Who: Jason Song, Dan Hoffman What: A visit When: Saturday, January 17, morning Where: Pennington Condominium Rating: NC-17 for sexual situations Status: Complete
Saturday mornings were usually mornings Jason never saw. The time between dawn and noon would be spent spawled unconscious on his bed. This particular Saturday, Jason was up in time to catch the early morning news.
He showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatsuit, opting to go with a pair of glasses instead of bothering with his contacts. Bored after an hour of watching cartoons, feeling hungry, and more than a little curious of Dan's implied invitation Jason decided he'd pick up his phone and call. There was a possibility that the man was sleeping, but if he was awake Jason could bring over breakfast. And coffee. Not a date, he reminded himself, but a visit.
Sometime between monitoring the government websites and going through the breadcrumbs the now-infamous Triple J had left behind, Dan must've fallen asleep. There were plenty of signs to point to it. (For one, he was still in front of the computer.) But call him crazy, he wasn't going to admit it.
One hand scrambled for the phone over the desk, knocking speakers to the floor. "Yeah. Hi." Shit. What time was it? And did he have any appointments today.
Jason paused, it sounded like he woke the other man. He couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice, he at least sounded a little apologetic when he spoke. "Hi. I woke you, didn't I? Sorry. I can call later."
"Jason. No. You didn't." It was a lie, but he had no excuse to be sleeping at - the clock on the computer showed eight sixteen - eight sixteen in the morning. "I had to wake up sometime anyway. You're up early."
"I did, you sound like you just woke up," Jason's smile widened at the man's attempt to try to convince him otherwise. "I don't know why I'm up so early. It's my day off, I could be sleeping in."
Perhaps he was merely so anxious about seeing the other man again that he couldn't sleep, but he wouldn't admit to that. Instead he went for the reason he called. "I was about to go grab some breakfast and coffee, if you'd like I could bring some by."
"That... sounds like a great plan," he smiled into the phone, flipping through screens and webpages half-heartedly. Jason was distracting him and somehow, he couldn't bring himself to mind. "I'll be here. Waiting."
"I'll be there soon," Jason nodded with resolve, checking to make sure there was enough food and water in Hwarang's bowls. "Before I go, what's your favorite coffee?"
"Espresso," Dan replied, powering off his computer before it blew up in his face, "but get me a Cappuccino instead. I've been told I should down on my caffeine intake."
"I hear that all of the time, I haven't listened yet." Jason laughed and after checking the weather on his computer, grabbed a scarf. "I'll see you in ten-fifteen minutes."
"See you," he smiled into the phone. Fifteen minutes was plenty of time for a shower - and for building up a case as to why this was normal. And how it didn't mean anything that he felt a little lighter at the thought of seeing the other man.
"Bye." Jason hung up the phone, grabbed his wallet-chain-keyring combo and left his dorm room. His progress to the parking lot was impeded by a curious resident assistant, it was that rare for him to be seen Saturday mornings.
He stopped by one of the independent coffeehouses that was just at the edge of campus. Jason liked to go there because they made the best cappuccinos in his opinion, and he liked them because they doubled as a bakery/deli. He ordered two cappuccinos and two of their large hand-made croissant sandwiches. The owner's husband had just taken a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies out of the oven, so Jason decided to buy a half dozen of those as well.
It took him twenty minutes to arrive at the door of Dan's apartment, drinks in a carrier in one hand, bag of food in the other.
By which time, if Dan wasn't ready it was because in another life he must've been a cat and curiosity was bound to kill him sooner or later. Preferably later, because in the near future he had a twenty-year old to entertain (and be entertained by).
Having sent last night's dinner down the garbage disposal and made a modicum of effort to clean up around the place before he made his way - somehow, inevitably - to the computer. He'd only just found the government pages when the doorbell went his attention scattered.
There was no one else it could be besides Jason, so he didn't think to ask, buzzing him in right off the bat.
Jason breezed through the building, feeling pretty familiar with the path to the elevator and the ride to the twentieth floor. He did, however, wish that they would change the music pumped into the elevator carriage.
He gave a short knock to the door and called, "Hello, food delivery."
Dan slid the door open with a grin. "Damn, same delivery boy. Is Todd... Tim... Tom, whatever his name was, still sick?" he teased, making room for Jason to pass through.
