Agent Fox Mulder (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} i_want_2) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} multi_fiction,@ 2008-04-03 07:52:00 |
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Title: Love Potion #9-003-A
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Firefly.
Characters: Simon, Malcolm, Jayne, Zoe, River, Book, Wash.
Wordcount: 2808
Prompt: 55. Anything Wash/Simon-y, preferably dealing (however briefly) with the whole Wash-is-married-and-very-in-love-with-Zo
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Wash/Simon - Wash/Zoe - Wash/Zoe/Simon.
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Language, Violence
Summary: Madam River will cure all your love ails.
Author's Note: Fairy tails on Crack.
Sequel: To "Tail of the Sly Wolf"
Book Narrative
______________________________________
Hmmm? Oh, it's you. Some how I knew you wouldn't be satisfied with just the one story. What will it be this time? What special type of story will interest you? Well tough luck, I've told my last story for a while. If you want a story, go look some where else. This little black book is...
What are you planning on doing with those scissors.
Stay away from me, you hear! Ow! Brutish actions are the result of a closed mind!
What next?
A lighter. Fire? Oh, really. Please, do your worst. Wait a minute! I am not rolling papers, you brainless hippie! Leave those pages alone! Ow! Quit pulling those out! Fine! Fine, I will tell you a story! You got your wish!
Morons! Always have to get their way.
Now, since you were so violent, I will pick the story for you. Don't you blow your smoke at me! If you don't settle down right now, you can forget ever... very well, that's better.
Since she was left out of the last story, I feel it only fair to start this one with her. River is a complex, often stupid person for a genius. As you recall from the last story, she was in a self induced coma. Well, I shall tell you the first time she came out her coma. Yes, the first time. Seems River, much like history, is doomed to repeat herself.
One fall morning, little more than a year after her brother discovered he was half panther, River woke up.
"I am now invisible!" Glancing down at her hands, River frowned. She had to quickly glance up to see who was screaming. A woman in white was pointing at her and backing away, pale as her uniform. Frowning at the rude woman, River began to wonder what she was doing in her laboratory. It took a moment to register she wasn't in her lab, but her bedroom. "How long was I gone?"
The nurses' eyes crossed, rolled up in her head, and she hit the floor with a resounding thump.
Sighing, River threw off her blanket. Her muscles had some how survived the years of being in a catatonic state. Standing up, she shook off her night gown and stepped over the unconscious woman. "Test sample 2X-44 is a failure. Back to the drawing board."
Not much in the way of information, I know, but it is very relevant to the story.
Before we get back to River, we should check in on our friends, the wolf pack. They have had a rather productive year thanks in part to Simon. Being an animal doctor has come in handy on more than one occasion. It has also caused more trouble for them than normal as well. One such time was happening now.
"Let him go and I might consider letting you live." Gun leveled at the trapper, Mal didn't have to look over to know the rest of his pack was holding their guns too.
Keeping the knife to Simon's throat, the trapper gave them a snaggle toothed grin. "I don't think so, wolf! See, I got this here cat for trying to eat my catch and I'm not lettin it go."
"I was not eating it! I was trying to help him. The rabbit was hurt, I am a doctor!" Simon was silenced by the trapper scraping the blade over his throat. "Mal, a little help, please."
"Tryin, doc, just keep your pretty head and we'll get you out of this unharmed." Mal carefully counted off the seconds in his head. When he reached zero, he lowered his weapon and grinned at the trapper. "I warned ya."
The next moment the trapper heard a growling behind him. Very slowly, he turned to look over his shoulder, then pissed himself. Screaming, he released Simon and tried to fight off the creature but was too slow.
Grabbing Simon by the scruff, Mal dragged him behind him. He needn't have to worry about the doctor putting up a fight, he was too enraptured by that wondrous miracle of nature, the food chain. "Doc, what'd I tell you about helpin strays? One of these days them old bears aren't going to be around and then where will you be, on someone's wall, that's where."
Snickering, Wash and Zoe followed behind, tails entwined.
Rather gruesome, I know, but bears have to eat too, you know.
Back to the mad scientist.
River had been gratified to find that her lab was still intact despite her long absence. Even the chemical formula she had used was still on the white board. Cocking her head to the side, she tried to discover which was the cause of her failure. There had to be something in the chemical make up that resulted in catatonia instead of invisibility. Frowning, she set to work on finding out what it was.
Outside, a sudden gale blew up and lightning flashed.
Oh, don't give me that. Don't you think I know it's cliched? But what do you expect, the girl clearly was never playing with a full deck.
