Elena Gilbert embraces the sugar coma theory (supposedtodie) wrote in nemetonlog, @ 2014-02-21 22:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | elena gilbert |
Who: Elena Gilbert
What: Nightmares and self hatred
When: Middle of the night, 21/22 February 2014
Where: Elena's apartment
Warnings: Self hatred/guild, disturbing imagery, blood, drowning
Status: Narrative | Complete
It was hot. Very hot. That was the main thing Elena was aware of. Sticky hot, humid. It was also dark. Now it wasn’t that Elena was naturally afraid of the dark. She knew that dangerous things lurked in it, but they lurked everywhere. So the feeling of being followed was more than slightly unnerving. Because if she was unnerved, it was bad. But Elena was also done with it. She was done being hunted for her blood, she was done with always worrying about what would happen to her loved ones because they were the way to get to her, she was done with the stress. If they wanted to take her, if it meant saving her friends and brother, so be it. Which meant that the eighteen year old stopped in a clearing, eyes narrowed in determination.
“Okay, that’s it. I know you’re out there, if you want me, come and get me.”
The only response she got was rustling in the leaves, causing Elena to just roll her eyes.
“Typical.” Really, you challenge the person following you and then they don’t bother to show themselves, too afraid to show who they were. Well, the psychopaths maybe not so much, but in general, show that you’re not afraid and suddenly the person stalking you ends up terrified. As she started walking again, that’s when the voices started.
“You should have died, Elena.”
That stopped her, causing the eighteen year old to look around.
“What?”
“If you had died, I wouldn’t have lost my Grams. I wouldn’t constantly be being asked to use my magic to save you or your friends. I could have a life.”
And out came Bonnie from the shadows, stalking towards her slowly.
“Bonnie...”
And suddenly she was shoved back by magic by her best friend, into another body.
“If you had died, I wouldn’t be a control freak monster.”
Spinning, Elena came face to face with Caroline, vamped out, hand to her throat. “How could you be so selfish?!”
Being flung forward, Elena crumpled at the feet of Matt, who spat at the ground.
“You should have died, Elena, Vicki would still be alive, I wouldn’t have lost my sister.”
“Matt, I’m sor--”
“You’re always sorry and it doesn’t fix anything. Why did I save you?”
Feeling herself being pulled up by the hair, Elena was face to face with Stefan, who was just shaking his head before handing her to Damon who just sneered.
“I keep trying to be this person and I’m not him, Elena, you just see it. I could be out there having fun instead of having you harping on me to be more than I am. You just want to fix me, nothing else, I’m a project.”
“I wouldn’t be a hybrid if it weren’t for you being alive.”
Seeing Tyler in the background, Elena struggled not to cry. Logically she knew she couldn’t take the blame for the choices of others, but logic was so far gone as face after face of those she loved and trusted tore her down, flung her around like nothing more than a ragdoll. Jenna and Alaric, ripped apart from one another, because of her being alive. Had she died, they could have had lives. They could have been together.
“My life has been hell after hell thanks to you surviving that crash, I could have had a normal life and not have died had you just died.”
Jeremy. The one she felt the most guilt over. Her brother. The one who lost everyone because of her. Each time she was shoved into someone, each time they tore into her, they also tore her apart. Her skin peeling off, layer by layer. The pain was excruciating but nothing compared to what the words did. They were daggers, twisting deeper and deeper until it felt like she was going to choke on the blood.
“Who needs a heart when all you do is cause people pain for loving you. Really, you should just accept your fate.”
The smirking face of Katherine was enough to make Elena’s blood boil but before she could wipe the damn smirk off her face, Katherine had reached into her and grabbed her heart, pulling it out before shoving her backwards into the lake, where arms reached up. Familiar arms. Her mother.
“Don’t interfere with what you don’t understand.”
The words were whispered into her ear as she was pulled deeper and deeper into the water, the light fading and leaving darkness as she felt her lungs burn with the need for air, ready to burst. It was that feeling of suffocation that woke her up, falling out of bed ungracefully. She didn’t even notice the tears that were falling freely. Her heart hurt and she knew it would continue to do so whenever she let herself actually think about everything from Mystic Falls.