"Whatever his name quit, I think I'll be taking over deliveries, from now on," Jason teased back, "at least today."
He passed Dan the bag of food and affectionately brushed his hand along the man's shoulder. "I, uh, brought breakfast sandwiches and cookies. Do you want to eat at the table, or..."
"Living room," Dan answered with a shake of the head. "In a sec. Just got to check something first, then I'm all yours. You can go through. NBC is showing the scheduled infomercials and CNN is saying something about the stockmarket and crashes."
"Okay," Jason headed to the living room, placed the coffee cups on the aptly named coffeetable, and settled on the couch. After he correctly deduced the remote for the TV, he switched the channel to TWC, just to update himself on the state of weather for the entire planet at the moment.
It was tremendously domestic to be checking the net while the sounds of the weatherman echoed from the other side of the glass wall, but it failed to make him uneasy. Somehow, having signs of life in his apartment was becoming... reassuring.
Dan did a quick check of the pages he wanted, saw no worthwhile updates and boggled at the huge DOWN FOR REPAIRS warning on the Pairing Office website. For a long moment, he all but thought it was the hacker's work, but it looked - and probably was - real. They'd taken down the site in their desperation to fix it. This was good news. When he came back to the living room, he couldn't hide a smile. "See you're brushing up on latest events."
"Mmhm, I'm gathering worthwhile knowledge," Jason returned the smile and passed over one of the cappucinos. "Anything new and noteworthy happening in the internetworld?"
"I think we'll live to escape the lottery another week. Depends if they can kick up--thanks--the repairs." He warmed his hands against the cup, throwing an eye to the screen. "Looks windy."
"I hope it stays down for awhile, I'm kinda glad I don't have to worry about it, at least for a week," Jason nodded faintly as he watched the report change to commercials, "Do you ever notice that most of the commercials on the channel are always banks, brokerages, and travel? It's like they think the only people who watch the channel are jetsetting businessmen. I bet the next commercial's going to be either Liberty Mutual or Travelocity."
Dan took a sip of the coffee and very nearly burnt his tongue. "Most people only watch the weather when they have to go out. Or fly somewhere. Businessmen, vacationers, the like. You're probably one of the few people who watches out of genuine interest." Well, he and Dan but he wasn't going to reveal that.
"I'm a statistical anomaly," Jason smiled as he took a sip of his coffee, "I don't watch only the weather channel, I can get better feeds online, and other channels produce better storm chaser shows. I love watching the Twister Sisters."
"I don't know what those are, but they sound vaguely pornographic," Dan teased. "You are a statistical anomaly alright."
"Actually they were bored housewives who started chasing tornadoes for a hobby, now they've made a business out of it. They do tours." Jason smiled wistfully, "someday I hope to go on a chase."
"I don't know... Are you planning to be a bored housewife first? Maybe it's a job prerequisite." He realized he had no place to tell Jason anything about how to lead his life and if tornado chasing was his dream, then it was his dream. But he could admit to feeling a twinge of worry at the thought. Just a twinge.
"You'd be surprised how many stormchasers make it a family business. One of the chasers on the show had been chasing with his dad since he was seven years old," Jason reached over and pulled the bag of cookies from the larger bag of food. "Cookie? They were just made this morning."
"Sure." Dan took one, studying it a second before taking a bite. It was slightly OCD. "Sounds like the premise of a series I know."
"It should, both the weather channel and the national geographic found out how popular that show was and made their own spin-offs," Jason laughed faintly, "this season a lot of the tornado footage overlapped. All three shows were chasing the same storms. So watching all three shows I could see the same tornados from different locations."
Dan couldn't help a smile. "But didn't they just recycle the same information? After a while it's got to become a little like watching the stocks go up or down on three different channels." Or maybe not quite, but reminiscent.
"Storms can look very different from different angles," Jason explained as he broke a cookie in half and nibbled on it, "sometimes one team would be pelted by rain and hail, while another would be standing in a location with no rain or hail at all. While they try to be behind the tornado, sometimes the end up in front. One episode a tornado formed in front of a group that realized a tornado formed behind them."
