J.S. Song (silenceisgolden) wrote in neogenesisrpg, @ 2009-01-05 11:03:00 |
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Entry tags: | dan hoffman, jason song |
Who: Jason Song, Dan Hoffman
What: Phone Call
When: Jan 3, evening
Where: Phonelines
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Jason spent most of his day hovering near his phone. There were a few times that he picked up the handset, but he lost his verve during the process of dialing. It was after a long trek back to his dorm room after visiting the cafeteria that he settled on getting past the dial tone to an actual ring.
He pressed Daniel's number on the keypad and held the handset tightly to his ear as he listened to the rings, silently counting the number until he heard another voice.
Before he had gone to bed, Dan had taken the time to do a select number of operations. He had saved his chat log with Jason, and the pictures, and he had added the other man's phone number to his list of contacts. It brought the tally up to fifteen. A respectable enough number, even if it included 911.
It was why, when his phone rang the next day, he couldn't pretend he didn't know who it was. If he chose not to answer, deceiving himself as to the reason would be a little difficult.
And anyway, what was the worst that could happen? They'd talk for a little while, hang up, move on. He needed to lighten up.
Backing out onto the balcony where the sounds of the vacuum weren't as loud, he took the call with a: "Hi, Jason."
Since the dorm phone lacked caller ID and not owning a cellphone led him to operate under the assumption that everyone else was the same. Which is why he replied with his practiced response, "Hi! This is Jason, from yesterday? Yeah, I said I'd call, so I'm calling."
Which knocked a bit of wind out of his sails when the other already knew who was on the line. Jason let out a nervous laugh, "I guess you would be expecting I'd call, huh? So...uh, yeah, hi."
If there was anything Dan hated it was not being prepared, because it could and had, in the past, meant trouble. Like a blind man needs to know how many steps he has to take to get from bathroom to bedroom, he had his list of things that needed to be within reach. Which was no explanation, really, as to why he felt he had to prepare himself to talk to a college kid he'd met online.
"Not expecting so much as, uh, hoping," Dan admited, breath leaving a puff of smoke in the open air.
Jason stammered a bit before he spoke, his stumbling over words less over nerves but honestly flustered by the other man saying he was hoping Jason would call. He almost giggled.
"I was hoping you'd answer. I'm glad you did. I, um, so, hmm..."
That he'd been thinking to ignore the call and just hope he never saw Jason or 4seasonsfan ever again seemed like the inappropriate thing to say so Daniel swallowed his words. Unfortunately, it also left him rather tongue-tied.
"So... how are you?" he found himself asking, trying to fill the silence.
"Okay. Cold. I had to walk all the way to the other side of campus just to eat. All of the close cafeterias are closed until break is over. I shouldn't complain, at least I don't have to pay for it." Jason laughed again and leaned back in the chair he was sitting in.
"So how are you?"
"Cold. I didn't know it could get so cold in Seattle," Daniel answered with a laugh, shivering. He didn't mind it, really. It was nice change from being indoors. (That his neurosis was supposed to keep him from appreciating the change didn't occur to him. He had a shrink to psycho-analyse him.)
"It's a nice day, though. Think it's gonna snow?" He had no idea if it was too warm for that still. He didn't pay attention to the weather. Didn't have to.
"At 37 degrees and 70% precip, it's wet enough for rain, but not cold enough for snow. At least that's what I get from the latest satellite feed." Jason answered matter-of-factly, even though he wasn't required to do so until the lab opened up again Jason had made it a point to keep track of the local weather trends. "Stop me if I start sounding like a weatherman."
"Wait, are you outside now?"
Daniel chuckled warmly, amused and impressed by the sheer amount of detail the other had on hand. "You're not. You're fine. Shame about the snow, though..."
He rolled a little closer to the ledge, the building behind and under him disappearing out of his field of vision. "Yeah. I just went outside to talk to you. It's noisy inside."
"Noisy? Do you have a roommate? Roommates? It is just quiet now because my dorm is mostly empty, once people start showing up again I bet it'll start sounding like I'm calling from a frat house or something."
Jason wound the phone cable around his finger and then his wrist. "You know, I'd feel bad if you got sick just cause you're out there to talk to me. Cold and wet weather tends to do that to people."
