InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Totally Mathematical!"

Thomas Julian Kemp (asterismos) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2017-04-01 23:27:00

Entry tags:

madeline kemp, thomas kemp

WHO: Thomas Kemp, Maddy Kemp, possibly Joss, Lena, Jamie, etc.
WHAT: Distractions and love
WHEN: Friday evening
WHERE: Maddy's side of the duplex
WARNINGS: Memories of sexual assault, though not really explicitly described.

If he hadn't been home alone, it wouldn't have been such a big deal, but reading the article Maddy had linked to and the words of a lawmaker explicitly mocking a survivor of sexual assault, Thomas couldn't help but feel personally attacked. His hands started shaking first and he squeezed his eyes shut to the memory of Beelzebub forcing him to comply.

And of course his first thought was calling Vicodin and telling him he wanted to go back on his word so Victor could make him very very high please. His second thought was getting so drunk h could pass out. Neither thought was particularly helpful. Maddy, his angel of a sister, was incredibly helpful.

And so Thomas excused himself from his otherwise empty house, and stepped through the adjoining door to Maddy's side. They said together for a while, playing with Diana and talking softly. Thomas didn't want to get too deeply into his issues with his little niece in the room because more than anything he wanted to keep anything terrible and bad from her for as long as possible. It was only after Maddy had put her down for a nap, and during the middle of the second Die Hard movie, that Thomas started crying.

He had been fine ignoring everything one second, and sobbing uncontrollably the next. Immediately he curled up into Maddy's side, burying his face against her, his knees hugged up to his chest.

The world was getting darker by the day, and Thomas couldn't handle it gracefully any more.

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aspectabund
2017-04-01 06:52 am UTC (link)

If there was something Maddy was good at, it was distracting people. Movies, cookies, acting like an idiot for a weak laugh, she'd done it all and she'd do it again.

Diana had been happy to see Thomas come in, and had immediately demanded to be picked up and paid attention to. However, even her enthusiasm and energy were not bottomless, and Maddy had put her down for a nap when she'd begun to droop.

When she'd come back, they'd put on Die Hard 2, and Maddy had tried to follow along, but gave up somewhere along the way. She couldn't really make herself care.

And then she forgot about the movie completely when Thomas started to cry. She drew him into a hug, letting him sob into her chest. She murmured soothing nonsense into his ear, the same way she did when Diana wouldn't go back to sleep.

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asterismos
2017-04-01 07:00 am UTC (link)

When Thomas was sad about one thing, he tended to suddenly remember every shitty thing that he had experienced or witnessed, or heard about and now was no exception.

"I miss Dad," he wailed, even though that hadn't been what set him off in the first place. It had been heavy on his mind lately anyway. Their father was dying and it was going to happen soon. There was barely anything left of him.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 07:07 am UTC (link)
	"I miss him too, Tommy," Maddy said softly. Their father barely recognized them anymore when they went to visit, and it broke her heart every time. He didn't have much time left, and they all knew it. "Talk to me, Tommy," she said, after a few moments. "I can almost hear your mind whirring." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 07:24 am UTC (link)
	Thomas finally leaned up, wiping his eyes frantically. He was still crying lightly, but he could talk. "I try not to think about it," he whispered. "About Beelzebub. It sneaks up on me sometimes." It didn't help that most of the people he loved had been sent videos of what he had been forced to do by the demon himself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 07:34 am UTC (link)
	Maddy could feel her face darkening. "I'm pretty sure if I ever see him, I'll strangle him with my bare hands," she muttered. "And I don't doubt that it does, Tommy. You went through a horrible experience. That sort of shit sticks with you." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 07:46 am UTC (link)
	Thomas huffed and dragged his hand through his hair. "Sexually assaulted me and made me an addict. Or at least made it worse. All because he wanted to get into my wife's bloomers. And now I see people like Trump getting rewarded despite the fact that they have been accused of sexual assault and I just- Why can't I be high again?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

aspectabund
2017-04-01 07:55 am UTC (link)

Maddy ran her fingers through his hair. "If I held with that sort of thing, I might say it's the end of days," she sighed. "Because you're right. It's disgusting and unfair, that someone like him is now the leader of the free world."

