I'm gonna go ahead and guess your name is some kind of plant, you wear organic cotton (anything else will give you CANCER), you care very deeply about things like the endangered earth worm of Northern Canada, and you're allergic to peanut butter and bee stings and never shut up about how you'll die because you don't trust epinephrine. You also have a dog you rescued (okay, fine, props) and then spend the rest of forever telling everyone about how bad their home used to be (even though the owner was just moving to a pet-free apartment and couldn't help it, but loved that dog for all he/she was worth). Oh, and you only write on recycled or sugarcane-based paper, and even then only if it's sustainably sourced sugarcane. Also, you think anyone who eats meat is evil and how dare you, dairy products are cow-rape.
Did I miss anything? I think my Vegan Psychic gig is going great.