"On another show, fifty miles away, another group just saw two small tornados in the distance. They didn't look threatening at all, except I know that it was a different story to the other team who got stuck between them. They were probably F1-F2, but still...I'm rambling aren't I?"
"Yes," Dan nodded. "But it's interesting. It also sounds somewhat dangerous. You can predict the path of a tornado with only so much accuracy, right?" And while he understood that there was some attraction in flirting with danger - he understood that fascination as well as anyone - he had become more and more familiar with the consequences of tempting fate in the past ten years.
"Well, that's what we do at the lab, we're always trying to design better and more accurate ways to predict the development and paths of storms," Jason smiled, he loved talking about tornados, he had somewhat of a fascination with the phenomena, "one of the first experiments I had to do was to make a tornado indoors. Once someone can understand how a tornado forms, they can better look at the data collected. That's really all chasers do, they're on the ground collecting the information. It's getting better, right now we can get warnings out to people in thirty minutes. Ten years ago it was only five to ten. The team that got stuck between two tornados knew they were in a bad place, but stayed there anyway because they wanted better footage. Pretty stupid. They were lucky it was a dissapating storm cell."
"Or they'd be dead," Dan concluded. It sounded like a risky hobby, but the ultimate goal was to help people. Same as it was with releasing untested drugs and vaccines unto the market. Someone had to take the brunt of it. He'd just as soon it wasn't Jason.
"Yeah, or they'd be dead," Jason conceded, "but if I was a chaser I wouldn't be that stupid. If a storm was too close, I'd need to be behind the path of it, punching the core just to get ahead of it is way too risky. Exciting watching it on TV though. Do you know most travel guides list the stormchasers in the same section as skydiving and bungee jumping?"
"My two favorite things," he teased. "Although it seems like an editorial mistake. Bungee jumping can't kill you. Unless you piss off the props guy and he slices your chord. Or you decide to give it a shot over concrete."
"Tornadoes can't kill you if you know how to avoid them," Jason argued and lightly pushed Dan's arm, "and you just proved that bungee jumping can kill. A dangerous hobby is a dangerous hobby. Pass me a sandwich?"
"So what?" he teased, leaning to the table to do as told. He was good with directions. Really. "We just play it safe? No death-defying stunts?"
"I'm not planning on jumping out of planes or off bridges any time soon," Jason laughed, "I can't make any promises on chasing tornadoes. I mean, what would you recommend doing instead?"
"Swimming with sharks doesn't appeal?" Dan suggested airily. "What about spending a night on safari, without guns?" He wasn't sure where he was going with these. It wasn't like they'd ever be able to try them out together. A wheelchair in the savannah? Please.
"I can't swim and I'm terrified of the ocean, which is funny since I've always lived by the ocean. And I don't think a safari would be that fun, dangerous predators are less predictable than unstable weather. At least for me." Jason bantered back, "How about roller coasters?"
"Not life-threatening enough," Dan pointed out against the rim of the cup. "Unless you're afraid of heights. Which you don't seem to be or we wouldn't be having this conversation." He couldn't help a grin. "And wouldn't that be a shame."
"It's a good thing I'm not." Jason grinned back at him, "That would be a shame, having to drink both coffees all by myself. Seeing you is just a bonus."
Dan snorted into his coffee. "Oh, right. Thanks. Anything to help you manage your caffeine addiction." Not like there was anything in it for him.
"If I wasn't a coffee addict, I'm sure I'd come up with some other excuse." Jason admitted after he followed a bite of his sandwich with his drink, "You have a very comfy couch, and I do need to sleep more. See?"
"Caffeine rehab and sleep," Dan noted. "I'm lucky there are perks." If he'd been working on more sleep he would've probably taken his teasing to heart. As it was, he just enjoyed the joke while it lasted.
"Even when I no longer desire coffee, well rested, and watched every Hitchcock movie ever made, I'm still your personal violinist," Jason teased lightly, "you're stuck with me."
Dan deposited his mostly-empty cup on the table and slunk back in his chair. "Speaking of which... how's orchestra life going? Any crimes to report?"
"The director is thinking about making us practice in the mornings and in the evenings everyday instead of every other day if the second chairs and violas can't get themselves together," Jason sighed, "I'm starting to think it's a conspiracy."
