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the war is finally over for florinda mcgonagall (lionhearts) wrote in neeps,
@ 2017-12-31 23:27:00

Entry tags:

! journal, elspeth macfusty, florinda mcgonagall

[Ellie]

I accept your apology.

Why did you slap me? If it was about Cav, you should know he and I broke things off. His decision, but I was ready to do the same.

(Post a new comment)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-01 04:52 pm UTC (link)
	[Written afternoon on 1 January] I Thank you I know this doesn't sound great But it wasn't really about you Or Cav Well, maybe a little about Cav [...] [...] [...] I may have some impulse control, aggression and erratic behavior issues thanks in part to my early career as a human bludger Which isn't an excuse More like just facts. (Reply to this) (Thread)

lionhearts
2018-01-01 07:33 pm UTC (link)

Does that mean you're getting some sort of medical care for old injuries? Because if you're ill I want you to have all the healing you need. I'm still upset but I love you and I want you to do well. And I want to help with that if I can.

I don't understand what about Cav, though? I mean I can guess, and Merlin knows everyone else is, but I know you're back with Doc and I didn't think there was anything between you and Cav but collegial friendship. If I stepped on the hem of your robe with him, I'm sorry, but I didn't know. And I'm not judging if that's how it is, but [...] I wish I had known so I could have avoided hurting you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lady_dragon
2018-01-01 10:05 pm UTC (link)

Unexpected long term impact of traumatic brain injury and all that
I am off to Vienna tomorrow
To make if four different opinions

This one might even be helpful.

As for Cav?
And this is as a cousin not rival team medic

Cav has a [...] reputation
But, yes, I have had sex with him
~~So has~~
It was nothing more than consensual sex between two adults
Honest

I am back with Allie.
He's been helpful, maybe more than I deserve
But I want to do right by him as much as for myself

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lionhearts
2018-01-02 04:13 am UTC (link)

~~He's your boss~~ It's not like I didn't know who Cav was when I started seeing him. I was looking for a good time, not a gold ring.

Just don't cheat on Doc. If you two are open, you can do what you want, but tell him if you're going to shag other lads. I'm not saying that as anything but your cousin and Doc's friend. He means a lot to me and always has and I don't want him hurt.

Vienna has a very good reputation for dealing with problems of the mind, both head injuries and other kinds. There's a good chance someone will be able to help you there, at least.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-02 04:34 am UTC (link)
	Allie and I are solid He means a lot to me too ~~I might even let~~ I'm grateful to have him back Also grateful he has people on his side As for Vienna? I can't say I know much Or that I'm particularly optimistic But I don't have many other options Something needs to change (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-02 04:47 am UTC (link)
	Something has to change. If nothing else, the next person you get angry with and hit might not have the medic's reflexes I do. They might have war veteran reflexes and then you could be hurt worse than you already are. I'm not your rival. Not for Cav, not for Doc, not because I work for a different quidditch team. I'm your cousin. We're family. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-02 04:58 am UTC (link)
	Maybe I wanted to get I know how to fight. This is entirely not the point But as someone who has been in many fights The point is getting hurt Or doing the hurting Sometimes it's the only thing that stops the feeling your gut That doubt in your head Okay. This might be part of the point (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-02 05:28 am UTC (link)
	I'm sad that you feel that way. It's not like that for me. I never want to hurt people. Even when it's a medical procedure, I don't like hurting people. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-03 12:02 am UTC (link)
	Honestly? That feeling was what made me a good player It's what I struggle with now Fuck I wish could be half as good as you But I'm not I never will be And that's okay Or at least, it is what it is (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-03 12:07 am UTC (link)
	I love you as you are and I want you to be happier. I want to help you be the best you and someone who doesn't need to hurt [...] yourself. Other people too, but especially not yourself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lady_dragon
2018-01-03 01:00 am UTC (link)

[Ellie draws big looping circles around what Florrie wrote and draws an arrow to is.]

PROOF
Probably the best person
Entirely unfair
But fact

[...]

[...]

[...]

I am very sorry I hit you
You honestly did nothing to deserve it
And I wish I had a good reason as why it happened
But I don't

I am also sorry for what that did to you
Having to restrain me

And it's a small piece
But that was what finally lead me to seeking help

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-03 01:22 am UTC (link)
	It seemed like I was overreacting when I restrained you. I'm sorry I treated you that way, and I'm sorry that I was so startled and frightened it seemed like a reasonable thing to do. But I'm glad you're getting some help. [....] And I accept your apology. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-03 01:39 am UTC (link)
	I certainly don't have any issue with it Actually pretty effective You did what instinct told you to do Nothing wrong with that Probably saved your arse a few times (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-03 03:35 am UTC (link)
	It has. I just am not certain even now it was the right answer for what you were doing. I'm not saying that you hitting me was 'a cry for help' or anything of the sort. That's infantilising. But I like to think that if I'd had a moment to think, I could have found a better way to deal with you than binding you up like you were a madwoman or under a curse. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-03 03:42 am UTC (link)
	I don't know Madwoman wouldn't be all wrong You fought back Never apologize for that (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-03 03:49 am UTC (link)
	I'm not sorry for protecting myself or the others around me. Only that you were hurt, emotionally if not physically. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-03 03:59 am UTC (link)
	~~The only peopl~~ That's nothing new Just more obvious sometimes Usually when I'm going to punch someone You did what you had to (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-03 06:13 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you for saying that. I doesn't make me feel great about it, but at least I feel less bad. I wish you weren't hurting though, still. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-03 11:25 pm UTC (link)
	This is also nothing new [...] I think I have been hurting a long time It's just not so easy to hide anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-03 11:30 pm UTC (link)
	Sometimes that's how it is with old injuries. Also sometimes we say in clinic, and the Healers say at Mungo's, that a time for change is when the old injury hurts more than the pain of fixing it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-03 11:56 pm UTC (link)
	I just hope something sticks (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-03 11:58 pm UTC (link)
	I do too. When are you going? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-04 12:08 am UTC (link)
	Tomorrow afternoon. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-04 12:23 am UTC (link)
	Then we'll see each other when you come back? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-04 12:28 am UTC (link)
	If you'd like. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-04 02:01 am UTC (link)
	If we'd both like. If it's too soon, I understand. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-04 02:15 am UTC (link)
	Reckon that's mostly on you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-04 02:35 am UTC (link)
	We'll see when you get back, either way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-04 03:19 am UTC (link)
	Of course. And. I don't think he'll need it And I probably don't even need to say But You'll keep an eye for Allie, yeah? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lionhearts 2018-01-04 03:30 am UTC (link)
	Always. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_dragon 2018-01-04 03:33 am UTC (link)
	Thank you. (Reply to this) (Parent)