InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Hug me!"

preston rawlings . {viola} (theviola) wrote in musings,
@ 2011-04-03 22:18:00

Entry tags:

elizabeth bennet, viola

Locked to E. Pride
[The evening after this. Probably coincides with the Arbor Day Party thing, perhaps before or during. Preston ditched work that day with no call. The Sparke Industries tax team did a dress rehearsal of their future ritual suicide because he wasn't answering his phones. The message is repeated in email, text, and post.]

I'm sorry.

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	theviola 2011-04-04 06:06 am UTC (link)
	That's not what I meant. No, I just meant that I needed someone and he was there. That's not what I meant. [Preston is not putting any calm or pauses before his submits.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 06:08 am UTC (link)
	Ah, of course. So we sleep with other people when we need someone. I'm merely trying to understand your rules, Preston, so I'm prepared the next time I see you so engrossed in someone else that you forget I bloody exist. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:11 am UTC (link)
	I didn't forget. I still need you. Please? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 06:12 am UTC (link)
	Where is Thorne, Preston? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:13 am UTC (link)
	I don't know, Eli. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 06:18 am UTC (link)
	Does it matter to you? If it's him or me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:19 am UTC (link)
	Yes. You aren't the same. I need you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 06:20 am UTC (link)
	Need? Is that it? All I am to you? Someone who fills a need? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:22 am UTC (link)
	That's not what I meant either. Eli, please. Don't leave me. You're the only one who knows me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hybristic
2011-04-04 06:28 am UTC (link)

I am not an overly romantic man, Preston, but even I understand that if your motivations are need and knowledge, you'll fall into bed with Thorne over and over again. I will not be a warm body that can be replaced by Thorne or anyone else that comes along at the appropriate moment.

If this is the sort of open relationship you want, then so be it. But I will not sit around and wait for you to hurt me like this again.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:34 am UTC (link)
	I won't. I promise. I didn't want to hurt you. It's not just knowledge, it's you. I promise. Please. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 06:35 am UTC (link)
	Preston, words can't fix it, love. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:40 am UTC (link)
	Then come here and I'll find another way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hybristic
2011-04-04 06:44 am UTC (link)

If I go there, I'll merely throw you on the bed and show you who you belong to, and that isn't going to fix anything in the end. You need me? Very well. I'm still here, but not like that. Not exclusively, not under terms you think you want, but don't. I'm not Anton Sparke, Preston, and I will never be Anton Sparke. I suspect the rest of us are all in a separate bucket, where we are very little different, one from the other.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:46 am UTC (link)
	Why do you keep bringing up Anton? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hybristic
2011-04-04 06:49 am UTC (link)

Because I've asked you repeatedly if you're in love with the man, and I don't believe you when you tell me no. Your reactions recently, when you thought he was displeased with you, or when you felt certain he would fire you, were precisely the same as you're having now. You don't want to lose him, and when you're concerned about him you don't even listen to what I'm saying to you. It's as if I stop mattering.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 06:57 am UTC (link)
	You matter. I promise you matter. I had a thing for Anton a long time ago when I first started working with him, but I got over it. The man doesn't think of me. He doesn't know me either. You do. Please? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:01 am UTC (link)
	I already told you I was still here. [...] I don't trust you not to get drunk again and fall into Thorne's arms, Preston. And if you want to, then being with me should not keep you from it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:02 am UTC (link)
	[...] Come over here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:04 am UTC (link)
	I already told you what would happen if I did. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:05 am UTC (link)
	I don't know how to make you believe me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:07 am UTC (link)
	Whatever you want to convince me of isn't true, Preston. If it was, this wouldn't have happened. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:09 am UTC (link)
	No, it was just one insane day. It wouldn't have happened otherwise. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:13 am UTC (link)
	Ah, yes, and the next insane day? What then? Or the next bottle? [...] No. I won't be the person waiting around, afraid of what you're doing when I'm not with you. Now, in this moment, that is who I am, and that isn't- We'll go back to how we were before. What is the idiom? Friends with benefits? You see, it's better to expect something than to fear it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:17 am UTC (link)
	[Pause.] Whatever you want. If that's what you want. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:19 am UTC (link)
	[There's the very loud, very obvious crash from the apartment next door.] Dammit, Preston, you bloody bastard. This has absolutely nothing to do with what I want, and everything with what you wanted from Thorne. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:21 am UTC (link)
	I just wanted to forget, Eli. I don't want to be any of the things... that everyone saw. That everyone saw. I just wanted to forget. I'm sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:23 am UTC (link)
	But not with me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:24 am UTC (link)
	You weren't there. I didn't want to bother you. You knew, I mean, you saw it already. I didn't want to bother you with it again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:28 am UTC (link)
	I was on the bloody phone, Preston, trying to talk to you about it. I let you know I would be coming by directly. Quit making damn bloody excuses. You wanted him, and that is that. For the love of fucking God, man just own up to it. YOU WANTED HIM. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:29 am UTC (link)
	No, that's not how it was. That's not how it was. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:31 am UTC (link)
	[Another crash from next door.] Why can't you just say it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:35 am UTC (link)
	Because that wasn't what happened. It wasn't like that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hybristic 2011-04-04 07:37 am UTC (link)
	[He gives up on typing, and he slams the flat of his hand against the living room vent and yells.] I COULD BLOODY SEE, PRESTON. YOU WANTED HIM. YOU COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE BASTARD. DON'T LIE TO ME, DAMMIT. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	theviola 2011-04-04 07:38 am UTC (link)
	[Pulls on the window. He's coming over there.] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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