"Sounds like it. I'd expect assassination attempts on the second chairs. But I'd watch out for replacement efforts for the violas," Dan replied, tone on par with his. "Lot of hard work?"
"Not really hard, just tiring on top of everything else," Jason answered, with a shake of his head, "I wouldn't mind it if it weren't for the morning practices. Going to play right after work? That's hard. I shouldn't complain, I knew what I was getting into."
"Hey, complain all you want. You've read my blog, I've got no place to judge. At least you're doing something you enjoy. For the most part. It's why you do it, right?"
"Right, that's why I do it," Jason smiled warmly, "if I didn't love it, I would have quit after the first week."
Dan returned his smile. "Does your sister know you've joined the orchestra? How's that sibling rivalry going?"
"Yeah, she knows. I don't know what she thinks of it, if anything. I mean, for her playing in the philharmonic isn't even a big deal. She really doesn't talk about work with me that much. I think she does it to spare my feelings." Jason ducked his head and brushed his bangs away from his eyes, "the things I have to practice on the violin, she can do easily without even trying. She got the talent, I got the brains."
"You're selling yourself short again," Dan pointed out with a quirk of his lips. "I've heard you play. You have talent. Maybe you don't practise enough. Maybe it doesn't interest you as much, but it's there." It was a swift way to turn the conversation sour, so Dan took the spotlight away from Jason. "Now me? Even if I'd practiced since I was three, it wouldn't do any good. I'll talk about music. I'll listen to it, but playing? Your domain."
"Oh, come on, I'm selling myself short? I'm being honest," Jason laughed and looked over at Dan, "You've never tried playing any instruments? Ever? I don't believe that. If I were to guess, I'd take you for drums or guitar."
"Nope. Neither one. Ever." He was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to say that with an air of pride, but there it was. "Don't have an artistic bone in me. I'm a watcher. And a listener."
"Aww, with your hands you'd be good with an instrument," Jason complimented with a nod. He held up his right hand and spread his fingers, "See, my hands are small. I'm stuck with the violin. You've got more range. Or you could just watch. That's fun too."
"That's why I think you'd be good at butchering Paganini," Dan commented lightly, catching his hand in his own. For some reason, he was becoming accustomed to touching people. Or more precisely, Jason. "I like to watch you," he added, voice dipping into something else.
"I noticed, even when I'm not playing," Jason teased in spite of the color that rose to his face at the other man's words, "I like when you watch me. Maybe that's why I try to be around." "Got an exhibitionism fetish I don't know about?" Dan suggested with a broad grin. "Or, you know, other fetishes?" He felt a blush rise to his cheek at the question, but it was easy to play silly with Jason. It didn't have to be a huge deal.
"No exhibitionism fetish that I know of, I haven't started getting on stage and stripping yet," Jason laughed softly and teased, "if me liking you watch me makes me an exhibitionist, does that mean that you're a voyeur? What do you use that telescope for anyway? Any other fetishes I should be aware of, you know, future reference."
"Ah, that's right. You didn't get to see Rear Window," Dan noted, linking their hands together. "I spy on the neighbors. And witness crimes that I don't report to the police because I'm too busy siding with the criminal." Okay, that was artistic license, but it sounded better than Hithcock's version. "And don't think I didn't realize you didn't answer my question."
"That is so you," Jason smiled and shook his head, "never letting anyone off the hook on anything. I don't know if I have any fetishes. I haven't really tried much of anything. You didn't answer either, so there."
"If I let you off the hook, I'd never know anything," Dan pointed out, like it was obvious, when it wasn't. It was habit. "And I can't remember. If I have any."
"That's why I shouldn't let you off the hook either," Jason said, reaching over with his free hand to touch Dan's knee, "and I'm obviously persistent. So if you had any would you want to tell me?"
"Probably not," Dan admitted with a crooked grin. His amusement paled the closer they got to certain topics. "Would you?"
"If you wanted to know I would," Jason grinned back at him. "Why wouldn't you tell me? I wouldn't tell anyone."
"Because there are some things I don't feel comfortable discussing." It was an honest answer, sans humor, sans attempt at a joke. "Everyone has their hangups."
"Okay, so," noting the change in the other man's tone, Jason tried to catch Dan's gaze, "what things? So I'll know to avoid them. I don't want to get kicked out again like last time."
