Who: Dan Hoffman & Jason Song What: Chatting online. When: Jan 2, late night. Where: Online Rating: PG Status: Complete
There was a week left of winter break, and unlike most of his peers, Jason couldn't wait for it to end. Due to his inflexible schedule at work, he couldn't spend the entirety of it with his family in California. Instead, the day after Christmas he was back in Seattle.
Campus was practically a ghost town. Almost all of the buildings were empty. The silence was a bit unnerving. Even more so since it seemed that he was the only person who returned early to his dorm building. The lone operating cafeteria was located in the dorm on the opposite side of campus, which merely amplified the feeling of isolation.
If that wasn't enough to wish the end of the winter break, Jason was bored. Hwarang was wonderful company, for a kitten, but she had run out of patience playing with her human. Which left him in search of other things to keep busy until time for his next shift at work. He brought out his violin, which was entertaining if only for Hwarang's attempts to communicate in response to the noise.
After all was said and done, the violin, the books he read, and the sites he visited were really merely attempts to avoid turning to the first thing he had in mind to do. Something he had relied on almost every day since he returned to the empty dorm. 4seasonsfan: Hello? Any signs of life?
Daniel had a short list of things he enjoyed and among those, he could usually knock off two or three out of a lack of interest at any given time. Too much effort, too little time, too hard to get to or enjoy by himself. It was why he didn't bother with cooking unless he knew there were people to appreciate it (or die from food poisoning as a result) and why he'd long since given up on trying to weed through a movie from beginning to end unless there were was someone else he could mock it with later.
In sum, he happened to end up with more time than he knew what to do with and not enough hobbies to fill it. And like all grumpy old men, he figured there was only one way to be efficient and spend it doing something worthwhile. Ranting qualified for the job.
With Aida playing louder than was necessary and thanking whatever architect had designed his apartment building for having the foresight to factor in thick walls, he logged into his computer, loading up the usual chat programs as he pulled up the forums he frequented most. There was a new op-ed in the Washington Post that was widely discussed and two clips showing police-brutality at a protest in downtown Chicago. Dan pulled the keyboard closer to him, readying a reply when an alert popped up in a corner of the screen.
4seasonsfan Familiar sn. Familiar face, as it were.
Switching to the chatroom, Daniel typed a quick reply.
rustin peace: the prodigal son returns. worried your fingers caught frostbite.
Jason was rather new to internet socializing. It was never really anything that interested him before college, he was always someone who prefered the sounds of voices and being able to see who he is with over befriending anonymous individuals. Yet, here he was actually looking forward to seeing words typed by others on his screen. He even had favorites. The quick reply brought a smile, it was nice to know he had been missed.
4seasonfan: I wasn't gone that long. Did I miss anything?
rustin peace: the sky fell. got glued back together. the usual.
Daniel smiled, police brutality momentarily forgotten. Chatrooms weren't like real life, but they were close, and Dan almost preferred them to talking face to face with anyone. It meant he didn't have to watch his mannerisms or smile to be polite. And it didn't matter if he was thirty-five or sixteen. If could walk or not. Those were all details behind the screen.
After a pause, he went on:
rustin peace: any happy surprises from Uncle Sam?
4seasonsfan: Not really. The last lottery went through, both me and my sister weren't called. The only surprise is I got a call the other day from a professor in the music department, one of the violinists from the competitive orchestra had to be pulled out for the program. He asked if I'd be interested in the spot. I don't know what I'm going to do about it.
Jason sighed at himself, he hadn't even told his family about the news. At the start of the year he had auditioned, but due to his lack of practice didn't make the cut. To be offered a spot, even if because there was probably no one else left, was a big deal for him. The first person he tells? His friend on the internet.
4seasonsfan: How about you? Any calls from Uncle Sam?
Daniel turned Dame Kiri te Kanawa down on the stereo and returned his hands to the keyboard. What little he knew about '4seasonsfan' was resumed to a shared love of music and a fascination with the sky. Yet that didn't stop either of them from sharing details about their lives like they knew each other. On some level, it wasn't a lie. It was just a little unconventional.
rustin peace: unless it clashes with your schedule, you should take it. sounds like you'll get some practice and widespread adulation out of it.
rustin peace: i've been waiting on a call from uncle sam for years. i think he lost my number.
