Who: Lorna MacFusty & Owen MacFarlane What: Backstory because of Marriage/Love Meme When: Sometime in 1986 Where: Mostly Owen’s Flat in London Warnings: Feels, Fluff and Language
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. That’s what Lorna had kept telling herself. It had started out as a dare… no even that wasn’t fully true. They had been out celebrating at the pub after Portree won their latest match. It had been such a good match that management had even come to celebrate with them for awhile. Which was interesting because that meant their new Administrator was with them too. Which is where the dare came from. Specifically for Lorna to go snog one Owen MacFarlane.
It had been her idea to take it farther. Meaning convincing MacFarlane to take her back to his place. So, she definitely got a snog… but got a shag for her effort as well. That effort had surprised even Lorna. MacFarlane wasn’t exactly her usual type. He was good looking, there was no doubt about that and she’d been pleasantly surprised to find that she liked what MacFarlane had hidden under his robes. But he was such… a Ravenclaw. A parchment pusher. He was so nice. Not to mention she probably would get in trouble for fraternizing with management.
So, in the morning, Lorna had gotten up before MacFarlane and apparated home before they anything could be said. Monday morning, going into practice, Lorna had been wondering about the consequences. But there was nothing. Or the day after. And anytime Lorna saw MacFarlane, there was also nothing. And Lorna didn’t like that.
Did that mean that nice blokes didn’t expect much from wild MacFustys? And Lorna could have left it at that. Instead, she found herself going into MacFarlane’s office after practice later that week. And instead of talking and getting an answer to that question, Lorna just continued what she’d started that weekend except that they shagged right there in MacFarlane’s office.
So… the one night stand continued. It wasn’t exactly the right name for it, but that’s what Lorna was calling it. Better than an affair or dalliance. And Lorna kept meeting up with MacFarlane, or sneaking into his office. It was probably not a good idea, especially when Lorna refused to define it better or confront what was going on between them. So sometimes Lorna would just avoid MacFarlane altogether.
One night though… Lorna ended up apparating to MacFarlane’s door again. But she was there for a different reason. “I was going to go home with Quinbar Finley tonight… but at the last minute I decided I couldn’t do it,” Lorna told him as she stood there at the doorway. “And I came here instead. But… not because I’m here for a shag. I don’t know why I’m here.” MacFarlane was the Ravenclaw. Maybe he’d know.
Owen watched her for a long moment, long since changed into his sleep pants and shirt, before he wordlessly opened the door wider and stepped aside. He was quietly thoughtful as he turned around and walked back into his flat, heading toward the small kitchen. “Drink?”
Lorna felt foolish and not the confident, kick ass MacFusty she was supposed to be. When MacFarlane had said nothing well… it probably would have a been a good idea to end it all and forget about it. But him walking away with the door open became a sign to come in and then he asked her about a drink. Probably not the best idea. Drinking led to all of this in the first place (maybe. Probably not the biggest reason). “Yes please,” Lorna agreed and closed the door behind her. Desperate times called for desperate measures after all.
He retrieved glasses with a flick of his wand, but grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey by hand, pouring out a measure into both. He paused for a second, and then brought the bottle and both glasses over to where Lorna stood in the middle of his living room. Owen handed her one, and set the bottle on one of the end tables. He merely held his own glass for now, and looked at her. She was beautiful in such a way that made his heart race, and when she touched him… Did she know how much it burned? He felt like he had invisible scars all over his body, each of them bearing her name.
Even now, it almost ached not to take her in his arms, but instead he took a generous sip of his drink, let the burn of that offer some momentary clarity to his thoughts- an effect that would lose its potency if he had much more. “Sit. Please.” He gestured toward his couch, and sank down onto it himself. There was a touch of weariness that lined his face for just the space of a breath, and then it was gone. Silence stretched between them, but then broke when he finally said, “I’m not going anywhere. But I understand if that’s not something you’re looking for.”
Lorna had stood where she was looking like a bit of an idiot. She’d already been here before a couple of times and made herself right at home before. Well not really at home as much as… made herself comfortable. But she was trying to be a responsible adult and not just launch herself at MacFarlane like she’d done before.
So she waited, and accepted the glass and took a generous drink of whiskey, needing it more than she thought. “Thanks,” she said to the drink and the offer to sit down. In that silence where Lorna had been hoping for answers instead she finished off the whiskey and found herself spinning the glass in her hand.
