InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Won't go home without you."

Aureliana knew she was burning the candle at both ends, but at the moment it was far easier to throw herself into one of her many checklists than think about what was causing her to work this hard. After the holidays, perhaps, she reasoned, when the store was open, the social calendar was much less full, and she could once again try to convince her mother that Montrose really needed a skilled professional in the Public Relations position.

In the meantime, however, she needed to make sure press releases and invitations were in order. The Christmas parties and team gifts. A lesser person would have enlisted another to assist her, but Aureliana was terrible at delegating. She sat at her small desk in the family room, and picked up where she had previously left off with the invitation list.

"Mummy?" Euan's voice broke through the monotony of addressing envelopes. "Mummy, I can't sleep."

Twisting in her seat to face her eldest, Aureliana opened her arms to him. A quick look at the clock told her it was just barely quarter after six. "It's still so early, my darling boy." She brushed sleep mussed hair out of his eyes, making a mental note that it would need to be trimmed before the holiday party. "Why can't you sleep?" She felt his forehead for any signs of an impending fever or chill.

Euan pressed his face against his mother's chest for a moment before turning it upwards , a concerned look on his face. She wished she could say that it looked out of place on her eldest, but he was always the serious one of her trio. He was far more perceptive than many gave him credit for. "Mummy, why are you so sad?"

"Oh sweetheart." Pulling Euan into her lap, though her chair was not quite big enough for the both of them, Aureliana was adamant that she would make it work. "I'm not sad. I have just been busy working with Auntie Lex and Jupiter with the team."

His knowing eyes looked up at her and Aureliana was sure he was about to call her out on it, but he just shook his head. "I miss you."

Aureliana's heart broke a little and wished this would be enough for her to say something to her mother, but even if she wanted it to be, she knew it would not be enough. However, they really did need to work on finding someone to replace her. Sooner rather than later. "I miss you too, Euan. Now come, this chair isn't big enough for the both of us."

Giving him enough time to slip out of her lap, Aureliana stood and led them both over to the couch, plucking a blanket up as she went. The storybooks were not far away. Aureliana settled down in the corner of the couch, Euan quickly clambering up shortly after. It took a few moments for him to arrange himself to lay against his mother and once he was comfortable, Aureliana wrapped her arm around his small shoulders.

"I'm sorry that I have to be away more than I used to be," she started, pressing a kiss on the top of his head. "But the team needs my help for a little while. Sometimes you have to do things when you want to something else because someone asked for your help." Still carding her fingers through his hair, she opened the book. "I know you couldn't sleep upstairs in your bed, but do you think you can rest with me for a little while?"

Euan nodded, hiding his yawn with his hand as he'd been taught. "Okay. Can we read the story about the horse and his boy?"

Aureliana nodded obligingly as she turned to the page where the requested story started. "I don't see why not."

She probably should not have sat so long with her son in the family room. The days was just begging to begin and her checklists were waiting, but reading stories cuddled up on the couch was probably just what she needed. Soon Euan would be too old and too big for cuddles with his mother and Aureliana was already mourning the loss. So for once she broke her own rules and delayed her start of her day.

Jason knew something about being busy. Since the start of the most recent block, he had been doing his own campaigning. While it wasn’t a particular hardship to go to every quid match, it certainly did take up a good amount of his time when he also had to worry about the upcoming Montrose match, the Solstice Run, and the storefront opening. On the docket today, was a brief consult with Jamie to finalize the mod on his quid broom to ensure match-legal and as annoyingly neon pink as possible.

Although Jason had been told many times to just let himself in, he always made the habit of knocking first before opening the door. “Good morning, Aureliana, Euan.” He said with a bright smile on his face. “I see we are enjoying our morning, but hopefully I am not interrupting anything too dire.”

Aureliana looked up as Jason entered the room. Was it that late already? Shifting over slightly to give her son a bit more room to straighten up, she returned Jason's smile. "No, nothing too dire. Euan, it's time to go get dressed."

Groaning at being forced to move, Euan got down from the couch, dragging his feet as he went. "Hi," he greeted Jason. "I lost a tooth." Just in case the man couldn't see for himself, the six year old had to demonstrate exactly which tooth he had lost, upper left hand side.

"It was very exciting," Aureliana interjected as she folded the blanket she and her son had been curled under, carefully laying the book they had been enjoying on top. It was definitely going to be a dragon filled Christmas this year.

“Wow.” Jason got down on his knees so he was at the same eye-level as Euan “A whole tooth. That is pretty exciting. What is the going rate for a tooth these days?” The words came before pausing to realize that the tooth fairy was very much a muggle legend. At least Jason had the grace, and ease in working with children to roll with whatever answer came.

“I did stop over to borrow your dad for a little while, but do you think I could have a few minutes with your mum while you get dressed?”

