InsaneJournal

After the conversation with Owen on the beach this morning, Ellie was quite eager to retreat to her nest with Alasdair. Of course she had told him everything. If he was moving back in, he deserved to know all the facts, and decide for himself. For now, Alasdair was staying, and Ellie would do what she could to make that work because even as any semblance of a professional career started to burn, it was better to have Alasdair.

While she might not want to meet with Cav, she deserved him a proper sit down, especially if the world was going to end tomorrow. So, dressed in one of Maddock’s jumpers and a pair of trousers, she floo’d over the Hog’s Head. The place was as depressing as she expected a pub to be on Christmas Day and a snow storm in full force. At least the barkeep was kind enough to her as she ordered herself a butterbeer and found a seat in a little nook.

Cav wasn't about to admit that he had nothing else to do on Christmas day. He had been content to enjoying his time alone in his flat instead of out in the snow and cold or even dealing with anything work-related but here he was. He ducked out of the fireplace and shook the soot from his hair as he scanned the pub for Ellie. Once he'd found her already waiting for him, he headed over there and sat opposite her, his arms crossed.

"Happy Christmas, Ellie," he said as a start, in greeting, with a wry smile on his face. He watched her expression as he sat back and took a deep breath. "Now, why don't you go ahead and tell me what this is about. Why attack Florrie? Is this about me?"

Ellie wasn’t sure if it was a good thing that this story was getting easier to tell. Honestly, she was getting tired of it. “Nollaig Chridheil,” she offered meeting that wry tone. “You know, it’s funny how many people ask that question first - wanting to absolve their part first.”

Although it was Hurricane Ellie and probably safest to cover your own arse first.

Cav arched an eyebrow. "It's less to do with absolving myself and more to do with understanding what happened. We had an argument after that Circe bit came out about me and Florrie wherein you hardly made any sense but were acting jealous. I'm not so full on myself to think that was the only thing going on there but then you went and attacked Florrie. What else am I supposed to think then?"

She arched a brow, taking a sip from her drink. Really just pausing long enough to formulate an actual answer rather than a snappy comment. “Other than you might not be doing as good as you thought with your job?”

Okay, so much for the thinking before we speak, but Ellie really couldn’t help herself.

He shook his head, just barely. "I fail to see how you hitting my girlfriend has anything at all to do with the job that I'm doing."

Ellie considered that for a moment. While she might not have any sort of high ground, she had been careful not to point fingers. For as much as Gwen implied she wasn’t taking responsibility, she would own her part in this, but she didn’t act in a vacuum.

“Then maybe you’re missing the bigger picture,” said said finally.

He nodded for a moment, biting back a biting comment, and instead unwound from his defensive arms crossed position. He pressed his hands against the table and leaned forward a little, openly. He gestured at her. "Why don't you tell me what your bigger picture is then," he began slowly, "and we'll go from there."

“There are a couple of possibilities, I have come up with.” And really she was only arrived with by talking the whole thing through with Alasdair. There was probably some breach of confidentiality, but she needed someone to help her through this mess. “One: you also have no clue what you’re doing and embrace the chaos. Like me. Two: you hired a coach you can’t control and don’t know how to support. Three: you actually don’t know what’s going on.”

Cav was quiet for a long moment, his eyes darkening as he looked right at her, her words sinking in. "Well, fuck, MacFusty, merry Christmas to me. What a great way of explaining your actions. Telling me I'm a shit manager. No, not only a shit manager, but an ignorant one too. You know, if I wanted to hear about how much of a fuck up I am, I could have gone home for Christmas."

He crossed his arms again and shook his head sharply. "Try again," he said, "without pegging your predilection to punch people, when I have repeatedly told you not to, on me. The only person who controls your actions is you, Ellie. The end."

“You asked for the bigger picture. I gave you the bigger picture.” She probably could have gone about it in a better way, but fuck if she was going to get fired tomorrow, then what did she to lose? “My mum has been telling me not to get into fights for years. Doesn’t work, you know what does? Recognizing the signs and averting disaster before it strikes.”

