[phone call: Henry]

Henry?

[The word comes out a bit too rushed - too panicked and insecure - and her voice retreats from the speaker for a moment, leaving the distance-dulled sounds of quickened breathing and hissed cursing in its wake. When she readjusts her grip on the phone she tries out a laugh instead - but, frankly, that's absolute shit too, a bit high and thready and totally uncool.]

I, um - Wow. Shit. Sorry, I just - [Another laugh - and, holy shit, she needs to stop doing that. It's sad-sounding and vaguely terrifying. Christ on a moped.] Sorry. Again. I kinda think I'm freaking out?

I bet Mitt Romney supports the Incarnate Registration Act idea.

Anyone else feel like a member of the X-Men?

[Filter: Harem of Girlfrands (if you think your girl is part of it, she probably is. If she wasn't, she can be now, because ~hand-wave~)]
Status update - are you all ok? Has anyone hurt you because I will sniff them out for you and bite their ankles. My teeth are very sharp.

[Filter: Kitsune]
You're still being the gingerbread man, yes? If you find yourself in my neighborhood, stop by my place. I'll feed you.

[Filter: Coyote]
Throwing rocks at me in both human and animal form counts for a lawsuit, right? That's assault and animal cruelty and racism or something, right? I fucking hate these people.

[Filter: Seungwon - text (doesn't matter if he's in the same room)]
We should've stayed in Seoul.

[Filter: Samatsumikaboshi]
Still enjoying the chaos? Cause I'm over it.

[filtered from admin.]

Fuck me, it's the actual SHRA.

Dude genuinely wants to legislate, test, and register us.

[Filtered to Hel, Jörmungandr, and Fenrir]

I see Odin's return hasn't been the best news, but it was to be expected. In short, are you all [...] alright?

[Filtered to Fergus]

I've changed my mind. I'll meet you, per your request.

But I have to know something. What has your mother told you about me?

[Public]

I see my roster has filled quickly. This bodes well, I think. I've never gotten to play with so many minds at one time. There will be much fun to be had, though I expect most of it will be mine.

If I ever happen to get married (I know, I know. Contain your skeptical laughter. I do what I want.) I can only hope that my - numerous, of course; as my parents have engendered within me unfairly high expectations in regard to marital life-expectancy - years of wedded bliss are half as interesting as the ones shared by the Ponds.

I mean, seriously. Ood on the loo.

[Filtered from Administration]




On a scale of one to Lyssa, how angry do you think people would get if I wore this the first week of classes?

I [...] discovered recently that I am a Marvel character. Apparently I was desparate to make Thor - of all the stupid creatures - my mate. And my one great weakness was loneliness. They make me sound like some desperate There's nothing wrong in not having a mate It wasn't as though I was that alone.

I also don't remember ever having a "siren call", of all things. Neither of these articles could even agree on the names of my parents. And I didn't have my h my hands then. Unless those are [...] special gloves. Or something ridiculous.

I was going to research and categorize all known gods in the Marvel Universe, but Who else here is a Marvel character?

Another summer coming to an end, and me without a dedicated plan for my next batch of classes. Do you think the administration would object to me making students join me in watching and tagging the various avian creatures on the mountain?

So we're all telling the truth. I'm not quite sure why this is such a big deal. If you don't want to say something, close your damn mouth. Problem solved. But sure. Why not? Ready for some cosmic truth, people? I'll even categorize the experience for you.

Facts of Life:

• A group of jellyfish is called a smack. There are legitimately smacks of jellyfish awkwardly bobbing around the ocean. Smacking. Engaging in smackly pursuits.
• Sometimes I'm just really glad to have tits. I mean, it could've gone either way, considering my mythological pedigree. But yeah, feeling very pleased with the gender selection this time around. Immensely fond. My legs are pretty much all 32 Flavors of delicious, let's just state it for the record. Damn things should be insured.
• Other times I sit around and read your filtered messages. Not because I'm overtly interested in the sordid, secret details of your everyday lives, but because I get bored easily and it's more interesting than bad romance novels. And, anyway, my momma tells me that reading harlequin novels gives a woman a skewed idea of interpersonal dynamics and how relationships actually work.
• And while I'm on relationships? My mother apparently sends cookies for relationship milestones. Two months is snickerdoodles. I'm banking on toffee for three.