In the silence, her thoughts went back to the last time they’d been sitting on this couch. Which of course led to all the thoughts that brought her here to the first place. Remembering the warmth of his embrace. The gentle glide of his lips on her skin. The way she felt when he…
Lorna made herself pay attention to what was actually happening now. That was part of the problem. Getting caught up in the feeling and the pleasure, and not thinking of the consequences. One time was one thing. She could blame that on being a momentary thing. Drinking, a dare, a quidditch win and indulging in being a spoiled Quidditch player… But continuing to just pop back here or sneaking into MacFarlane’s office… she didn’t know what she was doing.
When MacFarlane finally spoke, Lorna looked to him and she still didn’t really get the answer that she wanted. “What does that even mean? You’re not going anywhere? You’re still going to be in admin, you’ll be staying in this flat,” Lorna said being irritated at the word choices and lack of answer (as if MacFarlane had the answers to her problems). “I don’t know what I want,” she said because that sounded like the best answer to that question. She thought she wanted to keep going and living the life like she had been. But MacFarlane showed up and put a roadblock in that. So on one hand, she was worried about what he thought of her and that Lorna was just using him. On the other… she was worried that MacFarlane didn’t actually care and was using her instead. “What are you looking for?”
Owen let her obvious frustration roll over him as inexorably as waves on the ocean. Like waves, he’d had the feeling over the past few weeks that they had been building toward something, but now that it was here, he had no idea which way it might fall. He thought back to that first night in the pub, when Lorna had sauntered up to where he sat at the bar and given him the same smile he’d seen directed at any number of men in the time he’d known her, stretching as far back as when he’d liaised with the reserve for the bank. Even back then, he’d found her beautiful and wild, beyond his reach.
So to suddenly have her in front of him, wearing that smile that held such wicked promise- just this once, he’d thought, just this once is enough.
But it had become more than just that once, and Owen was having a harder time trying to convince himself that it was nothing, just physical, and he absolutely was not going to invest his feelings in this. If history and observation had taught him nothing else, it was that Lorna MacFusty did not do feelings. And yet there she was, on his doorstep, late on a Saturday, unable to go off with some other bloke, and demanding answers from him like he knew what the hell was going on.
He pushed out a breath and collected the glass from her grasp, pouring another drink for both of them, and then setting both on the table. She could take hers again, if she wanted, but he needed a moment to gather his scattered thoughts. He huffed out a wry laugh at the first one that surfaced with any coherence. “I want you,” he told her, and couldn’t put it any more simply than that. He gave her a helpless little shrug. “But we’re young enough for me to realize that I can’t ask you for forever. It’s not reasonable, and it doesn’t seem fair. Rowena, it doesn’t even sound fair to ask you just to be with me alone. But you asked me what I wanted, and that’s it. Just you. Any way you’ll let me have you.”
It probably wasn’t very fair to make MacFarlane have the answer because she didn’t. It went back to Lorna putting her own selfish impulses on this as well. And now for some reason she was feeling guilty about it when she never had before. Or was it something else besides guilt… Lorna wanted to know but before she admitted to anything… she wanted to know what she was dealing with from MacFarlane. Knowing that men were attracted to her was not a new thing. And if that was all this was… then she’d deal with that and move on.
Lorna let him take her glass and fill it with whiskey again. However, she didn’t go for another drink yet. She waited and watched MacFarlane while he seemed to be thinking of his own answer for her. The laugh, she was unsure about until Owen finally spoke. Lorna felt a sudden quickening in her pulse. He wanted her, but that still didn’t solve anything. That could still be physical. Wanting her because of what she was, not who she was.
And when she let him keep going… well Lorna’s eyes went wide and her heartbeat picked up for other reasons. “Who ever said anything about forever?” she asked because that seemed like a bit much for the moment. “I don’t even know you… you barely even know me anyway. It’s just been a bit of fun, hasn’t it?” Lorna asked because she honestly wasn’t even sure. Didn’t she always run away when things quieted down, but her feelings of confusion came back.
This seemed like a good time for that drink, so Lorna reached for her glass and had another drink. “You’d really want me even if I was with other blokes too?” Lorna asked. Not because she wanted it that way but… she wanted to know if that was actually true. Did he really see her that way? Because while MacFarlane said it wasn’t fair for him to restrict her… it didn’t sound fair to force conditions on him either.
Owen didn’t bother to hide his wince, because even as he’d said it, he’d known it had come out wrong. He still stood by his thought that there had been no better way to relay his thoughts, but he really wish there had been. He tried again, because maybe being succinct was the problem. “Yes, it’s been fun, and- no- you don’t know me any better than I know you”- was that strictly true, though? He’d been watching her for ages, ignoring his own feelings, hoping just for friendship (at best) or a working relationship (at worst)- “but that’s not to say that I don’t want to know you better. Or for you to get to know me better.”
