Daniel (danhoffman) wrote in neogenesisrpg, @ 2009-02-15 22:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | dan hoffman, jason song |
Who: Dan and Jason
What: Relaxing.
When: Saturday, 14th, evening.
Where: Dan's.
Rating: PG
His feet on the ottoman, Dan couldn't help keep an eye on where he'd left his wheelchair. It was second nature, but he was getting better at managing the paranoia. The pills were helping a lot more than therapy ever hand but they didn't come without consequences. Nothing ever did; from the luxury of having Jason in his apartment overnight to the gamble that was making his position towards the government publicly known. But where being with Jason was a risk, it was one they'd both agreed to take. And somehow, having him stretched out on the couch and changing channels was about as rewarding as it was mundane. At least they were both alive.
"Don't fall asleep," he muttered softly.
"I'm not," Jason turned his head to look at Dan and smiled at him, "I thought you were asleep. I was watching QVC for the past thirty minutes and you didn't say anything. Even when the model came out wearing almost the exact thing I'm wearing right now."
Jason changed the channel to a random news channel and set the remote on the armrest. "Nothing else on, it's all romantic Valentine's Day stuff."
Dan flicked his shoulder gently. "Of course nothing else is on. It's like Christmas. For one day the words stands still to drown in heart shaped chocolates and plushies."
He threw an eye on the TV, mild interest rising in him at a news segment about protests in Chicago. Not so still after all.
"Ha," Jason elbowed him lightly and teased, "you're just bitter I forgot to get you anything. Come on, admit it, you were expecting at least some candy...I could always make you a heart out of something if it'll make you feel better. Or I can change the channel to Beck, I know how much you love to hate that man's continued existence."
"So... lesser of two evils?" he snorted. "It's fine. Celebrating Valentine's is the last thing I want to do." Last thing he'd had time to think of recently. "You don't have to make me feel better. This is... this good enough."
"Exactly," Jason nodded with a faint smile, "I'd rather be here doing nothing, than anywhere else." He fell silent when the news anchor mentioned the results of this week's lotteries in varies cities and the reactions to them. "Crazy, isn't it?"
"Absolutely insane," he concurred. It didn't quite cover it, but it was close. He brushed a hand through Jason's hair before dropping it to the back of the couch. "Want to change the channel?"
"Do you?" Jason queried as he brushed his fingertips across the back of Dan's palm, not holding on to his dominant hand in case he wanted to pick up the remote, "It's your TV. I'm not really watching. I'm just here."
"I'm not watching either," he confessed and, predictably, reached for the remote. "I'm glad you're 'just here'. Don't knock it." The TV shut off. The remote fell to the armrest.
"I'm not knocking it, just stating facts," Jason smiled and sat up to looked over at the collection of remotes scattered near the couch, "which one works the sound system? Music is good, right?"
Dan pointed rather than tell him. "What do you feel like listening to? The Paganini violin concertos escaped destruction." Not something they talked about.
"I don't know if I'm more surprised that they didn't destroy the Paganini, or that you actually have a Paganini collection," Jason muttered with a sigh and slumped back on the couch against Dan's side. "I'm sorry. Next time I'll bring a bunch of CDs."
"It's a cruel coincidence," Dan nodded, brushing fingertips against his side. "I'll get Vivaldi for tomorrow." Or next time, whenever that would be. These days, they seemed to spend most of their free time together.
"It shouldn't have happened," Jason said quietly and captured the man's hand with his own. He closed his eyes and swollowed back the feeling of anger that alway came whenever he thought of what happened. He took a deep breath and smiled, "hey, don't worry about it. I'll let you borrow mine and you can show me how to burn copies. So TV's out, music's out, what else?"
"I don't have any more violins that you can play," Dan breathed, half-teasing, half-apologetic. He didn't want to dwell on what had happened but at the same time it seemed pretty impossible to avoid. Intertwining their fingers together, he brushed his thumb against Jason's cheek. "Do we have to do anything?"
"I couldn't play them even if you had one, doctor's orders," Jason shrugged faintly, as limiting as having sprained wrists was, he couldn't help but feel grateful for the free time that came with it. It was somewhat sad that it took such extreme circumstances for him to even consider taking even a little time off.
He smiled and shook his head, "Even if I could, I wouldn't want to, because I'd have to move. I can just stay here, with you, like this."