The tooth fairy might be a muggle legend, but Euan knew an opportunity when presented with one. "A sickle?" he guessed, glancing back at his mother for a moment before turning back to Jason, nodding. "A sickle."

Jason reached in his pocket, searching for some loose coin. He didn’t tend to carry money on him - wizarding or otherwise. “How about a non-magical quid?” Jason held out a pound sterling. It certainly wasn’t worth the same as a sickle, but it was kind of novel.

Taking the strange coin from Jason's hand, Euan took a moment to examine it closely. "What can I buy with this?"

Aureliana bit back a smile and moved forward, putting a hand on Euan's shoulder. "Plenty of sweets I'm sure. What do you say, Euan?"

"Thank you!" Euan flashed a grin as he wrapped his hand around the coin. "I have to get dressed now."

Waiting until her son had scampered out of the room, Aureliana turned to Jason. "Can I get you anything? Juice? Tea? Coffee?" She only had a vague idea idea why Jason came to call, but in the meantime she would play hostess.

Jason stood back up, looking over Aureliana. “A glass of juice sounds pretty good right now,” he said more for these social expectations and niceties then actually wanting a beverage. “Jamie and I are supposed to go over final mods for my room this morning, but now that I have you do you think I could borrow a couple minutes of your time? I wanted you to touch base about what's happening with the storefront.

“I'm going to talk to Jamie about donating my share of any profits fund for muggleborns and others disenfranchised by the war. So I guess broom mods and business plans.” There were a lot of pieces still falling into place, but more and more Jason was sure they were going to need monies to draw from and he didn’t want there to be strings attached. “I know this ... pink movement is changing the playing field for both the store and honestly the team and I just kind of wanted to see if there's anything you need specifically for me from me or anything I need a heads up about.”

As much as Aureliana would like to stick her head in the sand to pretend like none of this political nonsense was happening, she knew that was a path she could not go down. Doing so in the past hadn't made anything easier and doing so now would likely yield similar results. She beckoned him to follow her into the kitchen where she poured him a glass of juice and fixed herself a cup of coffee. At least then she would be to put together her thoughts.

"What you do with your portion of the profits is yours to do with, however you see fit." Aureliana started. "Which is not to say I don't support your campaign, which I do. Personally." Because she, of course, now had to separate her own feelings from that of the team and the Macmillan consortium. "And I wish I had more information for you. To help."

She looked down into her coffee mug, fingers wrapping tighter around its warmth. Carefully, Aureliana chose her next words. "Right now, the only thing I have to offer you is a clear channel of communication when it comes to any Montrose matters. As for the store, I will defer to Jamie on those matters, but if there is anything I can do for you and the rest of your movement, please let me know."

This might not be a wise choice, but this hill was far easier to die upon than arguing with her mother about the PR position. Perhaps this was her guilt speaking. Perhaps because she could justify putting her husband's best friend's needs above her own. Whatever the reason, it was far easier for her to raise her voice for this.

Jason didn't bother to hide his sigh. Sometimes it was too easy to forget how ... careful and intentional Aureliana could be with her words. It was a skill he had had to master and didn't always have the best patience for. Still, he could logically appreciate the difficult situation she was placed in -- between her family and his movement.

He might not have the skill to censor his words, but he was learning to play the political game. And surely he had been getting better at his metaphorical chess game. “I do appreciate the offer, but I think right now we're trying to organize ourselves. To keep our base essentially muggle-born, so we are not tied to wizarding families with their own objectives and needs. Although I know that cannot be the long-term game. If for no other reason then limited resources because when you look at the bank vaults muggle-born and wizard-born even the most well-paid muggle-born isn't going to be on par.” However, maybe that was a soap box for another time.

“But maybe we could speak honestly you could help me understand where others are coming from by telling me your story. I want to know more about the war, and how you are exorcising the legacy of Corban Yaxley from your future.” It wasn’t a conversation he had with her, but it certainly felt past due.

Aureliana nodded. She could understand why they would not want her outward support or even covert support. There could be strings attached with support, especially if that support was financial. She knew all about that in her own situation. "Of course." She nodded. "I do not want to do anything that could potentially harm you, even with the best of intentions in mind. But if there is some sign or symbol, when the rest of you are ready…" Aureliana trailed off.

Aureliana blinked at his request and after a few moments to compose herself, she nodded. She had promised clear communication not five minutes before. It would be outrageous for her to turn her back on that statement so quickly. "The issue of Corban Yaxley is easy enough to address. He was not part of my life for years prior to his incarceration. He did not attend my wedding." Though she had invited him in the vain hope that he would show up. "I chose to marry Jamie because I love him. Because he is a good, kind man. Not because of his pedigree. That is the kind of role model my children are going to grow up with rather like a man like Corban Yaxley." Looking up at Jason, she fixed him with a firm look. "They have people like you.”

