InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I can hear you..."

It was easier to visit on the second day for more time -- the influx of visitors was always strongest on day one and tapered off as the excitement was slowly suffocated by the daily realities of life. Ernie didn’t really think that his cousin had gone through all of the magazines and puzzles he’d brought her the day before, but nonetheless he’d arrived with a couple of bars of chocolate (medicinal grade, of course) and one of the mystery novels that he’d actually gotten for Susan for Christmas but had already found it on her shelf. He didn’t actually know if Lex would read it, but it seemed an uncontroversial pick.

He rapped gently on the door -- of course she’d have her own berth -- and entered at the response.

“Hi Lex,” he said with a soft, optimistic smile and leaned in through the gap curiously.

"Ernie!" Lex said, brightening. She'd been in Mungo's for less than 24 hours but was already itching to get out. She was no stranger to quidditch injuries (even ones that required a visit to St. Mungo's), but she still wasn't getting clear answers from the mediwizard about her prognosis for quidditch and despite being under strict orders to rest, she looked tired and worn out. Nonetheless, she smiled at her cousin. "I sent Micah off to shower and eat. Have you come bearing more gifts?"

“Of course.” He handed her the small cloth bag, then thought better of it and set it on the floating tray just off to one side. “Hopefully none of them are considered contraband. How is your head?”

"Bit of a headache and tired more of the time than not," she said scratching at the bandage on her head. "Healers are saying they might keep me till the weekend."

She sat up and reached for the bag. "What'd you bring today?"

“Chocolate and a novel. I don't know how you feel about mysteries but I thought it might keep you entertained.” He gestured at the seat wordlessly before taking a seat in it. Ernie’s eyes skimmed around the room, taking in the sights -- it had been awhile since he’d been to St. Mungo’s and while the place didn’t hold any hesitance for him, it did stir up some memories.

“What are the healers worried about?”

“Haven’t had much luck with focusing on reading but if You want to read to me, I certainly wouldn’t say no to that,” Lex said with a smile. “Head injury mostly. They say it’s a concussion but it’s a lot of wait and see to see what prognosis is and when I can get back in the air.” She tried to hide the worry from her face.

His eyebrows flickered up in worry - surely she could convalesce at home if it were a run of the mill concussion. “Well, if it was going to happen at any point - now is the time, isn’t it? Plenty of time to recover, recuperate.”

“I’d rather it not happen at all,” Lex said making a face. But at least they had over a month till their next match. "Especially not when we just lost Peppard. Don't get me wrong, Georgi is great, but.." But Lex wasn't ready for her season -- or her career -- to be over.

“But?” Ernie asked, perking up a little at the name. “I thought you two played well enough together.”

"But he's the third beater I've worked with in less than half a season. It's been a vicious season and a head injury is what took Peppard out." Her teeth chewed on her lower lip as she glanced at Ernie. "I've nothing against Georgi. He's great. I mean, we have different styles, but that's not necessarily a bad thing."

Ernie’s thick brows flickered down.

“Are you worried about being… about hesitating? When you’re back out there?” he asked, just as hesitant himself as he shifted in place so he was leaning against the bed, one elbow resting on the soft blanket.

"I'm worried I'm not going to go back," Lex said quietly, picking at the blanket.

“Did they say something - I mean, did the healers say they were concerned?” Ernie asked, surprise lightening his tone from hesitance to flat out worry.

"All they're saying is that we have to wait and see. They can't tell me when -- or if -- I can go back to playing. I mean, officially Peppard is just recuperating for the rest of the season, but when you take an entire season off for an injury at my age, it's less likely you'll come back." Lex leaned back against the pillows. "Until they say I can get back on my broom, I can't relax.."

Ernie’s mouth opened, then closed. It wouldn’t be any good to ask after alternative career plans because he was sure she hadn’t made any. Lex was never much for advanced planning and that would, he guessed, only send her into a worse spiral than she was already in.

