Who: Katya and Gideon What: Training and a mild emotional breakdown When: Saturday morning (of the last one variety...sorry it's so late D:) Where: Their Dojo Warnings: Does uncomfortable Gid count?
Katya was distracted, there were no two ways about it. With everything that had been going on, there just hadn’t been any down time. She was worried about Roger, more than she had been in a very long time. She wasn’t quite at the point of nightmares, but she was losing sleep over it already. She worked herself harder, picking up extra shifts at Dorsia and training longer, harder. She needed the distraction, to push herself so hard that everything else melted away. It wasn’t lost on her that she was doing something similar to what Roger planned to do, except she was throwing herself into her work because of her emotions. Not to bury them.
Saturdays were a ritual for her, and although this Saturday would mark the first time she had been in contact with Gideon after asking for permission to bring Scarlette to the Dojo with Fenris, she allowed herself to calm. She arrived at the dojo an hour and a half early, taking the time to meditate and let everything go. She needed to focus, to be on the top of her game for her father. Katya wasn’t sure what he’d do if she was so far gone as she had been of late. In keeping with his usual habits, Gideon arrived a half hour before they were slated to meet up. It would have been sooner, but what with everything that was going on his workload had understandably piled up. Stepping inside the room and glancing around, he was surprised to see that Kat was already there. He nodded in greeting as he removed his shoes and stripped down to wifebeater and jeans, then wordlessly padded across to the mat to limber up himself. He didn’t ask why she was here already, or much of anything, merely focused on what he was doing; if she wanted to share then fine, otherwise he figured it probably wasn’t any of his business. That or he’d find out soon enough anyway. Katya glanced over her shoulder as he entered, the sound having stirred her from her meditation. She said nothing, turning back to a more natural position and found her center again. She tracked his movements, listening to the sound of his steps and the way the floor vibrated. In truth, she was afraid to say anything to Gideon. Her relationships were slowly falling apart around her, and although she knew she could count on Scarlette, there were still some things she just couldn’t talk to her best friend about. Particularly Gideon, though she could hardly talk to the man about himself.
She waited until it was their appointed time to start to stand. She faced her father and bowed respectfully before taking her stance. Katya wasn’t sure what this session would hold, but she would focus on her studies, and maybe even employing some of the tricks Roger had shown her. He took a stance opposite her, keeping himself loose and ready before nodding in invitation. So they weren’t talking. No problem. He had no idea if it was because of him or something that was going on with her, but he figured if it was important enough it would come out sooner or later, there was no point worrying about it. He could handle silence until then; silence meant no distractions, something which training always benefited from and was seldom offered in the real world. They could graduate to distractions later. She hadn’t expected the silence to bother him, and she found herself thankful once more for his continued presence in her life. She had screwed up, and now she felt like her life was just that much more difficult. She felt herself losing her balance, figuratively, and she needed it back desperately. Despite the fact that she could hardly tell Gideon about the recent issues with the vigilantes and her fears about Roger, she still knew he would help balance her.
Katya circled him twice, moving to the right, before she made her move. She continued circling him to the right, but at the last second moved to the left, catching his left hand and bringing it behind his back, holding him in a familiar grasp, though normally they were arranged the other way around. Already planning his own next move, the switch was only barely caught, and that not in time. His arm jerked and twisted as she bent it and folded it behind him, straining muscle and nerve with what he assumed was almost enough pressure to gain compliance, but not quite. A choked laugh born of surprise burst from his chest as he tested it, wiggling enough to demonstrate that he still had a fair bit of mobility without escaping it. Technically he was probably cheating, but that wasn’t any fault of his. “Not bad. Don’t be afraid to force the issue though, the point is to get the other guy to stop cold, not just immobilize. Bones can be set or moved back in place, punctured organs can bleed out in seconds.” A small ball of pride set up shop somewhere in his chest, deeply pleased that she had finally gotten up the stones to even try let alone succeed, but he kept this to himself. No sense in letting the small victory go to her head. Kat nodded, letting go of the grip on his arm. He had made her get out of it so many times that she hardly needed to see the escape from his typical point of view. She’d much rather break a bone than kill a person, but she knew that, at some point, the knowledge would come in handy. She wondered, for a moment, if she would ever need to defend herself from those on the other end of her Comm. Brushing the thought aside, she started circling him again. Focus, she chided herself, looking for another opening.
It came a minute or so later, charging at him. He went low, and she jumped, using his shoulders to facilitate a gymnastic twist-flip. His hand gripped her wrist, which threw off her balance, literally this time. He spun, keeping a grip on her wrist, as she fell, ending up on her knees, pain shooting up her arm. “Ow,” she muttered, looking up at him through her bright red hair. There was only a hint of a smirk on his lips as he released her and straightened, but it was enough. “You don’t have to go for flash; simple works just as well. And lands you on your ass less often.” He extended his hand to pull her up, figuring there was no reason to add insult to injury, before taking a step or two back. “And always have a backup plan in place. Or three; you can’t rely on the first one to work every time. Most people might not react so quickly, but plan for the worst case, not the best.”