Dan smiled into the phone. "Nah, I live alone. It's uh... the maid. Cleaning. Loudly." And complex sentences, he decided, were overestimated anyway. "Don't worry about me. I won't get sick." He spent 24 hours out of 24 hours indoors. A hospital room had more germs than his home. But he couldn't tell Jason all those details, so he opted for a safer subject. "So you're not a fratboy, huh?"
"You have a maid? Cool. I guess you can afford one since you have a place downtown." Jason laughed again. "Not a fratboy. I'm not really into the college social scene. If I'm not doing school stuff or at work, I'm in the dorm."
Or shopping, but that particular habit he figured best to keep to himself. He didn't want to come off as shallow having such a materialistic hobby.
Daniel had the urge to kick himself. Way to go not to sound like a pompous ass. "It's, yeah, something like that," he replied, brushing over the subject. Jason didn't need to know sordid details about the fact that he couldn't take care of himself.
"I... empathize. I wasn't into the social scene either. In college or othewise. When do you find time to work?"
"I work overnight shifts at a grocery store. I get my sleep in between classes. It probably isn't healthy, but it works for me. I can always catch up on weekends, except the orchestra will probably cut into my off days." Jason rambled on his answer, and had to bite the inside of his cheek before he continued on the particulars of his schedule.
"It must be nice to work on your own time. Doesn't it get boring sometimes?"
He tried to picture Jason's life. The string of classes and readings and assignments and exams. The work in the evenings and the bags under his eyes in the mornings. Tried to work that into the pictures he'd seen of the man and coming up with little that was sufficiently concrete.
"It does. I wish I was still in college sometimes. Which you'll probably tell me is insane."
"It is insane. Unless it is like high school where you have to leave it to appreciate it," Jason smiled faintly, "I don't think you're missing out. Well, maybe hanging out with the polisci crowd. I'd love to be around to watch you cut some of them off their high horses."
Daniel grinned into the phone. "You can always tell them my blog address. I may not be able to do it live, but I'd still love to hear their opinions." And tear them down, like Jason suggested. Revisionism only worked if it was believed, anyway. "I'd love to hear what you're being taught these days. You know, first hand."
"Not much, if you listen to the pro-government types long enough." Jason sighed and shook his head. "For being a so called 'liberal' school, we have a lot of neocons in the polisci department. I'll make some fliers for your blog and pin them up on their board, maybe you'll get some hits from it. I'm kind of glad I'm a science major."
Daniel smiled at the thought even as it confirmed some of his own suspicions and the things he heard about and learned through other blogs. "I'm kind of glad you are, too," he agreed, loading the statement with a lot more meaning than was safe. "Or we'd be stuck arguing."
"I don't know, I think we'd get along even if I was a polisci major, I don't think I'd last long in the department though." Jason smiled warmly and teased, "There is probably something out there that we disagree on to argue about, I just can't think of anything yet."
"Think they'd conspire to throw out the voice of dissent?" he sugdested. "You're probably right. On both counts. But we've got politics in common, so that's... good." Daniel sneezed, delaying the end to the sentence for a brief moment. "Ah, sorry. Maybe you weren't that far off about that cold."
"You should go back inside," for emphasis to this point he used the admittedly cutesy cajoling voice that worked on his sister when he wanted to get his way, "please? I promise I won't rush you off the phone just because your maid is being noisy."
Dan hesitated, darting a look over his shoulder into the apartment. The maid was still vacuuming furiously but it was much too cold outside and he wasn't dressed for the weather, not by far. "You've been warned," he sighed, using one hand to roll the chair around, then asking Jason to hang on as he freed his other and rolled indoors fully. Per orders of his trainer, he was going to try and limit his time in the motor chair. "Okay," he picked up again, "I'm inside."
"It isn't that loud," Jason reassured, even though he could hear the vacuum as clearly as he could hear Daniel's voice. "I can still hear your voice. Nice voice, by the way, I don't think I mentioned that before. You even sound how I imagined. Really, I'm not making that up."
"What?" he found himself asking, grinning despite himself. "Like Fox Mulder?" He wondered what that said about him; that Jason likened him to a conspiracy nut. "Thanks. You too. You sound like I thought you would. And... you've got a nice voice." It was probably as far as Jason's imagination had taken him. There was no way he could picture the wheelchair. And Daniel liked it that way.