"And," she continued. "You can't be high, because you promised your son and your wife. And I'm pretty sure you don't have it in you to break that promise, because the last time they found pills in your room, they were really unhappy with you."

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	asterismos 2017-04-01 08:08 am UTC (link)
	"Fuck, I know," Thomas whispered. The look of betrayal on Jamie's face still haunted him. "But god it would be so good not to feel. So good. I mean have you ever had heroin?" He was mostly joking with that. "It's delightful." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 08:18 am UTC (link)
	"That face you're making is also a great argument for not letting you out of my sight for a bit," Maddy added. "Because I'm sure it would, but however good you feel would vanish in the wake of letting down your family. And no, I've never had heroin, it never really appealed to me. I have gotten stoned a few times, that was alright. But not much more than that." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 08:22 am UTC (link)
	Thomas sighed and leaned his head against Maddy's shoulder. "I really wouldn't," he said softly, "let me out of your sight." He groaned and wrapped his arms around her. "How did I end up like this?!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 08:42 am UTC (link)
	"Oh good, I hadn't planned on it," Maddy told him, a soft, tired sigh escaping her. She rested her head on top of his. "Well it's not your fault, Tommy," she added. "He decided to fuck with your life for his own kicks, he didn't care what happened afterwards." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 08:58 am UTC (link)
	She was right of course, but he still felt like a failure of a human sometimes. "Sometimes I hate myself so vehemently I can't- I can't even justify feeding myself because it feels like a waste of resources." Sure saying it out loud sounded crazy, but it was how he felt. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 09:06 am UTC (link)
	"Oh Tommy," Maddy said sadly. "I know that tell you you aren't isn't going to help things, because you have to believe it yourself. Just know that-I love you a bunch and I'm so happy that I live next to you. I love the way you love my daughter, and your son. And I love the way that you'll bend over backwards for the people you love." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 09:10 am UTC (link)
	"They're the only reason I'm still here," he admitted. "I mean you all are. I've got no other reason to stay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dump all of this on you." At least it gave poor Lena a break from hearing his self=pitying bullshit. "I should be the one showing symptoms of- Not Charlotte. It should be me." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 09:15 am UTC (link)
	"If you don't let it out, who are you going to tell?" she asked, leaning against him. "You know I don't mind. And in a fair world, neither of you would be showing symptoms. And I know, the world's not fair. But I do wish there was some way to make you both well." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

asterismos
2017-04-01 09:22 am UTC (link)

Thomas usually wished the same, but today he wished the symptoms were upon him. Not remembering things didn't seem so terrible today, and neither did death if he was honest. "I tell Lena. I fell Lena all the time. My poor wife. I don't want to tell Jamie, though sometimes I think he knows more than he lets on. I don't think it helps I'm in pain all the time. Makes me all broody."

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	aspectabund 2017-04-01 09:27 am UTC (link)
	"Well you know you can tell me if you want," she offered. "And he usually does; he's a sharp kid, that one. And, well, you're right, it probably doesn't, but you can't really help that." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 09:36 am UTC (link)
	"No," Thomas agreed, "if I could help it I would. You know what? I should do something. I mean to- I should- Holy shit, I should do something!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 09:39 am UTC (link)
	"...Do what, exactly, Tommy?" she asked. "About what?" Maddy was suddenly very confused, and feeling like she'd lost the thread of the conversation somewhere. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 09:54 am UTC (link)
	"Oh sorry, fuck-" Thomas jumped up, pacing back and forth then, wringing his hands. "I should start something. Or- Like a- Like a thing! Fuck. I mean for people who- A charity! I should start a charity for people who have been assaulted. I mean I know they're out there, but it's not enough. We need more. I can do this right? I can start something?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aspectabund 2017-04-01 10:12 am UTC (link)
	"Like a support system?" Maddy asked. "Of course you could, Tommy, and I think that in this climate, it would be a really great thing to start up." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	asterismos 2017-04-01 10:19 am UTC (link)
	"Yes! Like a support system! Peer support or something. I think so too. Holy shit, I'm going to start something." (Reply to this) (Parent)