It didn't matter that the other man couldn't see or hear him, Jason laughed and shook his head at the response. It was the other man's way with words that attracted Jason's attention in the first place. Their shared interests more than enough to keep it.
4seasonsfan: More practice, yes. Widespread adulation? Have you heard me play? If you did, it would be more honest to use 'take pity.' If I took it, I won't have much time to be online. Wouldn't you miss having me around?
Daniel quirked a smile, humming along with the first bars of Celeste Aida. Smooth like water, it flowed through his fingertips, altered his mood ever so slightly. (It was the music, of course. Nothing else.)
rustin peace: didn't think of that. you could always liveblog your experience in the orchestra. bring the ardent rivalry between the woodwind and string sections to light. are the percussionist really plotting to take over every piece. is the conductor playing favorites.... you can be the mole.
Jason smiled, rustin was clearly in a playful mood tonight. Of course it was tinged with his usual conspiracy theorist angles, but it was still light hearted. Just what he had gotten used to expecting. Even if he wasn't missed, he'd miss being able to have conversations like this.
4seasonsfan: I think I'd join the orchestra just to keep you posted on every scandalous detail. I'll need to make sure to buy a lock for my case, I wouldn't want to get sabotoged. We'll need code names.
rustin peace: and wiretapping. you know the harp player is plotting something dangerous with so heavy an instrument. and you'd have to watch your back. i hear competition is fierce between violins and violas.
Daniel paced himself. He was typing too much again and too fast. It was against chatroom etiquette. Other usernames showed up in the sidebar, more and more people logging in.
rustin peace: 4seasonsfan, private room?
While they chatted often, it was typically just exchanging banter in the chatroom among the regular vistors of the chat. Even though as of late, they seemed to spend more attention to each other than the rest. Jason's response to the invitation to a private chat was understandably quick.
4seasonsfan: Private room, we wouldn't want the wrong eyes to fall on our plans. :)
Daniel pulled open another window, selecting 4seasonsfan out of the user list to invite him. He rarely did this with other users on this chatsystem, always finding the fast-paced rhythm of an aria on ten, twelve or thirty voices to be more captivating than a one on one. Still, he broke the rules this time around, neglecting the main chatroom for the private.
rustin peace: your secret's safe, whistle blower. this doesn't look at all suspicious.
Jason as a rule stayed in the main chatroom, mostly due to his inexperience in using the chat software. He wasn't even sure if he had done it right until he saw the words appear in the other window.
4seasonsfan: I have to trust you on that. Aren't you the expert?
A smile tugged at his lips. He had no illusions about how he was perceived - conspiracy nut was just a name among many - but sometimes, just sometimes, his reputation proved to be of use.
rustin peace: i'll take that as a compliment. what's on the repertoire for the orchestra ? so you don't attract undue attention ;)
4seasonsfan: You should. ;) Of course they're playing something baroque and Italian and will totally highlight how out of practice I really am. Vivaldi's Opus 9 La Cetra. Auditions for chairs are next Monday.
Jason sighed and glanced at the violin case resting against his desk. If he really expected to be placed as a soloist he'd be practicing instead of chatting, but at least he was realistic about his chances.
4seasonsfan: I just have to show up. I'm hoping none of the soloists get picked between now and opening night. I'd never sleep.
rustin peace: shame. opus 3 is much better. less sophisticated, richer than 9. better solos for violin as well.
One hand strayed from the keyboard to the mouse, queuing up said concerto on the computer. It filtered through with soft notes, clashing temporarily with the stereo before he shut it off. Daniel let himself savor the music a moment.
rustin peace: think there's a chance your name could be on that shortlist? there is worse news you could get :)
He threw an eye into the main chatroom, gaze catching over the lines of text. Wrinkling at the corners in amusement when someone commented on their absence.