Flip forward three weeks. The leaves are off the trees, but the winter hasn't set in. Our wolves have their nice winter coats, courtesy of dozens of wild hares who were in the wrong place at the right time. Much to Simon's consternation, he also wore a Hare Suit.
Our mad scientist... I mean River, has perfected her next version of the invisibility... Oh let's just call it what it is, CataTonic. Having learned a lesson from last time, she has decided to wisely test this version, not on herself, but on an animal. Don't start with me, tree hugger, animal testing has long been an accepted practice. Now, unless you wish to take their place, please shut the hell up and let me finish.
Creeping through the forest, River was decked out in camo, her face was painted. Even her bag was camo. Binoculars at the ready around her neck, she scanned the dark forest for a place to lay her trap. Coming upon a well worn trail, she reached in to her sack and pulled out a bear trap. Opening it, she placed a piece of ripened pineapple in the center. She had chosen it for the strong smell it emitted. After covering the rest of the trap in leaves, she hid behind some nearby trees to wait.
She didn't have to wait long.
Stumbling along minding his own business, Simon tried not to look off the trail for wounded animals. After the last time, he had promised Mal that he wouldn't. However, if there were injured animals on the trail, then he wouldn't be breaking his word. So caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't see the trap until he stepped on it.
River wasn't quite prepared for the scream that emitted from the animal in the trap. Fortifying herself with some fortified wine, she reached in to the quiver on her back and pulled out a blow gun. She pulled out a case from her bag of invisibility potion number nine dash zero zero three dash A. Dipping one of the darts also in the case in to the serum, she loaded it in to the blow gun. Closing one eye, she raised the blow gun and took careful aim at the exposed rear of the large cat caught in her trap.
Simon wasn't so distracted by his pain he didn't hear the gust of breath followed by the sting in his ass. Eyes watering, he stood up. Lip trembling, he whimpered and reached around for the dart. Pulling it out carefully, he stared at in shock. Seeing his own blood on it, he screamed.
Rushing up the path, Wash tugged at his pants, trying to tie the rope not around his waist. He had been assigned to watch over the doc this time around when nature called. Mal was going to kill him for this, he just knew. Not even his beloved Zoey could save him this time. "Hold on, Simon, I'm coming!" Coming up over the rise along the path, he saw Simon holding his ass.
Seeing her chance to get another subject, River dipped her second dart in the serum. Loading it quickly, she took aim and blew it at Wash.
The dart struck him in his neck. Whimpering from the sudden pain, Wash spun in a circle, slapping at the dart until it fell out. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!"
Hearing the two animals' cries of pain, River withdrew a ways just in case they attracted more attention. She watched through her binoculars for the changes. If the serum was correct this time, they should begin turning invisible almost immediately. She frowned when a minute passed and all they had done was stand there and whimper.
Something was wrong with the batch.
She almost called it a complete failure until the animals grew quiet. Watching in fascination as the wolf sniffed the air, she pulled out her camera. May be there was something to this after all.
It started as a grunt. Simon, still reeling from the pain, felt something uncomfortable start in his belly and spread south. Next, it was a giggle. Holding a hand over his mouth in alarm, Simon looked down at the front of his pants. The sight of his erection seemed to be the funniest thing in the world and he started to cackle.
He was pleasantly startled by the warm hand that touched the tip of his tail. Purring, he twitched his tail from their grasp. The presence behind him suddenly molded against his back, sliding hands around his waist, pressing his lips to Simon's neck. Instead of being alarmed as he should have been, Simon began to purr louder.
Growling, Wash pushed Simon forward on to all fours. The fact the panther complied made his chest swell along with other parts of his anatomy. Untying the knot of his pants, he grinned. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty."
Wide eyed in shock, River barely registered when the camera fell from her hands. While they were distracted by other things, she quickly put everything back in her bag or the quiver on her back and fled. The scientific part of her mind was curious about what the effects of this serum would be on humans and was already laying down time tables for its use.
Jump ahead several hours later.
Sitting up straight, hair twitching in nervous energy, Wash glanced over at the panther pawing at his side. A nervous giggle escaped his lips as he took in Simon's well used state. "Oh crap, Zoe is going kill me."
Hearing something, Simon opened his eyes. He was about to ask what was going on until he rediscovered the pain around his ankle. Crying out, he quickly reached for the sore body part. Forcing himself to reach his shaking hands between the edges of the bear trap, he pried it open and removed his foot from it. When he was free, he let it go and fell back gasping.