Dan winced a little at the reminder that the last time had ended badly out of his own fault. "I panicked," he admitted with a sharp nod. "I'm sorry about that. It was pathetic and I am really sorry."
"That was pathetic," Jason agreed and mirrored his nod, "are you sorry that you made me leave, or sorry because you kissed me back?"
"I don't know," Dan answered, his lips twisting into a smile despite himself. "Am I?" Trick question: if he wasn't, then did that mean he wanted it to happen again. If he was, then what did that mean for them? If anything.
"Your smile says not really," Jason smiled back at him, encouraged enough on that alone to lean over and press a light kiss to the corner of the other man's mouth. "I'm not sorry I kissed you, and I'd do it again if I could."
"And why can't you?" Dan murmured, voice low because Jason was close enough that whispers would do.
"I'm not so sure you want me to," Jason kissed him again, "sometimes I think you do, but then you don't. I'm still figuring that part out."
"I want you to," he confessed, free hand fisting in Jason's sweatshirt. It wasn't the most comfortable but it was what he wanted and he was having an increasingly hard time saying no to himself all the time. Saying no to Jason was impossible.
Jason cupped Dan's cheek with his free hand as he pulled him into a kiss, tenatively at first, trying to keep his balance over the armrests of the couch and wheelchair. It would have been easier to steady himself if he let go of his hand, but that thought had yet to cross his mind.
Dan leaned into him, shivering as the kiss became more insistent - as he allowed it to. It was hard not to get lost in the other man's lips when he kissed like that. His hand slid from his shirt to his neck, lips tasting coffee when their mouths met and he felt Jason's teeth with his tongue. It was wet and messy and probably not likely to win any Best Kiss awards on MTV, but it was the best thing he'd felt in years and were he still able of getting hard, he would've.
It didn't take long before Jason found it to difficult to stay as he was, breaking the kiss only to move from the couch to Dan's chair, "that was as uncomfortable as it looked," he murmured with a faint grin, pressing another kiss to the man's lips. "Better?"
Dan drew a deep breath, skin flaring with a blush. "Sorry. Yes. Much." And it seemed like his speech was reduced to fragments, sliced up and dished out without a coherent thread. And Jason was fully to blame for it.
"It's okay," Jason murmured between breaths, rubbing a hand along the back of Dan's neck, close enough that he could feel that the other man's heart was beating as fast as his own. "I didn't notice because it was dark, but did you turn this red the last time?"
"Very likely," he admitted, shivering as Jason's hand slid around his neck. "I know it's going to seem very hard to believe but I don't get a whole lot of play. On average." For a joke, it would've been better if he wasn't busy staring at Jason's lips as he said it.
"You're right, it is hard to believe," Jason smiled and caught his gaze, speaking as he stroked his thumb along the stubble on Dan's cheek. "You kiss like you know what you're doing."
"Vague memories," he breathed, hearing the scratch in the deafening silence of the apartment and turning his mouth into Jason's palm. Kissing at his wrist.
"Oh," Jason's eyes closed and he absently wet his lips with his tongue, "that's good. I mean, feels good. Yeah, I should just not...talk." He took advantage of the turn of Dan's head to press his lips against the curve of his ear.
It was the expressway to that special hell, but Dan couldn't bring himself to stop. His arm wrapped around his waist, holding tightly to him as he kissed over blue and purple lines. "I like it when you talk," he breathed against the skin, swallowing when he realized he'd said it out loud.
That earned a breathy laugh from Jason and he pressed his lips against his jaw, "I can't think when you kiss me like that. I'll just start making noise."
"And that's a problem?" Dan teased, twisting their fingers together. "You've got a nice voice." His heart was lodged firmly in his throat as he pulled away, exchanging Jason's wrist for his lips.
Jason began to answer when Dan's lips covered his, he settled on making a content sound deep in his throat instead. He drew back briefly to mutter, "no fair." and grazed the man's lower lip against the edge of his teeth.
The kisses had stopped being innocent about half a minute prior, when they were still talking - about what, he was no longer sure - and he didn't miss the change. Or the inherent challenge. Fingers slid over Jason's back, feeling the pounding of his heart echo through his ribs, down into his spine.