4seasonsfan: I think the director knows the well he has to draw from isn't deep. If it was 3 I wouldn't even be thinking about it, I would have turned him down. I'm on the shortlist only because the government took out my competition. ;)
Jason could easily imagine the music in his mind. His father was a huge fan of Vivaldi's work, and it was played often. Feeling a pang of nosalgia would override his good mood, Jason paused to place a random rock CD in the drive and turned up the volume.
While the playlist loaded, he took a peek at the main chat and gaped. He switched back to the private channel and typed out with a smirk.
4seasonsfan: I think they're starting to get suspicious. We'll need a cover story too.
Daniel grinned to the screen, its white-blue light reflecting against his glasses. It was a little creepy, a little cool, but there was no one there to see either. No one he felt the need to justify his smile to. Switching back to the main window, he typed quickly:
rustin peace: i can throw something political and controversial in to distract them. ;) there was a good op-ed in the Post this morning. well worth the read.
If only to tear it apart. He pulled it up again, in another tab, scanning over the title. Highlighting the link and copy-pasting it into the chat window.
rustin peace: think it's juicy enough?
Jason shrugged, he rarely read the op-eds in the local newspaper or anywhere else. That sort of thing was more in line with the polisci majors.
4seasonsfan: I don't know. What was it about? I should probably say hello, it is weird that I haven't mentioned the weather once. It's snowing and cold, just like it was yesterday. I think they'll be suspicious anyway. HelloKitty310's pretty insistent that all private chats are for cyber or hookups.
rustin peace: an argument in favor of pushing the age of consent to 14 around the country. slippery slope and all that.
A pause, another copy-paste, this time into the main comm, attaching a 'check out the shinny, happy future, boys and girls'. It was a greeting more familiar to him than saying hi. Regulars in the chatroom were familiar with it.
rustin peace: if HelloKitty310 says so, we must be doing it wrong.
There are sick people in the world.
With apropos timing, Jason typed his usual 'Hi all' followed by a smiley face. Except that the emoticon was more of a wink than a smile.
4seasonsfan: We are doing it wrong. Not that we are doing anything but plotting the downfall of a possibly corrupted orchestra. Right?
rustin peace: tell me about it.
In the main chat window, he flagged HelloKitty a wink and an arrow to his previous post. Read it and stop speculating would've been too direct.
rustin peace: no possibly about it. all orchestras are corrupt because they function on a basis of leadership by a non-elected official ;) did you know communist poland tried to have concerts without conductors?
Jason laughed loud enough that he woke Hwarang from her slumber. He picked up the groggy kitten and placed her on his lap once she padded over.
4seasons fan: I didn't know that. :D How did that work out for them?
Daniel smirked to the screen, enjoying the conversation more than a little. It wasn't often that he got to share the sheer amount of trivia that he stored with no outlet.
rustin peace: not so well. chaos. no one could agree on anything. strings put percussion in its place. Vivaldi would've wept.
4seasonsfan: I should have guessed. Fill a stage with musicians, some sheet music, and expect them all to play nice? Wouldn't happen. It would be funny to watch an attempt though.
Jason peeked at the main chat, and found nothing worth of note. He decided that he'd follow up one piece of trivia with another.
4seasonsfan: Did you know there is a species of octopus with the scientific name of Wunderpus Photogenicus?
Daniel glanced at the main chat and then back into the private window. 4seasonsfan was good competition and he found himself wondering about the face behind the name.
rustin peace: throw the option out to your orchestra. be the che guevara of our time.
rustin peace: Wunderpus Photogenicus? thought you were a meteorology major, not a zoologist.
4seasonsfan: I wouldn't want the resulting chaos traced back to me. It will need planning.
Jason was surprised that the other had remembered that detail about him. While he mentioned school often, and seemed to have a extraordinary interest in the weather he only mentioned his major a few times. It really wasn't the sort of major a person bragged about.
