before. Ever. I'm a fucking- I'm a waste. I'm a pathetic piece of shit, and me makes me feel like maybe I might not be sometimes."

"Lachlan-" Stephen started, feeling his chest tighten. "You aren't-"

"I am!" Lachlan yelled.

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 10:03 am UTC (link)
Iain remembered this. And remembered being on the other side. You couldn't reason with addicts, there was a reason it was classified as a mental illness. He and Stephen could sit there and reassure Lachlan all they wanted, he wouldn't believe them until he believed it himself.

"Lachlan, don't get me wrong, I love that Ciaran has made you feel better about yourself," Iain told him. "I can't hate him for that, and it's obvious he cares about you. But the physical toll it's taking on you, even right now...that's not good for you. Withdrawal wrecks you, we both know that. There has to be some way for him to...I don't know, not affect you as much. Maybe?"

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 10:10 am UTC (link)
That stirred hope in Lachlan's chest and he nodded quickly, "yes! I mean I'm sure he wouldn't do it on purpose! I'll tell him. But I'm not leaving him, he means too much to me."

Right then, the doorbell rang and Stephen heaved a sigh. "Okay, why don't we call take a deep breath and I'll go pay the delivery person. We can sit down and eat a meal like a family. No one will talk about addiction right now. Iain, will you flush this down the toilet please?" he asked, handing the bag of heroin over to his eldest nephew. "And Lachlan, you're staying here until Ciaran gets home. I am not letting you out of my sight. No arguments. Set the table."

Lachlan glanced at Iain as Stephen went to answer the door, but he wasn't about to talk back to the man. "You gonna flush that?"

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 10:52 am UTC (link)
Iain watched Stephen go, then turned back to Lachlan. "Yes," he said simply, heading toward the bathroom. He went inside, closed the door, and dumped the contents of the baggie into the toilet. He flushed them away, and then, just to be safe, the actual bag as well.

He washed his hands, then leaned against the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired and drawn, which matched how he felt. And who could blame him? He'd just found out his brother was literally addicted to his boyfriend, and that that was even possible. He was still struggling to wrap his head around that.

He came back out and sat down, his stomach rumbling at the thought of food. He really needed to eat if they were going to keep talking.

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 10:59 am UTC (link)
Lachlan let out a slight whimper as Iain walked away from him, but he wasn't about to fight his brother for drugs.

By the time Iain returned, Lachlan had set the table and he was sitting sort of dejectedly beside Stephen, who was spooning himself some rice and curry. "Ah, welcome back, son," he said to Iain. "I ordered more than necessary. Dig in."

Lachlan sort of half-heartedly reached for a spring roll and set it on his plate.

"I remember the first time I brought you all out for Mexican food. None of you knew what to make of it." Why not dwell on nice memories, rather than beating a dead horse over Thai.

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 11:08 am UTC (link)
"Don't have to tell me twice," Iain answered. Which was the truth. He'd gone hungry for too long as a child to not take someone at their word when they offered him food. And Stephen would know that better than almost anyone.

He opened a container of noodles and dished most them onto his plate, then grabbed a spring roll of his own and ate half of it in one bite. He snorted, swallowing before answering. "Aye, because we'd never had anything spiced like that before," he recalled. "We had no idea what a taco was, or guacamole. It was beyond anything we'd ever had."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 11:19 am UTC (link)
"And Norah refused to eat beans because she was sure they were puke," Lachlan added, and Stephen smiled at him.

"Well they do sort of look like it if you don't know any better," Stephen admitted. "I just wanted you kids to have everything you hadn't had up to then."

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 11:26 am UTC (link)
Iain laughed. "I thought for sure they'd given us dog food by mistake," he added. "I liked them once I tried them, but they did not look appealing at first glance."

"You did right by us, Stephen," he said. "More than our parents ever did. It was probably thanks to you I even finished school. We had no future in Scotland."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 11:40 am UTC (link)
"Aye," Stephen reached out to pat Iain's shoulder. "Fill your belly, son. After dinner I'll set up the guest room for you, Lachie. I still remember the routine." He had nursed Lachlan through withdrawal more than once.

"I don't deserve you," Lahclan whispered and Stephen put his fork down.

"That's horseshit."

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[info]steady_on
2017-08-18 12:16 pm UTC (link)
"Of course you do," Iain agreed. "You deserve someone who'd help you up at your worst, because fuck knows our parents never cared enough to do that. He's seen all of us at our very worst, and it wasn't a matter of deserving. This is the sort of family we should have always had. And family loves you no matter what, through good and bad and all the shit in between."

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[info]writeonmyheart
2017-08-18 12:19 pm UTC (link)
Lachlan groaned, but he knew Iain was right. He nodded and ate the spring roll before reaching for another.

Stephen smiled kindly at Iain and settled into eating his own dinner.

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