He spread his hands, and felt his shoulders bunch up in a helpless little shrug as he tackled her last question. “But I’m not naive enough to think that I could be enough for you. I’m not a very selfish bloke, and- anyway- it’s early days, like you said. I might have no intention of going on the pull with anyone else, but I’m not ever going to try to put those same restrictions on anyone else, unless they want to themselves. And that’s on them. I’m not here to control your narrative, Lorna. I don’t think I ever will be.”
That wince made Lorna shift where she was sitting and itched to take another drink. She came here for answers and it seemed like that MacFarlane didn’t have any either. She wasn’t even thinking of all the times MacFarlane might have run into her before he’d taken the Admin job. Maybe if he had been someone from Gringotts this would be easier. But she had to see him everyday at work (Godric, had fooled around at work even). The other foot was going to drop at some point.
“And what about the team? Do you think that no one’s noticed, or they won’t care?” Lorna asked. Not that it had been a big concern to her at the time. Once could be excused as a spoiled reckless Quidditch player… but continuing on it would look bad on MacFarlane. How fair was that if she was going off and having ‘fun’ and he was getting fired for it. Because it was her fault. And then she’d never see him again anyway…
“I control my own narrative just fine,” Lorna said and she wasn’t even sure why she felt defensive here. She didn’t know what she liked less. The thought that MacFarlane knew she slept around or that he didn’t want to interfere with it. He said he wanted her but why didn’t he want all of her? “How do you know what I want, when I don’t even know what I want? I could have been shagging Finbar right now but instead I’m here… yelling at you,” Lorna said and her words trailed off as she realized how ridiculous she was saying.
“I’m just going to go. I’m sorry for bothering you. I won’t bother you again,” she said putting the glass down and stood up to head for the door.
“That’s not what I want, Lorna,” he said very quietly, rising slowly, but not following her. “I want you to stay. I want you to only want me. I want to shout it from the sodding rooftops and to not have to sneak around all the time. Do you think I like being in this position? I would send a Floo letter to Graham Urquhart right now, if I thought this was what you wanted, because, Merlin, Lorna, it’s what I want.”
Lorna stopped before she got to the door but didn’t turn back to look at MacFarlane yet. She crossed her arms in front of her chest as she listened. Was that what she wanted to hear? She felt her chest tighten. So it was all laid out, what he wanted. So it still all came back to Lorna. What she wanted.
“Then why haven’t you done anything about it?” Lorna asked as she finally turned back around. “You’ve already basically just sat there and said you think of me as someone who just goes sleeping with anyone I want. Just some quidditcher who doesn’t think about the consequences of her actions. That I can’t just settle down for one person. And maybe that’s true, maybe that’s what I have been doing,” she said and that tightening didn’t go away.
“Why do you want that? Or even just settle for a piece of that. How is that fair to anyone,” she said and felt a hitch of breath in her throat. “I feel like… even though I want more, I’ve already fucked things up. That I don’t know how to be more than I am. That I’m no good for more than a few shags.”
Owen felt his anger flare, because if there was one thing that really got under his skin, it was people presuming to know his underlying thoughts and feelings. Unconsciously, he mirrored her action and crossed his arms over his chest. “I never said any such thing,” he said, voice gone cold. “I would never say any such thing, because that’s not what I think of you.” He shook his head and dropped his arms, once again that dry little chuckle leaving him. “You’d Apparate out of here so fast the Ministry would accuse you of having an illegal portkey if you knew-”
He walked over to where she stood and took her face gently in his hands, thumbs brushing across her cheeks. “Oh, Lorna, I need you to know that that’s not how I see this. Not how I see you. I don’t think I could ever see you that way. I…” he steeled himself, gazing down into her face, “I care for you too much to think anything but the world about you.”
Lorna didn’t really expect that anger, and that did make her quiet as Owen… yes Owen (it was only fair to use his name… obviously they were closer than that now)… spoke back in that cold voice. “Maybe you didn’t say it… but saying that it’s not fair for you to have me alone… that you could have a piece of me while someone else did. How can I assume otherwise that that’s how you see me?” Lorna said shaking her head even when he chuckled about her leaving so quick if she knew how he felt. Frankly, she was surprised that he hadn’t just kicked her out by now. Lorna had already run away before. Damn Gryffindor Pride was making her stay and figure this out now.