4seasonsfan: It's actually called atmospheric sciences here, but means the same. Since it is an Earth science I have to take any related courses. This semester I have marine biology, so I'm reading ahead. Oh, there's a species of mollusk called bittium, with a genus called ittibittium.
rustin peace: which proves once more that scientists have a greater sense of humor than comedians themselves. iitibittium. known for its itty bitty size, I presume? very scientific.
Daniel opened a google page, trying to pull up an image. Genuine curiosity mixed with interest in the other's knowledge.
rustin peace: no hope of seeing them around here, huh? Google says they're fond of warmer waters.
Jason flipped open the last page of his textbook that he had read and confirmed what the other typed.
4seasonsfan: That's what the book says. I think they've just discovered so many species they're running out of names, so they get to be creative. Anyway, scientists have great senses of humor. I'm almost one, and I'm funny right?
rustin peace: hilarious ;) but you're not planning on becoming a marine biologist so i guess your sense of humor will go unnoticed. unless you plan on naming hurricanes. there's plenty of those to go around.
Daniel threw a glance over the other chatwindow, realizing he'd completely lost the thread of their conversation. Shame, but he could deal. He was amply entertained.
4seasonsfan: I doubt any of the names I could come up with for a hurricane would be accepted. I mean, last year I convinced the lab that we'd call all developing tropical storms Bozo, at least until they got official names. The year before it was Fluffykins. Ok, those are kind of lame.
Jason's hands hovered over the keyboard briefly, unsure of what he should type next. There was something he had wanted to, but he wasn't sure about the netiquette. The curiousity was there.
4seasonsfan: Speaking of names, mine's Jason, well that's one way you can say it. Probably the easiest. What's yours?
Daniel read the two messages one right after the other and paused. Took the easiest first. The one that didn't require shedding part of the interne mask he loved so much.
rustin peace: Bozo the tropical storm. it could work. if you can get any weather anchors to say it without smiling. might be a little inappropriate when they're covering massive destruction.
rustin peace: Daniel. Nice to "meet" you, Jason.
Jason smiled, at least now he had a name to go with the screen name and all of the other random bits of information he knew about the person behind it.
4seasonsfan: Probably why Hurricane Fluffy would never make it to primetime. It's nice to "meet" you too. Really, including all of the other times we've chatted, I don't know why I didn't introduce myself sooner.
Daniel had a few theories, most of which were entirely mired in his own issues and insecurities but which did, nevertheless, sound plausible. However secure, the internet was still the playground of perverts and idiots and there was no point in introducing yourself to every single one. Not to mention some personas just fit better without a gender attached. (Take HelloKitty310 for example. He'd much rather have thought of her as a liberated woman than a perverted old man.)
rustin peace: better late than never.
And he took his turn to break another internet rule.
rustin peace: whereabouts on the planet are you?
Jason, in his earnestness lacked that sort of filter or world weariness and happily typed out the requested information and then some.
4seasonsfan: Seattle. I moved here from somewhere in California, and before that Gangneung (I dare you to pronounce it!). How about you?
rustin peace: it's a very, very small world out there. seattle now. long island orginally. (supposedly israel before that, but i don't believe it ;))
He did with Gangneung what he did with the mollusk and let google lead him to the wiki page describing the location. The result wasn't far from what he'd expected, but he stayed on the page, reading beyond the name and the country and the population.
rusting peace: and do you like coastal towns?
4seasonsfan: What part? If you don't mind me asking, Seattle's a big city. Long Island's on the east coast, right? (so you're a foreigner too?)
Jason paused as he thought over the answer to the question. Whether it was by choice or design, he always seemed to end up living near a coast somewhere.
4seasonsfan: I like it here better than I did CA. Seattle reminds me a lot of what Gangneung looked like when I was little. Except that the sea and mountain ranges are reversed.
rustin peace: downtown. close to the needle.
He didn't mind the question, but he measured his answer. He didn't want to end up like Sigourney Weaver in Copycat. A small amount of paranoia was justified online.
rustin peace: long island's nyc-side, yeah. (not really a foreigner. my parents claimed to be.) but CA is so much warmer. is it this cold and wet in south korea?