Jason choose to not comment on the other returning the comment about his voice, or that Daniel had thought on it before he called. Instead he kept on the easier topic to focus on.
"Come on, he's got a nice voice. It's all, you know, there is a quality about it. Like a voice I wouldn't mind listening to," Jason paused a moment, "...hey, you were just making fun of the Mulder thing weren't you! So does that make you a super secret FBI agent or something? Do you own trenchcoats and wear tailored suits, too?"
Daniel laughed. "Only a little. I just think it's funny that it crossed your mind. Makes me sound that much more cooler. Because no, I don't own any trenchcoats. I do think I have a suit, but I haven't worn it since I was your age, probably."
He hung the phone between ear and shoulder and rolled out of range of the vacuum, into the privacy of his own room. It felt a little like hiding from his parents again. "But I do own a Roswell poster."
"Well, if you were exactly like Mulder, I'd think you were making things up to impress me. Too good to be true and all of that." Jason laughed, "Not that I'm disappointed at all, in fact, I really like what I know. I don't have a Roswell poster, but do Hubble images count? Before you ask, I don't have any cloud or lightning posters, I'm not that much of a weather geek."
"What about tornado pictures?" Daniel queried with a smile. "Tropical storms flattening trees? Snow? I'm pretty sure you can't be a science major without Hubble images. Maybe with a double helix thrown in there somewhere." He didn't comment on the Mulder thing because while he wasn't making things up, he wasn't being honest either. It was a fine line.
"Maybe a few tornado prints, and a satellite view of Hurricane Fluffy." Jason answered as he scanned his eyes over the decorations lining his walls, "Okay, so I have one lightning picture, but it was lighting a nighttime twister so it doesn't count."
"Which one was Hurricane Fluffy?" he asked, amused at the cute name for the destructive phenomenon. "That sounds like cheating. And I mean. You don't know. Maybe I find weather geeks attractive. " He cringed as the words left his mark. One creepy old man? Check.
Jason had to stand and look at the back of the photo, it was a pacific hurricane he tracked his sophomore year, he forgot what the official name was. He laughed loudly when he saw it, "Okay, I'm not making this up. Hurricane Fluffy was actually Hurricane Daniel, passed over Hawai in 2006i. I'm not saying it just because you might find weather geeks attractive, it's the truth."
He couldn't help but laugh again. "Maybe I should take that as a sign."
Daniel laughed, he couldn't help it. It was more apropos than he'd expected and he colored a little at the way the conversation was going. Harmless flirting, of course. That was all. "Nice. Do science majors believe in signs? And here I was thinking you'd be all about proof and facts and certainties."
"Some scientists only believe in probability and coincidences, but I'm not like that." Jason mused as he picked up and shook his tornado in a bottle. "Science can explain a lot of things, but there has to be something for all of the things science doesn't. I'll take superstition and signs until science can explain them. Sometimes I think things just are."
Jason sat the bottle on the table and watched the vortex of water swirl around. "Just because the answers aren't there for me to see or expect to find, doesn't mean the answers don't exist. I mean, you exist."
Daniel reread the text on the framed poster in his room as he listened, smiling absently. "I'm an answer?" he teased. He'd followd Jason's reasoning to a point, but he was finding it more interesting to see how at ease the other man was in talking to him. Like they were old friends.
Jason laughed. "You are. Now that I'm thinking about what I said. Don't ask to what question, because I'm not going to tell you." Jason answered as he fanned his face with a hand, willing the flush to go away even though no one could see it.
"Okay," Daniel relented, laughter audible in his voice. "I'm not going to ask." He switched the phone from one ear to the other. "I'm glad you called me, Jason."
"I'm glad I called you, so does that mean it is okay to call you again?" Jason asked, even though wanting to meet Daniel in person was what he really wanted, he didn't have the nerve to voice it.
Before he could reconsider it, Daniel nodded. "Yes." Jason wouldn't be able to see him - thank god - but the answer was breathy enough that it didn't make much difference. "Whenever you want."
"I, I'll do that, and you can call me whenever too. Even if I'm not here, I'll call you back when I get home." Jason paused, and then added in a rush of words spoken barely over a whisper, "If you ever wanted to meet me somewhere, that would be okay too."
"I, uh..." Daniel swallowed hard. "I'll call you but I don't think we should rush... into anything." He cringed at the let down, not buying it any more than he imagined Jason would. But short of telling him the truth, this was the best he could do. "Is that okay?"