Jason shivered and shifted his body on Dan's lap, attempting to press closer against him as much as the restraints in the design of the chair allowed. His hands moved along his arms, vocalizing sounds into the kisses. It was beginning to get too hot to be wearing a sweatshirt, and his lips were too occupied for him to say.
Dan was going to hell. It was inevitable. There were so many reasons why he should've stopped; why instead of kissing back he should've been the adult, said no. Imposed a limit. Somewhere between kissing Jason's lips and his neck, he forgot about all that and remembered other things. Like how it felt to be without someone you wanted. And how he could do that thing with his tongue under the earlobe. He tried it out to see if Jason liked it, too lost in being with him to care about anything esle.
"Do that again," Jason faintly heard himself gasp, his body jumping like he had been hit by a bolt. Somehow kissing had moved into something else, and he found he didn't care. Jason had experience in kissing, many bored afternoons making out with a girlfriend that never once felt as good as the sensation of Dan's lips and breath against his skin.
And Dan obeyed, hands sliding under his shirt, fingertips skimming the edge of skin because he wasn't sure if that was okay but neither was he going to stop and ask. Jason said to do it again, so he rolled his tongue, grazing his earlobe soft and wet. He hoped it was good, but he didn't ask.
"It's hot," he murmured, shivering noticibly as he felt fingers brush against the skin of his back. Jason held on tightly to Dan's shoulders, shifting uncomfortably only due to the tightness of his jeans.
Dan drew back slowly, speaking against swollen lips: "Too hot?" Did he want to stop? Was this too fast? Was it too presumptuous? He slid a hand over his back and his hand met the ridges in his spine. Eleven years earlier and he wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between one vertebra and another. How things changed.
"Sweatshirt, way too hot," Jason laughed against his lips, kissing him again. He didn't want to stop, but he felt like he'd suffocate if he kept on something better suited for cooler temperatures. He reached down and lifted the garment to tug it up to his shoulders.
Clothes were coming off. Dan swallowed in a dry throat, helping him when he should've said that now? Was a good time to stop. He didn't, though. Instead, he pushed the sweatshirt over his head, kissing him the moment Jason was free. "Better?" he whispered.
Jason nodded and let his hands rest against Dan's sides, his thumbs pressing against his stomach. "You okay?" he whispered before he kissed him again.
"Yeah," he breathed between kisses. Going a little crazy, evidently, but otherwise Dan figured he was in great shape. And this was still innocent. It was still safe. For the most part.
Jason smiled and turned his head, this time his mouth moving to Dan's neck much like the other man had done to him only moments before. His hands moved along his chest, feeling up over the fabric of the man's shirt.
Dan swallowed in a dry throat, trying to find the words to suggest that maybe stopping here would be okay. They didn't have to exaggerate from the get-go. Taking it easy was good, but unfortunately what Jason was doing was also pretty good. Good enough, at least, to make him want to reciprocate and he slid his hands down over shoulders used to cradling violins and down over his sides, one palm pressing over his heart. Where the music came from.
Jason kissed a path along the collar of his shirt, and lightly traced his tongue against his adam's apple. He eventually drew back after a lingering kiss against Dan's lips, to catch his breath and look into the man's eyes. "Do you want to..." Stop, keep going, he didn't know how to finish the question so he merely fell silent.
If the choice was going to be in Dan's hands, then he couldn't help think Jason was well and truly screwed. His fingertips brushed against Jason's left nipple, purposeless at first before he breathed "yes", because regardless of question, that was the right answer, and his touch recovered its intent.
Jason's breath stopped for the briefest moment, and a hushed "yes" escaped his lips as he leaned toward Dan. He clasped the back of his neck with both hands and pulled Dan toward him, kissing him passionately.
Dan shifted forward, one hand fitting around Jason's back to keep him close, and let the other man set the pace because he was too far gone to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. His other hand moved to join the first and somehow, in the process their hips met, and he spared a vaguely murderous thought for impromptu visitors.
Jason gasped into Dan's mouth, and twisted his fingers through the man's hair. He didn't know how far this would go, but he was more than willing to find out.