4seasonsfan: I've been in Seattle a few years and I've never really been downtown. I've been around it, but I stick close to campus.
Just for curousities sake he looked up Long Island and tried to match it up with what he already knew about the man.
4seasonsfan: It does, the weather in CA is nice, but I like the rain. :)
rustin peace: of course. for a second there i must've forgotten who i was talking to. weather studies indeed. :)
He paused a second, read back over the log and pieced some more of the puzzle together. Jason was in college. In Seattle.
rustin peace: where do you study? antioch u?
4seasonsfan: :) It was either here or Oklahoma U, but I think I'd miss the ocean if I went there.
Jason's lips quirked in a smile at Daniel's guess. Usually the most common guess would be the obvious one, but Daniel didn't seem to be one who would go with obvious if there were other options available.
4seasonsfan: I go to UW.
rustin peace: ah. bigger, brighter, greener pastures and all that.
He'd gone for Antioch because it was the first that came to mind. He couldn't remember how UW looked. How big it was. He found the statistics on google easily enough, but it could've been another country for all he knew. Another life.
rustin peace: i drove through oklahoma once. don't remember much about it. :S
4seasonfan: I hear it is flat and has red dirt. I'd only go for the tornado season. Some of the best storm chasers are based in Oklahoma. I'd love to see a tornado with my eyes at least once in my life. Have you traveled a lot?
Jason paused typing, probably asking too much but too genuinely interested to care.
Daniel read over the message, scratching a hand over his leg. He could still feel that.
rustin peace: not really. only been out of the country a couple of times when i was a kid. nothing much since then.
It was a short answer for Jason's longer one and he bit his lip. It wasn't very forth-coming of him, but then he wasn't sure how much he was ready to disclose.
4seasonsfan: Where did you go? Any favorite places? Stop me if I get too personal, I never got to travel much. I've only been to three cities my entire life. It's exciting.
rustin peace: not too personal :) berlin. my mother had family there. montreal. and that's about it. east berlin was nice. don't remember much about montreal except the rain. you should go there sometime. from what i remember it was wetter than seattle.
4seasonsfun: I'd love to go to Montreal, but I've heard it's hard to cross the border without permits. I hear it's harder to go overseas too. Maybe someday. :) Since I asked you something about you, you can ask something about me. Only fair.
Daniel remembered the passport controls only vaguely, but he knew they'd been strict back then as well. The older he got, the more he understood that the formalities were the first step in taking America out of the world and the world out of America.
rustin peace: give it some time. nothing lasts forever. :) okay. what should i ask you? do you have any pets?
4seasonsfun: I have a 3month kitten, I'm not supposed to have her in the dorm, but she's quieter than me. So far no problem. Right now she's trying to balance herself on one of my arms, it's cute.
Jason of course had to stop typing to catch her once the mentioned attempt failed. Instead of letting her try again, he fetched one of her toys and rolled it across the floor for her to chase.
4seasonsfan: And you? Any pets?
Daniel smiled absently as he read about the other man's cat, trying to imagine the little furball. He liked animals and the subject of owning a pet was much revisited with his brother. With his shrink. Occasionally with his own reflection in the mirror. But it would be a bad idea. He wasn't built to take care of things.
rustin peace: no pets. two brothers. which are like pets, if you think about it, but less furry. ;)
4seasonsfan: No brothers, but a sister. A twin. We were the only kids.
After a few clicks with his mouse and a brief check on a tutorial he managed to attach a fairly recent picture of him with Jamie. It looked like it was taken at an airport by an unseen party. Despite being styled differently, their hair was the same length, and despite being dressed completely different they seemed to be almost the exact same size.
4seasonsfan: I'm the shorter one on the left, if it isn't obvious. When we were little, people mistook us for identical.
Daniel clicked the picture, bringing it up in full size over the chat window. It was easy enough to tell that they were twins, but it took him a short second to figure out who was the sister and who was the brother. The resemblance was uncanny.
rustin peace: this is stating the obvious, but you guys really do look alike.
A pause.
rustin peace: good call on sending a pic where you're both wearing sunglasses, by the way.
