Jesse (jdelacroix) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2015-09-05 00:51:00 |
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Entry tags: | jayden delacroix, jesse delacroix |
Who: Jesse Delacroix [can be open to the house, but also stands on its own]
What: Wish you were here
When: Friday, middle of the night
Where: Their house
Warnings: Doubtful
Jesse didn't remember his dreams all that often. If he did, they were either exceptionally pleasant, or they were nightmares. But tonight was different. When he thought about it later, he'd come to the conclusion that it wasn't all that strange. He'd been thinking about his mother more often lately, now that all four of them were under the same roof. He just never thought he'd have a dream about her.
He was walking down a stone path that cut through a park, all huge trees and dappled sunlight. This was Louisiana, he knew that, but not their old house. The boys had come to this park as children, and it was one of a few happy memories that Jesse had from his hometown. His mother had taken them from the time he and Adrian were old enough to run around and cause trouble. It made him smile faintly, recalling it.
"Hello, cheri."
Jesse slowly turned around. He hadn't seen her in 16 years, not since she'd died. She looked exactly the same as he remembered; dark wavy hair, even darker eyes. Jesse took after her the most of all her children, and it had made her smile. 'Ti kras lonbraj mwen', she'd called him. My little shadow. "Mama," he finally managed.
Denise Delacroix looked her oldest son up and down, smiling as she did so. "Look how handsome you are," she said. "You grew up good."
Jesse fought the urge to beam at the praise. He'd have given anything to hear his mother say those words in the waking world, but if he couldn't have that, he'd take this. "I've missed you, mama," he said, finding it hard to speak around the sudden lump in his throat.
"I know, cheri, and I'm sorry," she told him, sighing heavily. "I wish I could have been there to protect you, to see you and your brothers grow up. If I could change it, I would."
Jesse sat down on a nearby bench, and so did she. He rested his head on her shoulder, and she began to stroke his hair soothingly, the way she'd done when he was a boy. "The little ones turned out great," he said after a few moments. "You'd be proud."
"I always was," she murmured. "You were the best things I ever created. Now that you're all together again, you can have that happy house again. The littlest ones especially, but you all deserve it. I mean, Jayden...I missed my baby's whole life." She sighed, brushing a few tears away.
"He's so gifted, musically," Jesse told her proudly. "Sings and plays the piano like a pro. I sit and listen to him all the time. Isaiah's going to grad school, he's going to be an architect. Adrian left mission work, but he wants to go to school for something, he's still figuring it out."
His mother nodded, making pleased sounds as he filled her in. "And you, cheri?" she asked. "What do you want to do? Or have you figured it out already?"
Jesse sat silently for a moment, figuring out his reply. "For a long time, I just wanted to be happy and settled," he began. "Dad uprooted my whole life and forced me to fend for myself. But then I found Nicholas again, and he and JJ were there for me during a really difficult time, and having them in my life makes me feel complete. I love them so much, Mama. I think you would, too. They're the best people."
Denise looked down at her son, an exact copy of Jesse's own wry smile on her face. "I always knew you were meant to make your own way, even if it was different," she told him fondly. "So I'm just happy that you're happy, cheri. Look at your face when you talk about them, it's all there. They're good for you."
"They're good for all of us," Jesse agreed. "Nicholas just...opened his house to all of us. He takes care of all of us. We're family. It's wonderful. JJ and Jayden have bonded in a way that makes me so happy to see. It's our own little corner of peace. Maybe the road to get here was rocky as hell, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"Damn right," she answered, nodding decisively. She looked off to one side, at something Jesse couldn't see. "I have to go, cheri," she told him, and her voice was heavy and sad. "But I'm so glad you're doing so well."
"Please don't leave," Jesse said, a little desperately, but he didn't care.
She stood, pulling him up gently with her. She held Jesse in front of her for a few moments, as though to commit his face to memory. Then she pulled him into a tight embrace, resting her chin on his shoulder. Jesse inhaled her familiar scent, jasmine and fresh bread and a hint of sandalwood. He clung to her for as long as he could, before she finally pulled away, a proud, sad smile on her face. "Come see me again soon, ti kras lonbraj mwen," she said, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you so much."
"Love you too, Mama," Jesse said, his voice thick with tears as he watched her walk down the path away from him.
He woke up with tears on his face, and an ache in his chest. He hadn't felt his mother's loss that profoundly since he was 14, and now that his dream was playing in his head, he couldn't fall back asleep. Disentangling himself from the bed, he headed outside for a cigarette, curling himself up on the porch swing and watching the stars. Even if his conversation with his mother had been entirely in his own head, it felt...right, somehow. She would have wanted to know all those things, if she'd still been here. Right now, Jesse wished more than ever that she was.