1. What's something that you know you do differently than most people? Managing panic attacks.
2. Who in this experiment makes you feel safe? Edwin. Owen. I feel better when Marco's around too if I'm having an off day. I always know that if something is going wrong, Pam can be trusted to let people know and be on top of it in her own way.
3. Who in this experiment makes you feel unsafe? You.
4. What goals have you set in the past that you haven't achieved? I had a whole life set out. Twice. One ended when Jason died, the other one you took the liberty of kicking in the ass. So thanks for that.
5. Where do you wish you were right now? Back in the real world, knowing everyone else who's ever been here is safe and back where they belong.
6. Thinking back to the best day of your life, how do you think those feelings could be recreated? I don't think they ever can be. Even if something similar ever happened, it would be different. Not lesser, just not something that can be duplicated.
7. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Who really knows. I didn't have control over what happened to me as a kid, or most of what happened in the military, or what happened to Jason. Or what happened here. Little things I know I tweaked here and there. Big mistakes I made changed a lot. For a lot of my life, my control amounted to how much control I gave other people over what I did. That's not always a good thing, but I'd probably be dead a few times over if I hadn't.
8. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Both. Very little of what I do affects just me.
9. How do you feel you've changed since becoming part of this experiment? I wasn't in a good place when I came in. I'm still not, but it's a different animal now. I know I'm more of a nerd now. And my family's bigger. I like to think it's even bigger than I think it is, even if the other people in it don't even know who I am yet.
And it had better be a "yet".
10. How are your fears related to your childhood? [.....] For someone that probably has my entire childhood logged somewhere, that's a dumb as hell question.
11. Do you ever replay something, like an embarrassing moment or words left unsaid, in your head? What is it? [....] I don't know who you are, or the life experiences you've had, but I have to assume you're at least a person. I won't even say you're a bad person, despite the shit you're doing to us. Maybe you think you have a reason. Maybe you're taking orders from someone else. Doesn't really matter.
If you have people in your life, even if you don't think you're gonna lose them anytime soon, you show them every damn day that you love them. You let them know somehow how you feel about them, that you appreciate them, that they belong to you. If you have a mom or dad, you call them right now. If you have a wife or a husband, do something for them. Go somewhere. Make memories. If you have kids, tell them how proud you are of them. Make memories with them too. Don't just talk about the things you want to do with the people you love someday. Someday might not happen.
I know that's not quite the answer this question was asked for. It is what it is. There's always "things left unsaid". I've got too many dead people in my life to narrow it down to a list.
12. How do you deal with hurt and pain? Depends on what kind it is. Physical pain, I try to rest. Or I say I'm gonna rest, and try, and then something comes up and I get myself into trouble. Emotional pain, I just try to keep busy. Do something constructive, help somebody, or be alone for a while.
13. Is it easier for you to love or to hate? Love.
14. What do you do when you feel afraid? Dissect what's making me afraid. Figure out what, if anything, I can do about it. Try to figure out a logical way to get around it.
15. If you could bring back one person that was part of this experiment but has since been removed, who would it be, and why? It's a tie between Juno and Cecilia. Both are necessary in different ways. Both mean a lot. Both would make me happy to have back on a personal level, but also really make someone else even happier. I'd also like to see Georgie back.
16. What are three things you like about yourself? What my brain does with languages. I like to think I give good hugs. I'm a handy space-heater when it's cold for certain non-climatized, very attractive gothic elves.
17. What are three things you don't like about yourself? My damn knee. My back tattoo. My personal hangups.
18. Do you believe in a higher power? Sometimes, in some ways.
19. What makes you special? Whatever I have that somehow attracts genuinely good people.
20. How do you feel in this moment? Like I could have spent all this time doing something better. Also, if you want me to do these damn things an actual keyboard would be awful nice.