4seasonsfan: We were still in LA, everyone wears sunglasses in LA. I don't have anything to hide. ;)
To prove his point he sent another picture, this time an obvious self-portrait with the assistance of a bathroom mirror. Even his pet made in appearance as the furry creature sitting on the bathroom counter watching her owner with a look of interest.
Daniel was in the process of typing something about how that was totally fine and probably a good idea, that all the kids who used facebook and the like were just asking for it - when Jason sent the second link and he just had to click.
rustin peace: cute
rustin peace: cat.
Jason smiled as if the compliment was in reference to himself. 4seasonsfan: She's adorable. :) So now that you know what I look like, does my chatroom personality match?
He wanted to also type out a question to see a picture of Daniel, but he was at least self-aware enough to know that he was probably pushing his luck enough as it was.
Daniel closed his eyes, opened them and did the whole ritual again until he could stare at the screen without smiling.
rustin peace: for the most part. for some reason, i figured your hair would be longer. possibly with dreadlocks. ;)
He was teasing. In point of fact, he wasn't sure he had ever pictured Jason in the flesh. Usually, he didn't need to. It was easy enough just to use the chatroom to escape reality, not seek it.
4seasonsfan: Dreadlocks? Ha! I bet you were imagining some nerd with bottlecap glasses, uncool clothes, and a pocket protector, or one of those guys who read the weather on tv.
Jason sent before sending immediately after.
4seaonsfan: Unless you look like that. Then I'm sorry. I don't think you do. I'll admit that I've kind of pictured you as the lead from the X-Files. I can't help it, the way you post sometimes...
Tongue firmly placed in cheek, Daniel read through the other man's quick replies. Could imagine the disbelief behind typed words.
rustin peace: i was thinking hippie, smokes weed all day and can be a bit eccentric at times.
rustin peace: for the record, i've never looked anything like dana scully. :P
4seaonsfan: Oh, you mean like most of the grad students in my department?
Jason laughed and typed out without really thinking.
4seasonsfan: For the record, I was talking about the hot one. :P
rustin peace: is there a prevalence of redheads among meteorology grad students?
Daniel put two and two together, came up with five and reread before adding: rustin peace: interesting tastes. :P
4seasonsfan: You'd be surprised how many.
Jason was too busy kicking himself about the last statement to respond with more than a smileyface. Realizing he was causing the internet equivalant of an awkward silence, he typed out.
4seasonsfan: Interesting how? Because I imagined you look like Mulder, or that I thought he's hot.
Daniel waited out the silence, unsure as to how to proceed. He wasn't used to compliments online - even veiled ones - because for the most part, the internet was a way to hide your face and criticize just because you could. He sometimes received praise for a particular post or idea, but for the most part, the exercise was in dealing with frustration and frustrated people. This was new.
rustin peace: the latter. not exactly flavor of the month or man of the year. :)
4seasonsfan: Says you. I still think guys like him are attractive regardless of what you may think. :)
Jason was grateful for the convenient shield the internet provided. He would never dare to be so bold to say such things to anyone in person, he'd be too flustered to even speak coherently.
Guys like Fox Mulder meant a wide umbrella of tall conspiracy theorists who chased aliens for a living. As obtuse as Daniel tried to be, he couldn't pretend the comparison didn't feel flattering, knowing that Jason found that type of man attractive.
rustin peace: to each his own ;) we can agree to disagree.
4seasonsfan: I guess we're going to have to. :D I'm starting to worry, you haven't tried to correct what I think of how you look. I think I'm going to wish I didn't admit all of that, aren't I?
rustin peace: there may be a vague resemblance. :D it's okay, i'll try not to tease you about it. but in the spirit of fairness...
Daniel pulled up his digital pic folder, rummaging through for one that didn't involve the wheelchair. With courage twisting in the pit of his stomach, he settled on a webcam frame, the chair barely distinguishable in the background.
There was a bit of trepidation at clicking the link when it appeared in the window. Which was instantly followed by his head hitting his desk. He looked at the picture again and repeated the action. If the delay of response wasn't telling enough the words were.