Gideon watched her closely as they went back to circling, careful to watch for her openings as well as keep an eye on his own. She seemed much more guarded today, which, while certainly a good thing, didn’t exactly reassure him given how much of an open book she usually was. He made a note of it and started work on trying to predict what her next move would be. She frowned as he let her go, frustrated that the move hadn’t worked the way she had planned. If it had been Roger, he would’ve executed it perfectly. She just wasn’t as good. Gideon helped her up and Kat took the lecture notes to heart. Backup plans were yet another thing that she just wasn’t getting right. Negativity was seeping through her, though she did her best to push it away. She was keeping her stance tight, always watching him, but she was trying to think two steps ahead.
Lunge now, anticipate his move, and act accordingly. She repeated it to herself as she circled, trying to figure out the best time to lunge. It was much like jumping rope. She’d see the perfect opportunity the moment after it passed. Anticipating it the third time around, she lunged, anticipating that he would step to her left. Which was exactly what he had assumed she would expect him to do, and so he didn’t, instead moving to the right and sweeping out with a leg to knock hers out from under her as she shifted her center of mass. Or, that was the intention, anyway; the angle wasn’t quite right, he could feel it the minute he started to execute the move, but it was too late to back out of it now, he’d already committed. There was nothing for it but to make the best of the situation. A flash of horror flitted across her face as he went to the right. She turned her head, following his movements and trying to adjust. She ended up tripping over her own two feet and then falling over the leg he had stuck out. Her arms went out in front of her and she managed a sort-of tuck and roll that left her sitting on the mat with her back to Gideon. Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes but she did her best to push them back. It took her an extra moment or two to pull herself up, and another to turn and face him. She was back in her stance, but it was obvious that she wasn’t really all there. A fact which Gideon picked up on fairly quickly, and while normally, with anyone else, he might have taken advantage of the knowledge, now he didn’t. He frowned, not bothering to move into a defensive stance of his own; there was no point, not when she wouldn’t have her head in it.
The assassin let out a huff of air, weighing his options. He could ask what the deal was, although he was fairly sure she wouldn’t give an answer. He could take a stance and let her continue, and continue to hand her ass to her because she wasn’t paying attention and was getting increasingly sloppy. He could continue to stand here and let her keep at it, getting his own ass handed to him in the process in the name of letting her work whatever it was out of her system. Truth be told, he didn’t like any of the options. Two had merit in their own rights, but not in this application, and one...he just would have preferred avoiding completely.
Of course, that was the one he went with, because, inevitably, it was the ‘right’ one. “...You alright?” Katya waited for him to take his stance, confused as to why it was it was taking him so long. She was only half paying attention, waiting but also lost in thought. It was getting harder and harder to push that negativity away and remind herself that she was worth all of the trouble she seemed to cause. The last pass had left her feeling more than inadequate, and adding that on everything else just ruined whatever positivity she had left.
His question caught her off guard, and she looked up at him, surprise coloring her face. The tears that had started just moments ago came back and she worried her lip as she tried to figure out how best to answer his question. She could be honest, telling him about everything that was bothering her and giving in to how down she’d been feeling for a while. She could brush it off, push the emotions away and continue working, which would mean failing more and making her feel worse in the long run. Or, she could just leave. She dismissed that idea fairly quickly. Leaving wouldn’t solve anything. Brushing it off seemed like it would make him less comfortable, but Kat couldn’t bring herself to push away her emotions like that. Not after her lecture to Roger about the very same thing. Option A it was, but she didn’t want to burden him too much. Instead, she dropped her stance and her head, gazing down at the floor as she replied softly, “No.” An obvious answer to an equally obvious question, and he hadn’t really expected anything else - decades of experience in reading people out of necessity and self-preservation and very little came as a real surprise anymore - but he still felt as if he’d been run over by a train when the answer came. There was nothing he could have done to prepare for this, no books to read or people to watch for days on end that could have possibly given him a hint for this kind of...sympathetic hurt. The idea that he would feel pain because she was in pain...he was in no way prepared for that.
He let out a breath, tensing reflexively as he scrambled for the appropriate response before settling for “What happened?” Close behind were “who” and “where are they,” but he figured those he should keep to himself. At least for now. Katya shifted on her feet, unsure of exactly how to explain it. “It is not one thing only,” she replied with a heavy shrug, gaze still focused on the floor in front of her. “There have been many difficulties in my life in such a short time because of media and rude people,” she added, the last part just slightly tinged with bitterness.
