5§ • Pertinent News for the Discerning Wizard • Sunday . 4 February 2000
BIQL IN A PICKLE
By: Rita Skeeter
Where To Begin? Dear Reader, The usually unpleasant BIQL conference room was toasty warm as the bludger boffins crowded in to hear what if the BIQL was going to conveniently forget the decidedly deficient season of 97.
When last we left the leaders of the League, they'd been desperately fending off Scrappy Scottish Commissioner Macmillan, who is still living in the shadow of his predecessor, Una Macmillan, or Una Yaxley as we knew her then. The slippery Scot turned the tables on the conspiring commissioners by insisting the season be recorded as an asterisk season but not counted. Like Solomon's solution, no one was happy with splitting the baby. This reporter thinks that makes it a wonderful solution, which is unusal for the BIQL.
Next, BIQL bureaucrat Hamish MacFarlan, whose advanced age has kept him from noticing his own increasing irrelevance, decided to puff his chest out in the direction of our boys in pink, resulting in a delicious dustup with Jason 'Pinkie' King.
Montrose's Macmillan attempted to return the BIQL to normal levels of boringness by making a motion that Britain stop scoring matches as if we were all still at Hogwarts. Perhaps his romance with a rival reservist has him thinking new thoughts? It might be a first for the BIQL.
And the joy of the evening, my lovelies, was the appearance of young Justin Finch-Fletchley. Finch-Fletchley, the war hero muggleborn millionaire playboy, petitioned the commission to let him launch a brand-new team with an ancient name Banchory Bangers. When the antiquated arse MacFarlan, as anticipated, tried to gavel the youth down, political concerns brought a rare intervention from DOMGAS Department Head Najafi, who deftly side-stepped the issue.
Could the handsome, single Aberdeenshire boy-wonder bring on a new beginning for the Banchory Bangers? Only time will tell, but our sources say the BIQL is taking it very seriously indeed, especially given the Scottish situation.
This reporter will certainly be looking to talk to the young prospective owner, whose movie-star good looks may hide a head for the business of quidditch. This is a lad who, no matter what happens, has shaken British Quidditch to its core, and about time.