A secretary goes into her bosses office and says, "Excuse me, may I use your Dictaphone?" The boss replies, "No, use your finger like everyone else."
How about this one? This guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Confused, the bartender asks "Hey, why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
"I don't know" the guy says, "but it's driving me nuts!"