1. What's something that you know you do differently than most people? Using the "bunny ears" method to tie my shoelaces. I can tie them the normal way, no problem, but it's just how I was taught as a kid and trying to train myself to change it seems dumb at this point.
2. Who in this experiment makes you feel safe? Plague Doctor. I know he looks creepy, but it's just nice to know that somebody is out there looking out for our wellbeing, you know? It's not his fault he's an eccentric with apparently some serious fucking crippling social anxiety and absolutely no concept of personal space. Guy obviously likes his job and just wants to do it. Good for him. Or her?
Though I guess Plague Doctor is kind of part of the experiment and not really in it, right? I'll go with Owen. He probably knows how to make sure we don't set the whole forest on fire on accident when it starts getting hot and dry around here.
3. Who in this experiment makes you feel unsafe? Nobody, really, unless it's some purely circumstantial shit. Like if I'm down a cliff like Kiley was, I'm not gonna expect that if Edwin's the only guy hanging around he'll be wandering down to come get me. Not his fault.
4. What goals have you set in the past that you haven't achieved? Baby arm shenanigans. :( And I know there's like a 99% chance that at least some of this shit is gonna go public, but that one really bummed me the fuck out.
5. Where do you wish you were right now? Right this second? At a Starbucks. Don't get me wrong, the coffee situation is a serious fucking improvement, but sometimes a girl just wants a green tea frappuccino with extra matcha and two pumps of mint and a mountain of whipped cream. And two ham and swiss breakfast sandwiches. And like three fucking lemon cakes. And chocolate covered espresso beans. And a travel mug that fits more than 4 ounces in it. Oh and that drink with the berries in it. And then walking out with ten bags of ground coffee and never having to ration it.
6. Thinking back to the best day of your life, how do you think those feelings could be recreated? [.....] Shit, I can't even think of what the best day of my life actually was. [....] If I've had one it's so mundane it's not standing out, which is probably really fucking sad. That day at Starbucks I just painted would be pretty fucking good at this point though, but that's relative as hell. I've had some pretty great days here too, but I don't know if any of them qualify as "the best".
7. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? About 70%? Obviously there's pretty much jack shit I can do about most of what happened when I was a kid, but the rest was absolutely a disaster of my own fucking making. "Disaster" might be a strong word, but let's be real, I am what I am. I liked what I did and I'm fucking good at it, but serious mistakes were made. I'd probably do it all the same damn way though. Except that last bit.
8. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? I'm not "worried" about either. You do what feels right to you at the moment. If it's a moment where you need to make sure you do things right, do it right, but don't stress about it. You stress about it, you fuck up. If you can do something that feels right for you, and ends up being right for others too, do it up.
9. How do you feel you've changed since becoming part of this experiment? I don't know if I've changed, but I've sure as hell learned new shit about myself. Maybe I like people a little more in general? Or there are just fewer openly shit people here. Either way, I don't mind these guys as much as I did my last batch of housemates.
10. How are your fears related to your childhood? My what? That's not a copout answer, I just don't know what to say about it. I don't think I'm afraid of anything now that relates to being a kid, or if I do it's so buried I need a therapist with a backhoe to dig it out. Everything I can consciously label as a "fear" doesn't really tie in with my childhood. I used to be afraid of things as a kid that I'm not afraid of now, but it just feels like they were the fears of a whole separate little asshole.
11. Do you ever replay something, like an embarrassing moment or words left unsaid, in your head? What is it? Not a totally specific instance, but having a brain lapse calling somebody by the wrong name, and them not correcting you, but then realizing that you fucked up later on long after the fact. Now that guy is wandering off thinking I'm either a complete asshole who doesn't know their name, or I'm just a complete fucking idiot. There was also a time that I was having a conversation with somebody about the blankets the US military gave to native americans that were infected with smallpox, but I said it was SARS. I was a little high, but I remember it.
12. How do you deal with hurt and pain? Asprin and a nap. Lots of daytime tv and documentaries. I don't know what it is about them but there's something about the way they're filmed or something that chills me out and knocks me right out when I'm not feeling okay.
13. Is it easier for you to love or to hate? Hate. At least for me, hate means somebody fucked up so bad on their own that they have it coming. You can hate someone and write them off and never have to deal with them again. Love is a long-ass slog of baggage and paranoia and whole bunch of other shit that generally isn't worth all the good shit that comes with it, especially when it can all turn around and lead right back into hate again. And sure, love can make you feel great, blah blah blah. So can hate. Self-righteous hate, and sticking it to somebody can be even more of a rush as a great make-out session. I'm not saying neither is worth doing or having, but it's kind of a "pick your poison" deal.
14. What do you do when you feel afraid? Depends on the situation. For general fear I do shit to distract myself, usually with other people because a one-man-show isn't as effective. Fucking and watching cartoons isn't gonna do much if you're being chased by a giant tentacle monster though.
15. If you could bring back one person that was part of this experiment but has since been removed, who would it be, and why? Aud first. Madison second. Georgie third. In that order. I know you said just one, but obviously the answer to just one is going to be Aud and that's boring. Aud is my girl. Aside from all, all of them are great, fun, and a blast to have around in different ways.
16. What are three things you like about yourself? I'm cute, I have a sunny disposition and I'm always kind to animals.
17. What are three things you don't like about yourself? My toes look kind of weird to me, but don't everyone's fucking toes look weird? I have this tooth that's ever so slightly crooked that you can't even see when you look at me, but I can feel it, and my fucking tongue feels it, and I can't stop poking at it once I start thinking about it again. I'd really like to know how to do more shit, but my motivation to learn generally isn't there.
18. Do you believe in a higher power? Nope. If there ever was one they screwed off a long time ago.
19. What makes you special? How far I'll sometimes go for a fucking joke, even if it's really only funny to me.
20. How do you feel in this moment? Undercaffeinated and weirdly craving a panini.