Dan swallowed his sounds of pleasure, shivering as they ripled across his skin like electricity, charged with every possibility available to them. And every single bad idea he could entertain per minute. Jason tugged on his hair and Dan hissed, overwhelmed with everything that being close to the other man really meant. He ran short nails over his bare back in retaliation, thinking, belatedly, that he should've been the one asking if Jason wanted to stop.
Jason's back arched and a choked sound rose in his throat. It would have been a laugh in any other circumstance, but he was aroused, painfully so, and the light scratching set of a faint tremor through him.
Dan heard it through the ringing of his own pulse in his ears, a steady, distant drumbeat suddenly interspersed with a whimper and he drew back, his hands in place, trying to find Jason's gaze. "You okay?" he breathed, tripping over the words.
"Yeah, just really," Jason met his gaze and breathed heavily as he searched for the word, "hard." He ducked his head and hid his face against Dan's shoulder.
Which was pretty fucking amazing, if anyone asked him, but as it was and Jason hid his face, he wasn't sure if it was an invitation or if he should just keep his hands to himself. He couldn't quite hold back the vaguely incredulous "really?" that escaped him, a little obvious, a little pathetic and bordering on desperate.
"Really," Jason laughed sheepishly at the other man's tone, he lifted his head and leveled his gaze even though he was sheltered under the curtain of his bangs, "I just, never done this, so I don't really know what to do next. If there is a next. "
Special hell. Special. hell. "There can be," Dan replied, wishing he could see his eyes properly. "If you... want." Apparently, between making out and taking off clothes, he'd decided today was the day to talk about his sexual problems. Charming. "I haven't don't this... in about ten years. Just so you know." Step one, confess your hangups. Step two, hope you didn't get laughed at. It sounded pretty simple, in theory.
"I want," Jason replied honestly, and kept his hands busy playing with the fabric of Dan's shirt, "I haven't done this...ever. So I'm in no place to judge." An admission he thought was rather apparent, if anything he worried his lack of experience would be a turn off.
Dan touched a hand to the back of Jason's neck, pulling him forward until their lips met once more. "You don't have to do anything," he breathed into the kiss, punctuating the statement with a slide of fingertips into his hair.
"I want to," he whispered, the other man's voice sending a tremor along his spine. He kissed him again and rested his hands against Dan's waist.
Not quite what Dan had meant, but fairly close for confusion to breed. He shifted uncomfortably, moving as far out of his reach as their current position would allow - which wasn't much - and slid a hand between their bodies. Grasped Jason's wrist.
Jason tilted his head to the side quizzically, holding still when Dan pulled away from him. He watched him carefully, worried he did something wrong.
Dan shook his head, trying to find his breath, to explain himself. Jason's skin burned against his palm and he took his courage with both hands, emboldened if not reassured. "Can I touch you?"
"Yes," Jason answered with a breath of air that closely sounded like a sigh of relief. "Please."
Jason shifted, moving his body toward Dan's questing hands, his own intent on letting his own hands roam along the other's body on pause. He nearly held his breath in anticipation.
It was just as well because if Jason had so much as reached for him, Dan would've lost his nerve. As it was, in the kind of timid understanding they'd entered, he could afford to survive on half-drawn breaths as his fingers slipped under rough denim to touch him proper.
"It's okay," Jason breathed, the words escaping his lips to reassure himself as much as the other man. He leaned forward and kissed the side of his neck.
It gave him confidence and his hand slid over thick cotton, feeling the other man through his boxers. He shivered when he Jason kissed his neck, fingers sliding into his hair.
He gasped against flushed skin, his hands grasping at Dan's shoulders probably a little too tightly. His lips brushed the skin beneath his ear, too distracted by the hand between his legs to kiss properly.
Dan held him with one hand behind his neck, the other cupping him softly. He was nervous that if he pressed too hard, if he made this any more real than it was, the moment would shatter and take them both down with it.
Dan's name escaped Jason's lips, his hand moving along the man's arm and covered his hand and pressed encouragingly. He was just as nervous, but he was sure enough that he wanted this.
Dan felt his breath stutter, the decision to go on with this taken out of his hands, urged on by the other man's. He kissed him harshly, teeth tugging on his bottom lip, and snuck a hand under his boxers. Skin on skin, just as it should be.