"Ye, yeah, that's okay," Jason responded cheerfully to try to mask the disappointment in his voice, and assumed it was because of his age and obvious lack of experience to be the reason over anything else. "I'm okay with phone calls."
"Yeah?" Dan smiled. "Okay." He couldn't help the warmth that bloomed in his chest at the thought that someone wanted to see him. It wasn't a feeling born out of a good place, but he enjoyed it, however briefly he gave into it. "Besides, you'll be busy with the orchestra."
"I'd make time, somehow. I won't be that busy, at least I hope so," Jason replied quickly, "you know, later on. Assuming a later. Hoping for...well? Damn. Starting over."
Jason took a deep breath. "Yeah."
"Assume a later," Dan replied, biting on his tongue to silence laughter. "I mean. I'd like to. I just think you should... think about this. And not rush into anything. It's not like I'm going anywhere."
"I don't think I'm rushing into anything," Jason wasn't whining, but he was dangerously close to it. "It's just. It's how I am. I like to see my friends when I talk to them."
"Webcam?" Dan found himself suggesting. "It's just as good and you don't have to make time or anything..." He wasn't sure why he offered.
"Don't you know that webcams are for perverts?" Jason teased lightly, "I don't know how much one would cost, but I guess that could work too."
Dan choked a little on his laughter. "Ah, erm... not how I meant it, I swear. Although meeting up with internet people is on the level, you know." He went for playful even as he felt himself blush.
"I don't plan on making a habit of this. I'd want to meet you even if I didn't find you on the internet, in a chatroom. Thinking about it? I'd be putting off meeting me too." Jason laughed, more at himself.
"That's not what I meant," Daniel answered with a tight-lipped smile. "It's not you. Look, Jason, I'm sure you're a nice guy... but I'm not" - the kind of guy you're looking for - "really interested in getting involved with a college kid."
Jason fell silent, even though Daniel's words confimed his suspicions, any hope that he could be wrong evaporated. He realized he had to say something, try not to sound wounded, and assure the other man that all he really wanted was friendship. All that came out, however, was "Oh."
Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off a headache. It wasn't what he'd meant to say. It wasn't what he meant or thought or felt but it was what came out. "Jason... I'm sorry. I didn't meant to make it sound like... I like you. But I'm trying to be honest." Bullshit. He was lying through his teeth.
"I understand." Even though he still felt like he was missing something. Though that could be attributed to him reading too much into and taking too much stock into their conversation. "I...I'd still like to be your friend."
"So would I," Dan answered, a little too quick, a little too desperate. Talk about mixed signals and contradictory information. "I meant it when I said I'm glad you called. I wasn't having a very good day."
"Yeah? I'm still glad I called," Jason replied though he wasn't so sure he was being completely honest given how he felt, but he was grateful for the possible change of subject. "I'm a good distraction."
"You are," Dan confirmed it, wetting his lips. Wishing he had the nerve to say the things he should. "You're a refreshing change from your average blogger on a sanctimonious trip. That would be me, by the way. In case you couldn't tell."
"I kind of figured from the college thing," Jason deflected with a self-deprecating laugh. "I'd rather talk to you than most of the people I have to talk to on campus."
Dan bit his lip. "I'd rather talk to you than people on campus too. Especially polisci majors." For a joke, it felt majorely flat after his previous let down. It was better than leading Jason on.
"You might enjoy it, it would be good for someone to challenge their worldviews." Jason pointed out, still trying to pick up his bruised ego and brush it off. "Start a revolt in the department just because you could."
"Throw a wrench in government-sanctioned educational brainwashing?" he suggested with a wry grin. "Too much effort. They've already been corrupted." He could hear the edge in Jason's voice, knew he'd put it there, but lost as to how to fix it. Ten years of caring only for himself made social relations a little strange when the people in question weren't working for him. Weren't faces behind a screen.
"There are impressionable freshmen who haven't been completely brainwashed. With the right arguments, you might change some minds. If anyone could do it..." Jason paused a breath and worked up a smile when he continued, "I'm serious about posting fliers just to see what happens."
"A social experiment?" he teased. "Isn't that a little outside your domain? Or are you planning they'll curse me into the eye of a storm?" He didn't have high hopes about changing minds. The more he blogged, the more he read and the less it seemed like popular opinion would ever be altered.