"And how's that been working out for you, hmm?" he snapped back at her. "Because it seems to me every time there's a disaster, there you are." Cav pressed his hands to the table again, taking a deep breath. "I want to help you, Ellie. I want you to succeed. I want you to be the coach I know you are, why I hired you. But you're making it bloody difficult."

Braw. She would be very, very braw.

And wasn’t it the ultimate joke that somehow Maggie MacDougal was her current voice of reason? Ellie pressed her eyes closed, forcing herself to pause, to consider that actions brought consequences. Even as she was living this, it was exhausting.

“Then help me. Don’t announce make staffing changes over the network. Don’t fuck with our players. Literally. And then sleep with other team’s medics.” She paused. No, that was not the point, but she didn’t like that type of surprise. “Because I have been drowning, blindsided even, and I don’t know what I’m doing with anything not directly related to what happens on the pitch.

“And even then, any idiot could tell you I’m not handling it well.” She ran a hand through her hair, trying to reign in that feeling in her gut, half a mind to get up and walk away before this too ended poorly. “I’m barely keeping it together. And yes, that’s on me, but you did hire me, and you knew exactly who I was when you did.”

He winced a bit but ultimately chose not to comment on his bedroom habits because he didn't fully think that was the issue here. And that wasn't really going to change either. "Yes I knew exactly who you were. And I still think you're what's best for the team. The bigger question is, do you believe that too or have you given up?"

Cav rubbed his jaw. "I've always been shit at communication. That's on me. So tell you what - I'll work on that, with you even, especially. I know that's my job here and I tend to let things play out." They just didn't usually get this out of hand. "So starting there, how can I help you, right now, before this blows up even more?"

Ellie let loose a nervous-hysterical laugh as she tried to settle in a place that would allow rational words to form. “Well, maybe we were both wrong.” She started shredding the serviette on the table into tiny pieces. It wasn’t anywhere near what she needed.

“Pretty sure it already exploded and Miracle will settle for nothing less than my resignation, which I have half a mind to give her.” Owen might have threatened to feed that letter to dragons, but she still had it. And Maddock asked her to wait until the New Year, to give herself time to really think things through.

Maybe they were, yes, he agreed, nodding a bit. But his attention snapped back up when she brought up resignation and Gwen in the same sentence. "First of all, Gwen Miracle doesn't tend resignations. Hell she isn't even on a top five list of people who should be given one or asking for one." A scowl crossed his face. "Has she done that then? Told you ought to resign?" Cav was unable to keep the annoyance, nay, anger, from his tone.

“I think there was talk of a counselor. Illegality and arrest.” So, no, no technical asking for a resignation, but Ellie knew how to read between the lines. “What would you have me do?”

"Well for one, Gwen Miracle doesn't make staffing decisions about this team so you don't owe her even a whisper about staying or going, got it? You refer her to me." His tone was clipped. He'd already gotten into it with Gwen once about this and he'd do it again if necessary.

"And two, yes I think you should see a counselor. And a medic. Before the season picks up again. Can you do that?"

Ellie paused, surprised at his anger toward Gwen. Until this moment she was sure she was the only one disliked the woman. Admittedly, her dislike was part fear and part knowing she always gave the woman more work. “I have a healer who has been following my case since Worlds. Shouldn’t be a problem.”

She had tried the counselor thing. Or partially tried and she didn’t have the patience for it. Ellie wasn’t sure that was still an option.

Cav nodded. "Good. And I'll ask about for a counselor for you too, unless you've got someone squared away. I'd honestly prefer to find you someone with absolutely zero attachments to any of your family or this league."

“Good luck with that,” she said. She would have to go out of Scotland for that, and she didn’t think it would help, but if that’s what it took. “And what about tomorrow?”

He shrugged. "Tomorrow I wake up far too early on an off day to have it out with Miracle while defending you. How's that for a Boxing Day?"