Marco (thatdarnoctopus) wrote in mountzenithnet, @ 2020-10-15 14:20:00 |
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Entry tags: | #day 055, marco |
MarcoV: 8:14pm [Private]
1. What's something that you know you do differently than most people?
Make food. I do it bad.
2. Who in this experiment makes you feel safe?
Oliver, mostly, and Edwin. Lennon.
3. Who in this experiment makes you feel unsafe?
Kind of Lila? I don't care if that goes public, she said some shit that I'm not okay with.
4. What goals have you set in the past that you haven't achieved?
I've never been good at setting goals.
5. Where do you wish you were right now?The moon would be cool. In a space ship? I've never even been on an airplane, so that's probably unlikely. [...] I guess just my bed? But the one from the mansion.
6. Thinking back to the best day of your life, how do you think those feelings could be recreated?
[...] I guess I don't know what the best day of my life was? It's probably include a beach and good food though. And money to buy that food.
7. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?Are you kidding? [...] I mean, look, I know people gave me shit over this, but it sure feels like I haven't controlled my life much at all.
8. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
I gotta hope I'm doing the right things, because I sure as shit don't do things right.
9. How do you feel you've changed since becoming part of this experiment?
[...] I [...] It's just [......] I'm not the same [.......] I think I'm regressing? That last episode really fucked me up, and I don't think I'm the same person, and you took away my therapist so I can't even talk about it because it's a weird fucking thing to talk about. Sobriety's a weird twist, but I don't know if it's worth this whole thing. I don't know. I don't feel like the same person.
10. How are your fears related to your childhood?
I don't think they've changed since my childhood, so it's a straight line there
11. Do you ever replay something, like an embarrassing moment or words left unsaid, in your head? What is it?
Dude, I used to get into fights with light posts.
12. How do you deal with hurt and pain?
Drugs and alcohol? [...] I guess now I just have panic attacks.
13. Is it easier for you to love or to hate?
I don't know. I think I try to love more but I don't know if I'm doing it.
14. What do you do when you feel afraid?
Drugs and alcohol and panic attacks?
15. If you could bring back one person that was part of this experiment but has since been removed, who would it be, and why?
Juno. But also Erran and Lucy and Cecilia.
16. What are three things you like about yourself?
[........] No [...] I like my [...] hands? I like my weird ability to find money on the ground. I like [...] that I have friends that care about me.
17. What are three things you don't like about yourself?Basically everything else [...] I don't like how forgetful I can be. I don't like how many things I can't do or even really fully understand. I don't like myself brain.
18. Do you believe in a higher power?
Fuck no.
19. What makes you special?
Probably just that I've survived this far.
20. How do you feel in this moment?
Tired. Hungry. Kind of annoyed. Mostly tired.