It was just as they'd been sitting the last time, but that was where the similarities ended. They weren't so oblivious anymore - and he was not so confident.
After a pause, Dan sighed and pressed his lips into his temple. "Are we going to talk about the pink elephant or just ignore it?"
"Which one?" Jason sighed, "I think there are at least three or four. I mean, I'm not ignoring, really...I just, I don't know what to say. Right now, when I close my eyes, everything's okay and nothing's changed."
"We're together, that's not going to change." A few days back, he wouldn't have been able to say it with as much determination. Now it felt set in stone. "I don't know if I need to tell you but what happened to you and me... there was no reason for it. And no warning. I didn't do anything illegal. But that might change in the near future."
"I'm scared, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, I'm scared of what will happen to you. I believe you didn't do anything, I didn't do anything. You ended up in the hospital, and I...what would they do to you if you really did do something? That's what scares me."
Dan let out a long breath. "If I don't do anything, chances are we'll just disappear and no one will know where." It was a depressing thought, but the time for mincing words was over. "Don't really think... don't really think any of us are going to get out of this scot free if we just wait."
"I know that, I'm not saying I don't want you to do anything," Jason sighed and tightened his hold on Dan's hand, "I just don't like feeling like I can't do anything. I want to help."
"You know how okay I am with that..." he sighed, "but I'm not going to fight you. You don't need me to protect you."
"It's not like I don't need you to protect me, I know you could if I'd let you." Jason smiled faintly, "I just need to do what I have to do, what I should do. I've always put the people I love before me, it goes against who I am if I didn't."
"Hey, you have an urge to be a knight in shinning armor, I'm not going to stop you," Dan teased warmly. "What about your sister? She's going to be involved in this, even if I don't want her to be."
"I should buy some armor and get a pony," Jason laughed softly, "I don't want Jaemi involved either. I still can't believe the lottery paired her with you. I mean, part of me is glad that she's paired with you and not some psychotic ex-con. It just makes everything more...complicated."
"Does she know what she's going to be associated with?" It was a covert way of asking if he'd told her about them. About the arrest and everything that involved. "I mailed her the marriage registration papers. We can push for annulment once they've been processed."
"She knows she's been paired with her twin's boyfriend, I still haven't told her what happened to me. Mom thinks I was mugged. I haven't had the heart to tell them." Jason shook his head, " They've got so much to worry about. They just moved here, have a new job, and got paired...it just a lot to deal with. What if the annulment doesn't go through?"
"Then she'll have to move in," Dan admitted, as coolly and unemotionally as he could given the topic. "I won't share what happened with either of them. Promise." It was in his interest. "I don't want this to bother you."
"I'm jealous, she'll get to move in with you and I have to live with my mom and her new husband," Jason muttered half-teasing, it was still hard for him to admit how much the situation bothered him, "did I tell you he's one of my professors?"
Dan gaped a little. "No... that's... that's an interesting coincidence." Uncomfortable too, by the sound of it. "But think of it this way. You'll have a reason to come see me more often than not. Your sister will be here."
"At least I'll have better excuses as to why I'm spending the night at another man's place," Jason smiled warmly, "and I'll get to spend more time with my sister. It's a win-win in a twisted sort of way."
His fingers drifted to Jason's wrist. "This... is twisted," he murmured, tracing the outline of swollen flesh. "The rest is just an arrangement to make things easy on everyone." He sighed softly. "If I stay married to your sister, get the shots every month, the Readjustment Center will stay off our backs."
"For awhile anyway, eventually they'll catch on that it is all just for show," Jason echoed Dan's sigh, he tilted his head to the side to meet the other man's gaze, "it could work. Right?"
"It's a shot," Dan agreed. "I'll do what I can to keep you... as long as I can." But once the government caught on - if they hadn't already - it would be out of their hands.
Jason nodded and pulled himself up so he could wrap his arms around Dan in a tight hug. It warmed him to hear those words, that the other man felt the same way. "Me too."
Dan held him tightly, arms around him and lips pressed against his neck. His door could get kicked in and it wouldn't matter. He was ready to go, right now. Like this.
Jason kissed his forehead, his cheeks, and his lips. He pulled back and whispered, "I love you." He couldn't take his feelings and the time they spent together for granted. Dan's warning about how this could end were still at the front of his mind, and he wished more than anything that he would be proven wrong.