4seasonsfan: You better NOT tease me about this.
Daniel laughed, even if he was alone and no one could join in. At least no one could judge him either. Closing the folders so he wouldn't have to look at the pics anymore, he brought up the chat window.
rustin peace: i'll do my best ;D
4seasonsfun: I walked right into that one. Damn it. Why couldn't you be against my mental image of you and be ugly? I want to hide.
And then he did, literally, and ducked his head under his desk. Even though he was the only one in the room it seemed a logical thing to do in his embarrassment. Jason just had to remind himself that he not only admit to being attracted to Daniel before being attracted to him, but he sent not one but two of his dorkiest pictures of himself.
rustin peace: *nod* head on. you'll survive. i'd be lying if i said i'm not flattered.
rustin peace: don't hide.
He felt his stomach tighten a little at the thought, telling himself he was reading too much into the other man's messages and unable to stop. It was perhaps telling that an internet compliment could give rise to such a reaction. It said a lot about his romantic life as a whole.
Jason eventually resumed the presence of mind to look back at the screen. Even though he couldn't be seen or even heard, for some reason he still felt as exposed as if he was.
4seasonsfun: As long as you don't make fun of me I won't. I'm just glad I didn't ask you what was your type.
He really needed to learn to reread before hitting the enter key.
Daniel's lips stretched into a smile. Either Jason was playing coy or the poor guy really was digging his own grave by the shovelful. Regardless, he was starved enough for attention in this sense to play the game. It was harmless, anyway.
rustin peace: my type of... guy?
He stopped, tried to think. Found he didn't really have one.
4seasonsfan: I didn't ask! I don't want to know! Not now!
Because he was already embarrassed enough as it was, and he'd be crushed if he was not remotely close to what the other man would find attractive.
4seasonsfan: But you do like guys at least?
Pressing his lips together to drown a smirk, Daniel typed:
rustin peace: yeah, i do.
rustin peace: does that matter?
Are you interested? he wanted to ask really, but didn't dare. It was enough to have the illusion. He didn't need to find the dream suddenly shattered.
4seasonsfan: Yes. If you said no I could be less embarrassed, now I'm horrified.
Jason typed quickly and hid his face with his hands. He couldn't fail harder if he were trying. It didn't help that he could just imagine the man smirking at him like he was in the picture still visible on his screen.
rustin peace: please don't be. i don't know how to make this sound... not-condescending, but you've got nothing to be embarrassed about.
A pause as he fought to collect his thoughts and decide how much he could allow himself to say.
rusting peace: you have no idea how long it's been since i've had anyone say they thought i was attractive. thank you
4seasonsfan: I can't believe that you don't hear that all of the time if you look like you do in your picture. If I didn't meet you on here instead of on the street I would be too shy to even say hi.
Jason typed in a rush, trying to take the reassurance as intended, but still feeling like he'd be better off away from the keyboard.
4seasonsfan: Or if you sent me your picture first I wouldn't even admit to liking you.
4seasonsfan: liking guys. Ugh. See?
And the grin was back, full-blown and honest and looking a little younger than his thirty-five years. Daniel couldn't contain it and he wondered if it spilled into his typing.
rustin peace: thank you. honestly. although I can't imagine you ever being shy. you just seem very... straight-forward and direct.
And hot, he thought, but didn't say it. God, he was becoming an internet pervert. And he was actually enjoying the ride.
4seasonsfan: The internet has a lot to do with that. It is easier to type things out when I know that no one can really see me.
Except the times he forgets that fact, but it was not as if Daniel would know that.
4seasonsfun: The last date I had was in high school.
rustin peace: it does make people braver... but I can see you, remember? i have two pictures of you now.
It's not the same, not what he means, but it doesn't matter. Daniel bites his thumb as he thinks of something to add.
rustin peace: I haven't dated for the past ten years.
Jason blinks as he read the last reply. He honestly was surprised.
4seasonsfun: Why not? You can probably get anyone you wanted.
