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Gwen Cooper ([info]coopergwen) wrote in [info]mirage_rpg,
@ 2009-02-16 14:44:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:complete, day 32, gwen cooper, ianto jones

WHO: Gwen and Ianto
WHAT: A long overdue heart to heart between close friends
WHEN: Day 32, nightfall
WHERE: The Hub style sofa in Gwen's room
RATING: PG-13 (language and metions of events from Exit Wounds and DW crossover)
STATUS: Incomplete

Gwen had set up a huge pot of tea as she tried to putter around the room. The sofa looked like it was right out of the Hub as she set the teacups on the little table close by while watching the doorway (mostly since she,Jack and Ianto used a special knock). "Survived "forced fun" and well I only took one header into the drink this time" as she tried to fix the water damage from the header. But only a select few would understand why she had almost broken down crying the moments she could hear Owen smarting off inside her head about the forced fun or knowing Tosh would have been itching to unravel the mysteries of this place. But for now the tears she had been fighting back won (along with the cough from her still healing throat) as she popped a drop into her mouth and fought back the tears and the stabs of memory.


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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-18 09:54 pm UTC (link)
Ianto decided to pay Gwen a visit, to thank her once again for letting him use her room while Jack was dealing with Gray. Things were better now. The next step was making himself meet and speak with Gray.

Ianto knocked on the door, hands in his pocket and fiddling with his stopwatch that was hidden inside. It was a small thing of comfort in a strange place. Instead of wearing a suit, Ianto was wearing a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-18 10:20 pm UTC (link)
"Come on in, door's open" Gwen called as she heard Ianto's knock. She shoved back the waves of fresh memory but part of her knew it would be ok to cry in front of Jack and Ianto, they being among the few she could totally trust. She added,"I've got tea made and well I only took one header into the lake during the jet ski mess" having left a note to explain beforehand. But her bloodshot eyes were the biggest clue into her nightmares.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-18 10:35 pm UTC (link)
Ianto entered and spied the couch, so he walked over and sat down on it. "Thank you," he said in regards to the tea, then raised an eyebrow at her last sentence. "Jet ski mess?" he asked curiously.

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-18 11:35 pm UTC (link)
"Forced fun" Gwen broke out her air quotes. "I had to jet ski with 3 others and well me and sports have never gotten along unless its poker or darts. Only took one header into the drink so a tiny suprise there" she explained as she poured tea.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-18 11:43 pm UTC (link)
"Aaah. I went swimming with a few other people. Seems the planet wants to get us to know the other people here," he mused. He laughed a little. "Well, why would it be a surprise? You're jet skiing on water." Ianto smiled good naturedly at Gwen, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "You're supposed to get wet."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 12:03 am UTC (link)
"Granted that but its almost a custom by now that I land in water everytime a rift gift leads to the sewers" Gwen could weakly joke. "But I could hear Owen smarting off inside my head and well knowing him he would have hit on one of the girls right away" she finally came clean.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-19 02:18 am UTC (link)
"If Owen's the king of the weevils, maybe you're the queen since you spend so much time down there," Ianto joked. "That sounds like him." He took a cup of tea and had a sip before studying Gwen. "How are you? You seem a little... stressed since we came here."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 02:21 am UTC (link)
The smallest of smiles escaped Gwen but she decided it would be ok to be honest. "Confession time: emotionally I'm a mess. I keep hearing Owen smarting off inside my head and I know Tosh would have been ankle deep in trying to unravel this place. Add in nightmares, the whole mess with the Daleks and missing Rhys and you have me in a nutshell. Getting a sinus bug did not help matters either"

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-19 02:36 am UTC (link)
Ianto was silent for a moment, contemplating and choosing words in his head before he said slowly, "It's okay to think about them, Gwen. It's okay to miss them. Just... don't let it consume you." He knew her parents were still alive and he didn't think she had any siblings. "Have you ever lost anyone close to you before? Not counting that one time with Rhys," he asked, wondering if this was the first time she'd suffered such a loss where nothing could be done about it. Rhys had been dead but he'd come back and Owen had been dead but he'd come back as well... for a while, at least. It'd been weeks since Tosh and Owen, though. "Surely you've seen scarier things than the Daleks," Ianto also put in. She hadn't been at Canary Wharf and besides, Ianto was more afraid of the Cybermen than the Daleks. They hadn't really had much interaction with the Daleks recently, thanks to Tosh's time lock. Missing Rhys, though, he could completely understand. "I don't know what to tell you about Rhys, but you do have friends here," he said gently, knowing there was nothing he could say to alleviate that particular loneliness. Maybe the planet would be nice and bring Rhys here.