"All of the above?" Jason teased back. "Whatever happens, at least we'll have something to talk about."
Dan laughed, switching the phone to his free hand. "Not if they curse me into that storm. Then you'll just be talking to yourself."
Jason laughed and clarified. "Not a hurricane or a tornado, but I'd be happy with a low-grade tropical storm. With hail."
"Oh thanks," he snorted. "So I'll be running for my life but potentially surviving? I appreciate it." He wondered if it was all joke or if his imagination and his guilt made it into more than that.
"Fine, light hail, nothing bigger than a dime. You'd be lucky if you got worse than getting drenched from the rain. Better?" Jason countered, his smile showing a little easier.
"As long as no big blocks of ice hit me in the head," he countered, amused that they were bargaining for his hypothetical punishment. "You'll at least let me know before it hits, right? So I have the foresight to bring an umbrella."
"I'll give you a warning, but it would be a waste to bring an umbrella with all of the wind shear. The wind would just turn it inside out." The mental image was at the very least amusing. "It serves you right."
"Thanks a lot," Daniel laughed. "You're just out to get me. That's not very nice. But indulge me. What would you bring out in the middle of a small tropical storm? A wetsuit?"
"I'm just out to get you," Jason agreed teasingly, "so why would I indulge you? For all you know, I'd just tell you all of the things you shouldn't bring."
"Because you're a nice guy and it'd make my failure all the more amusing to watch?" Dan found himself suggesting. "Come on, I've seen you online. There's a Machiavellian bone in you somewhere."
"Okay, well, a wetsuit is a good start. Since there is hail, you'll need to cover your head. I recommend a motorcycle helmet. The kind with the full visor. Don't waste your time on an umbrella. Oh, and wear boots at least two sizes too big." Jason laughed, "You'll be safe, but look stupid."
"Oh man, that's just cruel. If the storm doesn't kill me, shame might!" He thought about telling him to factor in a wheelchair, but lost the nerve before the words could make it past his lips. "Why the extra large boots? So I can fill them with stones and make sure I drown properly?"
"I was thinking along the lines of wet socks. My evil, sadly, is weak." Jason sighed. "But if you're in an area with risk of flooding, wear floaties."
"I'll keep that in mind, Machiaveli's good twin," he teased, unsure whether to give any details about where he lived. Downtown seattle was big and could mean a lot of things. "I think I'm okay as far as flooding goes. It'd have to be something Biblical to reach the twentieth floor from the ground."
"Wow, a maid and a place on the twentieth floor, impressive. I guess that goes along with being older and accomplished," Jason quipped in reply, sounding far more sarcastic or bitter than he intended. "Worst you'd have to worry about is maybe a cracked window."
Daniel gave a little laugh, more out of politeness than anything else. "Yeah, something like that. Or the foundation weakening and the building starting to tilt. Tower of Pisa-like." A shrug that Jason couldn't see. "Anyway."
"By the time tropical storms get this far north it is just rain, so..." Jason shrugged and knocked the bottle on its side. "Moving on."
"Moving on," he repeated, annoyed with himself for driving the conversation in circles. "I should probably go. I'm sure you've got other things to do besides entertaining me..."
"Yeah, something like that." Jason sighed and glanced listlessly at all of the other things in his room. "Practice or read up on sea mammals. Fascinating stuff."
"I don't want to keep you from important things," Daniel commented weakly. "We can talk again. I can call you tomorrow. If you want."
"Sure," Jason replied as he rolled the bottle across the edge of the desk for Hwarang to chase after. "I'd like it if you'd call. I'll be here."
"Okay. Tomorrow." It felt like a goodbye, so he didn't press it. "It was... nice talking to you." All - bullshit excuses - things considered.
"It was nice talking to you too. Tomorrow, right?" Jason let out a humorless laugh. "I should go. Goodnight. Bye."
"Bye." Daniel hung up with a sigh, torn between relief and a sense of failure. He wasn't sure how the conversation could've gone any better but the possibility nagged at him long after he set aside the cellphone and turned on his computer.
Jason set the handset down, feeling a sense of disappointment he didn't expect to feel when even he figured there was a chance the other man wasn't interested in him. Yet he couldn't help but replay their conversation in his mind, and couldn't help but try to figure out what he had done wrong.