Watching the panther with trepidation, Wash ran a hand through his hair. "What the hell happened? Why did we do that?"
Picking up the dart that had fallen next to him, Simon held it gingerly by the feathered end. "I think this had something to do with it."
Wash sniffed it, then sneezed when he caught a whiff of the chemical covering it. "That stinks! I think you might be right about that." Looking back up the trail where his dart still lay, Wash trembled. "But I don't think it's going to matter all that much to Zoe."
"Why? It wasn't our fault." This time, it was Simon's turn to shiver. Zoe was mean when angered.
"Sure, you can keep telling her that even as she turns you in to a rug for her fire place." Snorting, Wash looked down forlornly, his ears down turned and pointed away from his head. "She's never going to forgive me. Oh, my beautiful, sweet, beloved Zoe!" Raising his head, Wash started to howl in despair.
Now, you might think this is the end of Zoe and Wash's relationship. You might be right, you might be wrong. You may never know.
Just kidding! Put down the torch and step away from me!
Zoe and Mal were pacing the front of the Persephone Bar and Grill, about to wear a hole in the floor from worry when they saw Wash come from the woods with a limping Simon. Zoe was the first to reach them, her worry taking forefront when it came to her Wash. But, just before she reached them, the smell of sex and sweat hit her and her worry instantly turned to anger.
Pausing a foot away, tail twitching, she stared narrow eyed at Wash. "Baby, why does Simon smell like you?"
"Sugar drops, now before you jump to any conclusions, it wasn't my fault." He didn't get much further before Zoe had Simon up in the air, trying to strangle the life out of him. Shaking her hard, he tried to break them apart, but she was too strong for him. "It wasn't his fault either, baby love, you have to believe me!"
"Why should I? I trust you, but Simon, everyone knows he's a Panther. Panthers are natural born whores! Isn't that right!" She emphasized the last three words with a shake of Simon.
Face turning purple, Simon tried to shake his head, but Zoe did a better job of it for him. Realizing he wasn't strong enough to break her hold, he fumbled with the pocket of his pants until he pulled something out. In triumph, he stabbed her arm with dart and was released as she cried out.
Clutching her now bleeding arm, Zoe's eyes seemed to take on an unearthly glow. "Oh, you are seriously going to pay for that, pussy cat!"
Not caring, Simon fell to his knees coughing. Clutching his throat with his free hand, he started to return to his natural pale color. Lowering his head to relieve tension on his neck, he trembled. His entire neck hurt where the incensed bitch had tried to choke the life from him.
Growling, Zoe's entire body twitched.
For a minute, Mal thought he was going to get to enjoy Zoe choking the life out of Simon again. He would have broken it up before the boy passed out, but he needed to learn not to go messing with other people's husbands. That's why, when she did tackle him and it wasn't to kill him, his jaw dropped.
Standing next to Mal, horror on his face, Wash shook his head in denial. "Zoey! You get off him this instant! Leave his pants alone!" Turning to Mal, Wash pleaded with him. "Do something! She's about to ravish the doc!"
"This what happened between the two of you?" Putting two and two together, Mal grunted. "Got one of them needle things?"
Nodding, Wash pulled it out of his pocket in confusion.
Taking it from him, Mal examined it. "Thank ya kindly. And, you're welcome." Before Wash could ask what for, Mal jammed it in to the blond's rear. He stepped back as Wash shook his head again.
"Oh, not again, not again." Moaning, he turned to face his Zoe with half lidded eyes. "Not again."
Coming up beside Mal as Wash jumped in between Zoe and Simon, Jayne raised his hat so he could scratch his head. "How's that help the doc?"
Thumbs fingering his suspenders, Mal watched the others with an amused smirk. "Think of it as a lesson in tough love. This ought to teach him about coming between a wolf and her mate."
"Speaking of coming between them." Both Jayne and Mal cocked their heads, eye brows raised.
This ends the adventures with the love drug for our wolf pack. After this they disposed of the darts in a safe location, Badger's cave with a skunk.
As for River, she had forgotten to write down the changes to her chemical formula. In an attempt to recreate the sex serum, she accidentally threw in the wrong ingredients and spilled some on her skin. The new formula turned her invisible when applied to her skin, but she developed a terrible rash and was forced to abandon it all together. Shortly afterwards, she was entranced by a flashing disc on a chain and came to believe she was a Canary, a dead Canary, thus, became catatonic once more.
Good riddance.
Well, I believe this is the end of that story. If you want more, go to your nearest library and check me out. I'm in the reference section under addresses.
Until next time, this is your friendly little black book saying, THE END!