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 02:48 am UTC (link)
Gwen has always been the tender one of the group and her eyes were the windows into her breaking heart. "No major losses really, few much older family when I was small but that is about it really" she was honest. Of course the time with Rhys was not on that list or round 1 of Owen. "Beyond the mess in the Beacon Beacons the Daleks win for most scary, at least for me" having seen the one in the Hub before the time lock took over. "The nightmares started up again, Rhys was pulling me through them before all this happened" touching the ring on her chain, the link to what was left of her heart. "You have Jack, I'm basically ankle deep in the darkness alone" fresh tears filling her eyes. "I've only cried maybe twice, I'm too scared of the tears never stopping"

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-19 03:03 am UTC (link)
"We've had a lot of close calls," Ianto admitted out loud. "This won't break you, Gwen. I'm sure of it. You're stronger than that. You got the team going again after Jack left. This won't break you."

His eyes narrowed though when she said she was alone. "Gwen Cooper, if I ever hear those words out of your mouth again, I will never let you have another cup of my coffee and I will tell the planet to ban it from making it for you if I have to. I'll only say this once. You are not alone and you damn well know it. Even though we're two members short, we are still a team and we look out for our own." He looked at Gwen intently, making sure she got the message. "And if you need to cry, then cry. It means you're human and you're alive. It's when you don't cry that you're not."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 03:15 am UTC (link)
Gwen needed to hear that more than she realized, her eyes screaming more than words could by this point. She knew her throat would pay dearly for this but the tears finally started to fall, soft quiet ones at first but everything started to pour out of her. "Just hurts so damm much, this time its ten times harder" her hands shaking as she got the words out. "I keep hearing Owen smarting off and he would have a field day over this place and I keep hearing the click of Tosh's keyboard, its like my heart thinks they are still here but my head knows they are gone"

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-19 03:22 am UTC (link)
Ianto got up and pulled Gwen into a friendly hug. Jack was better at being the shoulder to cry on, he felt, but he had to do something. "No one is dead until they are forgotten," he said simply. He wasn't about to go off on a sentimental tirade about how Owen and Tosh weren't really dead, that they were here, because they remembered them and thought of them fondly. Gwen was an adult, he believed she knew that.

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 03:26 am UTC (link)
"The heart never forgets" Gwen got out through a fresh wave of tears. Everything gwen had shoved back to get through those first few weeks after losing them was rushing back and in spades. "Only cried in front of you, Jack and Rhys early on, had to keep a brave front in public" she confessed. "Maybe now we can finally mourn, the 3 of us together" her heart having a moment of reason in spite of her inner misery. "Plus when I got sick I could hear Owen inside my head, he always got after me for my sinus problems" missing the fact he could always make her see the humor in things like sinus woes.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-19 03:35 am UTC (link)
"Don't we always," Ianto replied with a little smile when Gwen mentioned having to keep a brave face in everyone else's eyes. He knew all too well what that was like. "Saving the world so many times and people hardly know." Ianto didn't mention that he'd already been mourning in his own way. After Lisa, he'd learned how... destructive it was not to have an outlet for his grief. And while he'd loved Lisa, it didn't make Tosh and Owen's deaths any easier. "The pain doesn't go away," he admitted, even though it was a cliche thing to say. "It just gets easier to bear after awhile, especially if you have someone helping you through it."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 03:43 am UTC (link)
"You,me and Jack should have a support group or something" Gwen reached for some tissues to blow her now clogged nose. "But you nailed it, saving the world without people knowing" her eyes speaking volumes. "Had to keep a front up in public, not even Andy saw how miserable I really was. Had to be strong after everything happened". Now she was finally starting the semi delayed process of mourning her fallen friends. "Tried to write about them, things like Owen's snark and Tosh having a field day with this place but never get anywhere. More like I'm scared to put my heart on display beyond our little group" meaning the 3 of them.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-19 03:50 am UTC (link)
Ianto had to bit back on his lip from lashing out momentarily. A support group. That was what they had told him after Canary Wharf. Go to a support group. Get a counselor. Get help. No one could have understood what had happened there save for the few that survived. No one would have been able to understand and Ianto felt therefore that they couldn't help. He'd gone once, talked to a counselor. He never went back.

"You should," he encouraged, letting the fleeting moment of emotion pass. "That's the Gwen we know, the one who wears her heart on her sleeve."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 01:23 pm UTC (link)
"Right now a finally breaking heart is on full display" Gwen blinked away another round of tears. She fished for the notebook and passed it over,"Everytime I've tried to write about them I either can't make myself finish or I feel tears wanting to fall" for now leaving out how she had cried herself sick at least once. Half of one page was about Tosh and how she would have been trying to unravel the planet and happily bonding with others like her while the part about Owen was full of little things like his jokes and snarky nature (right down to a few of the wisecracks Gwen had remembered). "As you remind me, I can't shove things back forever and the 3 of us lived through something most would never understand" a tiny moment of reason mixed with the raw emotions.