Jason was caught off-guard by the intensity of Dan's kiss, but made a clumsy effort at returning it. Jason's fingers circled Dan's wrist, stroking his thumb along his pulse.
Dan skimmed fingers over his skin, like relearning a familiar path he hadn't taken in years. It was closer to reality than he would've liked. Fingers slid over the head of his cock, smearing precome and he fought to hold back a moan.
Jason began to move his hips instinctively, moaning with each breath. The moment was surreal, when he left his dorm room that morning he didn't imagine the possibility of this happening.
Dan kissed a path down his neck, biting at his earlobe and fighting to keep a steady rhythm and failing all the same. He couldn't not. The knowledge that Jason was enjoying this - that he wanted to be with him - did more for his sex drive than anything ever could.
"God," Jason bit his lip and tilted his head to the side, baring more of his neck as he twisted his hand in Dan's hair. His breath came faster with each stroke and caress of the other man's hand.
Dan smiled into the other man's skin, encouraged by his sounds of pleasure and emboldened by the soft rise of his hips into his hand. He adjusted his grip, wrist twisting lightly with the movement. "Is that okay?" he murmured softly.
"Ye, ah, yes," Jason answered with a shaky laugh, deciding that the answer to the question should have been obvious, "very okay."
"That's a relief," he teased, stroking with purpose and forgetting to be shy or hung up about this.
"Ah," whatever retort Jason's mind came up with in response was quickly forgotten. He couldn't think, only feel. The muscles in his legs and stomach jumped, his toes curled, and he brought his hand to his mouth.
Dan fastened his lips to his shoulder, sucking the skin into his mouth without trying, consciously, to leave a mark. He just needed to find a way to muffle the things he wanted to say but knew he shouldn't. Instead, he urged the other man's release by touch alone, thumb rolling over the tip of his cock.
The sounds Jason made were muffled by his hand, and his body curled inward. His other arm held onto Dan tightly, feeling like he'd fall if he let go.
Turning his lips into Jason's skin, Dan pressed a kiss to his ear, and whispered, "I've got you."
"Don't let go," Jason whispered, his voice shaking with each heaving breath, "don't let go."
Dan curled his fingers tightly, tasting the frenzy in the other man's voice. "I won't. I'm here."
Jason's head rested on Dan's shoulder, mumuring content sounds as his body came down from hs orgasm. He opened his eyes and tried to meet Dan's gaze.
His hand slid easier for a few seconds before short, sharp tremors shook the other man's body and Dan swallowed in a dry throat. Oh God, they'd actually done it... He met his eyes with no small amount of trepidation, floored by what he'd done - and what he saw in Jason's expression.
"Hey," Jason said lamely with a faint smile, unable to think of anything else to say. Once the euphoria began to fade and the reality of what happened began to sink in, he couldn't help but feel a little awkward. "I, uh, mmm, hi."
"Hi," Dan grinned back, flushing because they'd done it. Or he had and Jason had let him and next time he was going to argue that this was innocent he might just lie a little more. His hand stayed on him, unsure if he should let go - if Jason wanted him to - yet.
"You're good," Jason's smile widened, and he attempted to settle himself more comfortably on Dan's lap. "I, I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing now."
"Breathing helps," he nodded shakily, no better at this than a virgin. Ten years was a lot of rust. "If you want to, you can move to the couch. Get more comfortable." He needed to wash his hand, bring a washcloth back for the other man. All things that barely factored in as he watched him.
Jason nodded faintly, "breathing I can do." He leaned in and pressed a light kiss to his lips, lingering briefly before he pulled back. "Do, you want me to move? I should probably...clean up."
"Yeah," Dan nodded, catching himself. "I mean. Not about the moving thing. I like you..." In my arms. It was stupid and corny and better kept silent.
"I can always come back," Jason smiled and kissed him again, he was reluctant to move but he was equally self-conscious. "I like you too."
Dan held him with one arm and nodded. "You promise?" he breathed, thinking they could do this. They could be together and not have to take everything on at once. They could take it slow. It didn't have to be the beginning of the end.
"I promise, there isn't anywhere else I'd want to go," Jason replied as he rubbed his nose against Dan's cheek. He rubbed his hands along Dan's arms before he moved from the chair and stood. "I'll be right back."