Given how annoying it was when he heard the same statement from his sister, at least now he can understand the sentiment behind it. It wasn't just the way Daniel looked, but it was his personality that caught Jason's attention in the first place.
And this was where Daniel confessed that he hadn't dated anyone because he had left the house in ten years. It followed that if you didn't put yourself out there, you couldn't find anyone. But just like he couldn't bring himself to mention his disability, he couldn't make this known to Jason either. He wanted to impress the other man, even if he was just some name online
rustin peace. number of reasons. wasn't really interested in anyone either.
4seasonsfan: But if you were interested? Not that I'm asking you out, I'm just curious.
Jason fidgeted and quickly added.
4seasonsfan: Really. You don't have to answer that.
rustin peace: if i was, i'd be dating. i suppose. it's complicated.
He couldn't make himself lie straight out, so in the end he compromised.
rustin peace: but i wouldn't want to prove HelloKitty right ;)
Gathering enough courage as he could manage from the fact that Daniel couldn't possibly see the blush that had bloomed on his face, Jason pressed on.
4seasonsfan: HelloKitty doesn't need to know. ;) I don't mind complicated, I'm complicated. So if someday I did ask you out would you be interested? Not a date date, just to hang out.
Daniel bit his lip, watching the screen with mild trepidation. On the one hand, he lived the greater part of his life online. On the other, it was just the internet and internet invitation and it didn't need to mean anything.
rustin peace: i'd like that. we can do complicated together.
Jason let out the breath of air that he had been holding in a sigh of relief. He was glad that at least he didn't type out the wrong thing and got shot down.
4seasonsfan: Good. Are you free this weekend? I don't have work, and we could meet and I don't know, you could help me pick out an audition piece. (You can see how bad my playing really is). Or if meeting is too soon, I could call you? 206-555-9431 ext. 210 (dorm phone, I still don't own a cell)
For a long moment, Daniel contemplated shutting down the conversation and pretending this never happened. Because he couldn't meet the other man anywhere and he was pretty sure that wasn't the kind of reply you gave online without freaking the other person out. (Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly.)
rustin peace: [number] call me.
He told himself some things were easier to say out loud than typed.
Jason fished a pen from his desk and scribbled Daniel's number on a piece of paper. His fingers itched to dial, but he figured he should show some restraint. At least he could play it cooler than he really was.
4seasonsfan: Can I call you tomorrow?
He swallowed hard. Maybe he shouldn't have done that. Regardles of how desperate he was, it didn't mean the other man had an interest in taking on the shitload of issues that came attached to the man in that one picture.
rustin peace: when you want.
4seasonsfan: If I called when I want, I'd call now. ;)
Jason admitted, hoping the winking smiley made him seem less desperate and at least flirty.
rustin peace: it's getting late. rain check for tomorrow?
He couldn't deny wanting to talk to the other man, but he panicked. Decided he didn't feel ready.
Jason wouldn't have enough nerve to actually go through with dialing and was glad he'd have more time to figure out what he'd say.
4seasonsfan: Tomorrow. :D
Daniel offered him a smile that the other man couldn't see. He'd bought himself time but not a whole lot of it. He could imagine Joel shaking his head. ("Not saying you shouldn't date, but picking up people online? Really?")
rustin peace: look forward to it. :)
4seasonsfan: Me too. :)
Jason smiled and switch windows to look at the other man's picture again. He couldn't help but muse over the current turn of events.
rustin peace: i should go sleep. soon.
Eloquence was left at the door, along with courage and better judgment. In their place was born hope and a fresh set of nerves.
rustin peace: i'll talk to you tomorrow yeah?
4seasonsfan: I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams. :)
Jason was unsure if he himself would be able to sleep after replaying their chat over and worrying over if he was doing the right thing.
rustin peace: sleep well.
Daniel closed the chat window and left the main chatroom without announcing it to anyone else. A hand came to scrub over his eyes. Good going.
Jason closed the private chat and after saying his goodnights to the regulars still left in the main shut his computer down. He still couldn't believe what he had just done.