Maybe it wasn't fair springing this conversation on her first thing in the morning and without any warning. However, Jason wasn't sure that preparation would get him any more of an honest answer. He had been thinking about Yaxley a lot, and trying to make peace with working with and considering himself a friend to many from that clan.

It was complicated. And that was putting it simply.

“I guess, what I really want to know is even if you weren't close, you still share a name, a bloodline, and people respond that regardless and sometimes first. I certainly know that I have been guilty of doubting Lex in passing moments, especially with the BIL proposal.” And if he was asking her to be honest, he would do the same. “It's not easy for me. And I don't carry the name.” No, Jason carried lots of other things, some even tied up with the name but that was Corban's version. He was not just trying to navigate troubled waters.

It wasn’t that she didn’t feel for Jason, because she did. Aureliana had been guilty of staying quiet during the War and she would have to bear that sin for the rest of her life. “It would be stupid for any of us to pretend that atrocities were carried out during the War and that in leading up to it there were not inequalities between those like myself who grew up with privilege, lineage, and tradition and those who were thrust into a world completely unfamiliar to them. But what would you have us do?”

Putting down her untouched coffee cup, Aureliana stepped up next to Jason. “I am against striking the season because I do not want people to forget that those atrocities happened. Not because I care about the legacy of a game I tolerate.” She sighed and brushed some hair out of her face. “Isla Cameron is right, that the profits of that season should be distributed among the players and staff that had their lives uprooted. Or their beneficiaries if they are no longer with us.”

Jason considered her for a moment. She was trying, he could tell. “That sounds like the PR version of the story, but is that your truth?” And if it was, then that was it. However, couldn't help but think there was something more, something else to uncovered.

“C’mon, it’s just me.” His story and his feelings about his experience were essentially public record at this point.

"It shouldn't surprise you at all how often I hear that." Aureliana offered Jason a self-deprecating smile, though that said far more about how she felt about sharing the truth than she normally felt comfortable with. Squaring her shoulders, Aureliana resolved to push herself a little bit more, if only because it was Jason. "I made mistakes during the War and I should have done more, for you. Others." She shook her head. "I had my reasons, some better than others. I wish an apology could cover it all, but I am not that naive."

Closing her eyes, Aureliana let out a soft sigh. "Sometimes it is hard to separate where the PR version starts and where I begin." And that might be the closest she would come to admitting how unhappy she had become to someone who was not her husband.

“And I don’t envy you that struggle,” he said reaching out to squeeze her hand in a small gesture of comfort. Jason knew it wasn’t his role to make things right for her, and it was very likely he was picking at healed over wounds, but it was just there and he had to reach for it.

“But if you’re able, and maybe not today, but I do want to hear those reasons.” Truth and Reconciliation -- that was what is about about. Except that the commission didn’t work out perfectly for South Africa. But it was better than the silence. “I might get upset, I couldn’t promise otherwise, but maybe, we both might learn something about what’s at the root what the prejudice and division.”

"Well," Aureliana returned the gentle squeeze, "the most obvious was my for children. Euan was three. Callum not even a year. I had to protect them, even at the cost of others. It was far easier to comply and keep my head down over anything else. Not all of us can be like Minerva McGonagall." Despite her words, there was a large touch of admiration for her former head of house.

"So maybe my motivations this time aren't entirely altruistic now, but I doubt I am alone in this." Angling her body slightly, Aureliana gave Jason a slightly stronger smile this time around. "I'm sorry I didn't do more and maybe if I had access to a time turner I would go back to tell my younger self to take more of a stand, but that is easy to say after the fact. I can only hope that I will be more courageous in the future."

Jason didn’t point out that he was someone’s son. Or that Angus and Lennox had a mother. Kal had a sister. Or about Gregor and his niece. Not to mention Jason was godparent to little Callum who she in part acted - or didn’t act - in order to protect. It was always going to be personal. His goal was not to make her feel guilty, it was clear she was already working through that.

“Another, far smarter King once said, ‘The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.’ The war might be over, but there are still battles to be fought and won.”

Aureliana nodded, thankful that Jason was giving her at least a small opening to assuage her guilt. Or maybe an opening to change the trajectory of her story. "I cannot speak for the team. Or the Owner's Consortium," she paused, "and I'm not sure that I even want to right now. But I speak for myself when I say that I do want to help and support you in however you would have me." If he would have her, but she did not say that aloud.

"Now, you probably want to talk to Jamie before it gets much later." Aureliana could not see a clock, but she knew she was already running behind after her early morning with Euan. She did not want to keep Jason or Jamie any later than she had to. "If there is anything I need to know about the store opening, I'm sure one of you will let me know."

“We cannot walk alone.” Although it was fine line between building allies and creating a space for purists to hide or get an easy out. Jason didn’t think that Aureliana was among those, but there was darkness ahead. “I’ll keep you informed, on all fronts.”