Things I Don't Understand:

• Why we're all consistently surprised every month when some variety of weird shit ends up happening to a percentage of the campus population. Seriously. We should be beyond this by now. Weird shit happens. Deal with it, eat it, stab it, or just blatantly ignore it.
• What's the statute of limitations on being considered godly enough to be reincarnated? Is it based on length of worship? On strength of religious devotion? If so, can I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster hard enough that he'll be reborn?
• Who invented the blowjob? I mean, seriously. Let's just think this over for a minute. I want to know who the hell woke up one morning and was like: You know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to suck a dick. I'm not objecting to the practice in the slightest - but, really. Who was it?

Now you just have to decide if I'm saying true things because I have to, or if I have no such obligations and am playing some sort of 'Truths and a Lie' Game with myself. Ask me shit. Let's see if I answer.

So I took a break from watching the Olympics and ended up watching Troy.

Anyone else seen it?

Posted via Journaler.

Minions!

I expect you at/behind/under your desks promptly today. Come armed. I'm feeling both chipper and deadly this morning. Anticipate Nerf warfare.

If you're late, plan a dramatic entrance. Or you'll probably just be sacrificed to the others.


[Filter: Henry]

What are you up to today?

Due to the fireworks subverting my attempts at starting my class off on the right tone, I feel I must apologize to my students for the way things have been. Our bird-watching and identifying attempts have been woefully stalled, except the two birds I suspect are my brothers and as such I've had to rethink my lesson plan for the remainder of the session. Were I the type to drink, this situation would have me indulging.

A student pointed me in the direction of a Native American-based horoscope. I find my sign incredibly fitting. In fact, I might have been a bit confused had I not been born under the Raven sign.

I have come to an executive decision: Steve needs a boyfriend.

This is due to the fact that I'm a terrible momma and my poor baby gets lonely. I abandon him. I kick him out of bed. And some people just don't want to chance a bit of entirely innocent asphyxiation. So his life is hard and would clearly only be improved by the addition of someone scaly with whom to share his heat-lamp and participate in communal snuggles.

Now to figure out what kind of morph I want.

FUCK YEAH! GUESS WHO'S BACK, BITCHES?! (Hint! It's not Britney.)

So raise your hand if you missed me and get your fucking capes because adventures are to be had. Like. Now.

I'm assuming the fireworks are new. I'm okay with this. I'm taking them as a gift to my awesomeness. They'll also go very nicely with adventures. Here's to hoping that they'll stay. At least until I get sick of them, y'know?

Tab! Your suitcase got a little shop-happy and has a shitton of souvenirs for you, I can drop it off whenever?

Arron! I believe you owe me both rock climbing and blood.

[EROS & HEDONE.]
Plans for dinner?

[PERSEPHONE & PAN.]
Baseball bat times?

At the very least you're both, like, honorary adventure buddies. So feel free to join any time, y'know?

[SAM.]
OMFG! So, like, I totally had some ideas while I was at my moms', y'know? And would totally fucking love to meet up and run them with you?

[JON.]
Musician friends. You have them, right?

[MINJUNG.]
Could I bribe you into helping out with a possible awesome?

Uhhhhh sorry about that, guys, I think I blew a fuse or two or three in the dorms? And Andrew, dude, sorry, but your mini-fridge is completely busted and starting to leak everywhere. Tried to clean it up best I could. And your ice cream was melting. So I ate it.

My laptop seems to be broken too, I think it overloaded. Anyone on the geek squad available for a consult? I'm out using the campus computer labs for now.


[REN & AUSTIN]
Craaaaaaaap. Can I come over to your place before anyone uh tracks me down and kills me? This fucking laptop situation is already bad enough, this is the THIRD TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED OVERALL.