Nessie nodded her head to his question, finding her heart ached a little bit when he asked if she wanted him. She nodded slowly her hands shaking as they lifted to tuck the hair out of her face. Of course I do. I know how you feel about me and that's how I feel about you, too, and it's so fucking hard, because I don't... the last time I was in love with someone, it ended really, really badly. He died. Okay? He died> because of me, because I was too... careless, and I felt too much and I let my emotions get the best of me and then he died. And I can't ever go through that again, I don't want someone innocent getting hurt because of me. And I know I'm rambling, and I know I'm not making sense and I shouldn't have let what happened with us happen... I shouldn't have led you on but I couldn't help it because I do want you. Of course I do." Her eyes were wet and she brushed at the dampness collected above her cheeks. How could I not? She took a shaky breath, sniffling
But you deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who can have a real conversation with you, someone you don't have worry will get mad at you some day, and tell you to go fuck yourself or something and leave you to deal with the aftermath of that, because now all you can think about is doing exactly as I saw. She shook her head almost violently.
If anything ever happened to you because of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.