She felt him close to her again, hands on her face as she looked up to meet his eyes. Her chest still felt tight, and Lorna felt a sob catch in her throat. And she couldn’t hold back as she moved in and wrapped her arms around Owen’s waist as she pulled herself in close. “I don’t understand how you can,” Lorna said but couldn’t let go. “I’ve been so selfish. And I’ve ignored how wrong it felt to not take this seriously…” she trailed off. “I’m scared it’s too late to do this right. Because… if more is an option then I want it.”
When Lorna came in close, his arms went around her shoulders automatically, like they were made expressly for that purpose. One hand immediately began to stroke up and down her back, the gesture meant to sooth; the other curled into her hair, cradling her close. He tried not to smile too broadly, lest she think he was having a laugh at her expense, but he couldn’t ignore this giddy, half-mad rush of elation at what she was saying. Owen surprised himself at how steady his voice was when he repeated his first statement: “I’m not going anywhere. More was always, and is always, still an option for me.”
He leaned back to look at her, and then ducked his head down to kiss her once- though it lingered- and then he pulled back again, but not out of her hold. “But you should know that I’ll need to be upfront with management. I don’t want to compromise your career with any of this.”
As soon as Owen wrapped his arms around her shoulders, Lorna tucked herself right in against his chest so she could pull herself even closer. She closed her eyes as Owen held her, feeling his hands on her back and the other in her hair. Lorna was trying to process if she’d done the right thing, or was doing the right thing finally. But Owen also smelled good and felt good holding her so she was hoping that everything was okay. If she had noticed Owen smiling and if he had laughed, Lorna probably wouldn’t have appreciated it in this moment of limbo of what was happening.
When he said that more was always an option, she felt a little relief while still feeling terrified at the same time. She only loosened her grip slightly when Owen pulled back and she looked up at him. “I know. But I don’t want you to get sacked because of me,” Lorna said and wondered if it would help if she went to management herself.
Owen shook his head and then leaned in to kiss her again. “Shouldn’t come to that. There’s nothing in the bylaws against fraternization between the players and management, it’s just generally frowned upon. If nothing else, I’ll remind them that I technically knew you long before either of us were affiliated with the team.”
Lorna kissed him back but she still wasn’t sure. It also made her feel even more guilty for not really noticing Owen as much before now. “And if that doesn’t work?” she didn’t want to be pessimistic, but if this was going to go somewhere… it would be best to not having resentment between them.
He shrugged, but was smiled at her. He appreciated her concern, even if he thought it was unwarranted. “I can go back to the bank, or find something in the Ministry. Push comes to shove, I can take over overseeing my family’s practice.” He brushed a thumb down the back of Lorna’s neck. He was mostly teasing when he asked, “Would you still want me if I wasn’t around all the time?”
While she didn’t like the idea of Owen getting sacked because of her, it was at least a relief to hear that he had a back up plan. A plan that involved still wanting to be with her if that’s where this was all going. Lorna felt that thumb at the back of her neck, and she responded in kind when her hands slipped underneath his t-shirt to brush over his hips. “Well… They say absence makes the heart grow fonder… but I’d miss my post practice shag in your office,” Lorna said and smirked because she knew he was teasing.
There was that pleasant burn again, the blaze of her hands on his skin, and Owen had to take a moment just to take in a slightly shaky breath. “I’m just hoping my continued presence makes it fonder still.” He drew her in for another kiss. “I’d really like it if you stayed the night.”
With every kiss, Lorna’s worry and anxiety started to slip away. It wasn’t completely gone, but Owen served as a very good distraction. She smiled at the mention of his presence becoming fonder against his kiss. When she pulled back she rubbed her nose against is. “I was hoping for that. After I already interrupted you so late,” Lorna said. “But I think tomorrow… you should take me on a real date.” Partly teasing, but partly a genuine suggestion and for her part of wanting more.
He grinned and laughed quietly. He’d almost anticipated this with the direction their conversation had taken; Owen was no stranger to having contingencies in place, and they generally served him well. Case in point: “I have a few plans already in that regard, so that can definitely be arranged. I know you like dancing, but what’re your thoughts on International cuisine?”
Lorna’s mood was completely different from when she’d first arrived tonight and had definitely changed for the better. She felt happier by simply hearing his laugh and she smiled herself at the fact that Owen already had plans. “I’ll try anything once,” Lorna said about the cuisine options but really that was a tomorrow problem. “You can surprise me,” she said and leaned up to kiss Owen again but this time deeper.
Owen smiled against her lips, and managed to murmur against them, “A lifelong quest.” And then he pulled them toward his bedroom.