“It’s not been a day, Lex. You’ve got to give yourself some time to heal. Head wounds… well. They are unpredictable.” He knew that all too well. “And the more you push yourself, the worse off you’re going to be in the long run, you know that.”

"I know, I'm just used to going home the next day if I get taken to Mungo's from a game." Lex knew she was lucky. In over ten years in the league, she'd managed to come out with only bruises and broken bones. She leaned over to pull the book out that he'd brought and passed it to him. "Will you read to me? I get tired out when I read."

Ernie took the book and wondered if it was a distraction; to a certain extent, they were all good at pulling the bait and switch when another hit on a topic that they knew was perilous. But like all of his family, he was good at pretending that nothing was wrong too.

“As you wish. There’s chocolate there too, if you’d like. And I wouldn’t say no to a piece myself…” he suggested with a small smile.

Lex pulled the chocolate out and unwrapped it, breaking off a piece for Ernie and passing it to him. She nibbled on her piece as she settled down, worry creasing her face as she waited for him to read.

He took the piece of chocolate and looked down at that, then the book sitting in his lap.

“It’s not the end of the world if you can’t play Quidditch. It feels that way now but… it’s amazing how the rest of the world doesn’t stop when it feels your world has. And if it is, then that’s the way it is. Worrying about it isn’t going to make it better,” he replied then looked up at her with solidly calm eyes.

"Quidditch is my life, Ernie.. It's all I'm good at. I'm not like you or Fraser who are brilliant, or poised like Aureliana, and I don't want to end up a ministry minion like Mel.. I'm not happy unless I'm out there flying on the pitch.. I'm not alive unless I'm up in the air and to think that I might not go back to that… I.. I'm not ready…"

She shifted onto her side to look at Ernie, looking more like a scared young woman than a seasoned professional quidditch player. "Ernie.. I don't want to end up like George…"

“Then you should probably quit Quidditch now,” he said steadily, looking far more like the soldier in a war, if still a little babyfaced. “Because even if you’re fine now, heal up, it’s a likelihood that is avoidable only by quitting.”

Lex looked at Ernie like he'd grown another head. "Quit? And do what? No, unless the healers tell me I can't play or I'm not up to playing level anymore…" Lex trailed off. But what if Ernie was right. She'd turn 30 in less than a month. It was quite possible her best days were behind her. Perhaps this was an opportunity to bow out gracefully rather than hang in past her prime.
"I've no idea what I would do besides quidditch."

Ernie’s serious look descended a little bit into something distant, but warmer. “It helps, I think, that your mother manages a Quidditch team. You won’t likely have to go far for a second career,” he said softly.

Lex rolled her eyes and then winced slightly at the effort, rubbing a hand over her face. "I don't want to get a job because of mum. S'why I refused to go straight to Montrose. Wanted to make a name for myself first. And I know quidditch probably seems like just nonsense to you… when you've been through so much but… quidditch is what grounds me.. What keeps me sane.."

Ernie counted down in his head, because he felt the provocation sharp and incisive and he was supposed to key in on it and try to slow down his reaction - simmer instead of boil over.

“It’s not nonsense,” he said evenly, even as he had no idea what sort of insanity she could possibly be under otherwise, “I watch it the same as anybody. I’m not --”

Rubbing one eye under the glass of his spectacles, he sighed and (instead of counting) tried not to think about his own feelings. “I’m just saying that you have more options than you think so you shouldn’t worry about it. You won’t play forever. You’ll figure something out when you stop and, most likely, it’ll make you happy too.” He offered her a lopsided sort of grin. “You’re not that hard to please, Lex.”

That earned a smile from Lex. "Cheers."

She chewed on her lip. "Seriously, Ernie.. Thanks.. I.." The words jumbled in her mouth. She broke off another piece of chocolate and handed it to him. "I'm glad you're family."

He took the piece of chocolate, triangular shaped, and tried to feel that appreciation. It helped, he thought, to eat it. “Alright. I’ll stop with all this actual nonsense and start reading.” Turning open the top page, Ernie began to read.