“Moving in with Scarlette has helped some, but there is just so much wrong,” she continued, tears falling softly down her face. She was ashamed of her overwhelming emotions, particularly of displaying them in front of her father. He was always so strong and did not seem particularly burdened by emotions. She wondered, distantly, if Gideon would face the problems the Bat was facing. “There’s a lot wrong the world over,” he commented quietly, in a way that he probably thought was reassuring. “The trick is in how you deal with it.” He let out a sigh, and now they were at a stalemate. He knew how he was supposed to proceed, had enough dim memories of his own childhood and had seen enough movies to know what was expected. But he found himself unable to take the last step, close the gap, almost as if he was afraid the whole thing would dissolve if he tried. But while he didn’t move forward, he also didn’t retreat, didn’t close himself off as he might have been tempted to, merely stood, as relaxed as he could manage. Apologetic. “I know that...doesn’t really help much.” His first words discouraged her. There was so much happiness and good in the world, and while she knew there was also wrong, she hoped in her heart that things would be right most of the time. Finding Roger and Gideon and Scarlette had all been right things, and those relationships made her happy. For the most part. She bit her lip again, trying to hold back some of her tears and failing miserably. Her shoulders started to shake from suppressed sobs despite her best efforts to stay still.
"I don’t know how to deal with so much sadness and anger and distrust. It's like I'm worse than the dirt under their freaking boots. Like I'm some sort of child playing dress up but when the grownups are around I'm sent in the corner. Dismissed! And they are the ones doing more damage than good with all of this nonsense. They can't work together and I get my head chewed off for suggesting it? That's just disrespectful!" She burst out in a string of Russian, hitched only slightly by the tears. She was obviously really frustrated and she wrapped her arms around herself, shuffling forward just barely. Gideon chewed on his lip absently as she spoke, jaw clenched in sympathetic frustration as he worried the flesh between his teeth. It was going to bleed one of these moments, he was fairly certain, although he came upon this determination more through experience than the build-up of pressure. He let out another breath, irritated by her compatriots and their treatment of her but knowing that it was the same everywhere and so unable to offer the comforting words she sought. People were, at their base natures, petty and cruel. It was a fact of life.
But he still regretted that she’d had to learn it. Another breath released, and with it a murmur in Russian, inaudible but for the few moments of silence that preceded it. “C’mere.” She didn’t need anything else. She was in his arms a second the invitation slipped past his lips, her own arms wrapping around him tightly. She buried her head in his chest, tears flowing freely now, though she wasn’t making a horrific amount of noise. Just quiet sobs as she tried to hold some of it back. The comfort he was offering was a point to the positives, and Katya felt better just letting it all out with someone she could tell everything to. Gideon knew everything, saw everything. She didn’t need to hide that she was a vigilante with him, or anything else for that matter. Even if he didn’t particularly want to be her confidante sometimes, she knew he’d always have her back. She held onto him tightly, sobs and tears slowing after a few minutes. He stood in place woodenly for the first few moments, surprised by both the force and suddenness of the embrace, startled into confusion as to what was expected of him. But the body pressed against him and the vibrations that went through him with each sob soon broke through the inaction, and he carefully put his arms around her, hesitatingly resting palms against whatever was where they ended up, offering what comfort he could.
‘There, there’ was the first thing that came to mind, but he scrapped it before the words could escape. It helped no-one and only came across as patronizing regardless of the sincerity behind them. He’d seen plenty of empty platitudes unloaded in his time, had delivered a few himself, and knew better than to subject her to that now. But he had nothing better, so he remained silent, waiting for the next cue. The arms around her were hesitant, but they were better than nothing and Katya was thankful for Gideon. He was constant and consistent and he pushed her to be better. Her tears slowed and then stopped soon after, though she clung to him for a moment longer than necessary before pulling away. She stepped back only a bit, leaving considerably less space between them than there was before.
“Thank you,” she said quietly, wiping her eyes as discreetly as possible. She felt much better after crying, and although Gideon wasn’t particularly the most natural of comforters, she appreciated his efforts all the same. It meant a bit more, coming from her dad. It was surprising how well she took to him being her dad, but that was just how she was. Daughters needed their fathers, and Gideon just so happened to be her dad. She didn’t really notice that she was the one teaching him what to do. His arms dropped to his sides as she stepped away, and Gideon shrugged, as if to say ‘no problem’. It was part of the job description evidently, he hadn’t been looking for a thank you. “Better?” Katya nodded and lifted her gaze, offering him a small smile. She took her stance once more and then resumed their training. She was already starting to feel clearer and less like she was teetering on an emotional cliff.