Now that her emotions were not being shoved back anymore her soul was on display, a soul reeling from too much loss in a short period of time. Her shaking hand tucked into Ianto's while trying to not drop the cup,"How is Jack taking all this?" that side of her coming back for a split second.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-19 08:38 pm UTC (link)
"If that's what you need to do, write and cry, then do it. Don't hold yourself back." He took the notebook and skimmed over it, smiling slightly at what Gwen had written. He closed it and handed it back after a while. "Jack's... dealing," he said carefully. "He's had to deal with a lot of loss in his life but that still doesn't make it any easier for him. We're all dealing."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-19 08:48 pm UTC (link)
Gwen blinked back another round of tears as she finally spoke. "Maybe now I can finally grieve" as she accepted the notebook from Ianto. "It just poured out of me a couple of nights ago, post the forced fun I just had to write down some of Owen's more infamous wisecracks and then it just turned into memories of both of them"

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-20 07:25 am UTC (link)
Ianto smiled and nodded a bit. "I find writing things down helps me greatly. That's why I keep my diary. Although I've taken to keeping it locked up lately because Jack does not understand the concept of private," he said with a chuckle. "Some stuff I would like to keep to myself."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-20 05:20 pm UTC (link)
"I kept one on and off as a kid but maybe its not a bad idea to start writing again" Gwen muses softly. "But can't really blame you, some things just can't be understood" trying to find a way to broach the other problem.

"I still can't make myself talk to Gray, only once via the journals" she confessed.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-23 03:47 am UTC (link)
Ianto's face grew solemn when Gwen brought up Gray. He nodded slowly, thoughts mulling around in his mind. "I'm going to... make an attempt to get to know him," Ianto admitted. "For Jack's sake. From what he's told me, it isn't the Gray we know. He's still just a child who's in need of a lot of healing."

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-23 01:10 pm UTC (link)
Gwen could only nod, having been ill she had missed a few details. "I know I have to try and I'm going to" her hands shaking as she finally set the teacup atop the table. "Just have to tell my head when it comes to Gray that the heart over rules, scared to death little kids are a different story" as Gwen's heart took over. She revealed in a whisper,"That's just one of several ongoing nightmares, losing them" meaning Tosh and Owen.

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-23 06:27 pm UTC (link)
Ianto nodded ever so slightly. "It... gets easier," he finally said, unsure of how to word it exactly. "It takes a long time but it gradually does." He remained staring at the floor for a moment, before he glanced up at her, smiling slightly. "Anything I can do for you?'

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[info]coopergwen
2009-02-23 10:13 pm UTC (link)
"Just the fact I'm spilling all this to you is helping" Gwen finally looked up as she blew her nose. "But spill Ianto, you know nothing leaves me or Jack" her heart taking over once again. "What's racing around your head since you now know I could not cry for the longest time and now I'm facing things"

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-02-28 06:34 pm UTC (link)
Ianto was fine helping other people. He was fine with making sure his friends weren't hurting, physically or mentally. He cared about them and worried about them... but when it came to himself, Ianto was a very private person. When Gwen asked what he was thinking, he instantly pulled himself back.

Ianto just gave a little smile. "I'm dealing with it," was all he said and that was all he was going to say. It was the truth and not because he was just saying he was when he really wasn't. Ianto just wasn't the type of person to spill everything to another person. The only one he did at times was Jack but even that wasn't about everything. Ianto was so used to keeping things inside and dealing with them on his own.

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[info]coopergwen
2009-03-01 02:08 am UTC (link)
"Offer stands you know, just got to knock or post to me" Gwen was honest. When it came to Jack and Ianto it was a different story, she trusts them with her soul along with Rhys. "Just hard to be open with this black cloud over me at the moment"

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[info]kingofcoffee
2009-03-02 05:51 pm UTC (link)
Ianto smiled and nodded. "Of course." He knew if he needed someone to rely on, he could count on Jack and Gwen to be there. Gwen asking what he was thinking, though, had sent his mind off into a brooding mood and he really wanted his diary at that moment so he could write his thoughts down, sort them out. Hoping he wouldn't seem rude, Ianto got to his feet, nodding towards the tea. "Thank you for the drinks. Will you be alright now?"

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[info]coopergwen
2009-03-08 04:12 pm UTC (link)
"I should be and offer stands" Gwen knew that was all she had to say. It was just the bond between the 3 of them that helped her at the moment. She knew she would start crying again the moment her friend left and it showed in her eyes.

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